Dear All,

The write up below is exactly what a friend is going through from his wife. Please what sort of action can he take?

Despite, all he has done to please his wife, called Reverend fathers and pastors to counsel them both, his wife is still indifferent to him and is threatening to quit the marriage, citing accumulated pains of the past.

Currently, she says she wants to go back to her parents house else she will die or commit suicide. The man called her parents, and their advise was that since she is his wife, he should decide if to allow her leave his house to come and see them (parents) or stay in his house that the decision is his as the husband.

At this juncture my friend is confused and dont know what to do again.

Even the unmarried friend of his wife who came to stay with them is not helping matter at all as she seems to be enjoying the challenge between my friend and his wife.

Please advise needed. Thanks.

You never explain what actually happened. There will be reason why she opted for leaving. What are the challenges your friend is facing, is it financial, spiritual e.t.c. Share more light on it.

My brother, your friend is a Christian so I'll advise that the only way he can win this battle is by fighting on his knees through prayers and seeking divine wisdom from God . You coming to Nairaland to seek ungodly counsel won't solve the problem. Rather, it will only complicate matters especially when you follow the wrong advice.

Lastly , if all doesn't go well, just tell you friend to give her the divorce she wants. Afterall, God has called us to peace and if a divorce will give her and him the necessary peace needed, so be it .

There is no happiness in the marriage, and She is not ready to build a happy home with you. So If she is going plz let her go, or else she do otherwise. Who can tell maybe someone else is already at the back of the door.

Currently, she says she wants to go back to her parents house else she will die or commit suicide. The man called her parents, and their advise was that since she is his wife, he should decide if to allow her leave his house to come and see them (parents) or stay in his house that the decision is his as the husband.

Please let her go to her parents. There’s nothing to rack your brain over.

She probably misses home and wants to see her parents. After a while she will come back to your house.

It’s called holiday

"Despite, all he has done to please his wife, called Reverend fathers and pastors to counsel them both, his wife is still indifferent to him and is threatening to quit the marriage, citing accumulated pains of the past"......When those religious leaders got involved, did they explore with the couple what the accumulated pains of the past was all about or did they just diminish it and told her to move ahead?

You see that "accumulated pains of the past", I can relate or let's say I know of stories of such, that's why she is indifferent to him

What men don't seem to realise is that, how you treat/behave to your gf during courtship, determines how sweet your marriage will be, she may forgive whatever hurtful things you did, but she will never forget, after all she is human,there will always be a little disdain when she remembers and anytime she sees you, so men pls be good to your women, don't think that because you're dating her, you can behave anyhow, she is taking note of it all especially when the issue is unresolved, always treat your women right, it's for your own good.

greenie77:
"Despite, all he has done to please his wife, called Reverend fathers and pastors to counsel them both, his wife is still indifferent to him and is threatening to quit the marriage, citing accumulated pains of the past"......When those religious leaders got involved, did they explore with the couple what the accumulated pains of the past was all about or did they just diminish it and told her to move ahead?

Yes they did explored and discovered that both couple can still forge ahead, the man has his own fault likewise the woman, but the woman always makes it look like the man is the cause. Prayers has been made and both of them agreed to have forgiven each other but the woman is still bent on leaving the house with their only daughter who is 6 years old

Babsojimjim:



Yes they did explored and discovered that both couple can still forge ahead, the man has his own fault likewise the woman, but the woman always makes it look like the man is the cause. Prayers has been made and both of them agreed to have forgiven each other but the woman is still bent on leaving the house with their only daughter who is 6 years old

Then encourage the couple to seek a professional marriage counselor/therapist who is professionally expected to be neutral. The 2 possible outcomes is the couple re-discovering they still have something between worth building on or both clearly seeing the handwriting on the wall and peacefully go their separate ways, working out how they go about co-parenting.

Oluwatee1:
You never explain what actually happened. There will be reason why she opted for leaving. What are the challenges your friend is facing, is it financial, spiritual e.t.c. Share more light on it.

Her character changed,no marital relationship, no care no concern, she prefers her friends instructions and advise to her husband, whenever she does wrong and is been corrected,she will turn it against her husband and start bringing up issues of the past that have already been resolved. This she has always been doing. But the man would still plead for peace. How can two couples live in the same house without intimacy for months, no sound communication etc, but when she needs money she does not hesitate to ask for it. The man has been the one canvassing for continuity but the woman seems to feel she is right and would still have her way out there.

For my friend to have peace and regain his sanity, hence the need for this post.

MsFaith:


Please let her go to her parents. There’s nothing to rack your brain over.

She probably misses home and wants to see her parents. After a while she will come back to your house.

It’s called holiday

MsFaith, please it's not up to two weeks she came back from her parents house, her reason for wanting to go is to go and tell them she wants to quit,which the parents do not support.

Babsojimjim:
Yes they did explored and discovered that both couple can still forge ahead, the man has his own fault likewise the woman, but the woman always makes it look like the man is the cause. Prayers has been made and both of them agreed to have forgiven each other but the woman is still bent on leaving the house with their only daughter who is 6 years old

Reverends and pastors are not marriage counselors and their opinions are never to be considered an alternative to to the help of professional marriage counselors.

That said, who exactly decided that the man and woman can still forge ahead with the union apart from the man and woman in the union?

Babsojimjim:
1. Despite, all he has done to please his wife, called Reverend fathers and pastors to counsel them both, his wife is still indifferent to him and is threatening to quit the marriage, citing accumulated pains of the past.

2. Currently, she says she wants to go back to her parents house else she will die or commit suicide. The man called her parents, and their advise was that since she is his wife, he should decide if to allow her leave his house to come and see them (parents) or stay in his house that the decision is his as the husband.

3. At this juncture my friend is confused and dont know what to do again.Even the unmarried friend of his wife who came to stay with them is not helping matter at all as she seems to be enjoying the challenge between my friend and his wife.

1. Bad move. Avoid soliciting the help of non-professional counselors when you are experiencing marital issues. Don't even bother reporting your spouse to her/his friends, parents etc., that is tantamount to shaming and not a good move when what you seek is issue resolution instead.

As for accumulated pains, it is necessary to pay attention to the fault in question if you truly desire for things to move forward. What I see you doing, Op, is trying to brush her concerns under the carpet , pretending you can move magically transport their marriage beyond the mountain that sits before. I suggest you get out of the way and let your friend face what his wife is telling him.

2. Bad move dragging her parents into this altogether. Your friend has no right to keep the woman from leaving the house whenever she wants. So if she wants to go to her parents place, allow her as it is against her rights as an individual to bar her from doing just that. Her parents have no right over her since she is an adult and no longer a ward of theirs.

3. Marriage is a contract/agreement between between man and a woman. Your friend made a mistake when he got third-parties involved in what could have been easily resolved between himself and his wife. Now, even OP dey carry their marriage marriage him head as it say im matter for there.

Kobojunkie:
1. Bad move. Avoid soliciting the help of non-professional counselors when you are experiencing marital issues. Don't even bother reporting your spouse to her/his friends, parents etc., that is tantamount to shaming and not a good move when what you seek is issue resolution instead.

As for accumulated pains, it is necessary to pay attention to the fault in question if you truly desire for things to move forward. What I see you doing, Op, is trying to brush her concerns under the carpet , pretending you can move magically transport their marriage beyond the mountain that sits before. I suggest you get out of the way and let your friend face what his wife is telling him.

2. Bad move dragging her parents into this altogether. Your friend has no right to keep the woman from leaving the house whenever she wants. So if she wants to go to her parents place, allow her as it is against her rights as an individual to bar her from doing just that. Her parents have no right over her since she is an adult and no longer a ward of theirs.

3. Marriage is a contract/agreement between between man and a woman. Your friend made a mistake when he got third-parties involved in what could have been easily resolved between himself and his wife. Now, even OP dey carry their marriage marriage him head as it say im matter for there.

The third party was first contacted by the lady and not the man, and when the man was questioned he had to respond.

Other advises of yours are acknowledged, but what would now be the fate of their little daughter,mind you she is not even having in mind to go stay with her parents but rather to visit them spend a day or two and go back to her accommodation at school where she recently graduated from. Of which the man does not want their little daughter to be in a campus environment again.

He has to be patient pending when the wife will want him back in her life, that's if it will ever happen, because only God knows how much he tortured her such that she wishes to go back to her parents or commit suicide. What do you mean by despite all that he has done to please his wife, so you are already taking sides? Okay ooooo.

Babsojimjim:
Dear All,

Despite, all he has done to please his wife, called Reverend fathers and pastors to counsel them both, his wife is still indifferent to him and is threatening to quit the marriage, citing accumulated pains of the past.

Currently, she says she wants to go back to her parents house else she will die or commit suicide.

Even the unmarried friend of his wife who came to stay with them is not helping matter at all as she seems to be enjoying the challenge between my friend and his wife.

Babsojimjim:
1. The third party was first contacted by the lady and not the man, and when the man was questioned he had to respond.

2. Other advises of yours are acknowledged, but what would now be the fate of their little daughter,mind you she is not even having in mind to go stay with her parents but rather to visit them spend a day or two and go back to her accommodation at school where she recently graduated from. Of which the man does not want their little daughter to be in a campus environment again.

1. Regardless of who contacted the third-party first, so long as the help sought is not professional in nature, it is never a good idea and should not not perpetuated in order to reach an amicable resolution to problems.

2. The couple should reach a compromise on where the gal is to stay during the separation period. They can both agree on having the child instead stay with her grandparents- provided they are unbiased and loving towards her - while they both iron their relationship issues out.

For the sake of the child, I hope the two grown-ups should be willing to put away their egos to decide where this child, who has been psychologically battered by all of this, can best live and deal with the tear to existence as she has previously known it.

We have zero value for life in Nigeria! A woman is threatening suicide if she’s not allowed to leave, and the husband continues to hold on to her.

Oga let her go before depression kills her. She wants freedom, give it to her before she harms herself

Get a separation and make arrangements for where your daughter will stay.
She can stay with you or the mother
Has your wife got a job/ business where she used to school or what? Because I'm surprised she wants to go back there. What is she going to do there though?
Let her go and don't force her to be in the relationship with you. She's likely fed up being with you, so allow her, and move on with your life also.
No relationship should ever be forced

I don't even understand the write-up.....was she forced to marry the man?

Babsojimjim:



MsFaith, please it's not up to two weeks she came back from her parents house, her reason for wanting to go is to go and tell them she wants to quit,which the parents do not support.

The truth is, you can’t force people to want what they don’t want. If she wants to quit, let her quit. Even make it official.

It’s easier said than done but the best part of life is when you don’t force people into your life. The person that will love you will love.

She probably doesn’t love you anymore.

Or you both try and see a marriage counsellor, maybe something good might come out of it.

Jidemoo:
I don't even understand the write-up.....was she forced to marry the man?

She was never at any point forced to marry the man. God has used the man to support her school till graduation and her negative character during her convocation that provoked the man turned out to look like the man is at fault,as when she was scolded by him she started bringing past events that have been already handled.

Babsojimjim:
She was never at any point forced to marry the man. God has used the man to support her school till graduation and her negative character during her convocation that provoked the man turned out to look like the man is at fault,as when she was scolded by him she started bringing past events that have been already handled.

Keep God out of this abeg!

Forget the lies that your Reverends and pastors have filled your heads with where God is concerned. God doesn't send anyone to your schools to get graduate degrees etc. He said in John 6 vs 25 - 44 that those who belong to Him are those who cease working for bread that spoils - degrees, jobs, careers etc., - and instead begin to work for bread that sustains to eternity which only He, Jesus Christ, can give.

The man chose, of his own, to pay for her schooling because she was wife to him, did he not? So, no need to pretend that he did the unheard for her.

You say he scolded her, about what exactly? I don't agree with using the word "scold" where an adult relationship is concerned. It has this condescending tone to it that plagues your entire writeup where this woman is concerned.

Tell your friend to surrender his ego at the door when he next he goes in to negotiate with his wife.

JovialJune:
You see that "accumulated pains of the past", I can relate or let's say I know of stories of such, that's why she is indifferent to him

What men don't seem to realise is that, how you treat/behave to your gf during courtship, determines how sweet your marriage will be, she may forgive whatever hurtful things you did, but she will never forget, after all she is human,there will always be a little disdain when she remembers and anytime she sees you, so men pls be good to your women, don't think that because you're dating her, you can behave anyhow, she is taking note of it all especially when the issue is unresolved, always treat your women right, it's for your own good.

Rubbishhhhhhbhbbbb

Babsojimjim:



Her character changed,no marital relationship, no care no concern, she prefers her friends instructions and advise to her husband, whenever she does wrong and is been corrected,she will turn it against her husband and start bringing up issues of the past that have already been resolved. This she has always been doing. But the man would still plead for peace. How can two couples live in the same house without intimacy for months, no sound communication etc, but when she needs money she does not hesitate to ask for it. The man has been the one canvassing for continuity but the woman seems to feel she is right and would still have her way out there.

For my friend to have peace and regain his sanity, hence the need for this post.

LISTEN AND LISTEN VERY GOOD. PLS TELL THAT YOUR FRIEND TO ASK D WIFE TO STARR MAKING THE DIVORCE PRoCESS VERY FAST BEFORE YOUR FRIEND WILL LOOSE HIS SANITY.
THE WIFE'S FRIEND IS STAYING WITH THEM AND PROBABLY INSTIGATING HER ON DIVORCE, WHAT I COUOD GRAB FRON YOUR STAtEMENT IS THIS, YOUR SO CALLED FRIEND IS A GENTLEMAN THATS WHY THE WIFE IS TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF HIS GENTLENESS TO HVBHER WAY. ALL SHE NEEDED NOW IS TO HV HER WAY, THEN YOUR FRIEND WILL SUCUMB TO HER DECISION.
WIFE FRIEND IS STAYING WITH THEM NO PROBLEM, SHOULD HUSBAND BROTHER OR SISTER COMES AROUND TO STAY, U WILL SEE ISSUE FROM THE WIFE.
WELL I ONLY BLAME UOUR SIMP FRIEND

Babsojimjim:


Her character changed,no marital relationship, no care no concern, she prefers her friends instructions and advise to her husband, whenever she does wrong and is been corrected,she will turn it against her husband and start bringing up issues of the past that have already been resolved. This she has always been doing. But the man would still plead for peace. How can two couples live in the same house without intimacy for months, no sound communication etc, but when she needs money she does not hesitate to ask for it. The man has been the one canvassing for continuity but the woman seems to feel she is right and would still have her way out there.

For my friend to have peace and regain his sanity, hence the need for this post.

Chief...
Advice your friend to let her go...
You can't force a person who's indifferent to love you...
She doesn't want to stay, so why's your friend holding her back?
My only concern is for that little girl...

Babsojimjim:



The third party was first contacted by the lady and not the man, and when the man was questioned he had to respond.

Other advises of yours are acknowledged, but what would now be the fate of their little daughter,mind you she is not even having in mind to go stay with her parents but rather to visit them spend a day or two and go back to her accommodation at school where she recently graduated from. Of which the man does not want their little daughter to be in a campus environment again.

Ohhhhhh, na now u dey yan d real koko na. Your so called simp friend helped in training her
Aunty still misses those young prick, she never Bleep finish
Your simp friend bleeped one of aunty friend for skull
Your simp friend enticed aunty with money
Check the above list, u would see that I'm not far from d truth.
As for the baby involved, your simp friend can always come around to visit the baby girl,

eyinjuege:
Get a separation and make arrangements for where your daughter will stay.
She can stay with you or the mother
Has your wife got a job/ business where she used to school or what? Because I'm surprised she wants to go back there. What is she going to do there though?
Let her go and don't force her to be in the relationship with you. She's likely fed up being with you, so allow her, and move on with your life also.
No relationship should ever be forced

As simple as that, u don't force yourself in relationship or marriage.

What are these accumulated pains of the past that she won't let go.

Marriage is not a bed of roses. We get on each other but our ability to forgive and let go is what keeps it going just like every other relationship.

Since she is threatening to commit suicide , the husband should let her go. Maybe then she can have a rethink and come back to him . if however she decides otherwise he should move on too.

JovialJune:
You see that "accumulated pains of the past", I can relate or let's say I know of stories of such, that's why she is indifferent to him

What men don't seem to realise is that, how you treat/behave to your gf during courtship, determines how sweet your marriage will be, she may forgive whatever hurtful things you did, but she will never forget, after all she is human,there will always be a little disdain when she remembers and anytime she sees you, so men pls be good to your women, don't think that because you're dating her, you can behave anyhow, she is taking note of it all especially when the issue is unresolved, always treat your women right, it's for your own good.

Right.

Babsojimjim:



She was never at any point forced to marry the man. God has used the man to support her school till graduation and her negative character during her convocation that provoked the man turned out to look like the man is at fault,as when she was scolded by him she started bringing past events that have been already handled.

Op u are simply a simp, na your case bi that not your friend bcs I can never hv a stupid and idiotic friend like u. I just don't understand why we hv boys in men skin this day. How dare u sponsor a bitch in school? That's rubbish na.
u deserve everything your wife is doing to u likewise any other simp out their.
U fuckingly used money to enticed her, she knows your weakness and she is capitalising in that.