Hello Nairalanders. I got married late last year.
Even though I got married late, I made sure I was gainfully employed before taking the giant stride.

I love my wife and she loves me too. I carry 98 % of the home responsibility, recently, because things are on the high side and my wife is working as well, I told her to be taking care of filling the gas while I handle other bills.
I have observed that anytime I go near the gas maybe to make food or boil water, she will remind how expensive gas is right now, after all, if it finishes, I won't give money to fill. These words hurt me alot as this is the only thing you do for us in this house. I know how much I pay for rent, DSTV etc with other utility bills.

My thoughts now are;
How do men which their wives are feeding them cope with insults and embarrassments that come with every meal?

How do unemployed/underemployed men cope?

What if anything happens with my job, will I be able to stay in a verbal abusive home?

I may be wrong but I personally believe that the easiest and most therapeutic way to cope as a man if your wife is the breadwinner of the home is by making "Cuckold" your favourite porn genre.

It makes you realize that so many men go through worse and they were able to transform the negativity into a great source of personal pleasure.
If you can't stand it, then be better.

Except you are terminally ill or medically incapacitated, allowing your wife become the breadwinner is worse than Esau gifting his birthright to Jacob.

You'd lose all your dominance, influence, and respect. It won't be long before she starts sending you on errands to buy condoms for her to take to work.

Over to Lala and the other elders.

Lol ;

Me I don't see any problem in this o.

Na only one bill she dey pay, yet she wan turn terrorists for your head. You sef, always remind her how expensive DSTV and foodstuff costs as often as you can.

You can add the rising cost of rent too.

Treat people how they treat you and watch them adjust.

Just cause your own wife is like that doesn't mean all women are that way.

I know women who are bread winners and you'd never know, even n their house.

One just bought car and house that her family just moved into. Na her husband dey drive the car.

So don't conclude all women who are bread winners are like that.

reel14:
Hello Nairalanders. I got married late last year.
Even though I got married late, I.made sure I was gainfully employed before taking the giant stride
I love my wife and she loves me too. I carry 98 % of the home responsibility, recently, because things are on the high side and my wife is working as well, I told her to be taking care of filling the gas while I handle other bills.
I have observed that anytime I go near the gas maybe to make food or boil water, she will remind how expensive gas is right now, after all, if it finishes, I won't give money to fill. These words hurt me alot as this is the only thing you do for us in this house. I know how much I pay for rent, DSTV etc with other utility bills.
My thoughts now are;
How do men which their wives are feeding them cope with insults and embarrassments that come will every meal?
How do unemployed/ underemployed men cope?
What if anything happens with my job, will I be able to stay in a verbal abusive home?

I don't really know because I work and take care of the house. However, I think it depends on individual cases. My wife has no issue filling gas. Your wife is the one with issue.

Lol, jobless married men should be useful in the house by doing the chores, cooking, and taking care of the kids, believe me, no woman will insult or demean a man like that, instead, she will make it her life's goal to get him back on his feet again. A man cannot be useless at home and useless in providing leaving everything for the breadwinner to do, then expect respect and cuddling, mbanu, it doesnt work like that, you guys should stop the whining, make yourself useful at home.

As for what your wife did abi is doing, carry your cross like that, rebuke her, or ignore her, you knew who she was before you married her.

JovialJune:
Lol, jobless married men should be useful in the house by doing the chores, cooking, and taking of the kids, believe me, no woman will insult or demean a man like that, instead, she will make her life's goal to make him get back on his feet again, a man cannot be useless at home and useless in providing leaving everything for the breadwinner to do, then expect respect and cuddling, mbanu, it doesnt work like that, you guys should stop the whining, make yourself useful at home.

As for what your wife did abi is doing, carry your cross like that, rebuke her, or ignore her, you knew who she was before you married her.

You are right sha. The woman I cited above who just bought a house and car, her hubby takes care of the kids and runs the home while she's at work. She doesn't come back from work to start rushing to the kitchen to cook.

Hubby would have done that.

Weekends, she cooks soups, hubby does laundry.

Hmnn

I think this issue is lack of communication

Communicate your feelings and expectations to her

reel14:
Hello Nairalanders. I got married late last year.
Even though I got married late, I.made sure I was gainfully employed before taking the giant stride
I love my wife and she loves me too. I carry 98 % of the home responsibility, recently, because things are on the high side and my wife is working as well, I told her to be taking care of filling the gas while I handle other bills.
I have observed that anytime I go near the gas maybe to make food or boil water, she will remind how expensive gas is right now, after all, if it finishes, I won't give money to fill. These words hurt me alot as this is the only thing you do for us in this house. I know how much I pay for rent, DSTV etc with other utility bills.
My thoughts now are;
How do men which their wives are feeding them cope with insults and embarrassments that come will every meal?
How do unemployed/ underemployed men cope?
What if anything happens with my job, will I be able to stay in a verbal abusive home?

My brother, I was out of job for like 6 months and wife took care of all the bills excluding rent and school fees and nobody noticed or knew I was out of job. No negative attitude showed up and I will tell you why. A close friend gave me this advice and I will share same with you. When you get your salary or business profit, remove your t-fare/car fuel and give the rest to your wife to manage the home. I was very hard for me to do but t I summoned courage and since 3+ years I started it, I have complete peace. Infact, my wife was praising me on how I was able to pay all bills and manage funds. By the time your wife will mismange the home funds (feeding, rent, kids sch fees e.t.c) she will wake up and realize that paying for gas in the home is the least issue. You will have utmost respect bro. I have been married for 7 years now.

OP @reel14 you need to apply some wisdom here. Communication is also very important.

Instead of asking her to take full ownership of paying the gas bills, ask her to contribute to the overall expenses of the home. If you don't already have a joint account with her, open one and let everyone contribute to that account. Home expenses are then made from that account. Contribute on a ratio, like 80% 20% of the goal, depending on how it adds up for you both. When you contribute like 500K and she contributes like 100 or 200K, she won't see herself as paying the gas bills anymore. In fact don't do the bills yourself, include her in the bills payment so she can appreciate the complete financial picture

Not insinuating this as your case, but some people in Nigeria, especially ladies, never fully appreciate financial responsibility because they move from parents' home to husband's home, so once you ask them to start paying bills, another side of them (the manager side) comes out and sometimes it's not pretty.

Finally, communicate with her regularly about respect and the responsibilities of the marriage institution you both entered into. She must be committed to its requirements for it to work

Romanoff:


You are right sha. The woman I sited above who just bought a house and car, her hubby takes care of the kids and runs the home while she's at work. She doesn't come back from work to start rushing to the kitchen to cook.

Hubby would have done that.

Weekends, she cooks soups, hubby does laundry.

You see, this is how a balanced healthy family life should be, where both couples join heads to make it work no matter the setback any is facing at a period of time, I tell people that the marriage problem and high rate of divorce we see today is cos one is lording himself/herself over the other, when couples see each other as equal partners, everything will fall in place, even the bible says "two become one" as in same in body and everything.

Being the head of the home is truly not easy in any way.

Romanoff:


You are right sha. The woman I sited above who just bought a house and car, her hubby takes care of the kids and runs the home while she's at work. She doesn't come back from work to start rushing to the kitchen to cook.

Hubby would have done that.

Weekends, she cooks soups, hubby does laundry.

May God have mercy on His people.

E no go better for poverty!

That's one of the worst situations a man can ever find himself in this life

NwaAmaikpe:




I may be wrong but I personally believe that the easiest and most therapeutic way to cope as a man if your wife is the breadwinner of the home is by making "Cuckold" your favourite porn genre.

You'd then realize that so many men go through worse and they've channeled the negativity to a great source of personal pleasure.

If you can't stand it, become better.
Except you are terminally ill or medically incapacitated, allowing you wife become breadwinner is worse than Esau gifting his birthright to Jacob.

You'd lose all your dominance, influence, and respect and ball. It won't be long before she starts sending you on errands to buy condoms for her to take to work.

Over to Lalas.ticlala and the other elders.

elonmuskbaby:
Hmnn

I think this issue is lack of communication

Communicate your feelings and expectations to her

[img]https://media./images/db10d3f0e109e0868fcc817897e457ac/tenor.gif[/img]

Romanoff:


You are right sha. The woman I sited above who just bought a house and car, her hubby takes care of the kids and runs the home while she's at work. She doesn't come back from work to start rushing to the kitchen to cook.

Hubby would have done that.

Weekends, she cooks soups, hubby does laundry.

You don see them finish o.
Kilode!

Being dependent on a woman (especially a wife) is the most embarrassing and degrading thing ever that could happen to a man.

Davash222:

May God have mercy on His people.

E no go better for poverty!

It isn't attached to poverty there are men with good jobs who do this.

Nothing stops a man from helping out in the home and making time for his family.That is a wise and honourable man.

MufasaLion:
Being dependent on a woman (especially a wife) is the most embarrassing and degrading thing ever that could happen to a man.

I thought in marriage two shall become one and both of them become inter dependent on each other.

A man who is for the time being not well to do should swallow whatever pride he has and get something doing even if it is at the home front,some men have no idea how helping their wives with chores at home makes them happy and joyful instead of being idle and having unnecessary pride it will be good for the husband to help out at home and spend more bonding time with the kids.

How a man can be jobless and still expect his working wife to still be attending to all the chores at home is beyond me.Help out and relieve your wife of stress if your wife runs a business you can also help her and won't even remember that you are jobless

spice123:

My brother, I was out of job for like 6 months and wife took care of all the bills excluding rent and school fees and nobody noticed or knew I was out of job. No negative attitude showed up and I will tell you why. A close friend gave me this advice and I will share same with you. When you get your salary or business profit, remove your t-fare/car fuel and give the rest to your wife to manage the home. I was very hard for me to do but t I summoned courage and since 3+ years I started it, I have complete peace. Infact, my wife was praising me on how I was able to pay all bills and manage funds. By the time your wife will mismange the home funds (feeding, rent, kids sch fees e.t.c) she will wake up and realize that paying for gas in the home is the least issue. You will have utmost respect bro. I have been married for 7 years now.

Your suggestion is good also but be rest assured that women are different from one another. What works for you might not work for others. It's ideal to understand the woman you're with and deal with the situation based on that.

Humans ain't built the same.

Davash222:

May God have mercy on His people.

E no go better for poverty!

What is wrong with the arrangement?

Isn't that balanced enough?

Or the man should cross his leg and wait for the person that worked from morning to night to come and cook?

They've been married for 5 years now.

iamyemiakins:

You don see them finish o.
Kilode!

Like I said, they are my friends. Very decent Christian family with lovely, and well brought up kids.

One of the families I admire when it comes to Christian values and child upbringing.

AmazonTopaz:


I thought in marriage two shall become one and both of them become inter dependent on each other.

A man who is for the time being not well to do should swallow whatever pride he has and get something doing even if it is at the home front,some men have no idea how helping their wives with chores at home makes them happy and joyful instead of being idle and having unnecessary pride it will be good for the husband to help out at home and spend more binding time with the kids.

How a man can be jobless and still expect his working wife to still be attending to all the chores at home is beyond me.Help out and relieve your wife of stress of your wife runs a business you can also help her and won't even remember that you are jobless

Smart and good submission from you but however, it's very difficult to let go off of one's ego as a man especially in such situation.

JovialJune:



You see, this is how a balanced healthy family life should be, where both couples join heads to make it work no matter the setback any is facing at a period of time, I tell people that the marriage problem and high rate of divorce we see today is cos one is lording himself/herself over the other, when couples see each other as equal partners, everything will fall in place, even the bible says "two become one" as in same in body and everything.

No be lie my sister.

MufasaLion:


Your suggestion is good also but be rest assured that women are different from one another. What works for you might not work for others. It's ideal to understand the woman you're with and deal with the situation based on that.

Humans ain't built the same.

Hehehehehehehehehehehehe

reel14:

What if anything happens with my job, will I be able to stay in a verbal abusive home?

The bold is one of the worst things that can happen to any man on earth! That man will be a living-dead!

elonmuskbaby:
Hmnn

I think this issue is lack of communication

Communicate your feelings and expectations to her

Communication is a good place to start from.

mariahAngel:


Hehehehehehehehehehehehe

Lol

Maria, what is it?

MufasaLion:


Smart and good submission from you but however, it's very difficult to let go off of one's ego as a man especially in such situation.

Every human being has ego including women it isn't good for any one to have an overbloated ego.When times are hard you do what you gotta do someone who is in need of an helper doesn't act pompous or proud one needs to apply humility in all things.
So any man with an overbloated ego should work on it it isn't healthy at all the situation is only temporary and no condition lasts forever.

Hmm...Communication is key.