crackhaus:

She called her daughter to order after two years of letting them cohabit like husband and wife?

For the one year and eight months when he was dutifully catering for her grandchild and daughter, it did not occur to her then that they're supposed to make it official abi...

Yeah, she's a really good mother.



I don't see anything bad in it either, I'm simply making him aware of that possibility.

I've always been of the opinion that being a mother and being a wife are two very different things and a man should not be under any compulsion to marry a woman who has had a child for him.

Thanks

Females on here don't know there are many things involved in being married to someone cuz too many responsibilities abound, in my case I'm the only one because the girl is still in school and isn't doing anything to bring in income
Marriage is not something I could just rush into, my question is why wait when I took care of their daughter with the baby but they can't wait a few more years for me to be capable of bearing all the responsibilities coming with marriage and then decided I shouldn't see my child unless I do their bidding?

ucheheart:
First how are we sure you are the father of that child, for your gf to team up with her mother and do this to you, the parternity of that child is questionable. But if you are really the father of the child, just relax, they will beg you to carry your responsibility when they get tired of their drama.

Thanks, from your name you seem to be an igbo person.... I'll stop contacting her for now since I can't do what they are requesting for now

ucheheart:
First how are we sure you are the father of that child, for your gf to team up with her mother and do this to you, the parternity of that child is questionable. But if you are really the father of the child, just relax, they will beg you to carry your responsibility when they get tired of their drama.

Another angle oo...

InTheCloudySky:
1. It's likely the mother is no fan of yours to begin with. The child has been with her for only 4-months (24-months ― 1.8-months/20-months = 4-months) and not 4-years. I would be much harder on you if you had left her with the mother for longer than that or for years but this is just 4-months we're talking about. Plus, it's not as if you've been an absentee father or haven't taken care of her at all. You sorted all her hospital bills and took care of her until 4-months ago, and you've helped your gf/her daughter pay some of her school fees (why isn't her father doing that?). Obviously, as a father, you don't ever stop caring for your child and from your post, you've no intention of doing that but have just been financially-strained, so I'm just cutting you some slack here because I see you've been trying.

2.Your gf that's also ganging up on you with her mother isn't a good sign. This is a precedence of how she'll behave in the future, turning against you at any given moment.

3. Make money. Once you've money, you will have the means to take your child back or have joint-custody (if you and your gf don't end up getting married).

Thank you, I appreciate your advice, I even bought alot of things for my daughter during her birthday when she was staying with her grandma and celebrated it with her so I don't know why this sudden change of attitude cuz all this should show them that I am truly interested in marrying their daughter and not just the child
Please advice me on what you think I should do as this is really draining me emotionally
Thanks
Ps: her father is late, the man hasn't been staying with them for many years now before he relocated to the village...the woman has 5 children and they stay together in a room

Witlee1:


Thanks

Females on here don't know there are many things involved in being married to someone cuz too many responsibilities abound, in my case I'm the only one because the girl is still in school and isn't doing anything to bring in income
Marriage is not something I could just rush into, my question is why wait when I took care of their daughter with the baby but they can't wait a few more years for me to be capable of bearing all the responsibilities coming with marriage and then decided I shouldn't see my child unless I do their bidding?

It's too far na... When other men are showing interest, they should all now be waiting for you? Ahh!

There's no loyalty on these streets bruv

crackhaus:

So why are they reporting him to human rights and telling him to NEVER contact his gf anymore?

Na the leg wey im bring dem take follow am!
You sef check am na....
Wetin go give them mind to go report am to human rights without caring say everything fit scatter?

If their intentions ware pure, shouldn't everyone involved be looking for a way to amicably reach a resolution that will ensure they get married?

It is up to him.

Wetin come dey cause all the animosity now?
Or is there anything the OP did that I did not read?

It's like you don't want to reason this thing thoroughly oo...

When you carry person pikin wey you never marry keep for house for 2yrs, e reach cause animosity.

Witlee1:


Thanks, from your name you seem to be an igbo person.... I'll stop contacting her for now since I can't do what they are requesting for now

E go shock you!
O ga a nya gi n'eze!

crackhaus:

My brother, entertain ALL possibilities...

If it was marriage they wanted you to finalize with their daughter, they would state it clearly and not report you to human rights... Wetin you do dem? Lol

Ignoring you and insulting you when you've done nothing to warrant it is a sign that something is amiss... And like I suspect, dem fit don see man with enticing money wey ready to marry their pikin.

I just read somewhere where you stated that you have done the introduction... Wow.
See bro, there's another man in the picture.. I am now much more certain.

As for what you can do assuming my suspicions are accurate, my guy there's nothing you can do.
You don't want to be that man who goes to beg a woman's family to allow you marry their daughter even when she and her mother are already disrespecting you like this.

Just let them be and focus on doing right by your child however way you can.

Thanks for the advice
I'll work on that, since I'll be doing right by my child, is it bad if I want the child to visit me from time to time (not frequently) since it's obvious my gf isn't interested in us anymore?

Witlee1:
My gf got pregnant, I'm not an advocate of abortion so I told her to keep it so I and my live-in gf had a child (girl) outside wedlock who is 2 years old now and I took care of her and the child for 1 year and 8 months,paid the hospital bills and everything, which a single dough of the girls family didn't come to the wellbeing of the child, it was All me which the mother of the girl is aware of.

Though I dont want to marry the girl now due to the harsh economy of Nigeria but I have plans to marry her later on due to the harsh plus I can't just jump into marriage when I'm not yet able to cater for a family yet so I told her to keep the child with her mother till I can be able to stand on my feet and foster for us all

I no suppose put mouth for this matter cause I'm not in a good mood at all, but this made me laugh.

Whatever is harsh in this economy, you're already inside it. Once you have a baby in your name, the harsh economy dom start be that. Once you agree that a baby should be born, It is really not different from marrying her because you will start losing money whether you like it or not, so why not face it squarely? You can do a small introduction or even traditional marriage with 250k or less, borrow Suit and Wedding gown, go to registry & tie the knot, end of story.

I am Pro Abortion, and all this abortion that all of you are running from, It has now put you in trouble. Which is better, bringing a child to this world to suffer or terminating the child and saving him/her all the trauma? Look at all the drama happening with something you could have prevented with a D and C.

Witlee1:


Thanks for the advice
I'll work on that, since I'll be doing right by my child, is it bad if I want the child to visit me from time to time (not frequently) since it's obvious my gf isn't interested in us anymore?

It is not bad and as a matter of fact, it is your right to demand it.

However, since the child is with them , they hold the upper hand and can restrict you from a lot of things.

My suggestion is that you should not push it.
Just do what they allow you to do and leave the rest.

Apart from you paying dowry which might not be much and avoiding large wedding celebration, what is the difference in what you are doing now and when you get married to her, is it that you tend to eat more in marriage, landlord increase house rent because you are no longer single in the house you cohabit with the same GF, or government charges you fees monthly for getting married. Oga just do the needful and marry that girl, no sane mother will watch her daughter doing what she is doing turning her to nanny and she trying to make another baby for her to nurse again.

truthsayer009:


I no suppose put mouth for this matter cause I'm not in a good mood at all, but this made me laugh.

Whatever is harsh in this economy, you're already inside it. Once you have a baby in your name, the harsh economy dom start be that. Once you agree that a baby should be born, It is really not different from marrying her because you will start losing money whether you like it or not, so why not face it squarely? You can do a small introduction or even traditional marriage with 250k or less, borrow Suit and Wedding gown, go to registry & tie the knot, end of story.

I am Pro Abortion, and all this abortion that all of you are running from, It has now put you in trouble. Which is better, bringing a child to this world to suffer or terminating the child and saving him/her all the trauma? Look at all the drama happening with something you could have prevented with a D and C.

Borrowing suit is doing too much sef, just do introduction and pay dowry which is to formalize it traditionally, registry can come later. He does not know he will spend more with this current arrangement than when they are together in a house as a family.
@OP, you are already married, only that you followed back door enter am, do what needed to be done and have your peace of mind if you truly still want the lady.
Finally, in all your doings always consider the plight of a child that did not ask to be brought to this world to suffer from the carelessness of the parents.

cayorday89:
Apart from you paying dowry which might not be much and avoiding large wedding celebration, what is the difference in what you are doing now and when you get married to her, is it that you tend to eat more in marriage, landlord increase house rent because you are no longer single in the house you cohabit with the same GF, or government charges you fees monthly for getting married. Oga just do the needful and marry that girl, no sane mother will watch her daughter doing what she is doing turning her to nanny and she trying to make another baby for her to nurse again.

No one is trying to make another baby for anyone to nurse,I also have a mother, if she can't handle it she can hand her over to my mum till I do the necessary things which I truly intend to do... apart from that I've been trying my best to send some little stipends as my capabilities could handle for the upkeep of my child so I see no reason why they can't wait for me to be a little bit okay for me to marry
Or do they want their daughter and granddaughter to suffer in marriage? That's not what I plan for them

Witlee1:


I didn't want to mention you at first but I have to so those that have good advice for me will dish it out to me

Firstly I never ran away from my responsibilities as I took care of the child for almost two years while I was cohabiting with my gf which the mother is aware of and when the child was giving to her mother I regularly send some stipends to them for upkeep...so how is that running away from responsibilities? If not that the mother is wicked if not she would have called the daughter to order when I started cohabiting with her, so why now?

I didn’t say you ran from your responsibilities, I wouldn’t know where you read that. I said you two are not being responsible by owning up to your new reality. The fact that you guys are now parents. I can’t see any sense in you two cohabiting while the child is with your gf’s mother. Una dey fear to train pikin?

That said, I don’t care if you marry her or not. It is up to you to do that if you want to.

cayorday89:
Borrowing suit is doing too much sef, just do introduction and pay dowry which is to formalize it traditionally, registry can come later. He does not know he will spend more with this current arrangement than when they are together in a house as a family.
@OP, you are already married, only that you followed back door enter am, do what needed to be done and have your peace of mind if you truly still want the lady.
Finally, in all your doings always consider the plight of a child that did not ask to be brought to this world to suffer from the carelessness of the parents.

Thank you for the advice
I'll gladly spend more when I have the resources to do so than spending now when I don't have any and then bringing them in for them to suffer, as I dey drink my Garri alone I like it than bringing them in to suffer with me
You guys ain't even seeing to my wellbeing as I'm the only sole provider here, plus I have done introduction to show my intention so I don't see what they are really trying to do since I only told them to hold a bit for me to gather myself

Witlee1 whatever you're giving for the child's upkeep, please keep proofs/evidences of it so should in case shit hits the fan: no one would say you're not a responsible father.

pocohantas:


I didn’t say you ran from your responsibilities, I wouldn’t know where you read that. I said you two are not being responsible by owning up to your new reality. The fact that you guys are now parents. I can’t see any sense in you two cohabiting while the child is with your gf’s mother. Una dey fear to train pikin?

That said, I don’t care if you marry her or not. It is up to you to do that if you want to.

Oh I understand you now.... The reason she's with her grandmother is that my gf is still in school and won't allow it to affect her studies and me I'm a hustler and I don't think I'll be able to look greatly into the child's welfare for now that's why I told her to go keep her with her mother while I send stipends to her for the time being hence the two of us still cohabiting till she restrained her daughter
So I don't know where I got it all wrong

Raalsalghul:
Witlee1 whatever you're giving for the child's upkeep, please keep proofs/evidences of it so should in case shit hits the fan: no one would say you're not a responsible father.

Thanks

Op your case her is not a big deal just that the mother of the girl knows what she want


Airforce 1 here already has kids with his baby mama and they are living together for years now

The girls mother is not even concerned

Ignore that girl for now and arrange yourself

But ignoring her may make you to loose her to another already made man.

Witlee1:


No one is trying to make another baby for anyone to nurse,I also have a mother, if she can't handle it she can hand her over to my mum till I do the necessary things which I truly intend to do... apart from that I've been trying my best to send some little stipends as my capabilities could handle for the upkeep of my child so I see no reason why they can't wait for me to be a little bit okay for me to marry
Or do they want their daughter and granddaughter to suffer in marriage? That's not what I plan for them

I did not conclude you both are making more babies, but still cohabiting, what do you think will be the thought of the mother of your babe, she will definitely not see things the way you are seeing it and it's okay if she acts strange and not believe whatever plans you have in mind cos action now is what she wants to see, remember she was once a young girl, and for you to have impregnated her daughter you did with promises to her daughter, so act and make the woman happy for once. Hope you get the angle I am coming from? Cheers.

cayorday89:

I did not conclude you both are making more babies, but still cohabiting, what do you think will be the thought of the mother of your babe, she will definitely not see things the way you are seeing it and it's okay if she acts strange and not believe whatever plans you have in mind cos action now is what she wants to see, remember she was once a young girl, and for you to have impregnated her daughter you did with promises to her daughter, so act and make the woman happy for once. Hope you get the angle I am coming from? Cheers.

Yes I do
Thanks

You surely missed some vital info apart from the obvious....how did your live-in gf suddenly became estranged from you to the point of reporting you to welfare? Anyways, no need to sweat it.....leave the whole family alone. Your daughter will be ok. They will soon start looking for you by the time her bills
increase.

Homeboiy:
Op your case her is not a big deal just that the mother of the girl knows what she want


Airforce 1 here already has kids with his baby mama and they are living together for years now

The girls mother is not even concerned

Ignore that girl for now and arrange yourself

But ignoring her may make you to loose her to another already made man.

Thanks for the advice

What do I need to do about the child? How do I go about it? Or should I just ignore all of them with the child?

sisisioge:
You surely missed some vital info apart from the obvious....how did you live-in gf suddenly became estranged from you to the point of reporting you to welfare? Anyways, no need to sweat it.....leave the whole family alone. Your daughter will be ok. They will soon start looking for you by the time her bills
increase.

I don't know the reason she reported, I was only called upon to stay away from their daughter cuz I was threatening her which I never did.seems they don't want me around anymore

What if she marries a well to do man that can take care of my child? She clearly won't need me
What kind of father would my child see me as?

I was thinking of going to the police or welfare

Witlee1:


Thanks for the advice

What do I need to do about the child? How do I go about it? Or should I just ignore all of them with the child?

I know it will not be easy to ignore your child

Keep trying to meet with her but if your girl and her mother keeps frustrating you then you ignore all of them.

Your desperation will make them to continue denying you the right to see your child.

But I will tell you to stop all form of communications with that girl for now

Witlee1:

Thank you for the advice
I'll gladly spend more when I have the resources to do so than spending now when I don't have any and then bringing them in for them to suffer, as I dey drink my Garri alone I like it than bringing them in to suffer with me
You guys ain't even seeing to my wellbeing as I'm the only sole provider here, plus I have done introduction to show my intention so I don't see what they are really trying to do since I only told them to hold a bit for me to gather myself

God will see us through upon this hustle matter, we can reason with you but your mother-in-law will not, she'd rather you all stay together than her having the child and receiving side remarks everywhere from people.

And for your wellbeing, it's your cross to carry. Take this example from my experience, sometime last week, I bought food on my way home and on getting home my neighbours children(aged 2plus and 4yrs all boys) who always greet me and follow me to my room did as usual but I just looked at the food how small it was and it remained in my bag till they left because it won't be enough for only me after the days work not to talk of sharing with them, immediately after eating I said to myself, guy you not ready for marriage, the more reason I have to lock up with woman matter and parental pressure for now. My point is, you brought this upon yourself and they won't be happy with you as you have given the woman extra responsibility to handle which you the father is trying to avoid.

Witlee1:


Thanks for the advice

What do I need to do about the child? How do I go about it? Or should I just ignore all of them with the child?

What you should do is find a way to settle with them amicably. No use force or gragra!
Do not abandon your daughter as some here are advising.
What your daughter's mother and her mother truly wants from you is assurance.
Assure them that you will do the needful eventually, and not just using her.

Witlee1:

I don't know the reason she reported, I was only called upon to stay away from their daughter cuz I was threatening her which I never did.seems they don't want me around anymore

What if she marries a well to do man that can take care of my child? She clearly won't need me
What kind of father would my child see me as?

I was thinking of going to the police or welfare

Your child will see you as a very useless Father! How can you go around putting someone's daughter in a family way without trying to marry her. What will be your reaction if someone does the same to your daughter. It is obvious that the Mom has been shamed by the actions of the daughter, which you pioneered. Do the needful, Go and Pay her Brideprice and double your hustle.

Not having enough is not an excuse why you wouldn't marry her. Also, update the misleading topic. The woman is not your Mother in law for now, until you marry the daughter. And if you cannot, take your irresponsibility far away from them. So the damages you have caused can be rectified.

OreoPaschal:


Your child will see you as a very useless Father! How can you go around putting someone's daughter in a family way without trying to marry her. What will be your reaction if someone does the same to your daughter. It is obvious that the Mom has been shamed by the actions of the daughter, which you pioneered. Do the needful, Go and Pay her Brideprice and double your hustle.

Not having enough is not an excuse why you wouldn't marry her. Also, update the misleading topic. The woman is not your Mother in law for now, until you marry the daughter. And if you cannot, take your irresponsibility far away from them. So the damages you have caused can be rectified.

OreoPaschal:


Also, update the misleading topic. The woman is not your Mother in law for now, until you marry the daughter. And if you cannot, take your irresponsibility far away from them. So the damages you have caused can be rectified.

Lol