Bonesbreaker:
go and print fake divorce paper drop it for her to see give her two days to make up her mind on the way forward and watch the drama, remember when you give her that fake divorce do not sleep in the house make arrangement with ur friend or hotel to sleep over that night, ignore her food do not give her attention and watch the drama display she will come back on her sense

The odds still dea in her favour, you don forget say na Yankee dem dea?

OP what's your mind telling you ?

Should you try harder or just give up ..

From your write up your wife is actually running things in your home by simply manipulating you .

You need to accept people for who they are.
It's wrong for one person to always be the one compromising , or trying to understand another.
It's very toxic

If you can't handle this woman it's better to let her go and love her from a distance.

Since she's not giving you sex , what else is she actually adding to your life.

Your wife o,
Omo OP you're suffering

Walahi I swear to God, no woman can take the place of my mother.

Op if you can tell the bitch either she calm down or you send her out of your house and marry another woman.of it's her mother will she ask her not to enter the kitchen. What did she brought to your house ? She can pick them and Bleep off. I hate rubbish.

Divorce her!

You are a man with good and open intentions who wants to develop marriage connections with your wife and she is having none of that.


Tell her you have excersied all options to make the marriage work on your path and you would like to collapse the union and she goes to find her happiness somewhere else.

50pseamer

You are in a psychological battle with your wife and both of you are losing. You're both losing because you failed to provide leadership.

Take responsibility of what happens in your house and let her be your assistant. She's leading and your are following.

She is dying for your leadership not followership.

Take charge. Assign duties and chores. Do yours and make sure she does hers. Give her bills to pay sometimes. Take the larger chunk but make sure she does hers.

As for the kitchen issue, if it is what you have delegated to her, then let her be responsible but she must also take instructuons from you as her leader.

She should be the one asking you if she should permit your mum to use the kitchen and not the other way around.

As for church, instruct her to follow you to church. She can attend hers after or before that.

Take the lead and both of you will be happy.

Uhmmm marriage.

50pseamer:

I am not saying I am a saint, infact when there are issues , I apologize more easily than my wife. I feel very strongly for my child, I do not want him to suffer, she complained earlier that I was not helping with the baby and I started helping more, after a while, she said we need to go to a counsellor, I have agreed and also searched for a Christian one, but she prefers the one with a degree in psychology,
Sometimes when she offends me I can be blunt, and I might says some words, but not extreme words the words are only an interpretation of the attitude I see.
She knows it all, and does not easily take correction, even when I try to play with her she easily takes offence. Mind you all these never happened while we were dating, I noticed a bit of stubbornness and I tried to correct her , and told her that is one of the attribute I hate the most.
I am at point that I am not sure she loves me , and I don't even know if everything happening in my home is normal.

The fact that you are open to counselling says a lot about you and I MAY have misjudged the situation. Could you try the non-christian psychologist? I am a Christian but from your write up your wife is not feeling very "christian" at the moment. She may be lost, bitter, defensive or simply in rebellion if she feels she has made the most sacrifices.
While I strongly believe she has a plan (most women who shows signs of dissatisfaction in marriage at whatever stage hatch plans). The happy thing here is that you are both open to counselling. Try the one with a degree in psychology and root out this plant of discord before it takes root. I expect that the psychologist with a degree should be able to tell her how ridiculous it is to brand a person a witch without proof.

Before taking advice on Nairaland please go back and read at least 15 previous posts of the adviser

50pseamer:

I am not saying I am a saint, infact when there are issues , I apologize more easily than my wife. I feel very strongly for my child, I do not want him to suffer, she complained earlier that I was not helping with the baby and I started helping more, after a while, she said we need to go to a counsellor, I have agreed and also searched for a Christian one, but she prefers the one with a degree in psychology,
Sometimes when she offends me I can be blunt, and I might says some words, but not extreme words the words are only an interpretation of the attitude I see.
She knows it all, and does not easily take correction, even when I try to play with her she easily takes offence. Mind you all these never happened while we were dating, I noticed a bit of stubbornness and I tried to correct her , and told her that is one of the attribute I hate the most.
I am at point that I am not sure she loves me , and I don't even know if everything happening in my home is normal.

You yourself is not normal, see what you're saying.! You be original Simps, It's obvious you're not in total control of your house as a man. See, women have boundaries and once u let them pass their boundaries, you are doomed. Your wife was asking you to do house chores and you keep extending it..? She's doing this, she's doing that and u still dey tolerate this nonsense...Any slight argument or misunderstanding, you still dey scold her.? She's regarding your Mom as a witch and you still taking it lightly.. Bros you Bleep up.. No woman can try this with me, seem your wify na Sagittarius.. All in all, you are not man enough. You Pman ought to have been Shaking his head for you wherever he's.., you fall his hand.

See you need to pick urself and act like a real man, you kid will be fine., there's a way to handle a woman inorder for her to be totally submissive to you..

50pseamer your marriage is indeed trouble

You wife knew the law of the land and she’s on the edge of taking it..


Sooner or later she will push you on the street that’s if you are not already on the street

50pseamer:
I would like to share my current situation on this platform , and I will very much appreciate your mature advice on the issue.

I have been having issues with my wife after our first born, we married about 3 years ago, our first born is now about 2 years old, we have been having series of issues In the marriage, my wife argues with me a lot on flimsy issues at times, we do not have constant sex, although I started helping more in the house,I cook and and I do the laundry , and asked her to give me my share of the work, when she complained about work load,I am the only one really working now, and paying 98 percent of the bills.

I told my wife that I will like us to be eating together on the same plate to improve closeness, she refused, she sees arguement as normal discussion, sometimes we have sex once or twice in a month, I have told her I will like us all to attend the same church and pray together, but she still attends her Nigerian church online , where they are always seeing vision , and I do not like her attending that church.she also attends online services of my church with me, but I would like us to be attending one church even if it is not my church.
I asked her recently that we need to be praying together for our marriage even if it is 10 minutes every day, after weeks of no response from her,I approached her yesterday and scolded her about it, she cried and I comforted her, I later asked her at night to come for the prayer,and she said she is not coming.
We live abroad and my mum wants to pay us a visit,
She told me the kitchen is her's and my mum should not enter the kitchen, and I told her that it will be difficult, we can pre cook all our food, But she might need to make tea and I will like her to be able to do that by her self , but my wife refused.
In her church she is attending they already branded. My mother a witch. Even if my mother is a witch, we only need to pray against it, should we humiliate her when she visits us? I cannot make my wife my mother, she does not show me much love and does not show that she cares, neither does she respect me. My mum shows me love that I can feel.

Now we are living like neighbours in the same house.
Do you think she is interested in the marriage or has another plan?

Nonsense man, didn't you see all these things before marriage? I hate foolish men abeg
A woman will be giving all these signs but because of pussy, you refuse to pay attention to this. Then when you marry her you come ansd start disturbing us with complaints.

Some women Sha; very wicked and irrational. Accusing a woman that nutured your man right from birth of witchcraft. She has a witchcraft and she did not killed your man while growing up nor did she make your husband a walking corpse.

Even if she is a witch, it shouldn't be from her mouth that they will hear that her husband's mum has a witchcraft.....

Kuriosmynd:
Simping in marriage will take u no where.
Those bullshit marriage councilors tell you, to do more, sweep more, fetch more water, cook more, clean more, watch plate more and all those bullshit will not a change a demonic wife. And if she's lost sexual attraction for you, to burst ur bubble, doing those houseboy work especially when u dont normally do it will only make her pvssy dry the more.

Most of u all never saw ur father do those bullshit, yet he commanded respect from your mother, but u want to become house boy to ur wife and think u will get her respect...shiior.

This is Africa..no matter the advancement, doing those bullshit will only bring premium tears and disrespect....except out of volition on rare occasion, not out of duty, or her expectations.

If she needs domestic helper, she should get a houseboy. simple. What does she do with her salary? She should pay for househelp paraventure a man doesnt have enough for that

.
Nonsense

You are a true OG

Ebubechuwku:
I understand how you feel, she is making you feel less of an African man.

Just be patient with her, put everything in prayer, don't be carried away, love ur child.

And be ready for plan B incase she dump You... Don't be carried away at all, anyhow it happens, always learn to move on...

Cos if you don't work on the marriage, things may go south and since you are abroad not naija, it may hurt you the more and make you sad on and on.

Pray to God and have plan B incase she said she is ready for divorce, cos it's already showing...

you are a wise man my brother, infact con follow me smoke this last wrap in appreciation.

The only thing i can say is for you to take control over the house as a man,because from your explanation she is the one controlling you. How would your wife tell you to your face that your mother should not enter her kitchen in your own house, bros take control with force but not with anger. BE WISE!!

I think you are too lenient with her. Don't hit her.....I REPEAT DO NOT HIT HER...But you need to put your foot down.....You are the man for Heaven's sake......I'm a woman...we naturally have a way of being manipulative. It's how we are wired and it reveals itself more when we marry men that are too nice.
See eeeh...If She can't attend same church with you, Then she can't go to church at all.
When she starts whining,. ignore her. State what you want to be done clearly.Be stern and let her know there will be consequences for disobedience and move.
By consequences....you can give her the silent treatment. Shey she is using sex as a tool to do shakara.....Show her you can do without it. I know it's hard,but you must try to save your marriage. If she talks to you, answer with words not sentences...
Don't give her time or listen to her plenty talk....
The one that is painful is you begging her to come and pray with you......Jehovah! All these small small witches with Big God never enter her matter.....

That Aboard sef isn't helping issues cos before you say Jack, Five 0 is at your door. I just pray she isn't just looking for a reason to mess you up cos calling your mum a witch seems like a game plan to push you to your limit....

You are a good man and your wife doesn't know what she has.......and she is joking with it...
I wish you Grace.

Datboredberry:
Not this alone... The wife is a religious sheep... The one who's paid her prophet money to accuse someone else of being bad... And the Op's mom is their poor victim...

He gives her the divorce paper... Gives her a deadline to leave that church and get her sh** together... Or the marriage ends!

If she would rather accuse his mom if being a witch... Then she ain't worth it...

There are more saner women out there...

Accusing my mother of witchcraft say wetin happen? That day, the marriage ends.

We kept shouting and cautioning you people that live abroad already to forget about marrying Nigerian girls, you felt we were fools and still went ahead to do it. Now it has backfired and you are here crying. What do you want us to tell you now. Your last paragraph is the answer and I'm happy you even had it in mind before creating this thread. If you can, stall your mother's visit and sort yourself out with the real witch you married first because what she is doing now will be child's play compared to what she will do when your mother comes. By the way, will you say you didn't see this character in her before marrying her? Biko carry your problem and getat.

obyrich:
Accusing my mother of witchcraft say wetin happen? That day, the marriage ends.

The same idiots call their husband's mothers witches but when their son's daughters call them witches, they start crying to God. Wicked gender. I will rather take a dog out on a treat than show love to a Nigerian woman. Them never born who will refer to my mother as witch. That day I will show her what son of witch do to humans. The simp even allows his wife to be calling his mother witch, a woman that was there for him through thick and thin before the golddigging jobless idiot came into his life.

I doubt if I'll ever get married with all this marriage wahala sha,my peace of mind is Paramount to me.

Tell your wife that u are having some spiritual problems and your pastor and two other pastors told you her mother is a witch and watch her reaction. Observe how she relate with her own mother when she visit.
The bitter truth is that, your wife don't love u, and it seem like she never love you. and it seem like she agree to marry u bcuz of time and scarcity of husband on her side.
My advise, if you can't separate then look and do things that will make u happy and take your mind off her. Don't argue or drag issues with her. Cuz nothing you will do that will make her change unless God intervene. Involve her family to see if they can help

The funny thing is if you serve her divorce paper your mom will be the person that will plead on her behalf someone called your mom a witch and you are still having soft spot for her. Oga the writing is on the wall, she is not in love with you and she knows you will do anything to keep her. Do whatever will bring you peace of mind, you are not happy in this marriage.

50pseamer:

She told me the kitchen is her's and my mum should not enter the kitchen, and I told her that it will be difficult, we can pre cook all our food, But she might need to make tea and I will like her to be able to do that by her self , but my wife refused.
In her church she is attending they already branded. My mother a witch. Even if my mother is a witch, we only need to pray against it, should we humiliate her when she visits us?

Your wife and her church labeled your mother a witch and this is all you have to say?
Your marriage is only three years and you already have your wife calling your mother a witch? Nawa. So what happens 5years from now? This is why I hate women who are too religious. Can't think for themselves.

50pseamer:



I am actually not that weak because of sex, I stayed without sex for almost nine years before I married her, I had more sexually attractive options before I choose her,I guess she was the most chatty with me then.

Be careful whose counsel you listen to on this forum. The user you quoted is an inexperienced teenager, while 95% of those commenting are not even married, neither do they have steady relationships.

What I see here is a lack of submissiveness from your partner. Marriage counseling from professionals is the only way out.

I also find the allegation of your wife calling your mum a witch hard to believe because no sane woman will openly say such before her husband. Either you are exaggerating or your wife is very disrespectful. Whichever, the ball is in your court.

novia22:
I think you are too lenient with her. Don't hit her.....I REPEAT DO NOT HIT HER...But you need to put your foot down.....You are the man for Heaven's sake......I'm a woman...we naturally have a way of being manipulative. It's how we are wired and it reveals itself more when we marry men that are too nice.
See eeeh...If She can't attend same church with you, Then she can't go to church at all.
When she starts whining,. ignore her. State what you want to be done clearly.Be stern and let her know there will be consequences for disobedience and move.
By consequences....you can give her the silent treatment. Shey she is using sex as a tool to do shakara.....Show her you can do without it. I know it's hard,but you must try to save your marriage. If she talks to you, answer with words not sentences...
Don't give her time or listen to her plenty talk....
The one that is painful is you begging her to come and pray with you......Jehovah! All these small small witches with Big God never enter her matter.....

That Aboard sef isn't helping issues cos before you say Jack, Five 0 is at your door. I just pray she isn't just looking for a reason to mess you up cos calling your mum a witch seems like a game plan to push you to your limit....

You are a good man and your wife doesn't know what she has.......and she is joking with it...
I wish you Grace.

Thanks so much for your mature advice, she does not really believe in the leadership of a man,at least from what I see. There was a time I asked her not to take my child to school and she told me she will take him to school , and she did ignoring my request, I have asked her if she wants to go, so that we can separate amicably, she should not worry about her documents, I will still help since she has a child for me. I am not sure if I ask her to stop going to her church that she will comply, but I will tell her my decision, being that we live in a white man's country, I have tried to be a bit soft. She is not telling me she wants to go, I am thinking she wants me to pull the divorce trigger, that's why she is not saying anything, if I ask her if she loves me, the answer comes with alot of delay too. It's unfortunate, I guess I made a big mistake

Bonesbreaker:
go and print fake divorce paper drop it for her to see give her two days to make up her mind on the way forward and watch the drama, remember when you give her that fake divorce do not sleep in the house make arrangement with ur friend or hotel to sleep over that night, ignore her food do not give her attention and watch the drama display she will come back on her sense

you make sense Bro.

9ja girls are out to add more burden to your life instead of softening it.

In mosdii voice: They are all useless..... All of them!

It's obvious this woman is using you.
Manipulation at its finest.

Doesn't contribute shit but still acts stubborn?

Get out there and start talking to other women young man. Start having conversations.
Link up with old friends. .

Even if your wife tries changing due to these things, do not stop.

If she continues despite all of this, then keep a side chick.


Like, that's the first thing you do as a married man.
Keep a younger woman around.

Don't let this woman make a hotcake like you start sounding like a broken record.

50pseamer, as a woman I'm sorry to tell you that you are married to an ungrateful and uncooperative woman.
Did you do offend her or have you hurt her deeply in time past? Cos I can't see any reason why a woman should be this unreasonable and mean.
You really need to get someone she respects to speak some senses into her head or else she will soon lose that marriage.
I must commend you for putting efforts to make your marriage work by all means but bro prepare for the worse. Navigating through life is a very tough task, you don't need a partner that will make things difficult worse for you.
you should have posted this topic in the family section.

50pseamer:


Thanks so much for your mature advice, she does not really believe in the leadership of a man,at least from what I see. There was a time I asked her not to take my child to school and she told me she will take him to school , and she did ignoring my request, I have asked her if she wants to go, so that we can separate amicably, she should not worry about her documents, I will still help since she has a child for me. I am not sure if I ask her to stop going to her church that she will comply, but I will tell her my decision, being that we live in a white man's country, I have tried to be a bit soft. She is not telling me she wants to go, I am thinking she wants me to pull the divorce trigger, that's why she is not saying anything, if I ask her if she loves me, the answer comes with alot of delay too. It's unfortunate, I guess I made a big mistake

50pseamer, I'm trying to understand your situation.
Why doesn't believe in the leadership of a man?
Have you done anything in the past that makes her doubt your leadership capacity?
I wonder why a woman marry someone she can't accept his leadership or submit to.

Accept Trp as your personal savior

Me I like to fvck oh I don't know how long I could stay in a sexless relationship or marriage.me when go like tear my wife toto per day

The only way to keep a married woman completely loyal is to let her know you can walk away anytime she begins to get over her head