Kobojunkiee:
1. You married her a Virgin.. probably sought her out for exactly that reason too. So what do you expect she will know of sex or what there is to want of it.

2. A woman is not a dog that you teach "tricks" to. And honeymoon is not meant as a period to teach sex lessons to a wife but instead a time for both to enjoy each other..

3. You closed childbearing - she delivered on that end- and now you expect to have fun and you expect the woman to now automagically deliver on that now too?

crackhaus:
Since you say you're a pastor, my usual kind of professional advice in a situation like this cannot apply to you.

However, let me burst your brain small...

You see this problem you say you have? It's not a big problem at all.

As long as she's still opening her legs for you and she does not deny you sex anytime you need it, then you can survive.
Forget about whether she's enjoying it, or if she's enthusiastic about it. Just do what you went there to do, cúm your cúm and sleep afterwards.

Maybe she didn't expect that a pastor sef will have so many kinks about love-making.

Meninmen:
The way some of you are so daft here is amazing. So because he is a pastor, he should forget about sex with his wife? Because he already has 4 children, he should forget about sex?

Mr pastor, your wife has a problem but it seems she is not ready to solve the problem. You probably would have to take it that way hoping she opens up to you someday!

freedomfloyd:
Ummm..M.O.G one thing you need to understand is that 90% of women don't enjoy sex or get orgasms through penetration of the vaginal, but through the stimulation of the clitoris and proper handling of the breast and nipples, cuz those ladies who gets orgasms through penetration are few and those ones thier clitoris is very close to thier vaginal opening which allows friction between a man's penis and the ladies clitoris, and with what you have said am very sure your solution lies in a very sexual romance meaning taking your time to harness her sensitive part's cuz the fun of sex is having different approach to it and different location sometimes, it's not just lie down let me climb and do,
explore with your imagination,

Davash222:
A married pastor with 4 kids and you're still bothered about sex

With this Buhari economy, you still thinking about the quality of sex from your wife after 4 kids?

Your main concern shouldn't be about the quality of sex as a man of God. You have 4 kids, concentrate more on them and how to convert many souls to Christ. Leave quality sex for worldly people, Sir.

aluyapreston:


Dont mind them. extremely Daft. you see why this country is like this? i am thoroughly dumbfounded. so as a pastor, his cold wife that is acting like a pure devil right now for making sex seem burdensome is the saint right?

Gobdddd:
Strickly for the married

I need help.

Gobdddd:
Time without number.
She doesn't even know what she desires or likes about sex.

If found out that there's pre marital sex, my Church will cancel the marriage and make it look very dishonorable.
So,I can't risk that.

From the first day, she was afraid of it.

Never showed any interest afterwards, despite spending our honeymoon at Obudu cattle ranch.

Our last babe is 2. We have closed childbearing.

We are supposed to be catching fun.

Lollittaa:

so then if you meet someone good in everything, like his wife but doesn't initiate sex, you leave them? And then move to another, and then another. How many people will you sample to find the ideal partner?

longetivity:
Me fight over sex this era of pussy God forbid

Billionairebarb:
That you are married for 9years does not qualify for a happy marriage.
From the beginning of the story, I could sense two devout christian who have spiritualized the sex part of their lives.
Sex between married couples is not a sin so I wonder why couples refuse to explore their sex life.

I used to date a very frigid lady who doesn't even know what orgasm is all about. But I adopted a technique. Each time we have sex, I first do Discovery test by using every part of my body except the the penis to find out her turning point, ranging from tongue licking, kissing sucking etc. And as I do that I ask her questions like, do like it and at that point she is always sincere.
Through this I was able to discover that the thing that makes her cum multiple times is French kiss and sucking her breast.
And on the other hand, she disgusts doggy style due to the fact that it hurts her inside her Tommy but she endured the pain till the day I asked her and she confessed that she hates it but was keeping quiet because she wants to satisfy me.

So bro, explore your bedroom life. Your wife might be a potential sex pro, but it's up to you to discover.
You are lucky she's not seeing another man, this kind women can love tremendous sex once they found someone who can give it to them

iPresh4s:
Bro, I don't see any problem here.

She dey even open leg without complaining

After 4 Kids

Bros take am easy

You even said you can't leave such a good woman, why bringing the matter here?

cooooooks:
I didn't say sample, I said know.

Ideally, couples should consumate their relationship's before marriage. However, it is relatively easy to know if your gf is scared, or has an unhealthy relationship with sex, before doing anything.

Couples must be able to talk about intimacy. Not being able to is a big red flag.

Expresswriter:
Nairaland is the worst place to seek for advice of this nature.

The last time I tried it, I saw shege.

Reading through some of the comments above, I am appalled.

See how majority of people are using condescending words on the OP.

Dear Pastor, I think your wife may be suffering from frigidity.

I may not be correct. I reiterate, I May Not Be Correct.

Google frigidity and find out more.

I will advise you consult a therapist. He or she will conduct a thorough series of tests and questionings to arrive at a perfect diagnosis.

She needs an independent counselor, apart from you her husband.

Her familiarity with you may hamper the effectiveness of your advice and explanations to her from the books you've read as you said.

I understand all you wrote.

You're concerned about love-making. It is proper for you to be.

Love-making ought to be mutual. When one of the partner doesn't respond properly it affects the performance and most importantly the psyche/esteem of the active partner.

Passivity in sex is frowned at.

Nobody would want to make love to a log-of-wood partner.

Your concerns are very much valid.

Don't allow some of the people commenting to make you second-guess yourself.

In summary, consult a therapist.

I am not one. If you need one, I can recommend for you.

God bless you.

Gobdddd:
Strickly for the married

Good evening tweeps, my marriage is jerking. Needs a quick solution.

We married 9years ago.
She was a virgin in my Church. I am a pastor too.
Though we were not in the same state.
She was the first woman I had sex with after our marriage.
But I noticed that she has no interest in anything called sex.
She will not deny me sex, but I do not enjoy it because she's not enthused to it.

I have tried all I could to make her love sex, but all to no avail.
If you do not demand for sex, she'll not show any interest, even if you stay one year without talking about it.
And I am 100% sure that she's not seeing any man anywhere.

I took my time to educate her from the little research I made, but she wouldn't pay any serious attention.

I querried myself as to wether I do not satisfy her, on another point, sometimes, I'd last for 10-15 mins which, according to research is not bad.

Last night, I got angry at her attitude towards it. To me, she just try to open legs for me to satisfy myself and get down.

This has affected my psyche towards her.
But apart from her low libido, she is a very wonderful and good woman to be with.

So, last night, I opened up to her once again and told her she's making me to think twice and that am not happy at her actions.

Since today, our relationship has dwindled.

Alot of things have been going through my mind.

I don't know what to do. Am confused.
I can't go to another woman and leave such a good woman that have given me 4 kids.

Pls is there any known solution?

I need help.

LegendaryArnold:


Take her out for dinner, buy her something she has always wanted as a surprise, when y'all get home eat her out! i mean take your time and spend time eating her out... the tongue is a very powerful tool utilize it... then come back and tell me she didnt enjoy it

MrBrownJay1:
have you ever taken the time to ask her what she desires/likes in the bedroom?! did you guys dated before marriage? how was the sexual part then? was she ever enthusiastic about sex or was it always like that?

if you could manage for 9yrs then..... hang in there bro!

whatever goes through your mind, unless you wanna divorce the babe or get a second wife, anythging else isnt worthy!

Lollittaa:

talking about intimacy is encouraged in Christian courtship. It is engaging in the very act, before marriage, that is forbidden by God.

Kobojunkiee:
All this one na lie

And let me guess, you also think all women who work as prostitutes all have high sex drives/libido?

All that na myth... women can fake it if they want to decieve you so don't fall for such nonsense too easily.

Gobdddd:
Strickly for the married

Good evening tweeps, my marriage is jerking. Needs a quick solution.

We married 9years ago.
She was a virgin in my Church. I am a pastor too.
Though we were not in the same state.
She was the first woman I had sex with after our marriage.
But I noticed that she has no interest in anything called sex.
She will not deny me sex, but I do not enjoy it because she's not enthused to it.

I have tried all I could to make her love sex, but all to no avail.
If you do not demand for sex, she'll not show any interest, even if you stay one year without talking about it.
And I am 100% sure that she's not seeing any man anywhere.

I took my time to educate her from the little research I made, but she wouldn't pay any serious attention.

I querried myself as to wether I do not satisfy her, on another point, sometimes, I'd last for 10-15 mins which, according to research is not bad.

Last night, I got angry at her attitude towards it. To me, she just try to open legs for me to satisfy myself and get down.

This has affected my psyche towards her.
But apart from her low libido, she is a very wonderful and good woman to be with.

So, last night, I opened up to her once again and told her she's making me to think twice and that am not happy at her actions.

Since today, our relationship has dwindled.

Alot of things have been going through my mind.

I don't know what to do. Am confused.
I can't go to another woman and leave such a good woman that have given me 4 kids.

Pls is there any known solution?

I need help.

Mmadu2:


You're just a useless chest beater without any iota of brain or stamina. I won't descend so low to talk to you any further.