Polynek:
A real man will b able to know what His fiance is capable of doing with ur experience during counting, courtship is a period of examination of ur partner consciously and unconsciously

A real man?

By simply observing a woman for a period, you can tell whether she has a high libido or not?

The sad of this is that of those I know who also formed "real man" back in the days, all ended up in situations that defied explanation given their initial claims.

As long as your wife's not denying you and she's not, manage her like that.

Kobojunkiee:
A real man?

By simply observing a woman for a period, you can tell whether she has a high libido or not?

The sad of this is that of those I know who also formed "real man" back in the days, all ended up in situations that defied explanation given their initial claims.

Wen I say real men, I don't know ur perception about it tho. But in Dix case about sex, a guy can easily detect if ur partner is a sex freak, normal or hv a low libido. Unless d partners are not making out during there courtship day's, hope u understand me now?

Polynek:
Wen I say real men, I don't know ur perception about it tho. But in Dix case about sex, a guy can easily detect if ur partner is a sex freak, normal or hv a low libido. Unless d partners are not making out during there courtship day's, hope u understand me now?

All this one na lie

And let me guess, you also think all women who work as prostitutes all have high sex drives/libido?

All that na myth... women can fake it if they want to decieve you so don't fall for such nonsense too easily.

Kobojunkiee:
All this one na lie

And let me guess, you also think all women who work as prostitutes all have high sex drives/libido?

All that na myth... women can fake it if they want to decieve you so don't fall for such nonsense too easily.

The example u are giving me is very far from wat OP is saying Bro. He said His wife won't even bother to introduce sex without Him initiating it. So are u saying Dix is difficult to observe in ur partner?

Take time to understand your woman's body. Every woman has that "breaking point". Even if her body is made with 90% wood, that 10% with life should be decoded.

And btw, stop asking her questions about what she wants in bed if that hasn't been working. She clearly doesn't know! It's all in your hands to explore and discover.

Don't allow her go through life without a fulfilled sexual experience.

Polynek:
The example u are giving me is very far from wat OP is saying Bro. He said His wife won't even bother to introduce sex without Him initiating it. So are u saying Dix is difficult to observe in ur partner?

Well, unless you both have a heart to heart about your sexual preferences, even if during courtship, there is no way and no blood test yet to confirm these things.

In the Op's case, he was himself a virgin who probably wanted someone like him so the sex talk was not quite sufficiently covered before marriage. He seems to have also believed that he could teach the woman to follow his pace but has learned the hard way that there is no truth to that myth.

So, I am afraid he has no choice but to accept the situation that he has been resisting for the past 9 years, refocusing that extra energy on something else.

Nairaland is the worst place to seek for advice of this nature.

The last time I tried it, I saw shege.

Reading through some of the comments above, I am appalled.

See how majority of people are using condescending words on the OP.

Dear Pastor, I think your wife may be suffering from frigidity.

I may not be correct. I reiterate, I May Not Be Correct.

Google frigidity and find out more.

I will advise you consult a therapist. He or she will conduct a thorough series of tests and questionings to arrive at a perfect diagnosis.

She needs an independent counselor, apart from you her husband.

Her familiarity with you may hamper the effectiveness of your advice and explanations to her from the books you've read as you said.

I understand all you wrote.

You're concerned about love-making. It is proper for you to be.

Love-making ought to be mutual. When one of the partner doesn't respond properly it affects the performance and most importantly the psyche/esteem of the active partner.

Passivity in sex is frowned at.

Nobody would want to make love to a log-of-wood partner.

Your concerns are very much valid.

Don't allow some of the people commenting to make you second-guess yourself.

In summary, consult a therapist.

I am not one. If you need one, I can recommend for you.

God bless you.

Kobojunkiee:
Well, unless you both have a heart to heart about your sexual preferences, even if during courtship, there is no way and no blood test yet to confirm these things.

In the Op's case, he was himself a virgin who probably wanted someone like him so the sex talk was not quite sufficiently covered before marriage. He seems to have also believed that he could teach the woman to follow his pace but has learned the hard way that there is no truth to that myth. [size=8pt][/size]

So, I am afraid he has no choice but to accept the situation that he has been resisting for the past 9 years, refocusing that extra energy on something else.

. Now uv summarize the whole thing, so wat advice do u hv 4 the OP?

Polynek:
. Now uv summarize the whole thing, so wat advice do u hv 4 the OP?

Refocus that additional energy somewhere else instead of trying to create problems in his marriage where there really isn't any.

Kobojunkiee:
Refocus that additional energy somewhere else instead of trying to create problems in his marriage where there really isn't any.

wait Leme get u right, do u mean he shud start going away match?

Polynek:
wait Leme get u right, do u mean he shud start going away match?

God forbid!

He can take up kick boxing, running etc. And at the same time spend more time trying to understand his wife and her ideas of sex and stuff rather than trying to teach and cajole her into meeting his expectations.

Marriage is between couples and for mutual benefit not for the benefit of the one over the other. She is the way she is and rather than continually trying to make her change, he should allow her change at her own pace, if at all.

Funny, we don't even know how old the lady lady question is.

Omo Dix 1 u are saying won't b easy oo, it takes alot of discipline and determination to engage in a workout, and consider His position as a pastor. 4 me I ll advice Him to take His wife to a relationship councilor or a sex therapist, how u see am?

Someone’s marriage is about to crash with possible infidelity and all I see here is “manage it like that” kind of advice. It sounds like most people here aren’t enjoying their partners so they’ve all turned philosophers

OP @Gobdddd you both need to see a sex therapist. Many couples have benefited from consulting a professional. I think the problem may be from your experience level. You don’t know much about sex and your style has bored her so much that she has gotten used to it and no longer desires it. Imagine yourself in her position; your first sex was not enjoyable and you’ve never enjoyed it since because all he does is go in and do his thing for minutes and go out.

You both need to understand how to take off the pastor cloak in the bedroom and act like carnal people. Get more educated about sex. As you can see from the advise here, many people don’t even know that sex life can be enhanced, and some people think it’s only for procreation so they have zeroed their minds that they can’t enjoy it, or should take whatever comes from it as the norm. Understand what turns off each other ‘s desire for sex and what each of you wishes were the case with their sex life. She may not be free to talk to you about her sexual fantasies and desires that’s why you need a sex therapist to hear her out and walk you both through it…. and if you both decide to see a therapist, make sure it’s someone she’s comfortable with and can open up to, it’s not about you so make sure she gets to choose

What is ur brand of drink? you nailed it

Polynek:
Omo Dix 1 u are saying won't b easy oo, it takes alot of discipline and determination to engage in a workout, and consider His position as a pastor. 4 me I ll advice Him to take His wife to a relationship councilor or a sex therapist, how u see am?

To counsel her about what though?

A sex therapist? Some people are just the way they are and are happy like that. If you start making her believe she is not normal, that one na new wahala.

Kobojunkiee:
To counsel her about what though?

She hasn’t experienced good sex. OP was inexperienced and has been. It has become a routine like visiting an in-law.

Data shows that Nigerian women are the most unfaithful women in the world. It’s either they’re morally bankrupt or their men don’t satisfy them

socialmediaman:

She hasn’t experienced good sex. OP was inexperienced and has been. It has become a routine like visiting an in-law.

Data shows that Nigerian women are the most unfaithful women in the world. It’s either they’re morally bankrupt or their men don’t satisfy them

How in the world can you conclude that that she has not experienced good sex.

OP was inexperienced and you suppose that over 9 years he has not upped his game enough?

Good sex is relative!

Kobojunkiee:
How in the world can you conclude that that she has not experienced good sex.

OP was inexperienced and you suppose that over 9 years he has not upped his game enough?

Good sex is relative!

From OP's narrative she was a virgin and has not enjoyed sex with him. He has been patient all the while but he's losing it. He even mentioned going 15 mins as if that was the gauge for a woman to enjoy it. Women enjoy other things apart from penetration

socialmediaman:
From OP's narrative she was a virgin and has not enjoyed sex with him. He has been patient all the while but he's losing it. He even mentioned going 15 mins as if that was the gauge for a woman to enjoy it. Women enjoy other things apart from penetration

1. The Op never said his wife ever complained about sex to him, so it is a stretch to assume that she has never enjoyed sex with him. We don't know her reasons for taking it as she does and since she doesn't seem to complain, it will be unwise to make her feel she is a problem here.

2. Let's understand here that the woman isn't the one complaining but the man.

Kobojunkiee:
1. The Op never said his wife ever complained about sex to him, so it is a stretch to assume that she has never enjoyed sex with him. We don't know her reasons for taking it as she does and since she doesn't seem to complain, it will be unwise to make her feel she is a problem here.

2. Let's understand here that the woman isn't the one complaining but the man.

Did you read this part?

But I noticed that she has no interest in anything called sex.
She will not deny me sex, but I do not enjoy it because she's not enthused to it.

socialmediaman:
Did you read this part?

I did. That could simply mean she really has no interest in sex... good or bad.

Pastor will know what I mean when I state that Jesus Christ said that some are created Eunuchs, some become Eunuchs and others chose to become Eunuchs for the sake of God.

Doesn't mean anything is wrong with them - it is possible this is just how she is.

Again, she is not the one here complaining...even her husband affirms this here.

I've never seen a place in the Bible where the word " too holy " was used to show disapproval.
I personally think that's a national anthem from the pit of hell, it's either you're holy or not.
These same people who chant " no be you holy pass" never waste a second to crucify a gay person when they come across one.

Fear Hypocrisy! No wonder Jesus was always hammering on hypocrisy. A very dangerous sin!.

Brother, I swore never to have any sexual relationship with anyone till the day am married.
And am not regretting I did that. Despite all the temptations in school and as a single guy working in a bank.

So, it's not about trying to please someone. It was about doing the right thing. Pleasing God.
Premarital sex is a six. Full stop

OKOATA:
If church finds out, will the church open your stomach or mouth to know you guys had sex? I think the problem with most people is that when they tend to be too holy and allow some form of people to have control over them they they start feeling that they can't do their own thinking without the higher authority calling the shots for them.

Pls do recommend for me.

I can drop my contact. But If you will wish for me to give you a call, pls drop yours.

09076737179

Expresswriter:
Nairaland is the worst place to seek for advice of this nature.

The last time I tried it, I saw shege.

Reading through some of the comments above, I am appalled.

See how majority of people are using condescending words on the OP.

Dear Pastor, I think your wife may be suffering from frigidity.

I may not be correct. I reiterate, I May Not Be Correct.

Google frigidity and find out more.

I will advise you consult a therapist. He or she will conduct a thorough series of tests and questionings to arrive at a perfect diagnosis.

She needs an independent counselor, apart from you her husband.

Her familiarity with you may hamper the effectiveness of your advice and explanations to her from the books you've read as you said.

I understand all you wrote.

You're concerned about love-making. It is proper for you to be.

Love-making ought to be mutual. When one of the partner doesn't respond properly it affects the performance and most importantly the psyche/esteem of the active partner.

Passivity in sex is frowned at.

Nobody would want to make love to a log-of-wood partner.

Your concerns are very much valid.

Don't allow some of the people commenting to make you second-guess yourself.

In summary, consult a therapist.

I am not one. If you need one, I can recommend for you.

God bless you.

This is not an issue. Spend time with God for the presence and annointing. And I am perplexed that you seemed to be thinking of something outside . You should be advising people on this na. Sex no be food...

Polynek:
Wen I say real men, I don't know ur perception about it tho. But in Dix case about sex, a guy can easily detect if ur partner is a sex freak, normal or hv a low libido. Unless d partners are not making out during there courtship day's, hope u understand me now?

This real man must sha explore and exploit despite all the bros explanation of their relationship. Oga, no need for to much explanation.

Kobojunkiee:
Look, according to you, she hasn't changed since you married her, so she is not the problem here but your expectations of her is. These things aren't magical in nature.

So, what you should be asking yourself is how do you continue to live with things as they have always been. You claim it is deteriorating but your own words say what has been deteriorating is instead your patience.

He has bn watch porn lately,the wife even tried seff...me my libido yaff died 13yrs ago.and ayam not ready to resuscitate it.

Kobojunkiee:
To counsel her about what though?

A sex therapist? Some people are just the way they are and are happy like that. If you start making her believe she is not normal, that one na new wahala.

It depends the of Her understanding and maturity shaa

GboyegaD:


This real man must sha explore and exploit despite all the bros explanation of their relationship. Oga, no need for to much explanation.

Na Tru nal

Kobojunkiee:
To counsel her about what though?

A sex therapist? Some people are just the way they are and are happy like that. If you start making her believe she is not normal, that one na new wahala.

Not necessarily a "sex therapist" but a therapist who is grounded in Marriage/ Family Therapy and Human sexuality (just reminded me of my PSY 304 Human Sexuality course back in school and my class presentation titled: God and Sex )

Mental blocks are affecting their sexual life and should seek professional help if they don't see that approach as being "unchristian" as they need to shed off the title of Pastor and Pastor's wife once in that therapy room.

Actually, some of us don't feel any excitement about this thing called sex. Some women do anything you want, act very excited, but it's just so that they don't feel pain from being reluctant during the whole thing. Because moods can close that place up.

So sorry, just wanted to drop the hint. Some women just pretend to love it, and you guys buy it. Do you know that some of us don't feel anything sweet about the whole sex thing? Anybody who wants to know the truth and stop assuming the male, comforting belief that women enjoy the thing too should consider this.

It's a weird truth, but it's true. But you'll never know because, well, she smiles and tells you she likes it like this or that.