Ritateach:
. I tried to and got him a place but he would rather go elsewhere or sleep at home and not report for duty. I am not always at home and can't be monitoring him always..

You are not supposed to monitor him at that age either.

If you and your husband had a united front in this at least, you could at least force him to realize that he has to bend or be on his way.

Ritateach:
. Honestly I am beginning to get frustrated. Initially I kept asking him if he felt unloved in my home, I tried getting him close later when that Didn't work, I began to ask how he got addicted, he said he first saw it on his mum's phone and kept watching with her phone but the mum use to caution him each time. Again he had been used to games on phone cos his grandma and his mum allowed him as a child and allowed him access to sooooo much TV time. He got addicted to gadgets early cos of games and porn. He spends so much time in bathroom when he bathes that I fear he masturbates,I have asked him and he said No. So yes i have tried talking to him like my son and that's how I got the info. When I asked the mum, she refuted it. She said it wasn't from her phone but I believe the boy. I have asked how to help him stop, he would promise to stop ans then slip again. I have even given him phone and he would say he is no longer watching it that he has changed and honestly I would search and won't see anything but a tech person can decode where he hid them in files on same phone where my village woman brain can't get. So it's really hard for me. Addiction is bad. If he doesn't have data, he can wake up at night and get into our bedroom when we are asleep and on the wifi. It had to take hubby's cousin who stayed with us to catch him and report. He is really smart.

Your frustration is understandable however, besides your husband, is there another man figure in the family that could help since your husband is nonchallant about his character? This is not the time to beat as there are better ways to handle him.
One of such is a role model who would keep talking to him and perhaps an introduction of rewards and punishment that you could make him do for himself. I will suggest you seek the help of a therapist.

Ritateach:
. My decision now..Hubby comes from a background where they take discipline lightly mine is opposite. You Bleep up, your Bleep up is treated according to your size and I apply same thing to my kids.. The boy is a happy jovial soul whom anybody can love at first instance until you get to know him. He also gets over stuff easily. He keeps no record of wrong. This is to say he isn't a totally bad package. I don't hate him but can't use the word love for him, I like him and wish him well and want him better. But I think I should free it. That's the best

Now you have changed your story because you see you have been caught in your evil.

Ritateach:
. I agree. This boarding house issa goal. And yes. I will give compaliners hubby's number. I have told him about the dangers with the kids. He asked him to sleep in the parlor while the kids sleep in the room but my guy would watch tv till the wee hours of the morning and reduce the volume so one won't know so when we found out,hubby sent him back to the room but separate beds. What I do is to ask them to leave the light on always and the door open. Nairaland is a faceless platform, what is my gain? A child that stole a phone from the nurse treating his grandma(my mum inlaw). You never jam kids who weren't monitored and allowed lots of freedom all in the name of he is still a child? Even his mother suggested we get him arrested so fear would enter his body but I declined.

Your gain is to get views from like minds that will help reinforce & validate your plans of sending that boy out of your house! Are u trying to say u like that boy more than your husband? All these things u listed cannot be seen by u alone! Just know that anything u do to that boy wrongly today because u want him out of your house, tomorrow is pregnant & u have kids! U can't tell where u kids will be tomorrow!

Men, know this, if you have a good child in your house, evil reports is what you are going to be hearing.

Women can not bear a good child whether their own or another.

They must torment and destroy them.

VTJN:
That boy needs beating to reset his head. Your hubby is not helping matter. If he knows his presence can't be felt in the house, especially for that 17years old boy stealing, then he should return him back to where he brought him from

That boy needs a manly figure that he'd always be scared of. Give him a marathon beating with punishment. I swear it does help. He'd always think twice before stealing, knowing fully well what the outcome would be.

Do everything within your reach to make the boy stealing get your hubby attention

Probably those he stole from should come arrest him when your hubby is around, or better still they should come to give him a resounding public disgrace when he's around. This will definitely get his attention and by then you can chip in one or two possible means to curb this act of his for your kids sanity

That boy needs real beating seriously. He'd change if i handle him.

Who born monkey

Beating no fit solve this one o..I doubt..

mysticgal:

You people should stop watching nollywood movie about turn.
This woman out here never mentioned throwing him out but spaghetti body would not let you read.

If that boy is not careful, he would end up 6 feet underground when he steals from the wrong person.

Throwing that boy out of her house so he won't corrupt her kids is the end destination of this her post! We know her type!

thejourney200:


Your frustration is understandable however, besides your husband, is there another man figure in the family that could help since your husband is nonchallant about his character? This is not the time to beat as there are better ways to handle him.
One of such is a role model who would keep talking to him and perhaps an introduction of rewards and punishment that you could make him do for himself. I will suggest you seek the help of a therapist.

. Noted with thanks.

Dtruthspeaker:


Now you have changed your story because you see you have been caught in your evil.

E be like say you no get work. I am too old to prove a point to anybody. You don't know me, you can't get me arrested. Why should I impress you? I can't say everything that has happened in 5 years in just a post. Even his uncle notices them too. I guess you didn't do summary in school. Why would I want to prove shit? How many post do I make on nairaland that I will be seeking validation from strangers? You're just a joker.

Dtruthspeaker:
Men, know this, if you have a good child in your house, evil reports is what you are going to be hearing.

Women can not bear a good child whether their own or another.

They must torment and destroy them.

Don't mind the op
A boy committing such degree of crime & no report is getting to his uncle?? Op is the only one getting the report? Her children are saints, hard working, truthful etc only this boy is lazy, liar lol yeye

Rubbiish:

Your gain is to get views from like minds that will help reinforce & validate your plans of sending that boy out of your house! Are u trying to say u like that boy more than your husband? All these things u listed cannot be seen by u alone! Just know that anything u do to that boy wrongly today because u want him out of your house, tomorrow is pregnant & u have kids! U can't tell where u kids will be tomorrow!

You didn't read well. But it's okay. I asked for opinions and so anybody is free to talk. The final decision lies with me.. Thanks anyways

Ritateach:
You didn't read well. But it's okay. I asked for opinions and so anybody is free to talk. The final decision lies with me.. Thanks anyways

You are proud to post your brother came to your house to beat your husband nephew to stupor? Has your brother ever laid hands on your biological children? All these things u women do to other people kids, make una know say one day e go still reach una children turn, that is how the cycle will continue!

Thanks to everyone who commented. Truly appreciate. I have decided to give him back the phone and allow him enjoy it. I just told him to password it and not allow the kids get access to it. That way all man is happy. Thanks you all .

Rubbiish:

Don't mind the op
A boy committing such degree of crime & no report is getting to his uncle?? Op is the only one getting the report? Her children are saints, hard working, truthful etc only this boy is lazy, liar lol yeye

Women are evil and they hate men because they know that they are Mrs Satan and therefore, God punished them and made them very much lower than men who are Innocent.

But men do not know this and continue in their God loved place, however, like Satan, they will not be happy until they have brought down the man or destroy the good children by turning them evil.

Ritateach:
Thanks to everyone who commented. Truly appreciate. I have decided to give him back the phone and allow him enjoy it. I just told him to password it and not allow the kids get access to it. That way all man is happy. Thanks you all .

If the boy's mother is still in the picture, then why is he living with you?

Also, does he read books? You can maybe find him manga books to help get his mind engaged in some other things. Even books for him to learn how to fix phones since he expressed interest in that, is not a bad way to go..

Ritateach:
E be like say you no get work. I am too old to prove a point to anybody. You don't know me, you can't get me arrested. Why should I impress you? I can't say everything that has happened in 5 years in just a post. Even his uncle notices them too. I guess you didn't do summary in school. Why would I want to prove shit? How many post do I make on nairaland that I will be seeking validation from strangers? You're just a joker.

Is God not Judge over all?

Your Judgement shall surely Come!

5

Kobojunkie:
If the boy's mother is still in the picture, then why is he living with you?

Also, does he read books? You can maybe find him manga books to help get his mind engaged in some other things. Even books for him to learn how to fix phones since he expressed interest in that, is not a bad way to go..

His mum was somewhat affected with measleas as a child. This affected her Brain. I don't know what the condition is called in medicine but her reasoning is way below her age. So academically she couldn't cope and inshort she is in the village struggling and alone. Keeping the child with her is what she herself won't want because she feels she is struggling too much to keep him and because of her mental state, she feels the boy won't do well with her. Manuals on how to repair phones would be boring for him. Practical is what would really be engaging. For books, he prefers like primary school novles. Those ones with perhaps 20 pages. Anything more, no way. Thanks for the advice. I appreciate

Ritateach:
5 His mum was somewhat affected with measleas as a child. This affected her Brain. I don't know what the condition is called in medicine but her reasoning is way below her age. So academically she couldn't cope and inshort she is in the village struggling and alone. Keeping the child with her is what she herself won't want because she feels she is struggling too much to keep him and because of her mental state, she feels the boy won't do well with her. Manuals on how to repair phones would be boring for him. Practical is what would really be engaging. For books, he prefers like primary school novles. Those ones with perhaps 20 pages. Anything more, no way. Thanks for the advice. I appreciate

I didn't mean manuals.. jeezzzee..even my head no fit handle those black and white manuals abeg.

So he likes what you call primary school novels? Interesting.... you said he uses a phone to watch this porn abi? He can read web comics and novels online....there are also online apps where he can download comic novels to read of you can look into those for Him. WEBTOONS is one I use regularly. Who knows he might get interested in learning to draw comics or even writing his own web comic from this.

Kobojunkie:
You want to send a child who steals at home to boarding school make he go there disgrace you finish?

Na schools like military school, catholic schools....no nonsense schools. Also, you would have told them upfront the issues the guys has. Issue resolved, no phones to steal there, no internet to watch pornn....he will be gentle eventually.

Rubbiish:

Throwing that boy out of her house so he won't corrupt her kids is the end destination of this her post! We know her type!

Like post like moniker. That's how you know people who don't have a broad mind because they wouldn't read wide and watch mind boggling programmes or listen to intelligent conversations and learn and grow. Their small minds can't understand why someone should have a superior knowledge than them. I am a grown woman and if throwing him out was on my mind, tey tey e for don happen.

I actually wanted him to go stay with his mum a bit or his aunty whom I know they are struggling, maybe life would teach him some sense. I myself, I am equally struggling but struggling get levels. So when I say I wanted him to go, that's what I meant but you're free to choose whatever you believe.

Now "throwing' him out, does it solve any problem? If I want to throw him out, nothing anybody says here would work. I would have taken my decision, not coming here to rant. But anyways your type have problem comprehending so suit yourself..

Ritateach:

I actually wanted him to go stay with his mum a bit or his aunty whom I know they are struggling, maybe life would teach him some sense. I myself, I am equally struggling but struggling get levels. So when I say I wanted him to go, that's what I meant but you're free to choose whatever you believe.

Are we not saying the same thing??
We know u want that boy out of your house, u are no longer happy your husband is spending on him, that is what is driving all these things u are doing. I can imagine what that boy is already going through in your hands. What do u mean by struggling get levels?? Are u the one spending on the boy? No be your husband? Because your husband has made a promise to train that boy, that is what has been itching u!

Rubbiish:

Are we not saying the same thing??
We know u want that boy out of your house, u are no longer happy your husband is spending on him, that is what is driving all these things u are doing. I can imagine what that boy is already going through in your hands. What do u mean by struggling get levels?? Are u the one spending on the boy? No be your husband? Because your husband has made a promise to train that boy, that is what has been itching u!

Enjoy man.

Ritateach:
I wasn't happy when he came initially but somehow there was nothing I could do.

My major challenge now is hubby isn't so strict with him partly because he is extremely busy and isn't always home and don't even have the time to be talking and cautioning always. He also feels it's his late mother's last wish to see him train the boy in his house and that he can't let him go.

Do not think I am all out to attack u for no reasons! This excerpt from your post exposed you.

Ritateach:
I wasn't happy when he came initially but somehow there was nothing I could do..

You can't possibly see any good in a boy u never welcomed into your home! Read the bold part in your post, there was nothing u could do initially, but now u are trying to see if there is something u can do.

Reason u are the only one seeing all these flaws & your husband is not seeing it, because there is nothing to see, your hatred for that boy is what is manifesting in your eyes!

Ritateach:

I am getting tired but hubby won't see it. He even said I am beginning to sound like a broken record.

Anyhow u choose to treat that boy na u sabi, but remember u have kids! I don talk my own.

Klass99:


Please come back and share what you read between the lines.

I read the story and thought that's a lot of deliquent behaviour for one child/teenager alone to have, how did it get to that point, what were the original parents doing, plus where are the parents in all of this?

This boy can be trained by hubby from afar, let him stay with the people who gave birth to him while OP's husband funds his education.

Some men are good at inviting problems into their homes and most are so hands off when it comes to moral/value training plus discipline of their kids and wards.

Fatherhood and parenting as a whole is not for everyone, why can't people understand this and stop constituting a nuisance for others by birthing children they cannot train or care for - it is so annoying.

Modified Richy I read your subsequent post and now understand what you mean.

She didn't want him in her house from the start doesn't mean she's lying about all of this and the boy isn't deliquent.

I didn't want a friend to visit for a short stay because each time she asked or suggested it, my spirit never felt excited or okay about it (and I usually love having my girl friends over) One time I agreed to it and when the weekend was around the corner I changed my mind because there was still a restlessness in my soul.

I finally allowed her to come so it won't be like I was deliberately avoiding her. Her stay/visit wasn't an enjoyable one, we parted ways with a bit of strain on our relationship and I am not sure I will be inviting her back anytime soon.

My point is that women are intuitive and when we sense things within our souls and don't want them, we are better off listening to that inner voice or nagging feeling we have. It is not about disliking the other person or never being pleased by anything they do.

In my own school of thought, If I like you, I can forgive and ignore a lot of things about you because I like you.. But If I don't, do not even bother to impress me because it will not work...
I don't know how to pretend when I like or dislike something...I don't know how people does that... I have tried to learn how to school my facial expression but It doesn't work.....That's just a genetic behavior I got from my mother that I never liked...

As for the OP, I'm glad that she has resolved something with the young man... 12 years is a vulnerable stage that if a kid is not well taken care of, many things might go wrong.. I guess that's what was happening with that kid...Assuming she managed that child like her own, things would not have been like that... I'm not saying it for her not to be angry because a woman that will let someone from no where to come into her home and beat up a kid that looked up to her as a mother is not what I tagged managing as her own because if it were to be her own children, no one will do that... she aided and abetted that to happen...

Klass99:


The bolded made me smile, I feel you on that. If I am not mistaking, she said her brother in-law came and beat the boy up once for his incessant bad behaviour.I'm assuming brother in law is her husband's relative and the boy's uncle as well. So, the brother in law is not a complete stranger and it wasn't exactly out of place for him to discipline him, since hubby won't do it.

On your second paragraph I think this woman has tried and she shouldn't be doing the heavy lifting alone with this boy or while his own parents are alive. She said she tried to pull him close and befriend him but even that didn't work, it's like she can't win no matter what she does. If she disciplines hard they will say it's because it is not her child and she doesn't like him. If she looks away and does nothing, when a well deserved consequence befalls him, they will still say it is because it is not her child, so she didn't care about him or his future.

If I was the woman in this situation, I will not tolerate nor endure that boy under my roof for long. Because, first of all his parents are still alive, as an adult I don't push my responsibilities to others and I don't like others pushing theirs to me either, when they are not handicapped or incapacitated. Secondly, training (whether formal or informal) can be paid for while he stays with his own parents, let him burden the people who brought him into this world.

Women are expected to accept far too much bullshit in the name of marriage or for the sake of being a good wife, it is exhausting. My own mother experienced the same with my father's people, popsie was training his brothers and sisters children, some lived with us and some didn't. I can 100% relate to OP's situation.

One of the idiots who lived with us and was trained by popsie till he graduated from Uni, didn't even bother to show up at the hospital when my dad was critically ill in a life and death situation. The guy goes about telling people how biased and unfair my mom was to him, touting other nonsense as well.

Meanwhile the idiot was first brought to our house at a young age by his parents without prior notice or any discussion, his father came to visit and left him at our place with a bag of clothes, popsie returned from work and was mad @ his brother for pulling such a stunt he was also ready to return the boy the next day.

It was my mum who calmed popsie down and said they don't reject children like that, let him stay and let's help as best as we can. That's how he lived with us from age 5 or 6 until he graduated Uni, what thanks did my parents get at the end of the day? My uncle will still visit empty handed and be stealing food to take away, popsie got him a job but he couldn't keep it cos he stole from there and was sacked.........too many annoying stories with my father's people, just narrating this one has me feeling angry after all these years.

I won't advise any woman to be a martyr in marriage or on top of yeye people matter, in the name of being a good wife! Woh, I dey vex joor from some of my childhood memories.

klass 99. Thanks for talking like one who has a broad mind..First his father is no where to be found. No trace. Pregnanted the mum and ran away. No trace so he currently bears hubby's surname. No way to trace. The boy came damaged.... His grandma brought him to us knowing things were getting out of hand and if not properly managed would get worse as she is getting old and sick and the mum isn't that okay mentally and finance but more mentally.

He had stayed with a few relatives but none could keep him before my mum inlaw brought him to us. I Knew him since he was 6 and had seen the lot of allowance he was given and felt it was wrong. E.g, he can be allowed to watch TV till 2a.m at night. He was always playing when not in school and had everything he wanted as a child and the mum cos of her mental state couldn't see the consequences of some of he actions. Like when he stole from his grandma and bought sweets, she would cover for him and prevent grandma from hitting him. When I saw all these, I told hubby, let's get this child out now and bring him to our home cause last last na you go train this pikin but hubbu siad No that his mum won't agree. I kept pressing and told hubby that if this child continues and gets to age 10, I won't take him in cause by that time e go don hard small.

Hubby never thought his mum would release the child but when he began giving her so much headache, she began moving him and somehow if finally landed with us.

Even with my own kids, hubbu isn't strict and observant. I do most of the discipline and the kids would tell you they love daddy more then mummy. It doesn't bother me cause I know I am doing the right thing. If the child was my biological child, I for don call police or soilder to threaten am sef without involving hubby. But cos he is not, I am a bit careful.

So the option of going back to his parents doesn't even exist. It's more like going to stay with his mum a bit or some of his uncles or aunt who aren't even ready to keep him.

The said uncle that beat him up grew up with him. They are 13 years apart in age. The uncle use to be the last born and then this child came when everyone were adult and busy with their life and grandma don dey age so no much monitoring. So it's something the uncle use to do while they were together. This uncle had lived with us for about five years before getting his apartment and sometimes comes over for weekends or stays for a few days or week. So it's not like a stranger. It's more like an elder brother.

He will go to boarding school in same state and I have told him to password his phone and not allow the kids near it. I have also warmed the kids to stay away from the phone. He is almost an adult so I am freeing him 90% to do whatever he wants. That way my sanity is intact.

If he had parents, tey tey him for don commot and of course one can help from far..