Many men (including myself) got married for the wrong reasons. (in my case because she got pregnant and I did not want to have a child out of wedlock) . I have been regretting marrying that woman and taking her abroad for the past 17 years .

IF only I had left her in Nigeria and kept sending money for the kids upkeep or better still bringing only the baby abroad as the embassy staff suggested and even facilitated by them refusing her a visa but granting the new born baby right of passage by including the baby on my passport.

But did I heed this heavenly sent message that she wasn't my wife No, I did not and was blinded by wanting to have an ideal family where man, wife and child all lived in the same country under the same roof everyday and I went back to my station to file her immigration appeal and employed an expensive barrister to fight her case (at great financial cost to me) only for her to change the game after 10 years of my taking her abroad and she wanted to now give me skirt to wear and she will now be wearing the trouser and she conveniently forgot that we both grew up in Naija in an area where the men were always the king and not the queen.

At some point she lost her job and i was about to buy a house and i still included her name on the mortgage as Mr and Mrs without thinking twice about it but when the financial tables turned against me (my job got off shored to India and we had to sell the house to prevent repossession after I realised that i couldn't keep on paying the mortgage with my savings or credit card) , she waited until we BOTH spent all of my generous redundancy pay and once she noticed that I had started dipping into my generous credit card limit and that was going down fast she changed the game and started showing her real colours and showing me shege by openly abusing me and calling me lazy in front of our kids and at one point she asked me LOUDLY in front of our 10 year old son IF I WAS MAD and the boy looked at me, looked back at her and i noticed that his behavior changed that very day.

This is THE SAME WOMAN who before I took her abroad she will cry until her eyes go red anytime I was leaving Nigeria to go back to my base abroad before I brought her over.

So we were now renting (after selling the house to prevent repossession after my job moved to India with 100% redundancies) and the 6 months rent I paid up front for the new house we were now renting had run out and I had just come back from scoping some business in Naija and so was now looking for work afresh while she was working full time and (in my absence) she had gone to the Govt to start claiming single parent benefit (when she was not single as i had only traveled to Naija for 2 months) and her full time salary coupled with the generous single parent benefit was too much money for her to handle that she just went haywire and wanted me out of the house at all cost so that she can now be genuinely a single mother and continue collecting the financial largesse from the govt on top of her full time salary.

She even perfected her plans by telling my 3 year old daughter that I had abandoned her and the Oyinbo childminder I was paying for had to correct my ex by telling her not to ever tell a 3 year old that her father has abandoned her. The old Oyinbo woman knowing me knew that i would never abandon any of my kids but my crafty ex was covering all loop holes in her quest to be seen as legitimately a single mother so that nothing will stand in her way of receiving the govt ordained generous single mother money. (so she thought that by coaching and lying to my 3 year old daughter that i had abandoned her, this would buttress her money grabbing antics from the govt single parent cash handouts.

I became a loser in her eyes and the same woman I gave European citizenship on a platter of Gold will now tell me that I am just using her for shelter (just because she was now paying the rent after the 6 months rent advance i paid had expired) . ?

At some point I resorted to sleeping in my car at times even in winter and one day my then 10 year old son saw me as he was going to school and just shook his head.

When your wife wants to make you fail, they know what to do and which buttons to press and I used to liken it to a man planning how to pick himself up after losing his job and blowing his balloon full of job hunting plans and his wife turns around to puncture his balloon and she ends up deflating his plans with just one act of nastiness for example by calling him lazy or asking him if he is mad right in front of his kids all in a quest for him to move out of the house in annoyance so that she can now be a legitimate single mother in the eyes of the govt who squanders tax payers money on handouts to single mothers who have no need to live with a man who will be a hindrance to the govt cash handouts to single mothers.

Its no wonder that Europe is the single mother capital of the world.

I considered suicide at some point but could not bring myself to the point of offing myself and there was a day I thought of ending it all by running full speed and head butting a moving bus at like 3am in the morning - Insomnia comes with the territory when your wife turns against you just because you are temporarily unemployed.

I should have legged it from that marriage when my then 10 year old son told me one day that - Daddy, it seems as if Mummy wants to finish you . But I stayed in the marriage because I loved being under the same roof with my children (10 and 3 at the time) . Moreover that's what I saw my parents and their friends do.

Today she has monopolized the kids through hardcore brainwashing which she perfected when I went to Nigeria to try my hands at business some years ago.

So, she now has 100% full access to the kids (Young adults - both over 18 now) and you know that western kids have a mind of their own and you can NOT really force them to look for you if they don't FEEL LIKE.

The brain washing she has carried out on my children is as bad as that my Dad died 2 years ago and both of my kids have not called me up till today to commiserate with me even though their mum knows about my Dad's passing and my children live with their mum - whereas when her own dad died a few years earlier, my son shouldered a sizeable part of the burial costs even though he has not been to Nigeria since I brought him and his mum abroad when he was only a few months old.

Thank heavens I eventually gave that woman a lot of distance after finally realizing that if I continued living under the same roof with her, she would either kill me one day or send me to prison or I would kill her and that would be no good for our kids as the western govt care system for kids more often than not messes up the children's heads.

Now my peace of mind is worth more than any marriage.

I still date occasionally but at the first sign that a woman will stress me out or is not a peaceful human being, or is a liar dishonest, unreliable, troublesome, argumentative, unforgiving, vengeful or a flirt, I call off the relationship.

I've been separated from my Ex for more than 10 years now and she is still single (as in not legally married as she would need to get a divorce from me first which i would GLADLY give her anytime she meets someone she wants to marry).

I've been back in the same western country with her now for more than 13 years now and she is still single (we could have mended things 13 years ago but I saw that she was still as cantankerous and as argumentative as ever and i just stayed away from her.)

The longer I stay separated from her and single, the more I'm loving my singleness as no be say i need pikin again and the PEACEFUL companionship that a man needs from a wife is lacking in MOST Naija women especially cantankerous first wives especially the ones in western countries .

When I eventually get tired of being a bachelor then I may try dating again but for now a woman living with me is not my priority UNTIL I find a woman who genuinely loves peace, is not childish or vindictive, not combative or petty and will NOT try to be the man in the house and will not turn my children against me just because she lives in the West where their damaged system allows such arrant nonsense.

Marriage is a case of FOOLS RUSH IN WHERE ANGELS FEAR TO THREAD

If you know, you know.

Grown up man go just sidon dey write rubbish long epistle give public..
Marriage no sweet buh yu enjoy'am reach 17yrs
Yu can only deceive the gullible ones..
Things i read here on a daily fit make man puke

Not all marriages... The foundation of your marriage was probably faulty but you were blinded by love or curves.

Daveambition:
Grown up man go just sidon dey write rubbish long epistle give public..
Marriage no sweet buh yu enjoy'am reach 17yrs
Yu can only deceive the gullible ones..
Things i read here on a daily fit make man puke

Instead of learning from his mistakes you are in denial. You'd make the same mistakes despite all the warnings, like everybody. It's destiny. Then later your eye will clear - but it'd have been too late

StarUp:
Not all marriages... The foundation of your marriage was probably faulty but you were blinded by love or curves.

How will you come to such conclusions? Most Nigerian ladies, once they get oversea become very a torn in the flesh of most men.

Pascopele:
How will you come to such conclusions? Most Nigerian ladies, once they get oversea become very a torn in the flesh of most men.

Not MOST...It's the kind of ladies those men married. A lot of men rush to spend their lifetime with ladies that were supposed to be in their lives for just a season or a reason before getting out...but because of their beauty or ability to 4#ck well, the men forget themselves and marry a monster.

The moral lesson in your story is;

1) Men, never take your wife with you abroad so that you won't cry like close to 50 year old Op is still crying after more than 10 years of separation with two grown up kids

2) Only Nigerian women divorce abroad so don't marry them, marry whites or other races cos if you decide not to lift a finger at home and decide to be the head that your naija culture mandates, or you do the whole house chores and still wash her pants, she will not divorce you, divorce cases you see and hear over there are all fake, so marry them

3) Divorce/separation of Nigerian couples is always the wives fault, never the husband, they are saints and blameless

4) Nigeria grandmas and grandpas living together abroad for more than 30/40/50 years are fake people, they exist but don't exist

5) The system abroad is the fault/cause of divorce/separation of Nigerian couples cos it favours only women, in fact, other nationals, race, and other Nigerian couples still together for decades and counting, in that same system have two heads, they are insane for still being together, how can a man and woman happily cohabit peacefully in a system that only favours women? In fact married people shouldn't exist there

Op we have heard and seen your sob story, yours is the basis to judge all Nigerian women cos you are the only one that has gone through this in the whole of Nigeria, thank you for the heads up

Be it man or woman, don't be carried away by love....
Whenever you are making any decisions always reason with your brain and not your heart...

LOVE is an ILLUSION,
Love only means, I will love you inasmuch am gaining from you or am at the receiving end...


Shine your eyes and use your brain... while your heart may deceive u..

i sincerely don't know what to say

Your caption doesn't count tho. Marriage is a beautiful thing when done rightly. You forgot to tell us sth. What stopped you from getting a divorce since? Na now you broke you wan do am?

Marry sb who loves you, not sb you'll have to impress with Green card...because when the green card loses its value, na redcard you go receive.


All you need to do is work, bro.

You want to bam ba? You want to chill with the big boys, oya telly me who blend you!

OP thanks for taking the time to pen this. It is informative on many levels. Many people will take it into consideration before making moves.

But OP how long did you live together with her and how many of those years will you say were good?
Also, was she already pregnant when you traveled for the first time? Finally, did you ever have romantic love for her or was it always consideration for the kids and other things?

JovialJune:
Op we have heard and seen your sob story, yours is the basis to judge all Nigerian women cos you are the only one that has gone through this in the whole of Nigeria, thank you for the heads up

I hate to be honest but this OP na real for real sob story abeg!

I don't understand why the OP remains married to the woman after all the woe and doom he claims to have been served by her. Why continue to monitor her private life? Why not get a divorce from her and focus all of your attention and energy on you and your mental health for real?

You claim you have peace of mind but your own words betray you. The whole thing reads like an epistle told by a bitter ex....

Richy4:
I don't even know what to say...U should have said that you learnt your lessons marrying for the wrong reasons (because there was a baby on the way) instead of condemning the whole institution of marriage...

It's just like a man that experienced a heart break from a two timing woman and ends up saying all women are bad... Or a woman that met a player in a relationship, and end up giving a blanket analysis of how all men were dogs..

But what I don't understand though is why the OP was not giving himself a proper closure... Why 'separated status' for so long... Why not give her the divorce papers and have rest of mind? On what basis were u still holding on?

I don't get that at all!

Ebubechuwku:
Be it man or woman, don't be carried away by love....
Whenever you are making any decisions always reason with your brain and not your heart...

LOVE is an ILLUSION,
Love only means, I will love you inasmuch am gaining from you or am at the receiving end...


Shine your eyes and use your brain... while your heart may deceive u..

You will find love for the fact you have been heart broken does not mean love is an illusion.

LettyLayo:
You will find love for the fact you have been heart broken does not mean love is an illusion.

Ain't looking for love... and mind you am not heart broken, am fine, love no dey freak me...

Pascopele:


Its no wonder that Europe is the single mother capital of the world.

First of all, Europe is not a country. At least, it wasn't until I checked last time.

So where exactly did she get the "largesse" payment for child support you are talking about?

And how much was it?

Asking for a friend.

JovialJune:
The moral lesson in your story is;

1) Men, never take your wife with you abroad so that you won't cry like close to 50 year old Op is still crying after more than 10 years of separation with two grown up kids

2) Only Nigerian women divorce abroad so don't marry them, marry whites or other races cos if you decide not to lift a finger at home and decide to be head that your naija culture mandates, or you do the whole house chores and still wash her pants, she still will not divorce you, divorce cases you see and hear over there is all fake, so marry them

3) Divorce/separation of Nigerian couples is always the wives fault, never the husband, they are saints and blameless

4) Nigeria grandmas and grandpas living together abroad for more than 30/40/50 years are fake people, they exist but don't exist

5) The system abroad is the fault/cause of divorce/separation of Nigerian couples cos it favours only women, in fact, other nationals, race, and other Nigerian couples still together for decades and counting, in that same system have two heads, they are insane for still being together, how can a man and woman happily cohabit peacefully in a system that only favours women? In fact married people shouldn't exist there

Op we have heard and seen your sob story, yours is the basis to judge all Nigerian women cos you are the only one that has gone through this in the whole of Nigeria, thank you for the heads up

StarUp:


Not MOST...It's the kind of ladies those men married. A lot of men rush to spend their lifetime with ladies that were supposed to be in their lives for just a season or a reason before getting out...but because of their beauty or ability to 4#ck well, the men forget themselves and marry a monster.

truth.

Sometimes, I don't feel for some men when they go through such.
Most men dumped the real women that loved them, to be with the fake one, just for beauty, curves, sex and others. They prefer women that are fire in bed, forgetting it won't guarantee blissful marriage.
Na una use hand do unaselves.
Love is a beautiful thing with the right one.

Hathor5:


First of all, Europe is not a country. At least, it wasn't until I checked last time.

So where exactly did she get the "largesse" payment for child support you are talking about?

And how much was it?

Asking for a friend.

Are you married? If yes, how many years?

Enough of all these recycling!

Single Nigerian men who find themselves outside Nigeria, should focus on getting married to women they meet at their Country of residence or if marriage is not their thing, they can look for women who are okay with being their baby mama and make provisions for child's support.

At least it will be less sob stories as they will be relating with women from various nationalities and races who are already in the system, who they will not fear will be ungrateful after upgrading them.

Pascopele:
Are you married? If yes, how many years?

Her marital status is irrelevant.

So many gaps....your story is fake and you know that!

You are a known love-vendor who is always advertising an adult website that connect ladies with clients for transactional sex.

I want to know how op treated the lady when she just immigrated to Join him abroad. Was he acting bullish? Domineering?

Pascopele:
Are you married? If yes, how many years?

Irrelevant.

How much "largesse" child support payment did she get in which country?

PoliteActivist:


Instead of learning from his mistakes you are in denial. You'd make the same mistakes despite all the warnings, like everybody. It's destiny. Then later your eye will clear - but it'd have been too late

Na u get time to dey reply such idiotic people. Instead of him to learn one or two things he is their yabbing nonsense.
Back to d topic, op was deceived by her mere antics, I never believed in woman's love, I always believe that if I hv a woman by my side, anytime each party feels that the stuff is not working,llet the party go its way.
Op no Nigerian girl worth anything sacrifice.

emmanuelbrown26:

Na u get time to dey reply such idiotic people. Instead of him to learn one or two things he is their yabbing nonsense.
Back to d topic, op was deceived by her mere antics, I never believed in woman's love, I always believe that if I hv a woman by my side, anytime each party feels that the stuff is not working,llet the party go its way.
Op no Nigerian girl worth anything sacrifice.

Which deceive? OP, that is very busy in the ashewp thread marketing his girls for money in exchange of sex.

By his fake story his 2 children are already adults, the age group he is actively marketing sex to on Nairaland.

Cry me a river

You were looking for a woman to subjugate and subdue instead of looking for a partner. She played her cards well and pretended to be what you wanted until the tables were turned.

Like someone said, you cannot measure a woman's submission when she's broke and reliant on you for help. You saw tons of independent women abroad and chose to go 'home' because your small mind was intimidated by their success. You and your wife deserve each other abeg

Ebubechuwku:


Ain't looking for love... and mind you am not heart broken, am fine, love no dey freak me...

Okay