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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Why Do People Improve Themselves After A Divorce But Not During The Marriage? (31225 Views)
I Love My Wife & My Kid, But I Want To Leave The Marriage. Help! / The Marriage List Given To A Man In Akwa Ibom State / I Told My Husband That I Cheated On Him. Now He Wants A Divorce. (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Why Do People Improve Themselves After A Divorce But Not During The Marriage? by bobochem: 9:34am On Nov 13, 2021 |
Nice comments from people but it seems most of the comments are lopsided most especially from the so called feminist.Every marriages have their ups and downs.It take high level of tolerance for any marriages to stand. 2 Likes |
Re: Why Do People Improve Themselves After A Divorce But Not During The Marriage? by shaybebaby(f): 9:35am On Nov 13, 2021 |
Astrid4:Perhaps a maid/ nanny so she can work outside the home too or the necessary tech to make the work at home easier ( picking up after 6 people ain't going to be easy)? I mean, you wouldn't turn up for work and not expect to be given the tools to help you do your job properly. Also if you were given excessive workload, with time you would expect compensation commensurate to that workload. Ever considered that the reason WHY she couldn't hold on to those jobs was because of the demands within the home? What if start times at work is the same as when the kids start school, how could she be in two places at the same time? When the kids are ill, who stays to look after them? Would that not affect her attendance and performance at work? Just this week, my son had to stay off from school because his teacher had covid. Did this impact his dad's work? No. His life went on as normal. But I am lucky, I work from home so I could still work. But in addition to that, had to cook during the workday, provide snacks and homeschool all whilst working. But many don't have that luxury so pray tell, doesn't that put them in a position where they have to sacrifice one for the other? Do men EVER have to make that choice? My job or my kids? So tell me, how would you balance that if you were the OP? 2 Likes |
Re: Why Do People Improve Themselves After A Divorce But Not During The Marriage? by DissTroy(m): 9:36am On Nov 13, 2021 |
Mercychen: Exactly why couples have to talk about careers and set targets even while dating before they begin courting. It's not enough that you're financially comfortable but how fulfilled would you be without each other? Only then should you agree to be together. Most of you women are too obsessed with looking good for Facebook and posting wedding pictures when the euphoria would die off in a year or two. Jobless women or ones who can't even fend for themselves alone comfortably jumping into marriage and you think there isn't going to be a blow back? Even as a pregnant woman, there are data entry jobs you can do. Several. You're all too focused on "Congratulations, darling friend. Your home is blessed" that you forget what it takes to build a home. Most of you demand and never really go the extra mile for your spouses. 3 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Why Do People Improve Themselves After A Divorce But Not During The Marriage? by Grandmeister(m): 9:37am On Nov 13, 2021 |
AfroKnight:Lol any discerning mind would have noticed naa. I pointed that out..Notice she had reasons and blames for every single thing against the husband but when it came to why she couldn't keep a job, she somehow didn't know why she lost the job because according to her she is a 'good person'. 3 Likes |
Re: Why Do People Improve Themselves After A Divorce But Not During The Marriage? by shaybebaby(f): 9:37am On Nov 13, 2021 |
eddynaira125:What is it that we are getting? |
Re: Why Do People Improve Themselves After A Divorce But Not During The Marriage? by Nobody: 9:40am On Nov 13, 2021 |
DissTroy: Please, I'm interested in the data entry job. Been trying to get one but each time I try registering I'll get to a stage and theyll start speaking grammar and the whole process will just go to waste. I want to do it as a side hustle. Please help me secure one. I'm serious. 1 Like |
Re: Why Do People Improve Themselves After A Divorce But Not During The Marriage? by eddynaira125: 9:40am On Nov 13, 2021 |
shaybebaby: Spouse |
Re: Why Do People Improve Themselves After A Divorce But Not During The Marriage? by DissTroy(m): 9:46am On Nov 13, 2021 |
Mercychen: My lady does data entry on the side too and is currently learning Python programming language to go fully into data science. I'd have to ask her. You're good with Excel (very good) and/or Power Bi? |
Re: Why Do People Improve Themselves After A Divorce But Not During The Marriage? by jaxxy(m): 9:48am On Nov 13, 2021 |
Farfalla: Polygamous marriage is nothing new and nothing bad in itself. Both polygamy and monogamy have terrible and good stories. It all depends on the individuals involved. Bt yes polygamy has more competition for the man’s affection which cud easily create problems if not managed. Polygamy isn’t ideal bt the issue is with how the man handles his wives and family. Sometimes the man is good bt the wives or kids are terrible. 1 Like |
Re: Why Do People Improve Themselves After A Divorce But Not During The Marriage? by sharpwriter(m): 9:48am On Nov 13, 2021 |
Charity4real:I pray all your heart desires are met dear. To me, I no dey interested in all of these family wahala wey dem dey post upandan. But what someone like the Op should know is that life ain't fair and it is a sacrifice. No one has it all. If some seems they have it all, they are in the minute number. You can be what you want to be and be regretting about not having another thing. You can also have other things and not also be what you want to be. Then a times being both just needs patience of time. But you know everyone or most people want to enjoy the best of life as youngsters which is good truly and enjoyable, I can't deny that. But like I said I ain't interested in talking much But the main point I'm looking at and want to point out is that while it isn't bad to marry at age 23,don't you people think that it is too early for the person in this story? If she had gotten a job did that masters and perhaps given herself a little time to explore life more, perhaps she could have made a better deal with her husband. And then looking at this, I don't think it is off to assume that she felt robbed of her youth and she didn't get peace to enjoy it enough before starting those motherly roles, could be her decision though or she was convinced into it, who knows? I'm not acquitting the man though, when humans lack empathy, love is buried! Just thinking loud Cc: holocron Pocohantas 3 Likes |
Re: Why Do People Improve Themselves After A Divorce But Not During The Marriage? by Nobody: 9:49am On Nov 13, 2021 |
DissTroy: Oh.. interesting! Yes I'm good in both. I have Diploma in desktop publishing from 2001. Ok, hope to hearing from you. Thanks a lot. |
Re: Why Do People Improve Themselves After A Divorce But Not During The Marriage? by AfroKnight: 9:49am On Nov 13, 2021 |
Grandmeister: I dey tell you. |
Re: Why Do People Improve Themselves After A Divorce But Not During The Marriage? by AfroKnight: 9:50am On Nov 13, 2021 |
Mercychen: OG! I haven’t heard “Desktop Publishing” in ages! |
Re: Why Do People Improve Themselves After A Divorce But Not During The Marriage? by Rex777: 9:54am On Nov 13, 2021 |
Learning in a harder way |
Re: Why Do People Improve Themselves After A Divorce But Not During The Marriage? by Nobody: 9:54am On Nov 13, 2021 |
AfroKnight: Why? |
Re: Why Do People Improve Themselves After A Divorce But Not During The Marriage? by Nobody: 9:57am On Nov 13, 2021 |
AfroKnight: Why? That was the course I did after secondary School while awaiting results. It has the following packages MS word Power point Excel Adobe pagemaker Corel draw Computer appreciation Adobe Photoshop |
Re: Why Do People Improve Themselves After A Divorce But Not During The Marriage? by akposking(m): 9:58am On Nov 13, 2021 |
Toothcopy:make I give u 4k. |
Re: Why Do People Improve Themselves After A Divorce But Not During The Marriage? by Farfalla(f): 9:59am On Nov 13, 2021 |
Grandmeister: I've heard women complain about men who refuse to be responsible for their children, but I'm yet to hear a woman complain about taking care of her own children. 1 Like |
Re: Why Do People Improve Themselves After A Divorce But Not During The Marriage? by gleamy(m): 10:04am On Nov 13, 2021 |
They have learnt something during their stay in the marriage... |
Re: Why Do People Improve Themselves After A Divorce But Not During The Marriage? by takimsipho(m): 10:08am On Nov 13, 2021 |
When a girl will abandon the guy she use to date in the university immediately she graduates because she cannot wait. And then marries a guy who is already made and sees her like a trophy wife turn to nanny/maid. It's your short sightedness that disturbs you girls. That guy you see like mumu, that one that allows you to express yourself no matter how silly is the guy you should marry. But fantasy, greed and competion will confuse you to make the wrong choice, see wahala and then comeback as bitter, blaming men in general. 2 Likes |
Re: Why Do People Improve Themselves After A Divorce But Not During The Marriage? by Grandmeister(m): 10:08am On Nov 13, 2021 |
Farfalla:But in this case the man was providing. Which is the number one tenet of a responsible father. The wife didn't have a job, so her most important job was the kids at home...and even that too was too much for her! If she was also working then it would be a different matter. But she wasn't, the one time she tried to get a job she couldn't even keep it. Tell me how can you ask your husband for a nanny when you are at home 24/7?? How can you ask him to buy a washing machine when you're staying at home 24/7?? He is catering for 5 kids plus you already! It must be taking a toll on his pockets. |
Re: Why Do People Improve Themselves After A Divorce But Not During The Marriage? by shaybebaby(f): 10:08am On Nov 13, 2021 |
eddynaira125:Lol, if they change it up, they simply go the same as the one that came before them. |
Re: Why Do People Improve Themselves After A Divorce But Not During The Marriage? by AfroKnight: 10:12am On Nov 13, 2021 |
Mercychen: I know. I mean I haven’t heard that term in a long time. Now people just say graphic design. 3 Likes |
Re: Why Do People Improve Themselves After A Divorce But Not During The Marriage? by Daradared2(f): 10:13am On Nov 13, 2021 |
am in am in! but a tutoirials will be given to my daughters for them to make their choices. Whatever choice they make, am in and give maximum support! |
Re: Why Do People Improve Themselves After A Divorce But Not During The Marriage? by Konquest: 10:16am On Nov 13, 2021 |
DrFunmisticGlow:I agree with your summations 'Funmi. This is why I emphasized in my post that women MUST arm themselves with functional info on how they can get themselves back into shape post-child birth. Even ante-natal sessions are very important to monitor and/or prevent high-risk pregnancies. There's enough info online and offline on relatively cheaper and faster strategies to do that. I know full well that you are aware of some of these as a young female medical doctor. By the way, what's your area of medical specialization? Are you an ObGyn or what? Ciao. |
Re: Why Do People Improve Themselves After A Divorce But Not During The Marriage? by Poske95(m): 10:17am On Nov 13, 2021 |
Do we believe...?! Marriage and conception work hand in hand but actually differ. Sexing brings pleasure and babies..... Marriage entails these all.......and suffering. The greatest of glories have belied in suffering. However, many do not appreciate this. Divorcing is not a better way of escaping this suffering. Christian.....!!!!! Suffer to be approved of the best gift. Once had a colleague say her mom did not achieve her true potential...... I asked her... you're living with her at your age....she protected you and fended for you....only to say this. My heart � goes to those in the Pilgrims' progress... especially in the family. My greatest wish is that me and mine see heaven together |
Re: Why Do People Improve Themselves After A Divorce But Not During The Marriage? by RockhouseCafe: 10:20am On Nov 13, 2021 |
Hathor5: Calm down. Read again. He is saying that the man will bring just money but he will not contribute in the home front. |
Re: Why Do People Improve Themselves After A Divorce But Not During The Marriage? by Acidosis(m): 10:22am On Nov 13, 2021 |
mysticgal: Well, I'm glad you agree with me that human wants are insatiable. My post is not a direct attack at anyone. Like I said, the "if" factor applies to everyone, men inclusive. Moreover, it goes beyond marriage. Career-wise, people also talk about how they would have done better with their lives if they had studied certain courses. Truth is that nobody is sure of anything. That dream course they wish they studied could have caused more problems. May be the message was wrongly constructed. The idea is not to say that a single man or woman at 60 can't live a fulfilled life. 1 Like |
Re: Why Do People Improve Themselves After A Divorce But Not During The Marriage? by eddynaira125: 10:28am On Nov 13, 2021 |
shaybebaby:so take my advice, look for a sperm donor |
Re: Why Do People Improve Themselves After A Divorce But Not During The Marriage? by Astrid4(m): 10:29am On Nov 13, 2021 |
shaybebaby: @ d bolded madam men has always had a choice to make between their family and job The basic and the most primary function of a MAN is FINANCIAL SECURITY The moment I stop providing for my family then I don't deserve to be called an husband or a father that's every man will work his ass out to provide for his family You see I agree with some of your views But you see OP has always lacked a FRAME in the beginning of her life, thus facing this woes...her biggest achievement is marriage which shouldn't be so At the age of 23 you are just at your prime full of ambition this should be a time you need to lay out plans for a prosperous career not turn yourself to a reproduction factory or a liability...she didn't need a man in her life at that time she needed a job. Man exploit women in relationship because women are shy to talk about what they want in relationship...a man is never emotional in marriage he is purely transactional your husband didn't marry you because he loves you No!!! (love/emotion come secondary for men ) He married you primarily because of what you can offer to him and values you can add to his life, and if you as a woman don't have a frame he will end up getting all he wants and you end up with nothing...thus the woes the woman in question is facing currently...the man had all he wanted with this woman having nothing cos she was shy to create a frame in the relationship and is this man wicked The answer is no!!! he is purely Machiavellian You women needs to speaking up start telling what you wants what your dreams are both of your should have a frame and work in that frame. Simple as ABC this is never a quantum physics. 1 Like |
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