Attached is a conversation with TOSIN MUSTAPHA my cantankerous half sibling.

Brief background.

- My father passed on after leaving a will specifying share equally amongst his children (16 of us in total). Some stipend for his wives.
- Despite relaying my Canada doctors advice that my father was too frail for operation and to medicate(Prostate) and fedex the medication to him. My US sibling and her mom sought out a medical operation and he lost his life in the process
- Under instruction of one of the wives ( an Alhaja), immediate they returned from the hospital after he died, those that knew (the Alhaja) kept quiet, did not show any remorse, went straight to the family home did not tell or inform the other wives at home or their other half siblings of their father’s demise but instead went into their father’s bedroom searched, collected and took whatever they wanted and/or were looking for.
- made no arrangement for his burial ( as a muslim, he usually would be buried on the same day). I could not make contact with my only full sibling who was in nigeria at the time cos he was in ogun state on business and network was still bad at this point (2002) until he got home in the evening so sent money for burial for next day.
- before my fathers death, 2 factions had been collecting monies from his tenants and pocketing it such that my dad was begging tenants for money. I had to come home get a caretaker with instruction to handover money to my dad in the presence of 2 siblings.
- Also Ada (first daughter) decided my stepmother was collecting too much money to feed my dad and she will take over this responsibility. Not only was Ada collecting more money than my stepmom, because Ada was working dad’s feeding changed from thrice to twice a day and they could not even honour him by bringing the food to him but dad had to take the walk of shame twice a day to go to the next street to be fed by Ada( who was living and continues to live till this day in my fathers house with her own husband and children and was cooking and feeding her own husband). I also had to come, plead and beg that this is totally not acceptable and for step mom who lives with dad in the same house to once again cook for her husband.
- For about 15 years the caretaker/solicitor deposited 2million-3million into the family account and some would steal, borrow(but never repay) and the balance they will allocate to themselves for party (marriage, birth, death etc) and at the end of the year will distribute some pittance to their siblings.
- In 2017 2.4m was received into the family account with no meaningful repairs carried out to any of the buildings and the end of the year 17k was shared to each sibling.
- all of the 15 years my full siblings and i chose for our mother to receive our share. As much as she complained and wanted me to get involved i told her i really would prefer not to know and as she is okay with or without the inheritance since all her children were abroad and able to take care of her.
- fraudulent withdrawal are made from family by payer called self and nobody query
- finally the complaint was flooding in from so many angles and there was so much sibling rivalry (even Taiye was not talking with Kehinde oh) that i took a look and with okay from my dad's best friend ( a trustee of my fathers will) in December 2017, we did some allocation and each sibling got 3 rooms and 1 shop ( fetching at least 200k each as against the 17k distributed). We still had units in excess of 1m set aside to cater for repairs and
disbursement.
-Obviously the greedy ones who were used to stealing and disenfranchising their fellow siblings did not like this and have been fighting since then.
- the 3 main properties need significant repairs and much as one tries to let the focus be on repairs to the properties there is the constant irritation of refusing to release money for repairs in a timely fashion and refusing to prioritise essential repairs to roof (now outstanding for over 2 years and so significant that tenants can see the sky) for cosmetic upgrades. All to spite some of their siblings.
- Claiming to be sick and using that as reason to refuse to circulate the bank statement to the family bank for close to a year.
- Constantly scheming and the US sibling hoping to blackmail other siblings with claims that they are planning to kill them or another sibling just for requesting accountability and transparency.
- US based sibling making ludicrous claims and colluding to disenfranchise including that an 80 year old stepmother has remarried and should not be paid N10,000 monthly about 20 dollars so so petty. This is money that her own mother received until her death.
- over several years fraudulent cash withdrawals was made from the family bank account by someone called self probably in collusion with a bank staff and no query was raised when the alert was received or written query to bank apparently the bank signatories claim not to know how to draft a letter but in that time Alhaja was spreading lies that someone abroad was the one making cash withdrawals in Nigeria.
- even when you ask to restart after 15 years of rancour, one unfortunately have to deal with TOSIN LATEEFAT MUSTAPHA who is devoid of any emotion, divisive, fake, pathological liar with a Narcissistic personality.

Toks2008 come and read polygamy and it's wahala

The best option in this kind of situation is to sell off all the properties( except just family building) and share the money.

In the spirit of peace i initially tried to find common ground and worked on a plan of action.

I also came from a polygamy family. I left all the inheritance to my sibblings because I was the head of the family and I dont need it... others were still fighting for it now since 2001. Thank God I choose to marry only one wife, because of my experiences from polygamy wahala.
We all have stories. I come in peace o.

Hajji M.

gabbytabby:
In the spirit of peace i initially tried to find common ground and worked on a plan of action.

My sister, those ppl will not listen o, especially when you are abroad.. they think you dont know or feel their pain. All greedy sibblings will start all kind of wahala.

Hajji M.

My brother them surprise me cos na the siblings wey dey abroad (and their disenfranchising 9ja partners) na them dey fight oh. The majority of the ones in 9ja that were dis enfranchised for a long time received succour and were happy with the new arrangement

mufutau55:


My sister, those ppl will not listen o, especially when you are abroad.. they think you dont know or feel their pain. All greedy sibblings with start all kind of wahala.

Hajji M.

Hmmm

gabbytabby:
My brother them surprise me cos na the siblings wey dey abroad (and their disenfranchising 9ja partners) na them dey fight oh. The majority of the ones in 9ja that were dis enfranchised for a long time received succour and were happy with the new arrangement

May God help us with family wahalas, both home and abroad.

Hajji M.

Hmmmm my mum can from a ploygamous home and I can tell you that there is nothing like peace there

I Sha like my mum she never even bothered herself with any inheritance,
it was just recently that they started giving her inheritance (something that they should have been giving her since 18 years ago )

mufutau55:


May God help us with family wahalas, both home and abroad.

Hajji M.

There is a chance you know the one that chose to wake the tiger in me in the Facebook message above her name is Tosin (Lateefat) Mustapha an editor and publisher of Afro Heritage magazine out of New York City.

She graduated as a Microbiologist from the university of lagos so one would think that she should not be too hungry for a bunch of property in 9ja that is essentially 2 or 3 floors of face me I slap you.

Instead she is the ring leader and going mental.

I have no intention of receiving a penny from the inheritance, I made that decision in my 20’s already ( when you know there is nothing to go back to then you know that your only option is forward ever). Earlier this year, I even spent over 500k of my personal money on what I consider as improvements to my family home without requesting reimbursement but it’s important to me that those that need it get something and some equity is maintained.

When my dad built the houses in the 60s and 70s, the windows were luvers and they are fighting my mom because she chose to use some of the rents collected to upgrade her units to aluminium windows instead of what some of them are doing by changing it to wooden windows even in 2021 oh. So I went in upgraded the 2 kitchens and we tiled the floors of all of our (but in care of my mum) units and upgraded all the windows also spending over 1m (a combination of my personal monies and rents of the units).

Apparently it’s too much to ask that they use some of the rents they collected from their share of the inheritance to upgrade their own units if they can’t wait for the general programme.

For the 15 years or so that I chose not to be involved, if they had been fair and equitable to all and maintained the homes then I really would have been happy because my preference was not to get involve but it is what it is.

Often times in 9ja people will use your choice not to venture into toxic spaces as a license to embolden themselves to bad behaviour not knowing that when yawa brake them go run. Imagine she wants my own unit when I am 2.5years older than she is and it’s not that she does not know that I am a cuddly tiger but a tiger none the less.

Wow. This story is too familiar.

I still place the fault at the feet of Alhaji.

If you're a polygamous person, don't wait until old age before putting your affairs in order.

And if you cannot trust your father's discretion, or you're in a polygamous setting, or you don't know how many kids your dad has fathered outside, don't wait for his properties. Travel far and make your own life there. Staying close will bring painful memories and distract your plans.

.

Mstick:
Of course he's 100% at fault, as a polygamist no matter how much you put your house together once you're no more that thread breaks and your family become strangers.

Why? Because in a polygamous home the man would ALWAYS have a favorite and in majority of cases its never the first wife, and when she and her kids see this they will keep waiting for "the day", and the other wives are aware of this and they also make their own plans, once he dies or even become incapacitated it becomes a free for all.

Its only people that haven't experienced the burn and evil of polygamy that sees it as ideal, even if you see the wives outside acting like sisters inside it's totally different with different schemes and anger.

I consider polygamous marriages fake.

The handwriting was already on the wall (it was never a peaceful home) but luckily for me I escaped the bulk of it cos secondary in anambra, uni in port harcourt and I travelled out after and why I resolved in my 20s not to deal.

It was actually a relief when my Dad died cos I was always putting out fires and now did not have to deal.

Even when I returned to 9ja non of my half siblings knew for a least 4 years until that December 2017 when I called a meeting to supervise the allocation.

All of my full siblings are okay alhamdullilai and according to my fathers prayers their work is sufficient to feed, cloth and house them.

Saintmary:
Wow. This story is too familiar.

I still place the fault at the feet of Alhaji.

If you're a polygamous person, don't wait until old age before putting your affairs in order.

And if you cannot trust your father's discretion, or you're in a polygamous setting, or you don't know how many kids your dad has fathered outside, don't wait for his properties. Travel far and make your own life there. Staying close will bring painful memories and distract your plans.

I like that you called her out with your full chest, take care of your mum, your direct siblings and be cordial with the rest.

Don't leave your inheritance for anyone even the smallest item because when you do they will start taking more and more, even if you don't need it let it be given to you and you can use it for whatever you like.

gabbytabby:


There is a chance you know the one that chose to wake the tiger in me in the Facebook message above her name is Tosin Mustapha an editor and publisher of Afro Heritage magazine out of New York City.

She graduated as a Microbiologist from the university of lagos so one would think that she should not be too hungry for a bunch of property in 9ja that is essentially 2 or 3 floors of face me I slap you.

Instead she is the ring leader and going mental.

Very, very, very fake. Just a bunch of women scheming, and using one man and in his mind he thinks he's the "head of the family''

In a polygamous home the favorite wife is the head while the husband's her puppet, especially when he's older, her kids are more successful or she has more male children. The the other wives and their kids becomes rags.

Hathor5:


I consider polygamous marriages fake.

Mstick:
Very, very, very fake. Just a bunch of women scheming, and using one man and in his mind he thinks he's the "head of the family''

In a polygamous home the favorite wife is the head while the husband's her puppet, especially when he's older, her kids are more successful or she has more male children. The the other wives and their kids becomes rags.

You have spoken well.

Mstick:
Of course he's 100% at fault, as a polygamist no matter how much you put your house together once you're no more that thread breaks and your family become strangers.

Why? Because in a polygamous home the man would ALWAYS have a favorite and in majority of cases its never the first wife, and when she and her kids see this they will keep waiting for "the day", and the other wives are aware of this and they also make their own plans, once he dies or even become incapacitated it becomes a free for all.

Its only people that haven't experienced the burn and evil of polygamy that sees it as ideal, even if you see the wives outside acting like sisters inside it's totally different with different schemes and anger.

Putting affairs in order simply means allocating properties and other possessions, not to become friends.

Even full siblings become enemies let alone half siblings, and there's a reason why co-wives are called rivals.

The earlier men understand that women cannot and will not fully cooperate in a polygamous setting but will wait for their time to strike, the better for everyone.

gabbytabby:
The handwriting was already on the wall (it was never a peaceful home) but luckily for me I escaped the bulk of it cos secondary in anambra, uni in port harcourt and I travelled out after and why I resolved in my 20s not to deal.

It was actually a relief when my Dad died cos I was always putting out fires and now did not have to deal.

Even when I returned to 9ja non of my half siblings knew for a least 4 years until that December 2017 when I called a meeting to supervise the allocation.

All of my full siblings are okay alhamdullilai and according to my fathers prayers their work is sufficient to feed, cloth and house them.

I wish you all the best henceforth.

The man ought to have put his house in order before his demise. Was there no WILL at all?

.

My father did not favour any of his children and so his will was equally for all. But even then some think for whatever reason they should get more. They wanted by no of wives( idi igi) because this will mean they get more so have been scheming ever since.

Some who said they did not have money to bury their father and removed the 13” tv they bought for their father from the family sitting room after they travelled from obodo uk for burial oh. Suddenly had money to employ the services of a lawyer for will reading.

I decided on same day to buy and replace with a bigger better tv. For them to see at the last family meeting after burial before we all ship back the next day.

Our people are diabolical. A lot would fight for fighting sake even over things that make no sense.

Mstick:
I know that's what you meant , Even if he writes a will in once he dies it becomes non and void. Because no one we believe he wrote the will with his clear mind especially when he allocates less to those that thought they're his favorite.
Op's dad wrote a will but they're still fighting for allocation.

My father did try through his will to force his children to what he thought was work together but it was just impossicant oh.

He stayed with me 2 months in Canada around 911 and my hear full with so much rubbish. The one in the US was telling my dad that I invited him so that he can give me more of his properties and the elder one in the UK was asking me if I secured life insurance for my dad etc see wahala non of them had my phone before he came to stay with me.

Men should think well oh this polygamy no be am. Person no get rest even in him own house.

Mstick:
I know that's what you meant , Even if he writes a will in once he dies it becomes non and void. Because no one we believe he wrote the will with his clear mind especially when he allocates less to those that thought they're his favorite.
Op's dad wrote a will but they're still fighting for allocation.

They are fighting because they have been silenced for a long time under a person who holds and enjoyed holding all the power before his demise.
If he had settled each one before dying, there won't be fights.

Please don't reply me beyond this point.

gabbytabby:
My father did try through his will to force his children to what he thought was work together but it was just impossicant oh.

He stayed with me 2 months in Canada around 911 and my hear full with so much rubbish.

Men should think well oh this polygamy no be am. Person no get rest even in him own house.

.
I totally understand.

Lots of people assume that they can control other people's will (right to decide what to fight for) by holding money over their heads.

I laugh.

If you want to play with people's lives by marrying several wives and other concubines, whatever happens to you in old age, and your properties and legacy after death is entirely your fault.

Ask the Lulu-Briggs.

gabbytabby:

- For about 15 years the caretaker/solicitor deposited 2million-3million into the family account and some would steal, borrow(but never repay) and the balance they will allocate to themselves for party (marriage, birth, death etc) and at the end of the year will distribute some pittance to their siblings.
- In 2017 2.4m was received into the family account with no meaningful repairs carried out to any of the buildings and the end of the year 17k was shared to each sibling.
- all of the 15 years my full siblings and i chose for our mother to receive our share. As much as she complained and wanted me to get involved i told her i really would prefer not to know and as she is okay with or without the inheritance since all her children were abroad and able to take care of her.
- finally the complaint was flooding in from so many angles and there was so much sibling rivalry (even Taiye was not talking with Kehinde oh) that i took a look and with okay from my dad's best friend ( a trustee of my fathers will) in December 2017, we did some allocation and each sibling got 3 rooms and 1 shop ( fetching at least 200k each as against the 17k distributed). We still had units in excess of 1m set aside to cater for repairs and
disbursement.
-Obviously the greedy ones who were used to stealing and disenfranchising their fellow siblings did not like this and have been fighting since then.

Are we somehow to believe your father was oblivious to all pf these issues before he passed on?

At a point even with 6wives/baby mamas and 16 children my UK half sibling was asking if them no fit find old people’s home for 9ja for am. Na beg I beg them oh.

My Dad too was tired and for the first time wanted to travel back with me hence the trip to Canada in 2001 to give everyone a break. Even my doctor in Canada said he was too frail to travel. It was the last time I saw him alive and I am always thankful that we had that time together and when he went back he was more the father I know and so different from when he landed. Alhamdullilai.

I cried ( he was so frail) when I met him at Heathrow to process Canada visa as they closed their offices in Lagos. He walked out without his bags thinking he will get the same treatment he got in 9ja with someone sorting out all his luggage.

Saintmary:
Lots of people assume that they can control other people's will (right to decide what to fight for) by holding money over their heads.

I laugh.

If you want to play with people's lives by marrying several wives and other concubines, whatever happens to you in old age, and your properties and legacy after death is entirely your fault.

Ask the Lulu-Briggs.

He was aware cos he was frail for a while, 2 factions were already collecting rent for the houses and pocketing it ( while he was alive) with the result that he was begging tenants for money.

In 2000 I had to come home and get a caretaker to collect and hand over to my dad in the presence of 2 siblings.

Kobojunkie:
Are we somehow to believe your father was oblivious to all pf these issues before he passed on?

gabbytabby:
He was aware cos he was frail for a while, 2 factions were already collecting rent for the houses and pocketing it ( while he was alive) with the result that he was begging tenants for money.

In 2000 I had to come home and get a caretaker to collect and hand over to my dad in the presence of 2 siblings.

As you lay your bed so you lie in it.... that came to mind as I was reading your response

If you breed loyalty tendency is that you are likely to get loyalty. More of our men need to stop living a selfish life.

Much as I love my dad, I was not blind to his faults.