Please fellow nairalanders help me put mouth for this issue.

I am a married woman with two biological kids(male and female) ages 8 and 10 respectively. I also have hubby's nephew who is 17 years old but he has been living with us since he was 12 years.

Before he came, he was already addicted to porn and all manner of vices including stealing and lying plus he was lazy. I wasn't aware of the porn aspect before he came to our home and I didn't know the stealing was that bad. I wasn't happy when he came initially but somehow there was nothing I could do.

My major challenge now is hubby isn't so strict with him partly because he is extremely busy and isn't always home and don't even have the time to be talking and cautioning always. He also feels it's his late mother's last wish to see him train the boy in his house and that he can't let him go.

I am overwhelmed with his constant stealing, phones, money,mifi etc from people. It started from my home, now e don dey go outside. When I figured hubby won't always talk, I began talking to his siblings. They all seem handicap or perhaps cause they don't stay with us and feel they can't do much.

My brother in-law came visiting on day and gave him the beating of his life, which is a constant but he won't stop. I have advised, spanked, and I am getting tired but hubby won't see it. He even said I am beginning to sound like a broken record.

How do I live with the boy and not allow it affect my sanity? *NOTE* most of these android phones he steals is to enable him watch porn. He can also hide for Africa. He would hide it in strange places one can never imagine. And find odd times to watch them. It would take close marking and searching for me to see it or if neighbors come to report him. Hubby feels the marking is too much.

I am beginning to think I should ignore but how will I without it affecting my kids?

Ritateach:
I am beginning to think I should ignore but how will I without it affecting my kids?

At 17, what does he do during his days?

[quote author=Kobojunkie post=105580331] At 17, what does he do during his days? He just finished jss3 and they have this long holidays so he is resuming SS1 by September.

Your children are the ones that I’m worried for.

Tell your husband to take action before something unfortunate happens that will disgrace the whole family.
In the meantime, prevent your children from possible abuse by talking to them.

Ritateach:
He just finished jss3 and they have this long holidays so he is resuming SS1 by September.

At 17? He should be out there learning a trade or something- barbing, construction, mechanics , farming etc.

Consider looking around for places that are looking to hire and get that boy out of the house doing something productive, even if for a couple of hours a day.

Ohh dear, this is a very serious issue esp having him around your kids Gosh! How exactly have you been dealing with this for 5yrs, I dunno but what I do know is that I would've lost my sanity esp when nobody seems to understand..

Even though (most) schools are resuming on the 13th which is a little less than a week now, I still think arrangements can be made for the boy to engage in something productive & rewarding like Kobojunkie suggested.. He may not be interested in construction, farming and all that but then there should be something he'll like, maybe y'all could call for a family meeting and talk extensively about this.. There should be a follow-up and then let him know that there are consequences for every action..

I feel that the fact that your husband doesn't seem all that bothered is what has made this so difficult and then your inlaws have been less concerned, it shouldn't be like that fgs.. Y'all need to take drastic actions before things spiral out of control.. Annddd yes ofcourse mariahAngel touched on the very important part, your kids should know about sex education, they're not too young and it's never too late.

I think you should be looking at a boarding school for the boy and talking your husband into acceptance. Stop complaining about his vices to your husband, rather be reminding him of how your daughter or son might be the boy's sexual experimental target as he grows older anf more daring.

Also, pray he steals something from someone who would break one of his arms as restitution soon.

As for your husband, change tactics with him, start giving complainers his number or letting him face anyone your ward steals from next time. You cant kill yourself biko, let oga start doing the cleanup after the young hooligan. It is well.

sisisioge:
I think you should be looking at a boarding school for the boy and talking your husband into acceptance. Stop complaining about his vices to your husband, rather be reminding him of how your daughter or son might be the boy's sexual experimental target as he grows older anf more daring.

Also, pray he steals something from someone who would break one of his arms as restitution soon.

As for your husband, change tactics with him, start giving complainers his number or letting him face anyone your ward steals from next time. You cant kill yourself biko, let oga start doing the cleanup after the young hooligan. It is well.

You want to send a child who steals at home to boarding school make he go there disgrace you finish?

Me I just dey fear for the kids

This is a serious issue however, at this time, so that you do not keep sounding as a broken record, why not try get close to him and deal with him as your brother or child rather than your husband's nephew. That could help connect you to his soul and talk about how he could change. Take him for therapy if he needs it and most importantly, don't discipline him out of frustration as you are beginning to sound frustrated.

Since the head of the house is handling the matter with kid gloves, leave him so that he will bring disgrace to your doorstep. Maybe that is when your husband will wake up.

Only one person get all those vices
wey u listed there?hhmm!!
I read between the lines.. make I just Waka pass before them talk say I dey support the boy..

mariahAngel:
Your children are the ones that I’m worried for.

Tell your husband to take action before something unfortunate happens that will disgrace the whole family.
In the meantime, prevent your children from possible abuse by talking to them.

. I have spoken and I am almost becoming a bad person cause it's only me doing the talking most of the time.. I have spoken to my kids and I still do.

Kobojunkie:
At 17? He should be out there learning a trade or something- barbing, construction, mechanics , farming etc.

Consider looking around for places that are looking to hire and get that boy out of the house doing something productive, even if for a couple of hours a day.

. I tried to and got him a place but he would rather go elsewhere or sleep at home and not report for duty. I am not always at home and can't be monitoring him always..

1F30M4:
Ohh dear, this is a very serious issue esp having him around your kids Gosh! How exactly have you been dealing with this for 5yrs, I dunno but what I do know is that I would've lost my sanity esp when nobody seems to understand..

Even though (most) schools are resuming on the 13th which is a little less than a week now, I still think arrangements can be made for the boy to engage in something productive & rewarding like Kobojunkie suggested.. He may not be interested in construction, farming and all that but then there should be something he'll like, maybe y'all could call for a family meeting and talk extensively about this.. There should be a follow-up and then let him know that there are consequences for every action..

I feel that the fact that your husband doesn't seem all that bothered is what has made this so difficult and then your inlaws have been less concerned, it shouldn't be like that fgs.. Y'all need to take drastic actions before things spiral out of control.. Annddd yes ofcourse mariahAngel touched on the very important part, your kids should know about sex education, they're not too young and it's never too late.

. I have lost my sanity a few times dear but we moveee. And yes hubby's attitude is the major reason why he has continued this way. My in-laws seem tired too or stylishly drawing back. Even in school, he has stolen a teacher's memory card before.

He says he wants to learn how to repair phones. Hubby feels he might go there and steal phone and so is isn't keen on taking him. Na woman I be and being that he is not my biological son, I am slow on taking a decision all by myself.

Kobojunkie:
At 17? He should be out there learning a trade or something- barbing, construction, mechanics , farming etc.

Consider looking around for places that are looking to hire and get that boy out of the house doing something productive, even if for a couple of hours a day.

I have oh but he won't report for duty. Either goes to a friend's place or sleep at home or watch movies. I am not always at home so I can't monitor him. When I tire to talk, I freed him. I speak to my children always and I am extra alert..

1F30M4:
Ohh dear, this is a very serious issue esp having him around your kids Gosh! How exactly have you been dealing with this for 5yrs, I dunno but what I do know is that I would've lost my sanity esp when nobody seems to understand..

Even though (most) schools are resuming on the 13th which is a little less than a week now, I still think arrangements can be made for the boy to engage in something productive & rewarding like Kobojunkie suggested.. He may not be interested in construction, farming and all that but then there should be something he'll like, maybe y'all could call for a family meeting and talk extensively about this.. There should be a follow-up and then let him know that there are consequences for every action..

I feel that the fact that your husband doesn't seem all that bothered is what has made this so difficult and then your inlaws have been less concerned, it shouldn't be like that fgs.. Y'all need to take drastic actions before things spiral out of control.. Annddd yes ofcourse mariahAngel touched on the very important part, your kids should know about sex education, they're not too young and it's never too late.

My dear I have lost my sanity and cool on some occasions but we move. And yes! Hubby's non chalant attitude has worsened and encouraged him more.

The guy wants to learn how to repair phone but hubby is a scared that he might steal a phone.. I have spoken to family but they do their part by talking to him, I guess they are tired too. Hubby makes it look like my own is too much that I should overlook. My kids are very aware of sex education and I haven't stopped talking. Thanks for your advice

sisisioge:
I think you should be looking at a boarding school for the boy and talking your husband into acceptance. Stop complaining about his vices to your husband, rather be reminding him of how your daughter or son might be the boy's sexual experimental target as he grows older anf more daring.

Also, pray he steals something from someone who would break one of his arms as restitution soon.

As for your husband, change tactics with him, start giving complainers his number or letting him face anyone your ward steals from next time. You cant kill yourself biko, let oga start doing the cleanup after the young hooligan. It is well.

. I agree. This boarding house issa goal. And yes. I will give compaliners hubby's number. I have told him about the dangers with the kids. He asked him to sleep in the parlor while the kids sleep in the room but my guy would watch tv till the wee hours of the morning and reduce the volume so one won't know so when we found out,hubby sent him back to the room but separate beds. What I do is to ask them to leave the light on always and the door open.

Richy4:
Only one person get all those vices
wey u listed there?hhmm!!
I read between the lines.. make I just Waka pass before them talk say I dey support the boy..

Richy4:
Only one person get all those vices
wey u listed there?hhmm!!
I read between the lines.. make I just Waka pass before them talk say I dey support the boy..

Nairaland is a faceless platform, what is my gain? A child that stole a phone from the nurse treating his grandma(my mum inlaw). You never jam kids who weren't monitored and allowed lots of freedom all in the name of he is still a child? Even his mother suggested we get him arrested so fear would enter his body but I declined.

That boy needs beating to reset his head. Your hubby is not helping matter. If he knows his presence can't be felt in the house, especially for that 17years old boy stealing, then he should return him back to where he brought him from

That boy needs a manly figure that he'd always be scared of. Give him a marathon beating with punishment. I swear it does help. He'd always think twice before stealing, knowing fully well what the outcome would be.

Do everything within your reach to make the boy stealing get your hubby attention

Probably those he stole from should come arrest him when your hubby is around, or better still they should come to give him a resounding public disgrace when he's around. This will definitely get his attention and by then you can chip in one or two possible means to curb this act of his for your kids sanity

That boy needs real beating seriously. He'd change if i handle him.

Who born monkey

Are you people that gullible to not see that she is an evil woman?

VTJN:
That boy needs beating to reset his head. Your hubby is not helping matter. If he knows his presence can't be felt in the house, especially for that 17years old boy stealing, then he should return him back to where he brought him from

That boy needs a manly figure that he'd always be scared of. Give him a marathon beating with punishment. I swear it does help. He'd always think twice before stealing, knowing fully well what the outcome would be.

Do everything within your reach to make the boy stealing get your hubby attention

Probably those he stole from should come arrest him when your hubby is around, or better still they should come to give him a resounding public disgrace when he's around. This will definitely get his attention and by then you can chip in one or two possible means to curb this act of his for your kids sanity

That boy needs real beating seriously. He'd change if i handle him.

Who born monkey

Guy, do you not know a Lie when you see one?

Ritateach:
. I have spoken and I am almost becoming a bad person cause it's only me doing the talking most of the time.. I have spoken to my kids and I still do.

Well, never stop talking no matter what.

[s]

Dtruthspeaker:
Are you people that gullible to not see that she is an evil woman?

[/s]

Ritateach:
. I agree. This boarding house issa goal. And yes. I will give compaliners hubby's number. I have told him about the dangers with the kids. He asked him to sleep in the parlor while the kids sleep in the room but my guy would watch tv till the wee hours of the morning and reduce the volume so one won't know so when we found out,hubby sent him back to the room but separate beds. What I do is to ask them to leave the light on always and the door open. Nairaland is a faceless platform, what is my gain? A child that stole a phone from the nurse treating his grandma(my mum inlaw). You never jam kids who weren't monitored and allowed lots of freedom all in the name of he is still a child? Even his mother suggested we get him arrested so fear would enter his body but I declined.

Throw him out today, tomorrow your turn will come!

Dtruthspeaker:


Guy, do you not know a Lie when you see one?

Lol

Are you saying OP fabricated all these?

VTJN:
Lol

Are you saying OP fabricated all these?

See all these talk that women are evil hasn't still entered you?

Do you not see how the women here have banded together against the poor boy?

If the boy was indeed bad as she is selling him to be would uncle not see it?

Is this not the case of Joseph and Potiphar's wife?

Men, see na, no let these Satan's daughter cause you to do evil.

I can see how she even torments him with hunger, suffering and hardship.

Dtruthspeaker:


Throw him out today, tomorrow your turn will come!

You people should stop watching nollywood movie about turn.
This woman out here never mentioned throwing him out but spaghetti body would not let you read.

If that boy is not careful, he would end up 6 feet underground when he steals from the wrong person.

thejourney200:
This is a serious issue however, at this time, so that you do not keep sounding as a broken record, why not try get close to him and deal with him as your brother or child rather than your husband's nephew. That could help connect you to his soul and talk about how he could change. Take him for therapy if he needs it and most importantly, don't discipline him out of frustration as you are beginning to sound frustrated.

. Honestly I am beginning to get frustrated. Initially I kept asking him if he felt unloved in my home, I tried getting him close later when that Didn't work, I began to ask how he got addicted, he said he first saw it on his mum's phone and kept watching with her phone but the mum use to caution him each time. Again he had been used to games on phone cos his grandma and his mum allowed him as a child and allowed him access to sooooo much TV time. He got addicted to gadgets early cos of games and porn. He spends so much time in bathroom when he bathes that I fear he masturbates,I have asked him and he said No. So yes i have tried talking to him like my son and that's how I got the info. When I asked the mum, she refuted it. She said it wasn't from her phone but I believe the boy. I have asked how to help him stop, he would promise to stop ans then slip again. I have even given him phone and he would say he is no longer watching it that he has changed and honestly I would search and won't see anything but a tech person can decode where he hid them in files on same phone where my village woman brain can't get. So it's really hard for me. Addiction is bad. If he doesn't have data, he can wake up at night and get into our bedroom when we are asleep and on the wifi. It had to take hubby's cousin who stayed with us to catch him and report. He is really smart.

@ Ritateach
Are u sure u are saying the truth?
Are u sure u are not exaggerating & looking for a reason for your husband to send that boy out of your house? How can a boy be stealing different android phones just to watch porn?? How come u are the only one seeing these things? It is not possible for the boy to be this bad & your husband won't notice! If this boy was your nephew I am very sure these things won't come up. Your husband has made a promise to train the boy, allow him to train that boy! This your story no follow! A boy cannot be committing this level of crime & reports won't get to your husband. For your husband to have said you sound like a broken record, tells a lot about the things u are saying about the boy!

Ritateach:
. I agree. This boarding house issa goal. And yes. I will give compaliners hubby's number. I have told him about the dangers with the kids. He asked him to sleep in the parlor while the kids sleep in the room but my guy would watch tv till the wee hours of the morning and reduce the volume so one won't know so when we found out,hubby sent him back to the room but separate beds. What I do is to ask them to leave the light on always and the door open. Nairaland is a faceless platform, what is my gain? A child that stole a phone from the nurse treating his grandma(my mum inlaw). You never jam kids who weren't monitored and allowed lots of freedom all in the name of he is still a child? Even his mother suggested we get him arrested so fear would enter his body but I declined.

I won't lie to you.. anyone that knows me very well knows that I say things the way I see it..

U mentioned something that triggered my suspicion which people might over look..and what is that thing?.. , u implied that from the beginning, u did not want him in your house.. judging by that,...

I am a realist madam...it is safe to say that If I don't like U and I don't like your attitude, no matter what U do, it will not please me...so all those he is lazy, lies etc.. I am not buying them.. besides can u point out a particular teenager that doesn't tell lies... Teenagers and lies were inseparable..

Having said that, he was just 12 when he came to your house.. it is also safe to say that he was a kid.. if U don't like a kid at that stage and he gets to know about it, he/she will find something that will draw your attention.. it could be anything including stealing...

I have a question for you though, can your brother in-law who was not living with you guys come over and beat up your kids?.. this is a yes or no answer..

mysticgal:

You people should stop watching nollywood movie about turn.
This woman out here never mentioned throwing him out but spaghetti body would not let you read.

If that boy is not careful, he would end up 6 feet underground when he steals from the wrong person.

Do I not know the plan of women is to destroy men, both young and old as Satan your first love and husband has taught you to do?

Thank God, God watches over all and the destruction you do today will surely destroy you tomorrow.

Ishilove:
Since the head of the house is handling the matter with kid gloves, leave him so that he will bring disgrace to your doorstep. Many that is when your husband will wake up.

. My decision now..Hubby comes from a background where they take discipline lightly mine is opposite. You Bleep up, your Bleep up is treated according to your size and I apply same thing to my kids.. The boy is a happy jovial soul whom anybody can love at first instance until you get to know him. He also gets over stuff easily. He keeps no record of wrong. This is to say he isn't a totally bad package. I don't hate him but can't use the word love for him, I like him and wish him well and want him better. But I think I should free it. That's the best