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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Can I Give Up The Marriage At This Stage..pls Advise Needed (30620 Views)
I Love My Wife & My Kid, But I Want To Leave The Marriage. Help! / My Sister-In-Law Staying With Us Atimes Knows When We Are Making Love.Pls Advise / Man Forced Into An Arranged Marriage At 24 Shares How He Ends The Marriage (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Can I Give Up The Marriage At This Stage..pls Advise Needed by Angelawhite(m): 2:41pm On Dec 18, 2021 |
Babsojimjim: Seems you know too much about your friend’s marriage. But we know that friend is you 4 Likes |
Re: Can I Give Up The Marriage At This Stage..pls Advise Needed by CHoccolaTE: 2:48pm On Dec 18, 2021 |
When husband or wife comes to nairaland to tell stories of marital woes they always make themselves look blameless and push the fault to their spouse. Op you are being economical with the truth. Tell us what you did to your wife instead of dilly dallying because you want to come off as innocent and paint your wife bad. |
Re: Can I Give Up The Marriage At This Stage..pls Advise Needed by kaymart: 2:49pm On Dec 18, 2021 |
Now, even OP dey carry their marriage marriage him head as it say im matter for there. [/quote] Na Op be the husband. The so call friend doesn't exist. 1 Like |
Re: Can I Give Up The Marriage At This Stage..pls Advise Needed by Champneys: 2:57pm On Dec 18, 2021 |
Let her go. |
Re: Can I Give Up The Marriage At This Stage..pls Advise Needed by Babsojimjim: 3:06pm On Dec 18, 2021 |
99thEnemy: That's not the case, brother. What transpired was that while they were dating before marriage, she found out that the man had a child in previous relationship which was later known by family members before the wedding, the man broke up because the former lady took in for another guy. Also in the cause of this current relationship before marriage there had been one or two abortions. These were effectively handled before marriage and she accepted the marriage, only to be bringing up this issues at the slightest misunderstanding using it to blackmail my friend and using it as his weak points. The so called wife was not even married as a virgin. These are the issues which both families resolved before the marriage wedding so why should it be brought up after been resolved. |
Re: Can I Give Up The Marriage At This Stage..pls Advise Needed by intruder15(m): 3:35pm On Dec 18, 2021 |
JovialJune: Yet we pray to God everyday to forgive our sins. What if God choose not to forget? What will be our faith? Irony of life. Asking for what we can't give |
Re: Can I Give Up The Marriage At This Stage..pls Advise Needed by ziondaughter247: 3:48pm On Dec 18, 2021 |
emmanuelbrown26: E pain am Little boy who can barely take care of himself. Which house? Is it the face-me-I-face-you that you and your extended family are living in? Lmao...Give who belle? Is your 'prick' even functioning?? Your comment says all I need to know about you......You are definitely an omega Male, definitely not an Alpha .. Now run along little boy.. |
Re: Can I Give Up The Marriage At This Stage..pls Advise Needed by LofP(m): 3:56pm On Dec 18, 2021 |
He should let her go where she wants to go. If she leaves, tell her there's no coming back. No child support, nothing. Don't argue with her anymore. Stop trying to convince her. In this case, the woman has ideas which she isn't sharing with her husband, but her friend knows what's on her mind. It is best to let her go play her game. Move on with your life. |
Re: Can I Give Up The Marriage At This Stage..pls Advise Needed by LofP(m): 4:04pm On Dec 18, 2021 |
Quick question: is your first child a male? That seems to be the bone of contention in your wife's mind. She could be thinking so you have a male child from someone else and you made me abort 2 children who may have been males. In this case, the materialistic tendency of the woman is probably at play. This is just a guess but I tend to think of motives to understand people's actions. |
Re: Can I Give Up The Marriage At This Stage..pls Advise Needed by sylve11: 4:16pm On Dec 18, 2021 |
JovialJune: Hmmmm |
Re: Can I Give Up The Marriage At This Stage..pls Advise Needed by Loreettaa: 4:24pm On Dec 18, 2021 |
The man, and the wife's friend staying with them. Very suspish |
Re: Can I Give Up The Marriage At This Stage..pls Advise Needed by Fourwinds: 4:32pm On Dec 18, 2021 |
Aforxzy: Exactly my advice...I can't force a woman to stay...let her go ...in my own case if a woman leaves I can't take her back after a year because in my absence she must have tasted a big diick somewhere.... 1 Like |
Re: Can I Give Up The Marriage At This Stage..pls Advise Needed by bejick(m): 4:37pm On Dec 18, 2021 |
Babsojimjim: Just come out opening and say it is you, so people can advice you. All this my friend this my friend that. Get of it. Na so you carry you friend matter for head. Since she want to go back to her campus accommodation bro just know that she have found love in one of the campus boys and feel that she could trap the boy. Not knowing that the boy is using her for benefits. Las las na she go loose cos no one will really be serious with her. |
Re: Can I Give Up The Marriage At This Stage..pls Advise Needed by generalwo(m): 4:42pm On Dec 18, 2021 |
Marriage is not a do or die affair..... A broken marriage is better than suicide... If she wants to leave, probably she is no longer enjoying the matrimony or the union... Or maybe she needs space and sometime to clear her head...... Please she should be allowed to go..... While in her parents house, the man can still try to talk to her if she will have a change of mind but he should not keep her in his house for one more night...... Or else he wants to marry her corpse.... Suicide no be joke wen them dey take lightly.... 1 Like |
Re: Can I Give Up The Marriage At This Stage..pls Advise Needed by Kobojunkie: 4:44pm On Dec 18, 2021 |
otokx:Marriage, universally, is a contract/agreement/partnership between a man and a woman - no fhird-party allowed - and it should be maintained as such regardless of context. Pastors and mogs have no real qualification as far as marriage counseling is concerned. They are no different from the average pedestrian off the street, or other biased individuals and so are likely to cause more harm than good in a marriage. As for parents, I also don't recommend them because it is written no where that a parent knows better about marriage than a child would. Take for example this case here where the child appears tortured, psychologically, in her marriage while the parents demand she remains in it. How wise is that as far as advise goes? Nigerian families are are no way unique when compared to families world over - each family is created differently based on those in it and all families require hardwork on the part of those in it to maintain it. |
Re: Can I Give Up The Marriage At This Stage..pls Advise Needed by Fame1309(f): 4:52pm On Dec 18, 2021 |
If she insist,let her go.late go to see if there is anything you can do. |
Re: Can I Give Up The Marriage At This Stage..pls Advise Needed by Hkff: 4:53pm On Dec 18, 2021 |
Don’t force anything |
Re: Can I Give Up The Marriage At This Stage..pls Advise Needed by InsanePsycho(m): 5:35pm On Dec 18, 2021 |
Babsojimjim: He should divorce his wife and start banging the friend 1 Like |
Re: Can I Give Up The Marriage At This Stage..pls Advise Needed by DemMannaScam: 6:14pm On Dec 18, 2021 |
Nice point But have u unravelled the source of corona virus. We'd like to know who created it & why... socialmediaman: |
Re: Can I Give Up The Marriage At This Stage..pls Advise Needed by Pinkyposh(f): 6:19pm On Dec 18, 2021 |
Amumaigwe:When you quote someone at least try to reply according to the story, they story never said she wanted to go to a campus environment, it said she wants to go to her parents house. Stop trying to change the narrative, she's a married woman and not a girlfriend, she either stays in her husband's house or her family house. If any of my brother's wants to go to her parent's house to cool off due to emotional abuse, she's free to go, it's not that deep. Not everyone is strong enough to cope emotional stress |
Re: Can I Give Up The Marriage At This Stage..pls Advise Needed by Lcf69(m): 6:30pm On Dec 18, 2021 |
MsFaith: This is top notch ma'am...... PINNED. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Can I Give Up The Marriage At This Stage..pls Advise Needed by chaloskyx: 6:53pm On Dec 18, 2021 |
AHAH OGA LET HER GO NOW IS SHE THE ONLY WOMAN OUT THERE DONT BE SELFISH ABEG IF SHE DOES NOT WANT YOU FREE HER DONT BE A PUSSY UNLESS SHES THE BREADWINNER OF THE FAMILY AND YOU ARE HEAVILY DEPENDAT ON HER FOR SURVIVAL |
Re: Can I Give Up The Marriage At This Stage..pls Advise Needed by VintageCocktail(m): 7:37pm On Dec 18, 2021 |
Babsojimjim: I think I understand where she is coming from. I bet she was not given enough time to process the whole thing before marriage and it has been coming up now and again. Building up resentment. Only one daughter of 6 years in how many years of marriage.? Infertility issues noted. The fingers are being pointed to Oga as the cause of the infertility perhaps. She may want to have more kids. So with the husband and his "2" abortions, if that's truth Guess there is more to this ya story. |
Re: Can I Give Up The Marriage At This Stage..pls Advise Needed by bummyla(m): 10:12pm On Dec 18, 2021 |
Please let her go! The worst thing to do, is to live with An Unhappy Spouse! And why did he allow his wife unmarried friend to come and live with them. When I started having issues with my wife, the first thing I did was to warn her friends personally, when they visited for lunch, never to come to my house again in their life time! They left my food for me and never came to the house again. They are part of the problem! I had access to madam phone then, and I read all their horrible chats! The grass is always greener at the other side! But na person dey water the grass! Let her go, before she go kill you! 1 Like |
Re: Can I Give Up The Marriage At This Stage..pls Advise Needed by efficiencie(m): 11:03pm On Dec 18, 2021 |
Babsojimjim: How many children has she had for him? If she is insisting on leaving he has to let her leave. There is little he can do here but before she leaves he should be sure about the status of the marriage and the status of the paternity of the children before she leaves. He should settle his accounts with the lady as far as possessions, cash flows etc are concerned. Afterwards I will advise him to spend sometime healing and working on himself. |
Re: Can I Give Up The Marriage At This Stage..pls Advise Needed by NemoDatQuod(m): 11:04pm On Dec 18, 2021 |
Advise your friend that his wife is not his property both in the eyes of the law of humans and that of God. If she wants to go, she should be able to go of her own free will, the same free will men and women are endowed with by their creator. If she carries out her threat and kills herself, then he will begin to understand what the word "suffering" actually means. No woman is a slave or property to anyone else. The fact that the couple are even having this discussion seems to portray the man as controlling and that is a civil offense in decent societies. What should happen is for a wife to tell her husband that she is leaving and then she will leave. He better hurry up and encourage her to do whatever she wants to do. That is why there is something called "separation" and "divorce" under the law. Babsojimjim: |
Re: Can I Give Up The Marriage At This Stage..pls Advise Needed by NemoDatQuod(m): 11:15pm On Dec 18, 2021 |
Her parents have no say in her decisions once she is an adult. 18 years is the age of adulthood in Nigeria under the law. Your friend is playing with fire that may consume him if he does not immediately tell his wife to do whatever she wants to do. It does not matter where she wants to go to. It should not even be open for discussion. Just as he has the right to want the relationship to continue, she has the right to end the relationship. He should quickly and immediately make it clear, preferably in the presence of witnesses( and video recorded where possible), that she is an individual with the right to choose what she wants to do and that he will not try to stop her. Let him nurse his wounds. That is part of the living experience. I'm sure he does not want to spend years in prison awaiting trial and explaining anything to the Nigerian police that is devilsih and does not care for the truth. Once an individual threatens self harm including suicide, the time for pleading and conversations would have ended. If she decides to come back in the future, then he will also exercise his right on whether he wants her back or not. Anything else, is inviting disaster and trouble. Whatever he will lose from her leaving the marriage is nothing compared to what he will lose and go through if she harms herself or kills herself. Babsojimjim: |
Re: Can I Give Up The Marriage At This Stage..pls Advise Needed by NemoDatQuod(m): 11:20pm On Dec 18, 2021 |
Unfortunately, when relationships go wrong, you no longer have control over what your partner does or where they live especially where there are children involved. Where your partner is unreasonable, you should expect some dimunition in the level and quality of early life experiences your kids will have, especially if they are living with the unreasonable ex-partner. That is also part of living. The best he can do is go to court to get access and probably use the environment she is living at as a support for getting full access. But he must respect her decision to leave the relationship immediately. Babsojimjim: |
Re: Can I Give Up The Marriage At This Stage..pls Advise Needed by NemoDatQuod(m): 11:24pm On Dec 18, 2021 |
None of that matters. Entire nations have gone to war in the past for the love of a woman and the woman still did not want their leader. Just let her know she can go whenever she wants. It's not even a question of "letting her go" as you don't have any such rights to decide whether she can or cannot go. That's why every one should think deeply and wisely before you marry. Babsojimjim: |
Re: Can I Give Up The Marriage At This Stage..pls Advise Needed by NemoDatQuod(m): 11:30pm On Dec 18, 2021 |
It's easy for you to call him a simp. It just shows you have got very little experience of life and probably have never left the small community where you were born. Life is very complex. It is not binary as in "either" "or". This may as well have started as a very serious love affair between the two of them. Stop with the easy categorizations. And don't worry. When you begin to experience real life, you will most likely share the same woe especially in a country like Nigeria where individual rights amount to next to nothing. Go and check out the datasets and statistics on the probability of successful marriages in our generation. That will give you some perspective. emmanuelbrown26: |
Re: Can I Give Up The Marriage At This Stage..pls Advise Needed by NemoDatQuod(m): 11:39pm On Dec 18, 2021 |
You be correct general! generalwo: |
Re: Can I Give Up The Marriage At This Stage..pls Advise Needed by NemoDatQuod(m): 11:42pm On Dec 18, 2021 |
Actually he is correct. in a susequent post, the OP said she merely want's to go and inform her parents that her marriage is over before she goes back to her campus accommodation with their baby. The point is that she has the fre will to do whatever she wants to do. It's that simple. Pinkyposh: |
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