Marrying And Taking Her Abroad; A Regret? - Family - Nairaland
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| Marrying And Taking Her Abroad; A Regret? by mrbenjame: 9:14am On Dec 02, 2021 |
Please I need an honest opinion. I’m not saying there’re no good women. But the rate at which women who marry their abroad hubbys and thereafter go to join them overseas and start misbehaving gets me very worried and sometimes afraid. The question is 1. How often does this happen? 2. Should a guy go on to take his chances? 3. Should he marry someone already abroad? 4. Should he settle entirely with another Nationality totally? Guys make una input o make we know where we Dey. 50 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: Marrying And Taking Her Abroad; A Regret? by socialmediaman: 9:16am On Dec 02, 2021 |
Many people in Nigeria are desperate at the moment and they’re not on the same page as you wanting to settle down and grow a family. Moreover, being on the same page to settle down doesn’t still mean it’s you they want to settle down with, but due to desperation they will get married to travel abroad and change their lives. Talking about marriage, you see, many marriages may survive in Nigeria but they can’t survive abroad because there is more freedom and more options for independence there compared to Nigeria. How often do serious problems happen with marriages abroad? I don’t know. There is really no data out there on how often this happens, but some speculations allege up to 50% divorce rate among Nigerians abroad. If this were true, It means, 5 out of 10 marriages between Nigerians end in divorce. But I suspect the rate of divorce is much lower. On the contrary, divorce rate in Nigeria is about 1% or less, for obvious reasons, some of them mentioned here Should a guy go on to take his chances? You see, before you take your chances, you should know why marriages among Nigerians abroad fail. Like I mentioned earlier, many marriages in Nigeria will not survive abroad. Why? Because there is domestic violence involved, financial issues which accounts for one of the biggest reasons for divorce, incompatibility, both spouses are not on the same page in their lives (for e.g. wife wants to school first before kids but husband wants kids immediately etc), core values do not align, among others. These marriages survive in Nigeria because of the economy, the society and community, the culture, the people etc, but abroad, these marriages will fail because there is more freedom, more options to choose from, more equal opportunity and a different lifestyle and culture. For instance, at 30s, ladies abroad consider themselves young and may be focused on their careers first before settling down, so it’s easy to sync into that if you’re a Nigerian. But in Nigeria, ladies in their mid to late 20s are already getting worried about not settling down Should he settle with another nationality? Everyone’s choice and needs are different. There are Nigerians living in Nigeria who are married to Ghanaians, Cameroonians, even Asians, Americans etc. It depends on what matters to you and who you meet. Some women abroad are ready and willing to learn your culture including language, food and lifestyle, while others are not interested. Think about what matters to you and look for a woman whose values also align with yours The most important ingredient for a successful marriage is how much your values align with each other. Do you both value companionship and want to be best of friends? Do you both value communication and transparency? Do you both value respect? Are you both committed to making a relationship work? Are you both on the same page with what you want in marriage? These are very important questions you need to answer with your partner. For instance, if you value trust very much but find a partner who lies too much, your marriage is already having challenges before even getting started Affection, romantic connection, even culture similarities are not enough to sustain a marriage. As you can see, people from same ethnic groups also divorce each other. If your values don’t align, you don’t know each other, and other things come to play like infidelity, my brother, your marriage will not survive abroad. Be careful. Know what matters and who you make long term commitments to. 335 Likes 37 Shares |
| Re: Marrying And Taking Her Abroad; A Regret? by Legendrysailor(m): 9:40am On Dec 02, 2021 |
A |
| Re: Marrying And Taking Her Abroad; A Regret? by Legendrysailor(m): 9:41am On Dec 02, 2021 |
Hell no !!! Don't try dat shit with a Nigerian lady, u will live to regret it. I repeat u will live to regret it Do not quote me if ur IQ is below 10 185 Likes 12 Shares |
| Re: Marrying And Taking Her Abroad; A Regret? by Foodqueen(f): 9:44am On Dec 02, 2021 |
Most of the times, it's usually ends in tears. All these girls pretends alot,vwhen they are just coming in. 138 Likes 11 Shares |
| Re: Marrying And Taking Her Abroad; A Regret? by Klass99(f): 9:57am On Dec 02, 2021 |
. 193 Likes 16 Shares |
| Re: Marrying And Taking Her Abroad; A Regret? by Danielomisco(m): 10:00am On Dec 02, 2021 |
Go get green card oga,y u wan limit urself? 8 Likes |
| Re: Marrying And Taking Her Abroad; A Regret? by Mariangeles(f): 10:16am On Dec 02, 2021 |
The question you really want to ask is Can I live abroad and have the Nigerian type of marriage? Dude! You can't have your cake and eat it!  244 Likes 21 Shares |
| Re: Marrying And Taking Her Abroad; A Regret? by mrbenjame: 11:45am On Dec 02, 2021 |
Mariangeles: Lols. You’re right though. I need the Nigerian kind of marriage. Although I’m not problematic character wise. But my fear is if the woman will give me peace of mind 54 Likes |
| Re: Marrying And Taking Her Abroad; A Regret? by mrbenjame: 11:48am On Dec 02, 2021 |
Legendrysailor: |
| Re: Marrying And Taking Her Abroad; A Regret? by mrbenjame: 11:48am On Dec 02, 2021 |
Legendrysailor: |
| Re: Marrying And Taking Her Abroad; A Regret? by JovialJune(f): 12:57pm On Dec 02, 2021 |
mrbenjame: 1) If you want the Nigerian kind of marriage, don't travel abroad when married, stay here with your wife 2) If you strong headedly decide to marry then travel abroad leaving her here, accept the fact that as you're cheating on her, she's also cheating on you 3) You can't have a Nigerian kind of marriage abroad where the system and laws is fair to all and sundry, a system that does not recognise the machoistic, ego driven, head of the family, respect-submissive type of mentality you are used to here, equality is their watchword over there, no gender is above the other. 144 Likes 16 Shares |
| Re: Marrying And Taking Her Abroad; A Regret? by mrbenjame: 1:16pm On Dec 02, 2021 |
JovialJune:Very valid point I must say 39 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: Marrying And Taking Her Abroad; A Regret? by MufasaLion: 1:23pm On Dec 02, 2021 |
Well, I can't decide for nobody. I can't take no woman abroad! 37 Likes |
| Re: Marrying And Taking Her Abroad; A Regret? by Mariangeles(f): 1:30pm On Dec 02, 2021 |
mrbenjame: If you give her peace of mind, she's most likely to give you peace of mind, whether in Nigeria or abroad. 68 Likes 12 Shares |
| Re: Marrying And Taking Her Abroad; A Regret? by mrbenjame: 2:04pm On Dec 02, 2021 |
MufasaLion: Women are in trouble o. 5 Likes 5 Shares |
| Re: Marrying And Taking Her Abroad; A Regret? by MufasaLion: 2:08pm On Dec 02, 2021 |
mrbenjame: They tend to adopt their culture there which is normal, but most of them take advantage of the freedom and power to "punish" the husband. It's better to just marry a western woman that's used to her culture and see it as normal, than marry a Nigerian lady that's gonna see it as luxury and avenue to do all sorts of damage. 161 Likes 15 Shares |
| Re: Marrying And Taking Her Abroad; A Regret? by mrbenjame: 3:19pm On Dec 02, 2021 |
MufasaLion: I have a relative that works with a multinational company. The man was transferred to Netherlands. Got there and the wife divorced him after some years. He left the house for the lady. She collected a lot of his properties over there because he stayed in Netherlands for a long time. Later he asked the company that he’d want to return to Nigeria. He came back and remarried afterwards. After about 20 years he joined politics after retiring. Now he’s late the wife abroad is still dragging properties of the man here with his new wife and kids. No be small wahala o 86 Likes 9 Shares |
| Re: Marrying And Taking Her Abroad; A Regret? by MufasaLion: 3:34pm On Dec 02, 2021 |
mrbenjame: Damn! There are sweet stories too but the bitter ones are more than the sweet ones. 17 Likes |
| Re: Marrying And Taking Her Abroad; A Regret? by mrbenjame: 3:47pm On Dec 02, 2021 |
Lalasticlala Abeg put this thing for frontpage make people see am talk o. 2 Likes |
| Re: Marrying And Taking Her Abroad; A Regret? by wunmi590(m): 3:58pm On Dec 02, 2021 |
 Some of our men with this their shallow mentality, I guess Nigerian men should stop thinking all Nigerian women are gold diggers... If I have the chance which I'm currently working on, I will take my wife along, infact, I can't travel out for long without letting my wife be beside me... No be every nigerian woman bad 87 Likes 9 Shares |
| Re: Marrying And Taking Her Abroad; A Regret? by greenie77: 4:07pm On Dec 02, 2021 |
There is always an option of marrying a woman you met where you migrated to and readjust your mind to accept the reality that your marriage will more likely be along the culture obtainable there. At least, it would eliminate the man feeling he did a Nigerian wife a favour by bringing her over to his base. Marry who you met there, less surprises I remember the stories of Lagos husbands of the 60s and 70s, where men who were based in Lagos would go to their villages and marry, leave the wife in the village with his mother to be giving birth, assisting with domestic chores and farm work. That taking her to Lagos will "spoil" her Back in Lagos, after work he goes to the then famous Caban Bamboo nightclub along Ikorodu Road to drink and shake waist with ladies that have already spoilt!  111 Likes 12 Shares |
| Re: Marrying And Taking Her Abroad; A Regret? by Nobody: 4:08pm On Dec 02, 2021 |
mrbenjame:you cant have the Nigerian type of marriage abroad. The law favours women. There is incentive for her to dump you as government will give her free money and she also gets to tak your house lol. My advice to you only marry a lady you know before not a stranger, or you go cry. You can also try other Africans they are homely and gentle. They are not materialistic like our babes 40 Likes 3 Shares |
| Re: Marrying And Taking Her Abroad; A Regret? by greenie77: 4:09pm On Dec 02, 2021 |
adeakin: Which other African countries? 5 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Marrying And Taking Her Abroad; A Regret? by mrbenjame: 4:11pm On Dec 02, 2021 |
adeakin: I never thought of other African women. 4 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Marrying And Taking Her Abroad; A Regret? by AutoChick4U(f): 4:16pm On Dec 02, 2021 |
Works go some and doesn't work for some. Afterall cocokandy dey abroad with her husband and they living fine. Just get someone who truly loves you. 11 Likes |
| Re: Marrying And Taking Her Abroad; A Regret? by Nobody: 4:18pm On Dec 02, 2021 |
mrbenjame:in Canada where i am currently, sierra leone babes are the best, then ghanians, uganda and other South Africans countries like zim. They no dey too demand from men. 56 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Marrying And Taking Her Abroad; A Regret? by mrbenjame: 4:23pm On Dec 02, 2021 |
adeakin: Are you serious? I’m excited oooo! Lols. I’d look into this. 4 Likes |
| Re: Marrying And Taking Her Abroad; A Regret? by Nobody: 4:36pm On Dec 02, 2021 |
wunmi590:nobody say everyone bad. But can you date everyone  I have lived in uk and Canada, let me tell you what some of our women do. 1- the ones based abroad have high taste and typically live above their salary, they can rent a house that takes 80% of their salary while men will typically rent the one that takes 35% of salary. They always want holidays and trips, cooking is seen as slavery to many of them. Any man wey marry them just dey marry wahala . You will even take loans to pay for ring, wedding and honeymoon 2. The women take abroad have chances to get free funding for course like nursing and IT. They later become richer or equal to the man . Then start to rub shoulder. Later they will say i dont need a man and divorce you. 3. Some will call police when una fight or quarrel. You as the man will be asked to leave the house temporarily or permanently. Some of the benefits are paid to the women eg child benefits. Some of our 9ja women spend it alone. Some demand you take care of all bills after you will have 200 dols as saving. While she invests her own salary of like 3k to 5k dols a month in Nigeria or her siblings. Marriage is looking like a scam these days 118 Likes 13 Shares |
| Re: Marrying And Taking Her Abroad; A Regret? by Kobojunkie: 4:39pm On Dec 02, 2021 |
mrbenjame:Then stay right there in Nigeria to have that. 3 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Marrying And Taking Her Abroad; A Regret? by Kobojunkie: 4:40pm On Dec 02, 2021 |
JovialJune:That is just it! 4 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Marrying And Taking Her Abroad; A Regret? by mrbenjame: 4:44pm On Dec 02, 2021 |
Kobojunkie: If you understand what I mean. Not all Nigerians oppress their wives. Please get it. 3 Likes |
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