Hello familylanders, so I brought this topic here cos I know this part of NL is filled with mature people. I met this girl sometime in February and she has become a very good friend to me , we talk alot and I try my best to advice her.

She stays with her aunt because her real mom passed on when she was about 4years old and the relationship between she and her father isn't cordial. Recently she opened up to me about how her aunt's husband has been abusing her sexually the man comes into the house when no one is around and rapes her , she has reported the man to her aunt and the woman seems powerless to do anything about it . I was shell shocked when she told me because I only hear of such stuff from a distance not that it happens to someone I happen to know.

Please I need your advice on how to help her , she is a young lady of just about 22years.

She needs to plant a camera in her room for evidence. Once you have a proper evidence, everything else will be easy to handle.

Kirchoffs:
Hello familylanders, so I brought this topic here cos I know this part of NL is filled with mature people. I met this girl sometime in February and she has become a very good friend to me , we talk alot and I try my best to advice her.

She stays with her aunt because her real mom passed on when she was about 4years old and the relationship between she and her father isn't cordial. Recently she opened up to me about how her aunt's husband has been abusing her sexually the man comes into the house when no one is around and rapes her , she has reported the man to her aunt and the woman seems powerless to do anything about it . I was shell shocked when she told me because I only hear of such stuff from a distance not that it happens to someone I happen to know.

Please I need your advice on how to help her , she is a young lady of just about 22years.

1. Tell her to charge her phone very well.

2. Put it on silent.

3.Place her phone in a hidden place the man will never see it or suspect something and click the video record button. She can cover it with small carton in a manner that camera hole can still video everything.

4. Let her wisper to him that she wants it and she quickly moves to the location of the camera. He will come at her and start his usual business.

5. Let her send the video hard evidence to a sister or friend or upload it to a secure location online so she has a duplicate incase the man finds out later and destroy her phone.

6. With the video hard evidence she can destroy him and as well sue him and demand at least N5 million Naira in damages. SHE WILL CERTAINLY WIN THE CASE AND EVEN BECOME RICH AFTERWARDS

The problem here is that she doesn't have an Android phone to use

Kirchoffs:
The problem here is that she doesn't have an Android phone to use

Bros you're her boyfriend. Borrow her an android phone.

Help her make this to work and both of you would have not only destroyed an adult sex predator that has harmed many innocent girls, you both will become rich.

I wish I know her so I help her see it through and I will only demand 1 million when the court wins her the case.

Mmadu2:


Bros you're her boyfriend. Borrow her an android phone.

Help her make this to work and both of you would have not only destroyed an adult sex predator that has harmed many innocent girls, you both will become rich.

I wish I know her so I help her see it through and I will only demand 1 million when the court wins her the case.

I would have done that but am currently outside Lagos now..maybe when I return to lag I'd see what I can do.

P.S : Am not her boyfriend , just wanna help a fellow human being

Some men are dogs. Conclusion.

Meet the mofo, and headbutt him to stupor with threats. I hate long story.

Too harsh a judgement.
Remember too that she may not have been raped!
Men and to-to wahala self!

Mmadu2:


1. Tell her to charge her phone very well.

2. Put it on silent.

3.Place her phone in a hidden place the man will never see it or suspect something and click the video record button. She can cover it with small carton in a manner that camera hole can still video everything.

4. Let her wisper to him that she wants it and she quickly moves to the location of the camera. He will come at her and start his usual business.

5. Let her send the video hard evidence to a sister or friend or upload it to a secure location online so she has a duplicate incase the man finds out later and destroy her phone.

6. With the video hard evidence she can destroy him and as well sue him and demand at least N5 million Naira in damages. SHE WILL CERTAINLY WIN THE CASE AND EVEN BECOME RICH AFTERWARDS

imagrg:
Too harsh a judgement.
Remember too that she may not have been raped!
Men and to-to wahala self!

If she wasn't being raped she won't complain to anyone and certainly she won't tell a random guy.

Besides what's a grown man doing penetrating an underage orphan that regard him as a father.

Do you know how many girls that same man has abused in similar way in the past.

Kirchoffs:
I would have done that but am currently outside Lagos now..maybe when I return to lag I'd see what I can do.

P.S : Am not her boyfriend , just wanna help a fellow human being

It may be too late by then. Send her to your female friends in Lagos and instruct them to help her achieve the purpose.

Or contact the actress Iyabo Ojo through her social media links and she will certainly help fight for the girl and even provide her accomplishments and brighter future.

Tape recorder... Teach her on how to capture voices on phones without someone noticing..It will help.. incase he wants to deny... teach her how to ask leading questions too as the phone is recording... Things like uncle why are u raping me...no I don't want to.... u have a wife etc.

Klass99:
@ Mmadu2 & Richy,

Nice ideas/suggestions.

Audio or video evidence will be extremely helpful, otherwise it may start to seem like she's lying about the rape.

@ OP, I think there are NGOs in Lagos which help women/female children in situations like these, but I can't recall their names.

Some people are just shameless... A married man won't let a young lady be just because he was housing her...
A woman wonderfully keeping mute just because she wants to remain a MRS...

Klass99:


This has always baffled me, but I guess I'll never understand until I am married.

But, I also know me and I know that ''dem no use marriage swear for me .

There are certain things I will neither tolerate nor endure in this life, for the sake of staying married or being called a virtuous and good wife.

I don't think it got something to do with being married...I think it got a lot to do with individuals and their behaviour...some people are just selfish and mean when trying to put up an appearance before the society...

Though some young ladies have misused that word rape.. I wish the society would be a little nicer when rape cases are involved and investigate it properly...

That man will soon meet his Waterloo if truly he was perpetrating that dastardly act..

Mmadu2:


If she wasn't being raped she won't complain to anyone and certainly she won't tell a random guy.

Besides what's a grown man doing penetrating an underage orphan that regard him as a father.

Do you know how many girls that same man has abused in similar way in the past.

This lady in question is 22 years now.

Lol.

If at 22, she can't say no to such act and find her way out of the house, then I don't know what to say.

Because, unless the Aunt is against her husband, if she finally records and report the case to the police, she will still leave that house.

Her word should be enough for the authorities to start investigating, but I understand the system in Nigeria and that the recording/proof would go a long way in her getting justice, so do tell her to record the rapist of a man, discreetly.

Dailyparrot:


This lady in question is 22 years now.

Lol.

If at 22, she can't say no to such act and find her way out of the house, then I don't know what to say.

Because, unless the Aunt is against her husband, if she finally records and report the case to the police, she will still leave that house.

It's not that easy bro, she isn't even gainfully employed

Dailyparrot:


This lady in question is 22 years now.

Lol.

If at 22, she can't say no to such act and find her way out of the house, then I don't know what to say.

Because, unless the Aunt is against her husband, if she finally records and report the case to the police, she will still leave that house.

Precisely the reason why she can't talk. She has nowhere to go. She can't even afford a cheap camera phone to film the incident. That explains her plight and why the wicked man is taking advantage of her.

Klass99:
@ Mmadu2 & Richy,

Nice ideas/suggestions.

Audio or video evidence will be extremely helpful, otherwise it may start to seem like she's lying about the rape.

@ OP, I think there are NGOs in Lagos which help women/female children in situations like these, but I can't recall their names.

Please try and remember the name of the NGO, you will be saving a life.

Mmadu2:


Precisely the reason why she can't talk. She has nowhere to go. She can't even afford a cheap camera phone to film the incident. That explains her plight and why the wicked man is taking advantage of her.

What is she currently doing?

Going to school, learning a trade or skill?

I'm just wondering why a 22yrs old lady will be so helpless in a situation like this. If she is currently not doing anything, let her settle this aspect as quickly as possible. At least, she will be able to get herself a small android phone with which to hustle for the evidence. Otherwise, she may still fall into the hands of another predator guy all in the hope of getting a help.

Kirchoffs:
Hello familylanders, so I brought this topic here cos I know this part of NL is filled with mature people. I met this girl sometime in February and she has become a very good friend to me , we talk alot and I try my best to advice her.

She stays with her aunt because her real mom passed on when she was about 4years old and the relationship between she and her father isn't cordial. Recently she opened up to me about how her aunt's husband has been abusing her sexually the man comes into the house when no one is around and rapes her , she has reported the man to her aunt and the woman seems powerless to do anything about it . I was shell shocked when she told me because I only hear of such stuff from a distance not that it happens to someone I happen to know.

Please I need your advice on how to help her , she is a young lady of just about 22years.

Have you engaged her to know the exact help she needs?

Does she want to leave their house? Then she needs to be financially empowered. To attain that empowerment, she needs to be in school (to get a job) or learn a skill/trade.

Does she did an emotional/mental healing? Then you can point her to the Church/social services in your area.

Does she want the man to get punished? Then she takes up the case with the numerous NGOs specialized in that field.

I am curious as to the hold he still has on her at 22. Is he paying her fees or leveraging on providing accommodation? Is he the major provider hence subtly threatening her (the aunt's reaction seems to be a pointer)? Or does she now have sex with him to 'secure her place' in the family till she has an alternative?

Stevenbright:


What is she currently doing?

Going to school, learning a trade or skill?

I'm just wondering why a 22yrs old lady will be so helpless in a situation like this. If she is currently not doing anything, let her settle this aspect as quickly as possible. At least, she will be able to get herself a small android phone with which to hustle for the evidence. Otherwise, she may still fall into the hands of another predator guy all in the hope of getting a help.

Trust me there are a lot of 22 to 30 year olds both male and female that are underprivileged and still living with their parents.

Victims of unemployment and bad economic situation in this country. Especially outside Lagos where unemployment situations are so bad.

Kirchoffs:
Recently she opened up to me about how her aunt's husband has been abusing her sexually the man comes into the house when no one is around and rapes her , she has reported the man to her aunt and the woman seems powerless to do anything about it . I was shell shocked when she told me because I only hear of such stuff from a distance not that it happens to someone I happen to know.

Please I need your advice on how to help her , she is a young lady of just about 22years.

You have 2 grown women in a house and still one man rapes both and they continue to allow it?

This story beggars belief especially as we live in the 21st century.

Your friend needs to make a decision - does she enjoy being raped or not. It's that simple really.

Mmadu2:

Precisely the reason why she can't talk. She has nowhere to go. She can't even afford a cheap camera phone to film the incident. That explains her plight and why the wicked man is taking advantage of her.

Stop making up excuses for the inexcusable!

Is she an retard at that age that she can't stand up for herself? And the aunt... does this run in the family or something?

Kobojunkie:
Stop making up excuses for the inexcusable!

Is she an retard at that age that she can't stand up for herself? And the aunt... does this run in the family or something?

Mr stand for yourself, have you even stopped to reason the experience of a person that has no plan B. no parents, no helper, no job, no money, no cheap android phone at 22 and nowhere to go to if thrown out.

Please how exactly do you stand for yourself in that kind of situation.

Its easy to sit in your parlour and criticize something you have never experienced.

Mmadu2:

Mr stand for yourself, have you even stopped to reason the experience of a person that has no plan B. no parents, no helper, no job, no money, no cheap android phone at 22 and nowhere to go to if thrown out.

Please how exactly do you stand for yourself in that kind of situation.

Its easy to sit in your parlour and criticize something you have never experienced.

Have you met any of the homeless kids out there? Cause your list they check off the list you have there? Yet, many of those who came out of abusive homes would rather remain homeless than go back to such an environment? Many of the kids had to chose homelessness over being used and abused.

Not saying homelessness is the best but if you hate something be willing to do something to change it. At 22, she is grown woman, unless she was born with a mental problem that causes retarded use of her brain or experienced some sort of brain trauma that resulted in mental impairment.

And yes, I have also experienced homelessness incase you attempt to come back with a lame excuse like not everyone can survive homelessness if necessary to force change to one's current situation.

Kobojunkie:
Have you met any of the homeless kids out there? Cause your list they check off the list you have there? Yet, many of those who came out of abusive homes would rather remain homeless than go back to such an environment? Many of the kids had to chose homelessness over being used and abused.

Not saying homelessness is the best but if you hate something be willing to do something to change it. At 22, she is grown woman, unless she was born with a mental problem that causes retarded use of her brain or experienced some sort of brain trauma that resulted in mental impairment.

And yes, I have also experienced homelessness incase you attempt to come back with a lame excuse like not everyone can survive homelessness if necessary to force change to one's current situation.

My friend go and sit down. Stop advising anyone to do what you can never do yourself. See how you glamorize homeless kids to make a 22 year old look guilty.

Do you have the slightest idea of what homeless kids go through. They are the highest victims of rape and abuse and slavery and crime.

That girl leaves that house to be homeless and she will be raped multiple times by area boys and bad uniform men till she's forced to join their lifestyle. You will still be the one to open your mouth and criticize her and ask why did she decide to be homeless. Abegi!!

Mmadu2:

My friend go and sit down. Stop advising anyone to do what you can never do yourself. See how you glamorize homeless kids to make a 22 year old look guilty.

Do you have the slightest idea of what homeless kids go through. They are the highest victims of rape and abuse and slavery and crime.

That girl leaves that house to be homeless and she will be raped multiple times by area boys and bad uniform men till she's forced to join their lifestyle. You will still be the one to open your mouth and criticize her and ask why did she decide to be homeless. Abegi!!

When I think of it, you are right that I do not understand homeless in the Nigerian context since what i have mostly known of it is how it is here.
But I refuse to make concessions for two grown women living in the same house blaming their woes on a man. Women, like men, are born capable of changing their situations should they desire to do so, even if it requires temporary discomfort of some kind, including homelessness. So the question remains, is this girl really interested in changing her situation or is she comfortable in it.
According to her, her aunt seems OK with it, but what about her?

If what she is afraid of is loosing whatever support she gets from the man in this - roof over over heads, food , etc., then maybe she she not ready for change. I mean if she reports the man, chances her she will have to face that loss anyways. So, she may be refusing to take action for just that reason.

Kobojunkie:
When I think of it, you are right that I do not understand homeless in the Nigerian context since what i have mostly known of it is how it is here.
But I refuse to make concessions for two grown women living in the same house blaming their woes on a man. Women, like men, are born capable of changing their situations should they desire to do so, even if it requires temporary discomfort of some kind, including homelessness. So the question remains, is this girl really interested in changing her situation or is she comfortable in it.

The real question is are you ready to stop living in fantasy and put on a working brain and face the reality of the woes individuals undergo in a third world country.

Since you already mentioned you don't understand the situation here because you probably don't live here how then do you criticize something you know absolutely nothing about.

Mmadu2:
The real question is are you ready to stop living in fantasy and put on a working brain and face the reality of the woes individuals undergo in a third world country.

Since you already mentioned you don't understand the situation here because you probably don't live here how then do you criticize something you know absolutely nothing about.

The situation here is simple and it is the same no matter were you stage this on this planet. Two women tolerating rape from a man because of fear of what they might loose if they speak up or do something about the abuse. Fears aren't localized though the societal conditions of those homeless vary country to country. .

This 22-year old woman is probably afraid she might loose the only home she has..I.e. become homeless if she does something about her rape. The Aunt is probably afraid she might loose her marriage, bread winner, and home in this too.

You are here telling her she should record the rape as if it has never crossed her mind before now. She is 22 and so long as she is not mentally retarded can easily walk into a police station to report the rape. So many rape cases are processed in that same Nigeria daily without need for video evidence.

She has yet to do this means she is not ready to do what needs to be done. So the question again is, is she ready to see the abuse end or is she still comfortable in it.