efficiencie:


How many children has she had for him? If she is insisting on leaving he has to let her leave. There is little he can do here but before she leaves he should be sure about the status of the marriage and the status of the paternity of the children before she leaves. He should settle his accounts with the lady as far as possessions, cash flows etc are concerned. Afterwards I will advise him to spend sometime healing and working on himself.

NemoDatQuod:
She is an independent individual even when married. She can leave whenever she wants. Parternity and other issues can be resolved from wherever. Every Nigerian man must come to this understanding: You don't own your wife. She is not your property. She can do whatever she wants to do. Your only recourse is to weigh her actions and decide if you still want to stay married to her. Same for every woman. Simple.

Babsojimjim:
Dear All,

The write up below is exactly what a friend is going through from his wife. Please what sort of action can he take?

Despite, all he has done to please his wife, called Reverend fathers and pastors to counsel them both, his wife is still indifferent to him and is threatening to quit the marriage, citing accumulated pains of the past.

Currently, she says she wants to go back to her parents house else she will die or commit suicide. The man called her parents, and their advise was that since she is his wife, he should decide if to allow her leave his house to come and see them (parents) or stay in his house that the decision is his as the husband.

At this juncture my friend is confused and dont know what to do again.

Even the unmarried friend of his wife who came to stay with them is not helping matter at all as she seems to be enjoying the challenge between my friend and his wife.

Please advise needed. Thanks.

Babsojimjim:
Dear All,

The write up below is exactly what a friend is going through from his wife. Please what sort of action can he take?

Despite, all he has done to please his wife, called Reverend fathers and pastors to counsel them both, his wife is still indifferent to him and is threatening to quit the marriage, citing accumulated pains of the past.

Did u ask your friend if he beats her? Or even make her feel worthless sef marriage shud be enjoyed and not endured. Let her go and cool offf 1st then you can talk of counsel latter. Someone threatening suicide is going thru sone serious sh**t that u aint telling us

Currently, she says she wants to go back to her parents house else she will die or commit suicide. The man called her parents, and their advise was that since she is his wife, he should decide if to allow her leave his house to come and see them (parents) or stay in his house that the decision is his as the husband.

At this juncture my friend is confused and dont know what to do again.

Even the unmarried friend of his wife who came to stay with them is not helping matter at all as she seems to be enjoying the challenge between my friend and his wife.

Please advise needed. Thanks.

InsanePsycho:


He should divorce his wife and start banging the friend

JovialJune:
You see that "accumulated pains of the past", I can relate or let's say I know of stories of such, that's why she is indifferent to him

What men don't seem to realise is that, how you treat/behave to your gf during courtship, determines how sweet your marriage will be, she may forgive whatever hurtful things you did, but she will never forget, after all she is human,there will always be a little disdain when she remembers and anytime she sees you, so men pls be good to your women, don't think that because you're dating her, you can behave anyhow, she is taking note of it all especially when the issue is unresolved, always treat your women right, it's for your own good.

LofP:


The friend who is unmarried gingering her friend to leave...

After the friend goes, she will become referee checking on both players.

After some time she will pity the man by cooking for him and nursing his headaches on her chest before you can say Jack Robinson the wife will know she has entered ONE CHANCE. That is if she realizes on time.

NemoDatQuod:
It's easy for you to call him a simp. It just shows you have got very little experience of life and probably have never left the small community where you were born. Life is very complex. It is not binary as in "either" "or". This may as well have started as a very serious love affair between the two of them. Stop with the easy categorizations. And don't worry. When you begin to experience real life, you will most likely share the same woe especially in a country like Nigeria where individual rights amount to next to nothing. Go and check out the datasets and statistics on the probability of successful marriages in our generation. That will give you some perspective.

Babsojimjim:
Dear All,

The write up below is exactly what a friend is going through from his wife. Please what sort of action can he take?

Despite, all he has done to please his wife, called Reverend fathers and pastors to counsel them both, his wife is still indifferent to him and is threatening to quit the marriage, citing accumulated pains of the past.

Currently, she says she wants to go back to her parents house else she will die or commit suicide. The man called her parents, and their advise was that since she is his wife, he should decide if to allow her leave his house to come and see them (parents) or stay in his house that the decision is his as the husband.

At this juncture my friend is confused and dont know what to do again.

Even the unmarried friend of his wife who came to stay with them is not helping matter at all as she seems to be enjoying the challenge between my friend and his wife.

Please advise needed. Thanks.

Hathor5:


This is what I want to know more about before I advise you this your friend.

Hathor5:


This is what I want to know more about before I advise you this your friend.

NemoDatQuod:
She is an independent individual even when married. She can leave whenever she wants. Parternity and other issues can be resolved from wherever. Every Nigerian man must come to this understanding: You don't own your wife. She is not your property. She can do whatever she wants to do. Your only recourse is to weigh her actions and decide if you still want to stay married to her. Same for every woman. Simple.

tunjilana:


Spot on...But there is a negative side to this mindset..Most men that have internalized this line of tot are also extremely caeeful about how they invest in their wives..they hardly make deep sacrifices for her, just token investments to keep her awake. But most women and advocate of this, hardly see this side.

emmanuelbrown26:

I was their my brother, I hv seen it all my dear brother. Having toured round the 13 states in d country, I still maintain my ground that d guy is a simp as simple as that. Love should never make one stupid including women.

NemoDatQuod:
Ha!ha!ha!ha! What is love if not stupidity? There is no reason or rhyme to it. That is why it is Love. If it is rational and logical, it is not yet love. Romeo and Juliet; Helen of Troy and her lover Paris; and so on and so forth. They each did the most stupid and crazy things for love. That is why we each need to be extremely careful who we fall in love with because once you are in love, there is no logic to it.

Babsojimjim:



Dear Hathor,

This is what transpired.

What transpired was that while they were dating for about 6 years before marriage, she found out that the man had a child in previous relationship which was later known by the lady and family members before the wedding, the man broke up because the former lady took in for another guy, and one other was already back to her former guy.

Also there had been one or two abortions, and other minor misunderstandings that brought verbal exchange of words. Both the lady and my friend had their own good and bad past, but alll these were resolved in the a meeting with my friend, his wife and wifes parents effectively before marriage and she accepted the to marry my friend both traditionally and in the church. only for her to be bringing up past issues at the slightest misunderstanding using it to blackmail my friend and using it as his weak points. The so called wife was not even married as a virgin. These are the issues which both families resolved before the wedding so why should it be brought up after been resolved. That it is now making her to say she is fed up even after the man had apologized on several occasions when in most cases it was the girl that was supposed to apologise. This is the real issue. My friend is a gentle man who wants peace and continuity.

Babsojimjim:
What transpired was that while they were dating for about 6 years before marriage, she found out that the man had a child in previous relationship which was later known by the lady and family members before the wedding, the man broke up because the former lady took in for another guy, and one other was already back to her former guy.

Also there had been one or two abortions, and other minor misunderstandings that brought verbal exchange of words. Both the lady and my friend had their own good and bad past, but alll these were resolved in the a meeting with my friend, his wife and wifes parents effectively before marriage and she accepted the to marry my friend both traditionally and in the church. only for her to be bringing up past issues at the slightest misunderstanding using it to blackmail my friend and using it as his weak points. The so called wife was not even married as a virgin. These are the issues which both families resolved before the wedding so why should it be brought up after been resolved. That it is now making her to say she is fed up even after the man had apologized on several occasions when in most cases it was the girl that was supposed to apologise. This is the real issue. My friend is a gentle man who wants peace and continuity.

NemoDatQuod:
She is an independent individual even when married. She can leave whenever she wants. Parternity and other issues can be resolved from wherever. Every Nigerian man must come to this understanding: You don't own your wife. She is not your property. She can do whatever she wants to do. Your only recourse is to weigh her actions and decide if you still want to stay married to her. Same for every woman. Simple.

efficiencie:


Nonsense! That she is independent does not imply "she can do whatever she wants". That's an irresponsible thing to say and only irresponsible people have dispositions like this. No one can do whatever they want. We have laws, values, norms, customs, traditions, spoken and unspoken rules to ensure that no one does whatever they want to rather they are motivated to act consistently with acceptable standards. If she wedded the said man and made vows then it borders on sheer stupidity to believe she can do whatever she wants to do. If I were the said man I would let her leave, initiate the divorce process, conduct paternity tests on all the children, settle child custody in court and move on.

JovialJune:
You see that "accumulated pains of the past", I can relate or let's say I know of stories of such, that's why she is indifferent to him

What men don't seem to realise is that, how you treat/behave to your gf during courtship, determines how sweet your marriage will be, she may forgive whatever hurtful things you did, but she will never forget, after all she is human,there will always be a little disdain when she remembers and anytime she sees you, so men pls be good to your women, don't think that because you're dating her, you can behave anyhow, she is taking note of it all especially when the issue is unresolved, always treat your women right, it's for your own good.

Babsojimjim:
Dear Nairalanders,

Now My friends wife have packed most of her belongings and left with the only little daughter,how can my friend take care of his little daughter without the lady using it to exploit my friend financially. Thanks

princeeze1:

I just hate what I don’t like. Who told you all those reasons she gave are the reasons she left? Why do you think she opted for her school environment instead of her family home? D dancer is not always afar off d drummer. But she sold you a rooster story, to make you take some guilt and blame. Truth be told, the reasons adduced can never be a reason for leaving a marriage. Keep wallowing in self pity, don’t move on you hear! Don’t seize the opportunity to better your life, complain everyday. Keep using your child as an excuse to live in a toxic past, waste away your years while she is already hopping the next man. So common sense did not tell you she only wanted to justify her opting out with these past issues?

My 1 cent; let her be already. Go with your family, calmly but firmly demand an annulment of the marriage. Reach an amicable settlement with her concerning payments for the welfare of your child together. Her fees and wellness. You do not owe your wife anymore than that. She has no rights to place financial demands you cannot independently verify. WORK OUT A BUDGET AND STICK TO IT. Na you wan finance her affair.

How does this usually play out? The drummer soon gets tired, the dancer soon becomes weary, the situation becomes toxic with time, reality sets in, she realizes you were such a good man, how foolish she was to be led astray. Oh how sorry she is, please for the sake of our child together, please reconsider. Now this is dependent on the measure of self esteem you have left in you.
Thank you. ( for your so called friend)