My gf got pregnant, I'm not an advocate of abortion so I told her to keep it so I and my live-in gf had a child (girl) outside wedlock who is 2 years old now and I took care of her and the child for 1 year and 8 months,paid the hospital bills and everything, which a single dough of the girls family didn't come to the wellbeing of the child, it was All me which the mother of the girl is aware of.

Though I dont want to marry the girl now due to the harsh economy of Nigeria but I have plans to marry her later on due to the harsh plus I can't just jump into marriage when I'm not yet able to cater for a family yet so I told her to keep the child with her mother till I can be able to stand on my feet and foster for us all,me and my gf still lived together without the baby and I helped her pay some fees for her school cuz I understood that for my baby to be educated the mother needs to be .

Fast forward to now, the mother of my gf doesn't want me to see my child because I don't want to marry my gf now, my gf and her mother had to even report me to human rights for me never to contact my gf any longer cuz I am threatening her which I never did... I tried contacting my gf to know what is happening, she's not picking her calls neither is the mother too and when I texted my gf she rained insults on me lol (life's so unfair)

NB: I learnt from a reliable source that the mother of my gf is the one Influencing her this way,my gf is also in her 3rd year at school
I'm so confused, please advice me on necessary steps to take

Why don't you just allow her to be for now, if you want things to go well, call the welfare office back and send money and gifts through them to your baby.

I mean, go to their office regularly, show them the gifts and money you want to send, then let them help you pass it across. It will be easy for you if you can get a listening ear among them, they're humans too.

After some time they will help you broker peace.

Stop calling her directly.

Na to just cum una dey do,when they tell you to carry the responsibility that comes with it ,you will remember the economy.

Leave her to take care of them in peace

BTW

Did you know?
"Gb" as found in Igbo is the 8th letter of the Igbo alphabet.They aren't g and b

Igbo is the people
Igbo is the language
Igbo is the culture

Saintmary:
Why don't you just allow her to be for now, if you want things to go well, call the welfare office back and send money and gifts through them to your baby.

I mean, go to their office regularly, show them the gifts and money you want to send, then let them help you pass it across. It will be easy for you if you can get a listening ear among them, they're humans too.

After some time they will help you broker peace.

Stop calling her directly.

Thank you I appreciate your concern
Is there any reason I should let her be for now? And how do I get to see my child often because I can't be sending gifts and money to someone I don't see..
NB:I'm not requesting for the custody of the child but just time to time visitations is cool for me

You don’t want to marry the girl due to the harsh economy.

You and the girl were living together.

You two dropped the child with her mother and continued living together, but you no get money for bride price.

You two were busy fcking while the mother was having sleepless nights to raise a child as a result of una orgasm. Not sure of hers sha, but yours is a given.

Yet you want the mother to be happy with you?

Now you gf has gone back to her mum and they have formed a party. Thank God she still listens to her mum, before you knack her second one.

Oga, don’t stress yourself. Pregnancy must not lead to marriage, but it is at least advisable to impregnate someone you can marry, to avoid complicating your life.

Now that it has happened, you need to gather mind. They are trying to use the child to bait you into doing their bidding.

Initiate the NO CONTACT RULE. Don’t pick or call her for 3 months. Within that period, she would most likely contact you. Send child support and say nothing more to her/them.

Water wey hot must cold.

pocohantas:
You don’t want to marry the girl due to the harsh economy.

You and the girl were living together.

You two dropped the child with her mother and continued living together.

You two were busy fcking while the mother was having sleepless nights to raise a child as a result of una orgasm. Not sure of hers sha, but yours is a given.

Yet you want the mother to be happy with you?

Now you gf has gone back to her mum and they have formed a party.

Oga, don’t stress yourself. Pregnancy must not lead to marriage, but it is at least advisable to impregnate someone you can marry, to avoid complicating your life.

Now that it has happened, you need to gather mind. They are trying to use the child to bait you into doing their bidding.

Initiate the NO CONTACT RULE. Don’t pick or call her for 3 months. Within that period, she would most likely contact you. Send child support and say nothing more to her/them.

Water wey hot must cold.

Thanks
How do I send gifts to the child?

pocohantas:
You don’t want to marry the girl due to the harsh economy.

You and the girl were living together.

You two dropped the child with her mother and continued living together.

You two were busy fcking while the mother was having sleepless nights to raise a child as a result of una orgasm. Not sure of hers sha, but yours is a given.

Yet you want the mother to be happy with you?

Now you gf has gone back to her mum and they have formed a party.

Oga, don’t stress yourself. Pregnancy must not lead to marriage, but it is at least advisable to impregnate someone you can marry, to avoid complicating your life.

Now that it has happened, you need to gather mind. They are trying to use the child to bait you into doing their bidding.

Initiate the NO CONTACT RULE. Don’t pick or call her for 3 months. Within that period, she would most likely contact you. Send child support and say nothing more to her/them.

Water wey hot must cold.

Too much sense will not kill you

Witlee1:


Thank you I appreciate your concern
Is there any reason I should let her be for now? And how do I get to see my child often because I can't be sending gifts and money to someone I don't see..
NB:I'm not requesting for the custody of the child but just time to time visitations is cool for me

The same welfare office that called you, let them advice you based on your own side of the story.

Fighting the family is not the best way to go about it.

And why are you reluctant to marry the girl, why can't you set a stipulated timeframe during which you take your people to meet her people just to let them know you mean business?

Don't you know that the child is not even considered to be yours on some cultures?

See, if your intentions are pure, then you should have little problem, but if not, even me I will personally use broom to sweep your feet off my house!

First how are we sure you are the father of that child, for your gf to team up with her mother and do this to you, the parternity of that child is questionable. But if you are really the father of the child, just relax, they will beg you to carry your responsibility when they get tired of their drama.

pocohantas:
You don’t want to marry the girl due to the harsh economy.

You and the girl were living together.

You two dropped the child with her mother and continued living together.

You two were busy fcking while the mother was having sleepless nights to raise a child as a result of una orgasm. Not sure of hers sha, but yours is a given.

Yet you want the mother to be happy with you?

Now you gf has gone back to her mum and they have formed a party.

Oga, don’t stress yourself. Pregnancy must not lead to marriage, but it is at least advisable to impregnate someone you can marry, to avoid complicating your life.

Now that it has happened, you need to gather mind. They are trying to use the child to bait you into doing their bidding.

Initiate the NO CONTACT RULE. Don’t pick or call her for 3 months. Within that period, she would most likely contact you. Send child support and say nothing more to her/them.

Water wey hot must cold.

LMAO. Poco, you need Jesus

They have found husband for your girlfriend na.. it's like you dun even know warris going on.

Do your investigation, you will find out from another "reliable source" that there's a suitor coming around for your girlfriend's hand, and he is enticing her and her mother with the money you could not afford to give them.

I wish you well my brother...
The only thing that should concern you now is how you can still be seeing your child. Forget about your girlfriend, she's not your own anymore.

Cheers...

Banana had spoken.

Saintmary:


The same welfare office that called you, let them advice you based on your own side of the story.

Fighting the family is not the best way to go about it.

And why are you reluctant to marry the girl, why can't you set a stipulated timeframe during which you take your people to meet her people just to let them know you mean business?

Don't you know that the child is not even considered to be yours on some cultures?

See, if your intentions are pure, then you should have little problem, but if not, even me I will personally use broom to sweep your feet off my house!

My intentions has always been pure, I'm igbo and there's something we call knocking on the door which I have done at least to make my intentions known but they clearly want the bride price to be paid which I don't have atm
Maybe I've lost my gf to another person like someone said plus I don't want to fight the family cuz they are the family I want to marry from

And talking about culture, I guess any Nigerian law supercedes customary law so I'm not bothered about that

Will this kind of news ever stop

crackhaus:
They have found husband for your girlfriend na.. it's like you dun even know warris going on.

Do your investigation, you will find out from another "reliable source" that there's a suitor coming around for your girlfriend's hand, and he is enticing her and her mother with the money you could not afford to give them.

I wish you well my brother...
The only thing that should concern you now is how you can still be seeing your child. Forget about your girlfriend, she's not your own anymore.

Cheers...

I'll do my investigations but I don't think that's what they want to do
I'll gladly love it if you can tell me how I can go about this if it's true

Witlee1:


I'll do my investigations but I don't think that's what they want to do
I'll gladly love it if you can tell me how I can go about this if it's true

I see you are still very much in love with the lady and it's not just the child bothering you.

Have you decided she is the one you want to settle down with? If finance is the issue can you do the bare minimum which is to go pay her bride price? I don't think bride price costs that much.

On the other hand, if she has moved on it's time for you to man up and move on too. Be there for your child by always providing upkeep. Cheers.

P/S - you paid for your girlfriends education but you did not see it right to use that money to do a proper introduction at the least to the girl's family ( if you cannot afford the bride price), knowing fully well you already had a kid and how the Nigerian society frowns at families of ladies that give birth outside wedlock? You need to do a sober reflection bro. Doing the right thing doesn't have to cost an arm and foot. Cheers.

.

The mother has the right to treat you the way she has done or might wish to under the circumstances. The onus is on you to do everything possible to secure her understanding, especially if you have good intentions for her daughter and granddaughter. You can secure her understanding and have her and the daughter walking with you on your lead diplomatically/fairly and without being servile or cruel to her.

This is not the kind of situation to exhibit too clever by half attitude unless you delight in others' pains.

Witlee1:


Thank you I appreciate your concern
Is there any reason I should let her be for now? And how do I get to see my child often because I can't be sending gifts and money to someone I don't see..
NB:I'm not requesting for the custody of the child but just time to time visitations is cool for me

What did you do that made the mother stop letting you see the child all of a sudden?
After all, you were allowed before...

Could it because you not only impregnated her daughter, you left the child with her to raise, and still had THE NERVE to still be living and having sex with her daughter with no plans to marry her? I mean, HOW DARE YOU?
Why didn't you take the child to live with you or to your own mother?
It's the audacity of your gross irresponsibility for me!

Kajaard:

I see you are still very much in love with the lady and it's not just the child bothering you.

Have you decided she is the one you want to settle down with? If finance is the issue can you do the bare minimum which is to go pay her bride price? I don't think bride price costs that much.

On the other hand, if she has moved on it's time for you to man up and move on too. Be there for your child by always providing upkeep. Cheers.

P/S - you paid for your girlfriends education but you did not see it right to use that money to do a proper introduction at the least to the girl's family ( if you cannot afford the bride price), knowing fully well you already had a kid and how the Nigerian society frowns at families of ladies that give birth outside wedlock? You need to do a sober reflection bro. Doing the right thing doesn't have to cost an arm and foot. Cheers.

Thanks for your indulgence
I have done the introduction, that is bringing my family to show my intentions
This said, tell me how to go about it
Thanks

Mariangeles:


What did you do that made the mother stop letting you see the child all of a sudden?
After all, you were allowed before...

Could it because you not only impregnated her daughter, you left the child with her to raise, and still had THE NERVE to still be living and having sex with her daughter with no plans to marry her? I mean, HOW DARE YOU?
Why didn't you take the child to live with you or to your own mother?
It's the audacity of your gross irresponsibility for me!

Exactly what I said. The truth needs to be said and no sugar coating, the dude fvcked up. No matter from which angle we try to look at it.

Like I advised earlier he should man up and do the right thing and stop talking about lack of finance. That's the excuse we guys use when we don't want to commit but still want to be diving into a lady. A child is involved, he should go do a proper introduction and remove the shame from the lady's family.

crackhaus:
They have found husband for your girlfriend na.. it's like you dun even know warris going on.

Do your investigation, you will find out from another "reliable source" that there's a suitor coming around for your girlfriend's hand, and he is enticing her and her mother with the money you could not afford to give them.

I wish you well my brother...
The only thing that should concern you now is how you can still be seeing your child. Forget about your girlfriend, she's not your own anymore.

Cheers...

What likely happened was that the mother called her daughter to order before he impregnates her the second time without marrying her, which is what any mother would do.
It happened the first time, shame on the mother if the mistake happens the second time under her watch.

Do your investigation, you will find out from another "reliable source" that there's a suitor coming around for your girlfriend's hand, and he is enticing her and her mother with the money you could not afford to give them.

If there's indeed another suitor coming for her hand, which I pray there is, I don't see anything bad in it.
She should go for it since the father of her child isn't showing any seriousness.

Witlee1:

Thanks for your indulgence
I have done the introduction, that is bringing my family to show my intentions
This said, tell me how to go about it
Thanks

Bro please go and find out how much the bride price will cost. It's something you can always negotiate with the lady's family. A child is involved, they can't throw you away. Don't listen to other opinions saying the lady has someone else or the mum is pushing someone else on her, those are not true. You brought shame to the family. Go and right your wrong. Cheers bro.

Witlee1:


Thanks
How do I send gifts to the child?

By taking it to her people or sending it to her account. If it is via bank transfer, add narration “CHILD SUPPORT FOR THE MONTH OF NOVEMBER”.

I read your story and came to the conclusion that you two are just not ready to face the reality you have created.

You have a child, but prefer to stay together fcking, while her mother raises the child.

During this period the two of you were eating and you were even paying her fees. Probably sending stipends to the mother. So the problem is not money, but a lack of accountability and responsibility. Both of you just want to keep knacking, but her mother has obviously brought her back to her senses. You on your part is far too gone.

You are not yet ready to marry (this girl). You need to face it and leave all this finance story. Work out what is best for the child.

I asked you to ignore them because I hate when people use a child as a tool in a fight. It mustn’t end in marriage. None of you is a minor, I also like to think it was consensual. So nobody should be forced/blackmailed into marrying the other.

When they calm down, you all can have a talk like reasonable humans. If I were her, I would just ignore you. If I were you, I would ignore her.

Kajaard:


Exactly what I said. The truth needs to be said and no sugar coating, the dude fvcked up. No matter from which angle we try to look at it.

Like I advised earlier he should man up and do the right thing and stop talking about lack of finance. That's the excuse we guys use when we don't want to commit but still want to be diving into a lady. A child is involved, he should go do a proper introduction and remove the shame from the lady's family.

Thank you for the bolded.

Who's he trying to fool? Definitely not me!
Imagine a guy who has his own place, and can even afford to pay his baby mama's (gosh! I can't stand that word) school fees, but couldn't take his own daughter to live with him, and yet he was living and still sleeping with the mother of his daughter...
If truly he had any intention of marrying the mother of his child, he would've done something tangible.

Mariangeles:

What likely happened was that the mother called her daughter to order before he impregnates her the second time without marrying her, which is what a good mother would do.
It happened the first time, shame on the mother if the mistake happens the second time under her watch.

She called her daughter to order after two years of letting them cohabit like husband and wife?

For the one year and eight months when he was dutifully catering for her grandchild and daughter, it did not occur to her then that they're supposed to make it official abi...

Yeah, she's a really good mother.

If there's indeed another suitor coming for her hand, which I pray there is, I don't see anything bad in it.
She should go for it since the father of her child isn't showing any seriousness.

I don't see anything bad in it either, I'm simply making him aware of that possibility.

I've always been of the opinion that being a mother and being a wife are two very different things and a man should not be under any compulsion to marry a woman who has had a child for him.

Mariangeles:


What likely happened was that the mother called her daughter to order before he impregnates her the second time without marrying her, which is what a good mother would do.
It happened the first time, shame on the mother if the mistake happens the second time under her watch.

Well said. How would the mother be babysitting while the daughter is still cohabiting with a lover? What kind of insult is that? Same person accusing the mother of giving her another husband would still call the mother a shameless modern woman.

If there's indeed another suitor coming for her hand, which I pray there is, I don't see anything bad in it.
She should go for it since the father of her child isn't showing any seriousness.

You know we women can love mumu love sometimes. A man that is ready is ready. Once story done dey too much, stop stressing your emotions and brain. Press ignore and focus on other productive ventures. In her case, her education and child. You will see how much peace you would have.

pocohantas:


Well said. How would the mother be babysitting while the daughter is still cohabiting with a lover? What kind of insult is that? Same person accusing the mother of giving her another husband would still call the mother a shameless modern woman.

Imagine the embarrassment!

You know we women can love mumu love sometimes. A man that is ready is ready. Once excuse done dey too much, stop stressing your emotions and brain. Press ignore and focus on other productive ventures. In her case, her education and child. You will see how much peace you would have.

I agree.
To avoid making matters worse.

crackhaus:


She called her daughter to order after two years of letting them cohabit like husband and wife?

For the one year and eight months when he was dutifully catering for her grandchild and daughter, it did not occur to her then that they're supposed to make it official abi...

Yeah, she's a really good mother.



I don't see anything bad in it either, I'm simply making him aware of that possibility.

I've always been of the opinion that being a mother and being a wife are two very different things and a man should not be under any compulsion to marry a woman who has had a child for him.

It is never too late for one to correct their mistake(s).
You no go look say e don happen before, come dey make matters worse.

I also believe the guy led them on to believe he was going to marry the mother of his child any time soon, until it dawned on the mother (of his girlfriend).

Witlee1:

I'll do my investigations but I don't think that's what they want to do

I'll gladly love it if you can tell me how I can go about this if it's true

My brother, entertain ALL possibilities...

If it was marriage they wanted you to finalize with their daughter, they would state it clearly and not report you to human rights... Wetin you do dem? Lol

Ignoring you and insulting you when you've done nothing to warrant it is a sign that something is amiss... And like I suspect, dem fit don see man with enticing money wey ready to marry their pikin.

I just read somewhere you stated that you have done the introduction... Wow.
See bro, there's another man in the picture.. I am now much more certain.

As for what you can do assuming my suspicions are accurate, my guy there's nothing you can do.
You don't want to be that man who goes to beg a woman's family to allow you marry their daughter even when she and her mother are already disrespecting you like this.

Just let them be and focus on doing right by your child however way you can.

pocohantas:


Well said. How would the mother be babysitting while the daughter is still cohabiting with a lover? What kind of insult is that? Same person accusing the mother of giving her another husband would still call the mother a shameless modern woman.





You know we women can love mumu love sometimes. A man that is ready is ready. Once story done dey too much, stop stressing your emotions and brain. Press ignore and focus on other productive ventures. In her case, her education and child. You will see how much peace you would have.

I didn't want to mention you at first but I have to so those that have good advice for me will dish it out to me

Firstly I never ran away from my responsibilities as I took care of the child for almost two years while I was cohabiting with my gf which the mother is aware of and when the child was giving to her mother I regularly send some stipends to them for upkeep...so how is that running away from responsibilities? If not that the mother is wicked if not she would have called the daughter to order when I started cohabiting with her, so why now?

Secondly I have done introduction by bringing my family to make my intentions known, I least expected you to know if you had read my comments ...the only issue is that I can't pay the bride price which is exorbitant because she's from an igbo tribe, it's not a financial excuse it's what I can't afford right now and I'm sure you won't advice me to borrow to pay for that and it's clear that this is what they want or else I don't have a claim on the child

Thirdly, if you think I'm just cohabiting with her to have sex you are clearly getting it all wrong, if it's sex I want they are many ways to get it bit I truly love this girl and want us to build a family together but the family isn't seeing reasons with me until I pay bride price

NB: the school fees of the girl I paid isn't even half of the list of things I need to pay for the bride price but like someone said I can negotiate it with them,that's if they agree , I'll work on it
Thanks

Mariangeles:


It is never too late for one to correct their mistakes(s).
You no go look say e don happen, come dey make matters worse.

I also believe the guy led them on to believe he was going to marry the mother of his child any time soon, until it dawned on the mother (of his girlfriend).

So why are they reporting him to human rights and telling him to NEVER contact his gf anymore?

If their intentions were pure, shouldn't everyone involved be looking for a way to amicably reach a resolution that will ensure they get married?

Wetin come dey cause all the animosity now?
Or is there anything the OP did that I did not read?

It's like you don't want to reason this thing thoroughly oo...