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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / My Parents Move In To My Ongoing New House Without My Consent (43304 Views)
My Sister Completed Her House Without Telling Any Of Us Including My Mum / My Mother-In-law Just Walked Into My House Without A Notification / My Husband Donated His Sperm For IVF Without My Consent -nigerian Lady Cries Out (2) (3) (4)
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Re: My Parents Move In To My Ongoing New House Without My Consent by Acidosis(m): 3:57pm On Oct 04, 2021 |
RedEnergy: I don't think the idea of coming to social media is completely wrong especially since the OP is anonymous. 3 Likes |
Re: My Parents Move In To My Ongoing New House Without My Consent by phenylalanine(m): 3:58pm On Oct 04, 2021 |
Kehindeaj78:Nothing, be glad you could build a house and ur parent decide to move in, bro there is a lot of empty house, nice one, in this country that as become a shadow of it self because no body lives in side, just make more money, u are blessed |
Re: My Parents Move In To My Ongoing New House Without My Consent by kwasoly(m): 3:59pm On Oct 04, 2021 |
Kehindeaj78: Go to bed and sleep. |
Re: My Parents Move In To My Ongoing New House Without My Consent by Teaveapoet(f): 4:04pm On Oct 04, 2021 |
Kehindeaj78: Send me address let me visit them |
Re: My Parents Move In To My Ongoing New House Without My Consent by Jainine(f): 4:29pm On Oct 04, 2021 |
Who are these people? How can you all see nothing wrong in this? Moved in without permission... just wow! The parents know he would not agree to it. They moved in without asking just to make it difficult for Kehindeaj78 (just as it already is) It is such a difficult position to be in, even if he goes ahead to tell them that it belong to him and his wife, they won't move out. 5 Likes |
Re: My Parents Move In To My Ongoing New House Without My Consent by alpontif(m): 4:49pm On Oct 04, 2021 |
OfficialAPCNig: Suffer no dey taya you?... Why do you keep engaging me? Am I the one responsible for your psychosis? Abeg fokof my mentions... Seek urgent medical help... Talk to a friend, find a shrink around you before its too late.. Na so craze dey begin... Toh.. |
Re: My Parents Move In To My Ongoing New House Without My Consent by OfficialAPCNig: 4:52pm On Oct 04, 2021 |
alpontif:I am glad you have given up. At least you are now aware that I dont spare fools. Regards. We rise!!! |
Re: My Parents Move In To My Ongoing New House Without My Consent by ghettochild(m): 5:05pm On Oct 04, 2021 |
FahBuLous:And u think they'd leave?? Make God bless am make build the house for them.. His next house he shd just use estate agents jejeli.. even if na installmentally e go dey pay.. They'd build it for me as keeps up with his monthly payment 1 Like |
Re: My Parents Move In To My Ongoing New House Without My Consent by Nobody: 5:26pm On Oct 04, 2021 |
Kehindeaj78:If Ur married then they are wrong. The biggest mistake you made was letting them help you build. My uncle did the same thing to my dad (his brother). Helped him build a house in Lagos and then gave 2 flats to his sons (my cousin's) to move into after their marriages. My parents live abroad too. When my dad insisted dt they leave because he needs the rental income from tenants, it became a family fight. I think the best you can do is leave Ur parents there for now, but make sure all the house documents, C of O, legal documents are all in your name and in your possession. Secondly, visit home wt Ur family, explain to your dad (face to face conversation) that you can't chase them out of the house cos they're your parents but they need to understand dt you and your wife's money was involved, not just yours. Also explain dt Ur family wants to buy some furniture and start moving things into the house. Tell him the one dt is your room (the master). And move in things from America, put it in the room. Put Ur pictures on the wall in the room and corridors of the house. Let Ur wife decorate her kitchen as she wants. Then U guys can go back. At least it's clear to them dt ur d one hosting them in d house. They might turn U and wife to gossip topic wt other family members though so be ready for dt. I wouldn't advise you to just dash them d house, especially if U can't afford another one ( you'll just resent them), but let them know ull never chase them out of your house. Just take it as a place for u and Ur parents till U can build them another place later. Next time Ur building any house, get a reputable contractor and only invite family after you've finished. My dad and his brother never spoke until his brother died. Don't ever mix family and money if U know it's not outright dash. You will be disappointed everytime. 8 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Parents Move In To My Ongoing New House Without My Consent by ghettochild(m): 5:41pm On Oct 04, 2021 |
Well they shd have consulted u first sha |
Re: My Parents Move In To My Ongoing New House Without My Consent by emae009(m): 5:44pm On Oct 04, 2021 |
Taich: yeah... that's why I said to his parents, the move wasn't wrong because they see it as helping him |
Re: My Parents Move In To My Ongoing New House Without My Consent by emae009(m): 5:46pm On Oct 04, 2021 |
RZArecta: please read the part where I wrote "on the other hand". At the end of it all, it's a family matter and the right thing to do is discuss it among themselves instead of following outside opinions. |
Re: My Parents Move In To My Ongoing New House Without My Consent by emae009(m): 5:50pm On Oct 04, 2021 |
MrPaul2: I see it as a family matter which is why I wrote two statement. If you read the first one, it correspond with your statement. But we still can dismiss OP's feeling because be it as it may once you get older, your parents shouldn't just come to your house or open your room as they like, they have to ask for your consent first. |
Re: My Parents Move In To My Ongoing New House Without My Consent by seyz91(m): 6:14pm On Oct 04, 2021 |
he asked you for help and you asking him again descarado: |
Re: My Parents Move In To My Ongoing New House Without My Consent by Nobody: 6:27pm On Oct 04, 2021 |
Jainine: I am flabbergasted reading all the comments undermining op's concerns. Etitlement mentality is kill8ng us. I will help siblings and my parent but they will never move without prior arrangements and consent. My house belongs to me, wife and kids. 2 Likes |
Re: My Parents Move In To My Ongoing New House Without My Consent by SaintUlot: 6:42pm On Oct 04, 2021 |
Emarvel: Living abroad and building a house in Nigeria is a waste of money, it does not make any sense. The op would not eventually have no use for the house, the parents already foresaw this and that's why the relocated to the house. 1 Like |
Re: My Parents Move In To My Ongoing New House Without My Consent by eyinjuege: 7:25pm On Oct 04, 2021 |
Jainine: Majority of Nigerians generally feel entitled. And perhaps that's why the nation has refused to grow. OP has been scammed by his parents, and that's a shame. Trust has been broken. They will definitely lay claim to that house. The only way OP may salvage the situation a bit is to either to 1. fly down to Nigeria, get the C of O registered in his name and all the other original document of the house and keeping a bank safe or take back to his abode. This is to ensure no one else would lay claim to the property. 5 Likes |
Re: My Parents Move In To My Ongoing New House Without My Consent by teemy(m): 7:53pm On Oct 04, 2021 |
@Kehindeaj78, at this point, you should focus on that which is important to you and that is your immediate family. Looking at it from wifey's side, an investment she committed to because you her husband were involved in would most likely go down the drain because of people you love and you both respect. If you ever wish to retain her trust in you, you should refund back to her her stake. This way, you will show that you would always protect her and hers (you know we as men are supposed to take the bullet for our beloved right?). About the house, it has 'go'. Let it go. Your wife, you protect. Peace dear. Wishing you well - Teemy 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Parents Move In To My Ongoing New House Without My Consent by Jainine(f): 8:03pm On Oct 04, 2021 |
eyinjuege: I won't be surprised if the rent they claimed was spent on construction, is in fact a lie. (Not like spending to construct makes it acceptable) If they were stranded, all they had to do was ask first. That for me is the most upsetting part of this. The level of entitlement! No regards for his labour whatsoever. Phew He needs to think about the future and get it registered indeed. 2 Likes |
Re: My Parents Move In To My Ongoing New House Without My Consent by MrPaul2: 8:03pm On Oct 04, 2021 |
emae009:Please don’t take it personal, I was angry as at the time I read what the OP wrote considering the fact that he is not even in the country. He is supposed to be happy that they even build the said house with the money he has be sending. I have seen some parents that will divert the fund for something else and snap someone else building for the child that that’s what they are building for him, only to get to Nigeria and see nothing. |
Re: My Parents Move In To My Ongoing New House Without My Consent by drjoshua91: 8:06pm On Oct 04, 2021 |
Bro, you dey funny shaa oo... You get money to build your house while your parents dey live for rented apartment... This generation shaaa... Since, you dey ask us wetin you go do, make you chase them commot. |
Re: My Parents Move In To My Ongoing New House Without My Consent by Jainine(f): 8:08pm On Oct 04, 2021 |
teemy: You have no idea what the ratio of investment was. Let's assume his wife brought 95% and it took them years (while his money was probably going into expenses) How then would he easily repay? |
Re: My Parents Move In To My Ongoing New House Without My Consent by Jainine(f): 8:11pm On Oct 04, 2021 |
Skyview01: This is why you still hear stories of families taking over everything belonging to a deceased member, leaving wife and child with nothing to survive on. 2 Likes |
Re: My Parents Move In To My Ongoing New House Without My Consent by neyobills: 8:42pm On Oct 04, 2021 |
chrisj2: Why do I need google when experience and common sense can make u know better,blacks leave inheritances to their offsprings better than whites perhaps management could be the issue,a random white could decide to give his inheritance to charity and no fuss cos the system is working,any middle class person could get mortgage,it’s not the same way in Nigeria. You have a family house good for u,however saying u don’t need to build yours isn’t backing your prior opinions,what suddenly happened to investment u were shouting all about for the op,having a house as an investment isn’t a waste or ego anywhere in the world. You don’t want to build a house because you have a family house,sounds like the rant of someone without an ambition ,however I won’t berate you for it,your life your choice,same way I won’t berate a parent making their kids their retirement plan,it’s their choice,what happened to respecting people’s choices like u were shouting earlier,your entitlement mentality over people’s choices sounds more like the mentality of a narcissist. |
Re: My Parents Move In To My Ongoing New House Without My Consent by Emarvel(m): 8:46pm On Oct 04, 2021 |
SaintUlot:Exactly my point....... |
Re: My Parents Move In To My Ongoing New House Without My Consent by teemy(m): 8:50pm On Oct 04, 2021 |
Jainine: regardless of how difficult it might be, he has to sort out the funds else the whole thing would look like an arrangee type of thing to make the wife fund the project and then lose her funds 1 Like |
Re: My Parents Move In To My Ongoing New House Without My Consent by Doctorflaky(f): 10:04pm On Oct 04, 2021 |
Acidosis: Madam learns to respond to situations with the eyes of LOVE. I have been observing your responses both on the wife's post and here, they are too toxic. I understand you're concern about the wife but as I said, if the wife could see things with the eyes of love, this issue won't be a discussion here or nairaland. The fact that her parent is contented and okay doesn't mean her inlaws should live in circumstances that make them feel ashamed, even though they are wrong in their approach. All fingers are not equal. Not everyone are born to rule and so was the life with our parent also. The wife said the building in question has been ongoing way before he even got married to her, do you know if they have a stake in the house. Even if they don't, the man has been acting in the capacity of a Project manager and being in the real estate field, I know how much the charge of the father would be in percentage. So in another, they are the ones using the father. Unless you're saying the son has a right to send his father errands. I know what my mum went through to see me become somebody in life. I would never allow any man to treat her anyhow and neither would I treat my husband family in such manner. Both the husband and wife @solatpumpkin LOVE is all you need here. Like others have suggested, try and build a small place for them and move them there or reimburse your wife for the contribution she has made in building this house, then move on to build another. Please � let love rule. @OP, God bless you. God bless your parent and their elderly age God bless and keep your marriage. Thank you |
Re: My Parents Move In To My Ongoing New House Without My Consent by RedEnergy: 10:16pm On Oct 04, 2021 |
Acidosis:It's not a matter of OP being anonymous. It's about putting his decision on the fate of his parents in the hands of total strangers, subjecting his parents to trial in the court of public opinion, the opinion of unknown people. That's a terrible idea, very wrong and callous. So if a bunch of total strangers say throw them out, he will throw out his parents on the whims and caprices, or perceptions of unknown people. Wow! Congratulations, he should clap for himself, what an amazing child. |
Re: My Parents Move In To My Ongoing New House Without My Consent by chrisj2(m): 11:21pm On Oct 04, 2021 |
OP, good luck sorting out this mess... You have been disrespected and scammed... 2 Likes |
Re: My Parents Move In To My Ongoing New House Without My Consent by IkpuMmadu: 6:43am On Oct 05, 2021 |
farem:that is the respect the Yoruba man have....he is omoluabi |
Re: My Parents Move In To My Ongoing New House Without My Consent by Acidosis(m): 7:13am On Oct 05, 2021 |
Doctorflaky: The toxic comments are not directed at both OPs. I don't know how else to address someone that called the OP a witch for raising her concerns or the other bragging about using juju on his wife. As for the other guy I called out unprovoked, I have apologized and some comments already have been deleted. Now to the OP (husband), EVERYTHING I had mentioned are things I would do 100% to make my home work if I were in his shoes. I would not sit back and expect my wife to accept or (as you have recommended) simply let love reign. If she decides to, then fair enough, but I would still ensure her contributions are appropriately refunded directly or indirectly. The fact that he's been on that project before marriage is a pointer that these guys are probably not as wealthy as some people think. If he was that wealthy, why hasn't he completed the project even with his wife's contributions and despite engaging his father as the project manager? So the idea of building another project is simply an idea or wishful thinking - same thought we had when we were kids. I remember saying I was going to buy Lamborghini for my parents before age 30. I've crossed that age now and Lamborghini is still "cooking." If God blesses them so much to do even more, of course, nobody will have to tell anybody what to do for his or her parents. It is OK to be concerned about OP's parents. But on this case, I'm more concerned about the future of their marriage. The parents' issue as far as I'm concerned is secondary as they were never homeless. It's totally fine to let the parents have the new home after all no sensible child will forcefully evict his/her parents. 2 Likes |
Re: My Parents Move In To My Ongoing New House Without My Consent by Acidosis(m): 7:48am On Oct 05, 2021 |
RedEnergy: Nah. He knows too well to identify the right opinion, what to accept and what to reject. Btw, parents also come to social media to solicit opinions about their kids, upload stuff about their kids, making them vulnerable to strangers. 2 Likes |
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