Qatar2022:

Watching too much foreign movie is confusing you
I don't blame you till you got married

Hathor5:
Another question:

Do husbands enjoy a reluctant wife who only has sex with them out of a sense of duty aka because 'she owes them'?

InTheCloudySky:
Your post is too long.
Concision is the word.

As for the question, no one owes anyone sex, even in marriage. If a woman says no, that means no, even in marriage. Forcing her is called RAPE, even in marriage.

Verysmart101:


Guy u be full rugged nigga. I love ur style

michigang:
I paid brideprice

Hathor5:
Another question:

Do husbands enjoy a reluctant wife who only has sex with them out of a sense of duty aka because 'she owes them'?

budaatum:


Why should a wife be trying to please a man who does not respect her? If the man wanted pleasing, should he not be pleasing his wife first so she has no choice but to please him in return, or does the man expect to reap where he has not sown?

If the wife is not in the mood, then respect her. That will make her be in the mood in future.

tobechi20:
Bring kids into the picture, and often, one’s sex drive takes a nose dive. Especially for mothers.

Low libido is a very common issue for new mothers as they are healing from childbirth, grappling with fluctuating hormones and extreme sleep deprivation.

While we know adjusting to a new baby can profoundly impact a couple’s life (including sexual intimacy), we, as a society, act like it shouldn’t. We act like there’s something wrong with a new mother needing a timeout from sex.

New mothers who admit to having less sex drive are often met with people urging, “Just do it anyway,” and “You’ll get in the mood.”

But what if you don’t get in the mood, even when you take this advice? What then?

Why aren’t the feelings of the woman valid? Shouldn’t she be listening to her body? Her mind?

I’m not sure where we got this idea that a husband owns his wife’s vagina. Or that he is entitled to intercourse, MouthAction, handling, or groping. I’m pretty sure I didn’t see that covenant in the paperwork. But I have an inkling that this entitlement is very much based in misogyny and male privilege.

Men are led to believe, often since they are young boys, that women should have sex with them when they want it. Even when their wives are not “in the mood.” Because sex is the way he feels intimate. Sex is the way he connects. Because putting your husband’s sexual desires first is supposedly the best way to avoid divorce.

These antiquated and sexist designs for marriage are damaging to women.

When a married mom doesn’t put out, she’s called “cold” and “selfish” and the dreaded “bitch.” She’s told she must have “something else going on” mentally. Outsiders to the marriage, and maybe even therapists, will question if the wife was ever sexually assaulted. Does she have a history of trauma? They’ll try to make connections that aren’t there. Because how could a wife possibly not want to have sex with her husband?

It is sickening and horrific to think of a woman having sex against her will, married or not. It’s disgusting that we automatically assume something must be “wrong” with a woman who is having a gap in her groove. Beyond all that, it’s dangerous.

Suggesting that married women and mothers should just “do it anyway” is sexual bullying and coercion. If a husband acts on the “just do it anyway” cliché and forces it — that’s called rape.

When we attack married mothers for not putting out, we’re reaffirming once again what’s important in this society.

A man’s needs, not a woman’s. A man’s voice, not a woman’s voice.

gbemishile:

any woman who has this kind of mentality is doomed to fail in marriage
what exactly is your point?
Please her as in?
Ure a feminist for sure

Streetpriest1:
Stop using the word *owe* Sex is a mutual thing and both parties deserve it. Women should try and satisfy their husbands. How many minutes Kwanu?

Klass99:


I am curious Mufasa, have you ever enjoyed sex with a reluctant and unwilling partner? Answer truthfully o!

@ Tobechi, you made valid points but so did Tickles001.

My personal ideology of marriage has always been two adults taking good care of each other. And that means in every way possible - sexually, financially, emotionally, physically and otherwise.

In marriage, I believe our bodies belong to each other, it's about giving and receiving care, being there for the other person even when you don't feel like it, but they need you.

We owe each other sex, as well as respect, intimacy and more.....If I am tired and not in the mood, I will simply tell my man, I'm tired so bear with me if I don't bring my A Game to this show or I am not an active and enthusiastic participant tonight.

I won't say no or deny him the cookie, because when he flips that script on me I am sure I won't like it or find it funny.

InTheCloudySky:
Your post is too long.
Concision is the word.

As for the question, no one owes anyone sex, even in marriage. If a woman says no, that means no, even in marriage. Forcing her is called RAPE, even in marriage.

tobechi20:
Bring kids into the picture, and often, one’s sex drive takes a nose dive. Especially for mothers.

Low libido is a very common issue for new mothers as they are healing from childbirth, grappling with fluctuating hormones and extreme sleep deprivation.

While we know adjusting to a new baby can profoundly impact a couple’s life (including sexual intimacy), we, as a society, act like it shouldn’t. We act like there’s something wrong with a new mother needing a timeout from sex.

New mothers who admit to having less sex drive are often met with people urging, “Just do it anyway,” and “You’ll get in the mood.”

But what if you don’t get in the mood, even when you take this advice? What then?

Why aren’t the feelings of the woman valid? Shouldn’t she be listening to her body? Her mind?

I’m not sure where we got this idea that a husband owns his wife’s vagina. Or that he is entitled to intercourse, MouthAction, handling, or groping. I’m pretty sure I didn’t see that covenant in the paperwork. But I have an inkling that this entitlement is very much based in misogyny and male privilege.

Men are led to believe, often since they are young boys, that women should have sex with them when they want it. Even when their wives are not “in the mood.” Because sex is the way he feels intimate. Sex is the way he connects. Because putting your husband’s sexual desires first is supposedly the best way to avoid divorce.

These antiquated and sexist designs for marriage are damaging to women.

When a married mom doesn’t put out, she’s called “cold” and “selfish” and the dreaded “bitch.” She’s told she must have “something else going on” mentally. Outsiders to the marriage, and maybe even therapists, will question if the wife was ever sexually assaulted. Does she have a history of trauma? They’ll try to make connections that aren’t there. Because how could a wife possibly not want to have sex with her husband?

It is sickening and horrific to think of a woman having sex against her will, married or not. It’s disgusting that we automatically assume something must be “wrong” with a woman who is having a gap in her groove. Beyond all that, it’s dangerous.

Suggesting that married women and mothers should just “do it anyway” is sexual bullying and coercion. If a husband acts on the “just do it anyway” cliché and forces it — that’s called rape.

When we attack married mothers for not putting out, we’re reaffirming once again what’s important in this society.

A man’s needs, not a woman’s. A man’s voice, not a woman’s voice.

Tickles001:
If everyone starts to do things only when they're in the mood or only when it's owed. How do you think the world would be like.

What do you think will play out in the family if the man wakes up one morning and decides he's not funding the house for a whole month because he doesn't feel like, or not in the mood. Or decides that he needs to quit his job and get a break because he's depressed and stressed out.
He's been doing like 3 side hustles, plus his main job. Things he entirely doesn't feel like doing. He needs a break, but he's not taking it.

If a woman naturally turns cold. A reasonable man would understand. But most times women just use it to show defiance.
The same woman that has 3kids and now cold, is the same woman that will go and be feeling kinky with a colleague in the office. Even when the said colleague is not doing anything to attract her.

Have sex with your partner is one of the simple things someone would do if there's still a tiny bit of attraction left in the union.

Men do a lot of things that is actually against their will. They go through biological changes too. All those stuffs you wrote up there has a masculine version of it. But if everyone starts making a long case out of simple things just like you did. Then nothing will ever work out and happiness will elude everyone at the end.

I wonder how people think like this sef. Simple something

A married woman with 2kids from this nairaland once told me that her husband is not giving her enough sex. That she wants it more now, than when she was without child. And she is a busy woman.
How come she's not cold?

Tonnyray:
The answer is easier than you can imagine: polygamy.. oh but your selfish self won't allow that. And the whiteman says it's wrong. Clowns.
I suppose you believe the man is not entitled to provide for and protect his home only when he "feels" like it.
The most important things in life are not always done because we "feel" like it, they are done because they are essential to achieve a desired outcome.

Hathor5:
Another question:

Do husbands enjoy a reluctant wife who only has sex with them out of a sense of duty aka because 'she owes them'?

Olufemiolaolu:
No, we don't. I hate it when women weaponize sex. Majority of women do this. Women are just full of unnecessary drama.

Boomboost:


It's smart that you pointed out sex as a duty, however, enthusiasm can be self-generated. She can pretend to like it and we go out for dinner afterwards. We eat anything she wants

olaniyiYAH:

That can't possible as it must be an active role not volunteer

whodeyhere:


I think ones a man nuts, he has enjoyed the sex. But the issue is how comfortable a man would be when having sex with an unresponsive woman. How can such men keep it up?>

budaatum:


They intend to marry the equivalent of a sex doll that they can brutalise whenever and as many times as they wish, because no woman who respects herself will marry a pig.

Tickles001:


I don't even start that kind of relationship with anyone who doesn't like doing. So I'm likely to marry someone who is my match.

But if later in time she decides to use it as bargaining chip, or denies me as show of defiance. Under the guise of "I don't owe you".

This is what I'll do:
I'll join her in the game. I'll become a total stranger to her and she'll has to convince me with good reasons before I do anything for her. Because I don't owe it. I'll start with asking her to leave my house because I don't owe her shelter. No money for upkeeps, nothing at all for her except I'm doing it for my benefit.
I'll plan my withdrawal so it will hit her well, and make her leave.
I can't be living with an inconsiderate somebody.

Mordecai:


Quit the ad hominem responses and respond to Tickles001.

You tell me that in your marriage, there is no sense of obligation and duty? That you are okay with your husband playing his part only when he feels like it? That if he decides to leave the house to live with a friend for 2 months just because he feels like it, you'd be okay with it?

You should stop misleading people.

tobechi20:
Bring kids into the picture, and often, one’s sex drive takes a nose dive. Especially for mothers.

...
...
...
A man’s needs, not a woman’s. A man’s voice, not a woman’s voice.

theForth:


God knows I am not violent, I hate violence with every fibre in me but if my wife should deny me sex, even once, I can never ask her again and I shall have every reason to play outside.

I don't really care if the marriage goes downhill from there, me I no send anybody. I just thank God for the personality he gave me sha.

Boss13:


Oh they are pushing the boundary and they will continue to push it. I live in the west and one major concern is liberal and progressive propaganda which have created weaker men and women despise weak men.

As you can see feminist are pushing for agenda that give rise to produce weak men they hate and won't elope with. Yet you see suckered men agreeing to confused propaganda that generates chaos.

A wife or traditional woman would not agreed to the nonsense publication because she understands men better and knows what marital obligations means. She also understands the risk of not fulfilling them because another traditional woman will occupying her space without a blink of an eye.

Currently in the west, the most single women are the ones with feminist ideology. These women who grow up and regret their past can't keep men. [b]Also western men are no longer queuing up to marry western women. [/b]Let the silly Nigerian feminist pursue their agenda - the end game is there waiting....

Boss13:
Another feminist publication to absolve women of marital obligations. Marriage is responsibility and I know responsibility and accountability to a woman is cryptonite.

Women, there are days you don't feel like working but you drag yourself to work because you have an obligation. The same is with marriage.

Now, let's flip it - you want your husband to understand your sexual mood and will only have sex with him when you're in the heat of it. This is EXTREMELY selfish and inconsiderate in light of the fact that a man's sexual need is 4 -12 times higher than a woman's.

While it is understandable that a woman's libido is lower, consideration must be established that a man's libido is higher. If he is to express such understanding to only have sex with a woman when she wants it. Then such understanding should be extended to the man that he can have sex when he wants, but probably not with the wife.

Aha! The feminist movement will scream "I don't want a cheater". "I WILL DIVORCE HIM". Can these women see the irony, the selfishness, and despicable silliness. You cannot take care of your husband's sexual needs - agreed. Then let him take care of it. Stop pressuring men to become women. We are not women.

Men, if your wife is refusing to fulfill her part of her marital obligation and this includes satisfying you sexually, divorce her. If you do try to go get it outside, she will divorce you or be irritated by your mere presence. Such women are not ready for marriage. Let them remain single and die alone.