Good morning fellow nairalanders, I hope your day is going well though mine didn't start so well. I am a nairalander but I have to open this account for this. I have an issue bothering me, I will try to keep my story as brief as possible.

I am a guy from a humble background. My parents had only two children, myself and my younger sister who is now married with two kids. She had her last baby boy some time early this month. Her marriage with this guy ( my brother inlaw) has been one I considered relatively peaceful. That is from my own perspective knowing that there's no marriage without one or two misunderstanding here or there at some point.

Well, she found out that her husband got another girl pregnant who gave birth to a baby girl. My sister found out after she gave birth to her first son. Her husband was the one that confessed to her that he has another child outside their marriage. They settled the issue and moved on he promised he would end the relationship he had with the baby mama.

Last year, during the Covid19 period, my sister found out that he was still seeing his baby mama after she saw their chats. She confronted him and he denied having anything to do with the baby mama except for sending money for his daughter's upkeep once in a while. It was a big issue which was brought to the attention the two families. They found a way to settle after a lot pleading and talking to the two of them.

To cut the long story short, she sent me screenshots that proves that he is still seeing the baby mama. In one of the screenshot he wants to see her in their normal place and the girl agreed but doesn't want them have sex on this particular occasion. My sister has bad temperament and it is not easy to calm her down when triggered. She's threatening to quit the marriage and I fear she may do something wrong this time around . She is yet to confront her husband because I managed to convince her to keep it on hold till she calms down.

Note : My Dad is late and my younger sister is a house wife hence solely dependent on her husband. Please ignore my grammatical errors. I am putting this out here because I have ran out of ideas.

And what is wrong if she quits the marriage?

Why are you bothered? What ideas are you looking for?

A contract has been breached and it’s only right you terminate it.

GenAbacha:
And what is wrong if she quits the marriage?

Why are you bothered? What ideas are you looking for?

A contract has been breached and it’s only right you terminate it.

It rains everywhere, I don't want her to make a decision she will regret for the rest of her life.

Hmmmmmmmmmm, marriages these days.

This must have been hard on you and your sister particularly. i will advice that she breathes. this too shall pass. it seem talking about the issue isn't helping. that's the only advice i can muscle up at this time.

I'm really convinced that she did not check on his background before accepting to marry him....



It's a terrible situation for a man to disrespect his wife and get another woman pregnant.. and still keeps her for sex....


Let her get herself a job or a business first... She should allow the husband to set her up before deciding to divorce.... So she'll have money to take care of those kids... And she should know that, if she leaves the man, the other baby mama will step in and take her place... So she will be at the losing end...

2ndtimeuncle:


It rains every where, I don't want her to make a decision she will regret for the rest of her life.

It rains everywhere but it was this on this same nairaland that someone said his fiancée began disgusting him after she was raped, a crime which was not her fault.

Let alone someone intentionally breaking trusts and covenants.

Let me ask you a question; if your young wife confesses to you that she’s months pregnant with her side piece’s baby, what would be your reaction?

She should be prayerful and should try to ensure that she gets herself something doing....

Your sister should go and look for something doing first so that she will not be depending on her husband any more as per the marriage the love is lost it will take serious convincing for your sister to love her husband again cos of the trust issue broken...

GenAbacha:


It rains everywhere but it was this on this same nairaland that someone said his fiancée began disgusting him after she was raped, a crime which was not her fault.

Let alone someone intentionally breaking trusts and covenants.

Let me ask you a question; if your young wife confesses to you that she’s months pregnant with her side piece’s baby, what would be your reaction?

I honestly don't know how the instance you gave relates to my story. I am pro family, my first instinct is how to preserve my family.

2ndtimeuncle:


I honestly don't know how the instance you gave relates to my story.

Ahnahn, you don’t know how it relates to your story? Lol you’re funny.

You see exactly what your brother in law is doing/did to your sister, just imagine it was your wife that’s doing/did it.

I want to know, what will your honest reaction be?

Bros. Find a way to convince your sister to get something doing. If she leaves the man's house, na you go carry the burden.

GenAbacha:


Ahnahn, you don’t know how it relates to your story? Lol you’re funny.

You see exactly what your brother in law is doing/did to your sister, just imagine it was your wife that’s doing/did it.

I want to know, what will your honest reaction be?

Okay, I get you now. Honestly, I may not take it though I'm not yet married.

2ndtimeuncle:


It rains every where, I don't want her to make a decision she will regret for the rest of her life.

But why is your sister always checking her husbands phone??

you see the thing is, CHECKING YOUR PARTNERS PHONE IS LIKE PUTTING YOUR FINGER IN THE ANUS - IF YOU DON'T FIND SHIT, YOU WILL FIND MESS OR BOTH - AND YOU WILL NOT LIKE EITHER OF IT!

so for your peace of mind, AVOID CHECKING YOUR PARTNERS PHONES!

Your sister opened the door to breaking her home by checking her hubby's phone!

yanabasee2:
I'm really convinced that she did not check on his background before accepting to marry him....



It's a terrible situation for a man to disrespect his wife and get another woman pregnant.. and still keeps her for sex....


Let her get herself a job or a business first... She should allow the husband to set her up before deciding to divorce.... So she'll have money to take care of those kids... And she should know that, if she leaves the man, the other baby mama will step in and take her place... So she will be at the losing end...

This is the advice she should take...the truth is the man will not leave the side woman alone... They are bound by the baby they have together. She must establish herself first before she takes any drastic decision. Also the other lady is more than willing to replace her as soon as possible if she decides to exit the marriage.

2ndtimeuncle:


Okay, I get you now. Honestly, I may not take it though I'm m yet married.

Look, I grew up in a house where the woman was a house wife.

The man has more than likely planned out his future before marriage. “Marry a woman and keep at home for children but flex outside when I want to or when I’m bored”, that’s how it always plays out when these kind of things happen.

The pregnancy may have been unexpected cos if the girl didn’t get pregnant, your sister may never have known.

You may successfully convince her to continue only for her to come back one day to tell you the man has built a bungalow for one small girl that’s rubbing his chest.

I don’t know if your sister is educated but if she is, it’s best she finds a job and prepare for whatever comes next.

Thankfully, my mom was a university lecturer who for some reason agreed to be a house wife. When she noticed oga was playing away, she took my baby sis and relocated.

Here for the comments.




Thank you?

My sister has bad temperament and it is not easy to calm her down when triggered. She's threatening to quit the marriage and I fear she may do something wrong this time around.

After threatening fire & brimstone, I hope she'll actually go ahead and quit the marriage.

It's bad enough that he got another woman pregnant but to continue sleeping with her, smdh. It's obvious he has zero regard for their vows and won't leave this other woman.

2ndtimeuncle:
...and my younger sister is a house wife hence solely dependent on her husband.

Dang. She needs to be smart by finding a job or telling him to open a business for her, then start saving heavily.

2ndtimeuncle:
Good morning fellow nairalanders, I hope your day is going well though mine didn't start so well. I am a nairalander but I have to open this account for this. I have an issue bothering me, I will try to keep my story as brief as possible.

I am a guy from a humble background. My parents had only two children, myself and my younger sister who is now married with two kids. She had her last baby boy some time early this month. Her marriage with this guy ( my brother inlaw) has been one I considered relatively peaceful. That is from my own perspective knowing that there's no marriage without one or two misunderstanding here or there some point.

Well, she found out that her husband got another girl pregnant who gave birth to a baby girl. My sister found out after she gave birth to her first son. Her husband was the one that confessed to her that he has another child outside their marriage. They settled the issue and moved on he promised he would end the relationship he had with the baby mama.

Last year, during the Covid19 period, my sister found out that he was still seeing his baby mama after she saw their chats. She confronted him and he denied having anything to do with the baby mama except for sending money for his daughter's upkeep once in a while. It was a big issue which was brought to the attention the two families. They found a way to settle after a lot pleading and talking to the two of them.

To cut the long story short, she sent me screenshots that proves that he is still seeing the baby mama. In one of the screenshot he wants to see her in their normal place and the girl agreed but doesn't want them have sex on this particular occasion. My sister has bad temperament and it is not easy to calm her down when triggered. She's threatening to quit the marriage and I fear she may do something wrong this time around . She is yet to confront her husband because I managed to convince her to keep it on hold till she calms down.

Note : My Dad is late and my younger sister is a house wife hence solely dependent on her husband. Please ignore my grammatical errors. I am putting this out here because I have ran out of ideas.

Apart from the financial support you would have to provide, why don't you want her to end the marriage if she wants to?

P.S.: The husband would always have a relationship with his baby mama especially since the child with her mother.

GenAbacha:

It rains everywhere but it was this on this same nairaland that someone said his fiancée began disgusting him after she was raped, a crime which was not her fault.

Let alone someone intentionally breaking trusts and covenants.

Let me ask you a question; if your young wife confesses to you that she’s months pregnant with her side piece’s baby, what would be your reaction?

This is a very good question that seeks to reveal ones' hypocrisy, but the truth is the situation here is totally different from the one in the OP.

A wife confessing to her husband that she's pregnant for her side-bobo should/must naturally end the marriage. No compromises!
I mean, is a husband supposed to take ownership of another man's baby, raise him/her with his money and play daddy to it?
Or will the wife handover the child to the side-bobo and have nothing to do with it anymore?

How exactly is a peaceful resolution supposed to play out in the above scenario, I wonder...


It's a totally different situation where a husband is the one who has a child with his side-chick.
He can remain married, keep the child away & with its mother without needing/asking his wife to play mummy.

bukatyne:


Apart from the financial support you would have to provide, why don't you want her to end the marriage if she wants to?

P.S.: The husband would always have a relationship with his baby mama especially since the child with her mother.

I am pro marriage, my first instinct about it is how to preserve and protect it. Little kids are involved, I don't want them to experience broken home. I know cheating is a big deal but my sis doesn't complain about anything else with the husband. I wish they can reach a compromise and keep the home.

She's poor and dependent and doesn't have a family she can fall back on so she's trapped.
She can do nothing until she has a source of income unfortunately.

Remember her problem is not even the child, it's that her husband is still seeing the woman. The man even is arranging meet ups and the woman refusing sezz

This madam is not going anywhere oo, Oga has to see his child and will have to be in contact with baby mama.

Na resentment and hatred sure pass in this home, it will choke and suffocate them all as usual.

2ndtimeuncle:


It rains every where, I don't want her to make a decision she will regret for the rest of her life.

The truth is that your sister's life is in danger. She's married to a reckless man. He's not even cheating with protection, but putting her life at risk. The baby mama might be sleeping with other men, and your innocent sister who is probably faithful will just be caught up in all the mess.

What if she comes and tells you she contracted HIV? Will you understand the magnitude of the problem?

Besides, he has broken the trust between them. It will be hard for her to ever trust him again.

I know you love your sister but right now she is going through a mental and highly emotional situation,if she is not happy with her husband she is going to make irrational decisions that might affect the whole family. imaging yourself going through heart break you cannot move on from.
nobody makes changes to life and not get affected by it.
Let her fall, she is determine and know what's best for her, she will rise.

crackhaus:

This is a very good question that seeks to reveal ones' hypocrisy, but the truth is the situation here is totally different from the one in the OP.

A wife confessing to her husband that she's pregnant for her side-bobo should/must naturally end the marriage. No compromises!
I mean, is a husband supposed to take ownership of another man's baby, raise him/her with his money and play daddy to it?
Or will the wife handover the child to the side-bobo and have nothing to do with it anymore?

How exactly is a peaceful resolution supposed to play out in the above scenario, I wonder...


It's a totally different situation where a husband is the one who has a child with his side-chick.
He can remain married, keep the child away & with its mother without needing/asking his wife to play mummy.

You see one thing guys like you which from the look of things are in the majority don't realize is that you harm and corrupt men(most especially the coming generational men which might include your own male progeny), families, society and the world more when you accept this hypocrisy on the part of a man or as long as the man does it, it is not that bad, or it's different thereby normalizing the abnormal.

And when women who live in these morally bankrupt or corrupted families and societies turn out to be who they are, we men then get heartbroken in our marriages and relationships, lacking peace in our matrimonial homes. And finally we will come to Nairaland and say fear women, there are no good women, women are cheaters, forgetting that we men who are rulers of the society allow these things to happen, participate in doing them and justify it while the women FOLLOW and IMITATE. Afterall you as a husband can't have right to your rod while she also a freeborn with freewill can not have right to her VJ in a free world.

YOU CAN CHEAT ON YOUR GOOD WIFE AND HAVE BABY MAMAS AND AWAY-CHILDREN, BUT YOU CAN'T CHEAT ON THE MEN, WOMEN AND CHILDREN THAT WOULD LIVE AND BE BORN IN SUCH A RUIN AND CORRUPTED FAMILIES AND SOCIETIES.

The cycle continues and we cry and turn bad

Do your best and leave rest for her to decide.

Where single ladies are finding it difficult to marry talkless of single mom of two.

Plus she has nothing doing.


I don't support cheating but where it happens one have to endure because you can't expect him to abandon his blood outside just to please her,. She is selfish and self centered

Go and visit your inlaw and do a one on one...show him the evidence of this and let's hear what he has to say
Personally, I wld advise her to stop all this anger and agitation....GOD knows how to teach ur husband a lesson that will make his prick allergic to vagina that is not his wife
She just needs to remember him in prayers and take care of her children

2ndtimeuncle:



I am pro marriage, my first instinct about it is how to preserve and protect it. Little kids are involved, I don't want them to experience broken home. I know cheating is a big deal but my sis doesn't complain about anything else with the husband. I wish they can reach a compromise and keep the home.

Unfortunately, your BIL is not pro-marriage and it takes two to build a healthy home.

The emphasis on healthy.

I actually do not think cheating is a big deal for you.

I don't know the solution to your sister's issue: I don't if she is whining just because or if she is currently so disgusted with her husband that the only thing that would give her sanity is ending the marriage. So it is actually not on your place to want the marriage to continue; it is left for her & her husband to decide.

That said, if she wants to leave the marriage, then she has to be very realistic about it. She is currently not earning and has to be able to support herself and children before she thinks of walking away. I would have thought that the moment her husband had a baby mama, she would realize that phase one of the marriage is over and all previous agreements no longer stand and re-negotiate the terms of the marriage.

It is not too late so she should look for a way to earn and be able to support herself before talking about leaving.

When she can stand on her feet financially, your opinion would no longer matter in her affairs with good reason.

2ndtimeuncle:


It rains everywhere, I don't want her to make a decision she will regret for the rest of her life.

If by raining, you mean adultery, not all men cheat.

And she can decide to walk out and stay single.