Bring kids into the picture, and often, one’s sex drive takes a nose dive. Especially for mothers.

Low libido is a very common issue for new mothers as they are healing from childbirth, grappling with fluctuating hormones and extreme sleep deprivation.

While we know adjusting to a new baby can profoundly impact a couple’s life (including sexual intimacy), we, as a society, act like it shouldn’t. We act like there’s something wrong with a new mother needing a timeout from sex.

New mothers who admit to having less sex drive are often met with people urging, “Just do it anyway,” and “You’ll get in the mood.”

But what if you don’t get in the mood, even when you take this advice? What then?

Why aren’t the feelings of the woman valid? Shouldn’t she be listening to her body? Her mind?

I’m not sure where we got this idea that a husband owns his wife’s vagina. Or that he is entitled to intercourse, MouthAction, handling, or groping. I’m pretty sure I didn’t see that covenant in the paperwork. But I have an inkling that this entitlement is very much based in misogyny and male privilege.

Men are led to believe, often since they are young boys, that women should have sex with them when they want it. Even when their wives are not “in the mood.” Because sex is the way he feels intimate. Sex is the way he connects. Because putting your husband’s sexual desires first is supposedly the best way to avoid divorce.

These antiquated and sexist designs for marriage are damaging to women.

When a married mom doesn’t put out, she’s called “cold” and “selfish” and the dreaded “bitch.” She’s told she must have “something else going on” mentally. Outsiders to the marriage, and maybe even therapists, will question if the wife was ever sexually assaulted. Does she have a history of trauma? They’ll try to make connections that aren’t there. Because how could a wife possibly not want to have sex with her husband?

It is sickening and horrific to think of a woman having sex against her will, married or not. It’s disgusting that we automatically assume something must be “wrong” with a woman who is having a gap in her groove. Beyond all that, it’s dangerous.

Suggesting that married women and mothers should just “do it anyway” is sexual bullying and coercion. If a husband acts on the “just do it anyway” cliché and forces it — that’s called rape.

When we attack married mothers for not putting out, we’re reaffirming once again what’s important in this society.

A man’s needs, not a woman’s. A man’s voice, not a woman’s voice.

We turn a blind eye when husbands pressure their wives for sex, because how could a husband demanding sex from his wife possibly be harassment? His sex drive is considered natural. His pleasure a given.

It’s not harassment when it’s your husband, right? Isn’t a sexually demanding husband normal? Aren’t they just Hot husbands? Don’t they all do it?

This type of erroneous thinking lends itself to less obvious assaults, manipulation, and even in some cases, violence.

But because it can be done in a marriage, it’s even deemed normal and acceptable.

Mismatched libidos among couples can be frustrating. I get it. But it’s also very normal and prevalent. So many factors can contribute to sex drive — external stressors in one’s environment, diet, sleep, medical issues, etc.

Postpartum women are given the green light to bone at six weeks after birthing a baby. Never mind the fact that pregnancy literally tears a woman’s body from limb to limb, molecule by molecule for nine solid months. Bah! You’re fine. Get back on the horse!

Never mind that a new mother may have had full abdominal surgery, in the form of a C-section. That doesn’t take immense healing or anything. Never mind episiotomies. Seriously? Are you looking for a pity party, postpartum women? We all know it’s super easy to heal when your vagina is ripped from front to back. If you don’t want sex after vaginal stitches, what’s wrong with you, women? 

Forget those postpartum haywire female hormones and sleep deprivation after giving birth. Those are just theories; that shit ain’t real!

Sarcasm aside, when a woman is out of the postpartum stage, her menstrual cycle returns. A period comes with its own set of hormone fluctuations that vary and change all month long.

If we all know a woman’s sex drive is largely impacted by biological elements beyond her control, why aren’t men more understanding? Why isn’t society more understanding?

Why are a man’s sexual needs the ones always tended to? What about what the women need? The mothers? What about the support they need to feel sexy?

Women are not only impacted by biology, but they are also sexually influenced by social and cultural factors in their environment. For example, married mothers tend to work the majority of the “second shift.” Second shift is the domestic work done at your shared home, after working your paid job all day.

Women are disproportionately scrubbing toilets. And we’re exhausted. Married moms are disproportionately handling matters related to childrearing. They are touched-out. How can a mom feel Hot when she’s doing most of the work? When she’s the one tending to the kids?

Instead of telling married mothers that they should do it anyway, even if they’re not in the mood, we should encourage men to do something that would contribute to a woman’s arousal.

For starters, men should respect a woman’s rejection. They should respect her body and her choices. They should respect consent. Consent still needs to be considered, even in a marriage.

A man’s actions, or inactions, in the household affect a woman’s arousal environment. We should expect married dads to pick up more of a woman’s second-shift duties. That means helping equally with parenting and domestic tasks.

From the outside, people who berate and belittle women for not satisfying the sexual needs of their husbands are bullies. They are unsupportive. Their unfair, and frankly, deeply flawed marital criticism is rooted in years of oppression against women.

No one, I repeat, no one should think it’s okay for a woman to have sex against her will. Not even with a spouse.

If everyone starts to do things only when they're in the mood or only when it's owed. How do you think the world would be like.

What do you think will play out in the family if the man wakes up one morning and decides he's not funding the house for a whole month because he doesn't feel like, or not in the mood. Or decides that he needs to quit his job and get a break because he's depressed and stressed out.
He's been doing like 3 side hustles, plus his main job. Things he entirely doesn't feel like doing. He needs a break, but he's not taking it.

If a woman naturally turns cold. A reasonable man would understand. But most times women just use it to show defiance.
The same woman that has 3kids and now cold, is the same woman that will go and be feeling kinky with a colleague in the office. Even when the said colleague is not doing anything to attract her.

Have sex with your partner is one of the simple things someone would do if there's still a tiny bit of attraction left in the union.

Men do a lot of things that is actually against their will. They go through biological changes too. All those stuffs you wrote up there has a masculine version of it. But if everyone starts making a long case out of simple things just like you did. Then nothing will ever work out and happiness will elude everyone at the end.

I wonder how people think like this sef. Simple something

A married woman with 2kids from this nairaland once told me that her husband is not giving her enough sex. That she wants it more now, than when she was without child. And she is a busy woman.
How come she's not cold?

There should never be blame placed on a woman because her husband isn’t getting all the sex he wants. We’re made to feel like we should woman up and just do it already, but who wants to have sex because they feel they should?

Women want to want to be in the mood, too. And hopefully our partners would rather have us be in the mood than just going through the motions to satisfy them. You know what doesn’t put women in the mood? Constantly being told they aren’t as sexual as they used to be, whining, complaining, and dumbass comments about sexual wants and needs in order to function.

Having kids and a job can squeeze every ounce of sexual desire out of us on some days. Not to mention health issues and medications that can mess with a woman’s libido. Being a mom can change our sex drive drastically, because let’s face it, moms are groped more, asked for more, and required to nurture more. Moms are touched the Bleep out.

No one wants to be in a sexless partnership. But no one should be made to feel like they owe their body to anyone. EVER.

It’s more than okay to say no to your partner, and women need to stop being shamed for this. The jokes need to stop, and feeling like we should “just do it” to keep our partner happy is unacceptable.

Married or not, sex still needs to happen between two consenting people, and if she’s not in the mood and doesn’t want to be touched, she’s not consenting and should feel comfortable saying as much without shame or guilt.

End of story.


Scarymummy



https://tobechispeaks./2021/10/27/do-we-owe-our-spouses-sex/

Women need to not marry pigs!

This is where you'll find Nigerians... Typing novels about sex sex sex. Why won't your population skyrocket, simultaneously along with poverty? Keep fucking_.... Una eye go soon clear.

The answer to the question is in the answer to this question:

does the body owe the yanch shyte?

These are very good points raised.

Chai na wa oh. When you're single, you are told sex outside marriage is a sin and all fornicators are going to hell. In fact your babe can tell you that no sex until marriage or because you have sex with her you must marry her. Then you con marry na so that make you dey flex na, it's still an issue. That's why I don't agree to no sex till marriage since women libidinal drive reduces after having kids. I dey knack any babe wey gree for me

tobechi20:
There should never be blame placed on a woman because her husband isn’t getting all the sex he wants. We’re made to feel like we should woman up and just do it already, but who wants to have sex because they feel they should?

Women want to want to be in the mood, too. And hopefully our partners would rather have us be in the mood than just going through the motions to satisfy them. You know what doesn’t put women in the mood? Constantly being told they aren’t as sexual as they used to be, whining, complaining, and dumbass comments about sexual wants and needs in order to function.

Having kids and a job can squeeze every ounce of sexual desire out of us on some days. Not to mention health issues and medications that can mess with a woman’s libido. Being a mom can change our sex drive drastically, because let’s face it, moms are groped more, asked for more, and required to nurture more. Moms are touched the Bleep out.

No one wants to be in a sexless partnership. But no one should be made to feel like they owe their body to anyone. EVER.

It’s more than okay to say no to your partner, and women need to stop being shamed for this. The jokes need to stop, and feeling like we should “just do it” to keep our partner happy is unacceptable.

Married or not, sex still needs to happen between two consenting people, and if she’s not in the mood and doesn’t want to be touched, she’s not consenting and should feel comfortable saying as much without shame or guilt.

End of story.


Scarymummy



https://tobechispeaks./2021/10/27/do-we-owe-our-spouses-sex/

Let me flip the question:

Do husbands 'owe' their wives sex in marriage?

I believe it depends on the type of marriage contracted:

In Christianity, marriage is for the following (in no particular order):
1. Companionship
2. Prevent adultery aka access to godly sex
3. Raise godly children

To ensure number two is achieved, plenty Bible verses talk about husbands and wives sexually satisfying themselves. The key would be 1 Cor 7: 2 - 5:


So yes, husbands and wives owe themselves sex, companionship, support etc.

all these questions that are somehow.

I always insist that relationships and marriages are not the same. What works for one would not necessarily work for the other.

Also, important is to know your spouse. If your husband likes sex, sis dey give am na! You know hubby likes to do, but you want to deny him?

Some men believe their wives owe them sex. So if you are a woman married to such a man be ready to be giving him the sex.
Some men believe their wives don't owe them sex. So, if you are woman married to such a man.....

Some women believe they owe their husbands sex. So, if you are a man married to such a woman be ready to be receiving sex every time
Some women believe they don't owe their husbands sex. So, if you are a man married to such a woman....

Another question:

Do husbands enjoy a reluctant wife who only has sex with them out of a sense of duty aka because 'she owes them'?

Hathor5:
Another question:

Do husbands enjoy a reluctant wife who only has sex with them out of a sense of duty aka because 'she owes them'?

Some does.

This write up is too long...but you made sense .

MufasaLion:


Some does.

Better be grateful I'm even asking you for sex in the first place.

Arsenate:
Better be grateful I'm even asking you for sex in the first place.

One can easily tell the unmarried ones by how very disrespectful they are to their imaginary wives.

Hathor5:

Lol

Your post is too long.
Concision is the word.

As for the question, no one owes anyone sex, even in marriage. If a woman says no, that means no, even in marriage. Forcing her is called RAPE, even in marriage.

mariahAngel:


One can easily tell the unmarried ones by how very disrespectful they are to their imaginary wives.

Somewhat inconceivable to you that your puzzzy is not the all and be all for some guys out there. I get.

Arsenate:

Somewhat inconceivable to you that your puzzzy is not the all and be all for some guys out there. I get.

What is inconceivable to me is the thought that the lives of some of you revolve around the vagina.

With the kind of vibe you give off though, I am forced to believe that you have no business being with a woman.

InTheCloudySky:
Your post is too long.
Concision is the word.

As for the question, no one owes anyone sex, even in marriage. If a woman says no, that means no, even in marriage. Forcing her is called RAPE, even in marriage.

Tell them, though I bet some will come and tell you its not rape in Nigeria.

InTheCloudySky:
Your post is too long.
Concision is the word.

As for the question, no one owes anyone sex, even in marriage. If a woman says no, that means no, even in marriage. Forcing her is called RAPE, even in marriage.

God knows I am not violent, I hate violence with every fibre in me but if my wife should deny me sex, even once, I can never ask her again and I shall have every reason to play outside.

I don't really care if the marriage goes downhill from there, me I no send anybody. I just thank God for the personality he gave me sha.

theForth:


God knows I am not violent, I hate violence with every fibre in me but if my wife should deny me sex, even once, I can never ask her again and I shall have every reason to play outside.

I don't really care if the marriage goes downhill from there, me I no send anybody. I just thank God for the personality he gave me sha.

You are obviously not married, yet, because if you were, you'd know marriage is not the only thing that would go downhill just because your dik is starving. But if perchance you are married, your "me I no send anybody" says a lot.

You poor kids, is what I'm going to be thinking when I go to bed tonight.

tobechi20:
Bring kids into the picture, and often, one’s sex drive takes a nose dive. Especially for mothers.

Low libido is a very common issue for new mothers as they are healing from childbirth, grappling with fluctuating hormones and extreme sleep deprivation.

While we know adjusting to a new baby can profoundly impact a couple’s life (including sexual intimacy), we, as a society, act like it shouldn’t. We act like there’s something wrong with a new mother needing a timeout from sex.

New mothers who admit to having less sex drive are often met with people urging, “Just do it anyway,” and “You’ll get in the mood.”

But what if you don’t get in the mood, even when you take this advice? What then?

Why aren’t the feelings of the woman valid? Shouldn’t she be listening to her body? Her mind?

I’m not sure where we got this idea that a husband owns his wife’s vagina. Or that he is entitled to intercourse, MouthAction, handling, or groping. I’m pretty sure I didn’t see that covenant in the paperwork. But I have an inkling that this entitlement is very much based in misogyny and male privilege.

Men are led to believe, often since they are young boys, that women should have sex with them when they want it. Even when their wives are not “in the mood.” Because sex is the way he feels intimate. Sex is the way he connects. Because putting your husband’s sexual desires first is supposedly the best way to avoid divorce.

These antiquated and sexist designs for marriage are damaging to women.

When a married mom doesn’t put out, she’s called “cold” and “selfish” and the dreaded “bitch.” She’s told she must have “something else going on” mentally. Outsiders to the marriage, and maybe even therapists, will question if the wife was ever sexually assaulted. Does she have a history of trauma? They’ll try to make connections that aren’t there. Because how could a wife possibly not want to have sex with her husband?

It is sickening and horrific to think of a woman having sex against her will, married or not. It’s disgusting that we automatically assume something must be “wrong” with a woman who is having a gap in her groove. Beyond all that, it’s dangerous.

Suggesting that married women and mothers should just “do it anyway” is sexual bullying and coercion. If a husband acts on the “just do it anyway” cliché and forces it — that’s called rape.

When we attack married mothers for not putting out, we’re reaffirming once again what’s important in this society.

A man’s needs, not a woman’s. A man’s voice, not a woman’s voice.

No they owe them "s£x anger.

.

Klass99:


My personal ideology of marriage has always been two adults taking good care of each other. And that means in every way possible - sexually, financially, emotionally, physically and otherwise.

In marriage, our bodies belong to each other, it's about giving and receiving care, being there for the other person even when you don't feel like it, but they need you.

Very simple!! That is how it's supposed to be, but the woke generation has turned everything to battle ground of logics. We do things to make our partner happy, not necessarily because we owe it.
I just pray my future wife won't play that nonsense game with me, because she'd be sorry if she tries.

.

Klass99:


Lol @ your last paragraph. What will you do, if she tries it?

Just make sure whoever you get hitched to, is pretty much on the same page with you and you guys are not worlds apart in your thinking, values and general outlook on life.

I don't even start that kind of relationship with anyone who doesn't like doing. So I'm likely to marry someone who is my match.

But if later in time she decides to use it as bargaining chip, or denies me as show of defiance. Under the guise of "I don't owe you".

This is what I'll do:
I'll join her in the game. I'll become a total stranger to her and she'll has to convince me with good reasons before I do anything for her. Because I don't owe it. I'll start with asking her to leave my house because I don't owe her shelter. No money for upkeeps, nothing at all for her except I'm doing it for my benefit.
I'll plan my withdrawal so it will hit her well, and make her leave.
I can't be living with an inconsiderate somebody.

budaatum:
Women need to not marry pigs!

A woman cannot marry a man with low sex drive.

OP...
Is it Everytime you feel like going to work?? I'm guessing, no,but yet you still go to work right?? Why?? Because the consequences of not doing so, out weighs the pleasure that comes with the"day off"...

I won't say anymore...