Bewiseedet:
Mind your business. Your son is matured enough to chose who to love. Isn't it better you try to know the lady better than just portray her as a prostitute?

Foolish Comment

Bewiseedet:
Mind your business. Your son is matured enough to chose who to love. Isn't it better you try to know the lady better than just portray her as a prostitute?

Her son is her business.
Whatever goes on in her house is her business. She has the right to stop the said lady from visiting. If the son wants independence, he should get his house. So because he's an adult, she shouldn't interfere when she feels something isn't right?

1Sharon:


If it's her house too why doesn't she have the power aswell?

Are u aware that her husband can throw her out of that house if he likes, are u aware that her husband can choose to marry another wife in that house if he likes, are u aware she can't throw her husband out of that house if she wants, are u aware that she can't marry another man in that house if she wants. What does this tell u. The power she has is so limited. She doesn't have evicting power in her husband's house only her husband has such a power. Do u think she can evict her husbands mother since it is her house?

Bewiseedet:
Mind your business. Your son is matured enough to chose who to love. Isn't it better you try to know the lady better than just portray her as a prostitute?

Maturity should be balanced here...
If he is matured enough to do what he wants as a grown man, he should as well be matured to rent an apartment for himself, pay his bills and others.
Come to think of it, no sane lady will be comfortable to sleep overnight in a man's place when proper marriage rites have not been done, not to talk of a Young jobless man who stays and feeds from the parents.
These children that school abroad most times turnout to become heartbreak to parents.

shantti:


Are u aware that her husband can throw her out of that house if he likes, are u aware that her husband can choose to marry another wife in that house if he likes, are u aware she can't throw her husband out of that house if she wants, are u aware that she can't marry another man in that house if she wants. What does this tell u. The power she has is so limited. She doesn't have evicting power in her husband's house only her husband has such a power. Do u think she can evict her husbands mother since it is her house?

Right. And then you wonder why women want to be independent and have their own assets.

So men don't treat you like trash if you're dependent

Klass99:


I agree, but in cases where we don't know the full story or details about a family's situation, but people make all kinds of assumptions and jump to conclusions about them - it is extremely annoying.

What in her narrative even suggests that the child was spoilt and not well trained? There's nothing to suggest that, yet people will open mouth waaa to criticize what they have no facts about.

Is it the educational training overseas which they provided and his return to start misbehaving in his parent's home that motivates their erroneous claims about the parents?

Can you see how silly they sound and look, when they go on the attack with baseless criticisms?

Ya. The boy is a disappointment for him and the said girl to severally disobeyed his parents.

The first thing you said about the girl is that she dresses like a prostitute .that's unfair ..then you said you consider her a street girl even though she's polite when she meets you. I think you just don't like her. She has a job and your son does not but yet she's still with him. That's not a prostitute. As for the street issue ,in nigeria almost everybody's a little "street ". You judge her by the clothes she wears but I wish I could see the indecent dressing you're talking about . I suspect that her dressing isnt as bad as you say it is and she's just an attractive young woman who dresses her age. And if she works near your house it means she comes with the same outfit she wears to work which really can't be that bad.
If your son didn't tell her it was okay there's no way she'd keep coming to your house . Try and find out more about her instead of judging her so hastily . The fact that she's with your son who is unemployed and has no money to give her says there may be some good in her. Women don't usually date down the financial ladder they go up so if you find one who's employed but is willing to be with a man thats unemployed look closely before you judge her because she might be a keeper .

1Sharon:


Right. And then you wonder why women want to be independent and have their own assets.

So men don't treat you like trash if you're dependent

There is nothing wrong in a woman having her own asset, there is also nothing wrong in a woman considering her husband's asset as hers, the only thing is that she CO-OWNS such asset with her husband's children, that is all. I am working my ass off to give my children a better future and assets at their disposal, after my death, my wife should not be able to prevent my kids from having access to their wealth simply because maybe she doesn't approve of their choice of marriage partner or maybe for one other trivial reason. Those aren't her personal asset that she can impose authority on, she CO-OWNS them with my kids

I don't really have much to say than the deed has been done. Something went wrong somewhere, but it's more on your husband's part to 'discipline' your son, he is still your 'child' and not beyond caution.
Better still, let him get his own place and be on his own...

MrMacinterchi1:

Let them be ? in their own house? let the young man move out , get his own place and do as he wants. That doesn't mean that the parents would still be concerned about their own.

Donraqh:


Legendary advise, pele o. Children of destruction.

Las las you'll still be a parent, when in similar situation you may consider this advice.

Semaj77:



Let the son get his own apartment , he can't live their own house with his own rules. If he gets his own apartment the parents have no say to whom he invites there

As if any of u have never camped a girl in your parents house. I repeat, unless they’re disturbing with ringtone or loud music, or he brings a different girl every now and then, free them. Just because he does t have a house doesn’t mean he can’t have a female companion.

U should be thankful it’s just one girl he’s sneaking in.

Mercychen:
How old is he? Anyways, that's not necessary as what he needs now is serious dicipline before he lands you into a big trouble or gets himself killed. A girl who smokes is capable of anything.

Now, the house belongs to you, not him. First things first, when he gets back today, tell him to hand over the key to that room because it's the privilege you gave him to have a room to himself that is making him to misbehave. Tell him to move his things out in 1hr and Collect the key from him. Lock up the room!
You need your hubby to join you in carrying out this mission.
This solves the issue of bringing the girl home.
As for where he'll be sleeping, let him be sleeping in the sitting room. People who don't have bedrooms sleep in the parlor. That's his punishment for being stubborn.

Secondly, tell the girl to stop coming to the house. don't just stop her from sleeping ( which is not going to be possible again though). Tell her outrightly. Biko.

Also call your son and warn him of the dangers of dating a girl who smokes. Maybe he's cool with it because he schooled abroad and now has that abroad mentality that smoking is normal. That is abroad. You cant compare a female abroad smoker to a female Nigerian smoker. Just so he knows and doesn't think it's normal here. That girl is rotten.

Disease dey town. Tell him to retract now before he contracts the deadly disease.

Bolded: big fat lie. African/ religious mentality.

Unruly7:
How you portray the girl evil without saying anything bad about your son lol

If the girl is a chain smoker it means your son is a chronic smoker

If the girl is a prostitute it means your son is one

If the girl is not responsible for sleeping in a man house, your son is irresponsible for sneaking in a girl in his father's house VERY DISRESPECTFUL

Atleast the girl is working your son isn't working

The problem here is your son maybe you help him get a job and his own apartment

Since he has decided to be useless let him continue



Before you quote me remember The girl won't come to the house if the boy didn't invite her

Op, heed to this comment! 99% of your problem is your son but of course, as a typical African you don't see that.

icecool12:






As if any of u have never camped a girl in your parents house. I repeat, unless they’re disturbing with ringtone or loud music, or he brings a different girl every now and then, free them. Just because he does t have a house doesn’t mean he can’t have a female companion.

U should be thankful it’s just one girl he’s snicking in.

You are unwise

drimzsmoke:


....A lot of things have gone wrong already but that's not what this thread is about and the way I see this issue,nothing can work again,absolutely nothing.It's only a divine intervention that will work.

Bro which divine intervention? Nigerian parents are the worse in spoiling children.

If na oyibo them do kick you comot for house once you turn 18. If you like borrow sense if not na your wahala.

Imagine the idiot was even sent to the UK and he sheepishly came back without any concrete offer.

I am sure the parents paid someone that ran admission and visa packages for him. The only thing the idiot probably did was to sit in the car while the parents dropped him off and probably checked in his bag for. What a Arrow.

Even me when begin pay rent for my parents immediately I graduated I never even get mind carry woman go the house let alone make she sleep over night. My papa go for follow window throwaway you and the yeye chic.

Edit: why did nairaland change "what a t.w.a.t" to what A arrow?

Semaj77:



You are unwise

Because I have a different opinion from yours? I am wiser than u.

wisemum:
I am bringing this topic here to see if I can get any good advise from youths of the same generation.

My son returned from schooling abroad two years ago and after completing his NYSC, has been trying to get a job. None has been forthcoming but he tries to keep occupied, trying his hands on different projects. He still lives at home but says that once he is financially stable, he will get his own apartment and move out.

He is generally a calm, law abiding , likeable gentleman until when he recently started bringing home this girl who dresses like a prostitute and who I discovered stays overnight in his room with him. His dad and I have fought him over this subject to no avail. I confronted the girl to tell her I do not feel comfortable with her sleeping overnight in my house especially since I do not know her family and will be held responsible if anything happens to her. She apologized to me and promised not to come to sleep over again. However, I noticed that after that, he started sneaking her in at late hours of the night when he thinks we have gone to bed, sometimes when it is past midnight. He hasn't introduced the girl to us as anything to him even though I have asked him several times what his intentions with this girl is but he will just say she is a friend that makes him happy- that's all.

He told his uncle that he likes the girl. I don't even know what else to do. I have tried talking to him, reasoning with him, but it all falls on his deaf ears. I do not like this girl at all. She comes across to me as a street girl- even though she is generally polite when she meets me at home anytime she comes during the day. I investigated and found out her work place is not far from our house. What I do not like about her is that she dresses, exposing delicate parts of her body and is a chain smoker.

Furthermore, to me, a girl who sleeps out in a mans' parent house, continually disregarding how his parents feel about it, cannot be good news. Once, I caught her almost naked in the night walking along the corridor leading to my sons room. She ran inside his room when she saw me. I was so embarrassed and wondered what if my husband had been the one who ran into her? What kind of thing is this? Only her pant on, breasts bare. It was the following day I traced her to her work place and gently but sharply and firmly told her I do not permit her to sleep over in my house again. His dad also spoke with him. I also spoke to him. Everything has been to no avail.

He still sneaks her in. Or did she jazz him?, Please advise me. Thanks.

Weak husband and wife infact change your moniker to unwisemum.

APOSTLEIYKE:
Maturity should be balanced here...
If he is matured enough to do what he wants as a grown man, he should as well be matured to rent an apartment for himself, pay his bills and others.
Come to think of it, no sane lady will be comfortable to sleep overnight in a man's place when proper marriage rites have not been done, not to talk of a Young jobless man who stays and feeds from the parents.
These children that school abroad most times turnout to become heartbreak to parents.

At this point we can't blame the guy, we blame the system. After years in school, no work.

icecool12:






As if any of u have never camped a girl in your parents house. I repeat, unless they’re disturbing with ringtone or loud music, or he brings a different girl every now and then, free them. Just because he does t have a house doesn’t mean he can’t have a female companion.

LOL speak for yourself in that your first sentence. Everyone can't behave like you think or as you do. The young man should move out and stop disrespecting his parents.

Depressed101:
hard truth but I will have to tell you, she's a hoe, asin hoelosho, and your son doesn't know it because he's a gentleman who studied abroad, he thinks he has found love, alas it's not love, the girl is using him to pass nights at your house..

So because he schooled "in the abroad" and @wisemum says she dresses like a prostitute we should accept her statements as facts?

Let the girl's mother come and give her own character assessment of a foolish "boy" who is "dating"/misleading her daughter and who does not have a job, still lives with his parents and is banging "Olosho(??)" under his parents' roof till day break.

Make I hear word jare.

Bewiseedet:
Mind your business. Your son is matured enough to chose who to love. Isn't it better you try to know the lady better than just portray her as a prostitute?

Na small thing na e remain make thunder fire you for this ur yeye comment. What is there to know again about this kind of upcoming olosho

Starz825:

Guy .... reason am na
Be wise edet
The wise mum has a point

@wisemum just gave Nairalanders a biased narrative.

Any self-respecting young man would either cease and desist bringing the lady for a sleepover or alternatively look for his own accommodation.

If she is a prostitute and a smoker, then her son is a jobless Mummy's boy who still shamelessly collects stipends from his parents and possibly even the lady being referred to as a prostitute.

temielects:
her son is her business dear!

How old is this son that we all are talking about if I may ask?

Juliusmomoh:


So anty mercychen or mercychinwo ...

You get mind carry my name insult abi?

How are you

I'm good.
Thank you.

Bewiseedet:
Mind your business. Your son is matured enough to chose who to love. Isn't it better you try to know the lady better than just portray her as a prostitute?

She should mind her business in her own house.

Do you have a child?

wisemum:
I am bringing this topic here to see if I can get any good advise from youths of the same generation.

My son returned from schooling abroad two years ago and after completing his NYSC, has been trying to get a job. None has been forthcoming but he tries to keep occupied, trying his hands on different projects. He still lives at home but says that once he is financially stable, he will get his own apartment and move out.

He is generally a calm, law abiding , likeable gentleman until when he recently started bringing home this girl who dresses like a prostitute and who I discovered stays overnight in his room with him. His dad and I have fought him over this subject to no avail. I confronted the girl to tell her I do not feel comfortable with her sleeping overnight in my house especially since I do not know her family and will be held responsible if anything happens to her. She apologized to me and promised not to come to sleep over again. However, I noticed that after that, he started sneaking her in at late hours of the night when he thinks we have gone to bed, sometimes when it is past midnight. He hasn't introduced the girl to us as anything to him even though I have asked him several times what his intentions with this girl is but he will just say she is a friend that makes him happy- that's all.

He told his uncle that he likes the girl. I don't even know what else to do. I have tried talking to him, reasoning with him, but it all falls on his deaf ears. I do not like this girl at all. She comes across to me as a street girl- even though she is generally polite when she meets me at home anytime she comes during the day. I investigated and found out her work place is not far from our house. What I do not like about her is that she dresses, exposing delicate parts of her body and is a chain smoker.

Furthermore, to me, a girl who sleeps out in a mans' parent house, continually disregarding how his parents feel about it, cannot be good news. Once, I caught her almost naked in the night walking along the corridor leading to my sons room. She ran inside his room when she saw me. I was so embarrassed and wondered what if my husband had been the one who ran into her? What kind of thing is this? Only her pant on, breasts bare. It was the following day I traced her to her workplace and gently but sharply and firmly told her I do not permit her to sleepover in my house again. His dad also spoke with him. I also spoke to him. Everything has been to no avail.

He still sneaks her in. Or did she jazz him?, Please advise me. Thanks.

Lmao!

Mom, he’s still your son quite alright but a man now.
Firstly, that's the man he has grown to be, you just have to accept that fact, which is not bad after all we have differences in destiny.

Secondly, having passed through the stresses of education to return to this shitty country full of disappointments and frustrations is enough to weigh him down and I believe the lady you see around helps ease such depression.

Thirdly, your son is still a good man and I think he still knows himself too, guesses why? Because he never introduced a street girl he has no plans with to you. He just wants to have fun and ease stress. He opened up to the uncle and I will do the same if his uncle understands better or has been through something similar which your son might be aware of.

Finally, he needs to earn get a job or something, that’s the only way to help him and watch him settle introduce the right woman for marriage.

My opinion though.

Fisher007:


You see your comments depicts an average or typical Nigerian parents. Well I guess your parents were like this so it is transferred aggression.

Instead of you to advice her to dialogue with both of them and try to find a amicable solution. You chose the tryants and oppressors solution. One thing is for sure once that boy gets a good job after the parents followed this your suggestion. You will loose a child. Not because of the girl.

You will loose him because now he has seen is parents for who they truly are.
In Nigeria and commonly Africa most parents are tryant and abusive. They feel they have a leverage and can control you because they provide for their children. Who forced you to have one?

I for once my family and folks know me. I am the untamed. If you like have billions or try to control me because of one small leverage. I will just walk away. You will here nothing from me. I will leave you in your delusion . I did that to several people in my life and I became stronger like a lone wolf ( though you will need a strong and stoic mindset - but overtime you are better off).

What doesn't kill you make you stronger.

As far as I'm concerned, I've given her the best advice.
I don't know what you are rambling about

Maybe when you have your own son, you'll allow him mess up his life with a street core girl who has nothing to offer him but to destroy his life and make him lose focus after spending money to train him abroad.

Is he your only child or what? Y'all are too lenient with him..... Even if I rent an apartment and bring my mom to live with me, I can't bring in women into the house carelessly... Except the one I ve properly introduced to her.

astOorR:



You just spoke like one whose Parents still flogs even as an adult.

See how you painted the girl evil while the spoilt brat is a saint right?

Anyway, you don't discipline an adult, you dialogue with an adult... That girl keeps the boy sane in this crazy economy, what the parents aren't doing.

The over protective mum should sit the girl down and get to know her beyond her already formed idealogies. She might be a wonderful companion to her son.

She's fire fighting the situation and she's got to be wise else she looses her son to the girl when the young man gets his own apartment...

Mummy, this is 21st century and proper dialogue with clarity wins this generation over.
Best of luck �

Did you not read where she said they've tried talking him out of it on several occasions? So they should be bowing to someone that is still under their roof and authority? Trash!

If he's an adult and can no longer live by their rules, let him go get himself an apartment. That's what adults do.

You cant be claiming "adult" and flouting your parents orders in their own house. He who plays the Piper, dictates the tune. As long as he's still under their roof, he must obey their rules.

Bewiseedet:
Mind your business.

So, her son's affairs and life is not her business. I wonder if most of you who use that phrase actually have sense. No apology.

Your son is matured enough to chose who to love.

But not mature enough to get a job, feed himself and leave independently? And if and when he contracts HIV or worse, the mother you just told to mind her business will still be responsible for him, right?

Isn't it better you try to know the lady better than just portray her as a prostitute?

She's more than a prostitute, she's a street dog.

Mind her business? Under her & her husband's roof? If the son wants to be mature enough, then he should move out and go be mature in his own place, wtf?

Bewiseedet:
Mind your business. Your son is matured enough to chose who to love. Isn't it better you try to know the lady better than just portray her as a prostitute?

Mercychen:


As far as I'm concerned, I've given her the best advice.
I don't know what you are rambling about

Maybe when you have your own son, you'll allow him mess up his life with a street core girl who has nothing to offer him but to destroy his life and make him lose focus after spending money to train him abroad.

The choice is still left for the boy to decide.

Let's face it. There are some parents that will take your route or advice and the boy end up even more worse and juvenile.

Same goes with my advice he might still become worse and juvenile.

So there is no one way to the market. Let them decide the one suitable to them.

Last last the decision and choice is in the boy's hand.

Simple

Bewiseedet:
Do you have a spare sense?

Definitely not for someone like you.