aribisala0:
The subtext is that the OP does not think he is still important if he ever thought he was and feels oppressed in his home

I wonder if the OP has an elder brother and whether he would feel the same way if it was his elder brother


At the core of this is the psychology of personal space or territory. We still possess many of those drives which other species manifest by marking their territory with the smell of urine matched by a willingness to defend territory with violence. The social restrictions on such violence in human society is manifested in social media eruptions or in our culture dreams of wizardry and such like
The human mind is funny
Poverty can make it do strange things

Brilliant piece bro. Well illustrated.
I like you

In my home I feel bad if I'm served first before a visitor(brother in law, friend or anyone else for that matter) , whether he's just staying for the night or on 3 months holiday. That's courtesy.

But the wife obviously lacks wisdom - your husband in this case was very hungry, and of course should be attended to first. It's a matter of common sense.

Women are good for correction for every little mistakes they made. If you ignore now she will think it was the right thing to do. Right away correct and let her know if you does that to your sister instead of her first, what will be her reaction? If she say it doesn’t matter, then swallow spit and move on. One day e go reach her turn simple. Letting her know what you feel first matters in marriage than assumptions.

What is bad is bad , husband must be first after that your relatives, and then it right to elder brother to sleep at in-law house? Which kind of stupidity visiting is that? And the man already enjoying himself before man came to home, why wife not make his husband happy first ?

SayAsSeen:
Hello friends, I'd like to ask intelligent and older minds for advise about an issue before I react.

My wife's elder brother is visiting my house and my wife has been serving his food first before serving and bringing my good, in my own house.


Please I just want to ask if this is wrong or right or even just normal?

I worked all through the night and was famished by the time the day broke this morning. I gave her some dough and told her to prepare me noodles and sardine, emphasizing on the fact that I was very hungry.

NOTE: Her Brother was still asleep at this time.

She prepared the meal, split it into two. Woke up and served her brother first in my guest room before coming to my room to give her hungry husband his food.

I was so mad, I ignored the food, went out to smoke a cigarette. While I was doing that it occured to me ask for advice here, because I didn't want to ask anybody I knew personally.

I still don't know whether to be mad, or to just ignore it.

I am a strong believer of common sense and respect and her actions this morning lack both! It would have take her less than 30 seconds to give me my food then go wake and serve her brother!

Is she told me she needed money for something and I put my younger sister's need over her's-no matter how tribal her's might be-i know how she'd react and the amount of making up I'd have to do.

I am trying to be very mature about this, that's why I keeping things anonymous?

Besides I'd like to know, I possibly can't be the only person who has experienced this sort of situation because they say there's nothing new under the sun. Please who has ever felt this way, I am very understanding and if something irks me, it would irk every body else too.


Wish I could explain better

It's not right at all, your wife values her brother more than you , it shows no respect for you the husband which should come first in everything

SayAsSeen:
Hello friends, I'd like to ask intelligent and older minds for advise about an issue before I react.

My wife's elder brother is visiting my house and my wife has been serving his food first before serving and bringing my good, in my own house.


Please I just want to ask if this is wrong or right or even just normal?

I worked all through the night and was famished by the time the day broke this morning. I gave her some dough and told her to prepare me noodles and sardine, emphasizing on the fact that I was very hungry.

NOTE: Her Brother was still asleep at this time.

She prepared the meal, split it into two. Woke up and served her brother first in my guest room before coming to my room to give her hungry husband his food.

I was so mad, I ignored the food, went out to smoke a cigarette. While I was doing that it occured to me ask for advice here, because I didn't want to ask anybody I knew personally.

I still don't know whether to be mad, or to just ignore it.

I am a strong believer of common sense and respect and her actions this morning lack both! It would have take her less than 30 seconds to give me my food then go wake and serve her brother!

Is she told me she needed money for something and I put my younger sister's need over her's-no matter how tribal her's might be-i know how she'd react and the amount of making up I'd have to do.

I am trying to be very mature about this, that's why I keeping things anonymous?

Besides I'd like to know, I possibly can't be the only person who has experienced this sort of situation because they say there's nothing new under the sun. Please who has ever felt this way, I am very understanding and if something irks me, it would irk every body else too.


Wish I could explain better

Bro, from the replies I read, I can tell most of them are ladies who don't want to reason things out logically but are just being emotional about it.
In my opinion, I feel your wife may be innocently doing it in ignorance. I think you should speak to her calmly and try to explain to her in simple terms why she shouldn't do that. She will listen to you

Ordinarily, it shouldn’t be a matter that should provoke you but based on the circumstances described in this senario whereby you said you were hungry and requested for a meal urgently while your brother-in-law was still asleep, she is expected to have served you first.

However, she might wants to show hospitality to her brother by doing so. Additionally, she might be very close to her. Just like my wife is very close to her immediate younger brother and he stayed with us for nine (9) years. There were like 5 and 6 in the house o. But I understand the love and understanding their parents brought them up with and I just come into their discussions to tease them and leave. If I were you, I would ignore it and find a way of bringing it up to her during discussions for her to explain her thoughts before doing that. I know must women are attached to the families, so you need to be careful not start a fight over this trivial issue.

You need to communicate with her more and bond more. If I may ask, how old is this marriage before allowing a third party to come and stay with you?

The OP lacks maturity. Guests are served first. Even if the food is dished centrally and each person then dishes the food from the central bowls, courtesy demands that you let the guest take theirs first, then you follow. Do you have home training and manners, OP?

This shouldn't be an issue to the OP, in this life, there are many things one needs to overlook and move on, it's called "playing the game with maturity". For you to even notice she's serving her brother before you means you've been monitoring her carefully and keenly, or should I use the word suspicion? This is not healthy for your relationship, you need to work on some aspect in your life and come out a better man. You don't know if that brother was the reason she agreed to marry you in the first place, or the reason she's still with you till today, or do you think she's not found enough ground to call it a quit with you all these while? Please don't go there, don't make a big deal out of nothing.

bigjackass:
Courtesy demands she serve the guest first whether her brother or not.

Nobody is dragging head of the house with you

Exactly.

ObaOfUyo:
The kind of things, grownup babies will allow to become problems in their homes, given the soaring rates of divorces over trivial issues, I'm beginning to understand.
This na issue wey we dey drag as we small with my brothers dem. We don grow now we dey face serious issues.

If you still dealing with insecurity and trust issues, why get married ?!? Grow up abeg.
Don't bring silly tales to NL


Receive peace.

Thanks. You have said it all.

You better go back and eat that good ooo don't allow useless mindset to destroy your home just overlook it and in a quite time you can discuss With your wife over that but I don't see anything wrong with that don't over flog issues in your house pls. Some things are better on said so that you don't create problems in your Marriage.

Hope shes her Blood Broda you know well before marriage. Else it could be the f*** kind of broda. You gerrit?

Olunmercy56:


That is why I always pray for a man that is sensible as a husband, not the one that can't think on his own

Thank God you are still praying..pray hard o...I am quite sure our young unmarried men can't wait to get married to a reasonable wife.

It's normal, there is no law that justify that.
By the way he is your guest � and he should be taking care well

(Yoruba) Oro run run lenu eku, talking about most commenters on the first page.
I may not find it offensive serving your elder brother before serving me food..what I would find offensive & shout at the wife for is the fact that she broke specific instructions to prepare food and bring with utmost alacrity..but instead,she prepared food & went about serving her brother first even though she had specific instructions to that effect.
Me: I am very lenient, but when it comes to specific instructions, I expect the spouse to follow it to the latter or the roof will come down. Even if it were my family member sef.. & yes this is my 8years in marriage.

Biggcake:


Then why didn't she get married to the damned fvcking brother.

Maybe condition.

[quote author=SayAsSeen post=108716385]

This is the umpteenth time! Since he arrived.

Don't you eat together with your wife?

My friend sharrap. He purchased the rights to be honoured first in his own house just the same way you ladies want to be honoured with front seat side by side with hubby. It clearly shows that her elder brother is dictating terms or she goes to him regularly for advice or financial favours. It's clearly not right. OP what I'll advice you to do is to get your younger one around and give money to him or her first before giving your wife and see whether she see nothing wrong with it.

Bola146:
As for me I don't see anything bad in that, it's a way to show honour and respect to him, it's just a visit not forever, he will soon go to his house.

NB If you truly want a happy home, don't seek advice on social media, those kids who can't maintain a week relationship will advise you astray. What works for A might not work for B.

Even with your modifications, it's the same thing!!! Is the man living forever in your house? Why come here to rant instead of telling your wife directly that she did something wrong?! You see why I always said good communication with intimacy are good in every home especially with this teens getting married everyday. I know he will still come back to ask if it's good for his wife to be greeting him every morning or late in the night orishirishi Dear Lord have mercy on us all

sleekman:
My friend sharrap. He purchased the rights to be honoured first in his own house just the same way you ladies want to be honoured with front seat side by side with hubby. It clearly shows that her elder brother is dictating terms or she goes to him regularly for advice or financial favours. It's clearly not right. OP what I'll advice you to do is to get your younger one around and give money to him or her first before giving your wife and see whether she see nothing wrong with it.

Na them he is one of those washing panties for his wife but will be typing otherwise here pack well and face front jare

I really wouldn't have commented but I just felt I had too..

First, na today I know say children full nairaland, people who don't think before talking...

Mr Op, what your wife did was very wrong, whether you are hungry or you provided the money or not, she is wrong, I myself will never take that, I always see my mom giving my dad his food before anyone..

Infact, sometimes till dad blesses the food you dare not touch yours..

You see those people seeing nothing wrong with it are either children, or thier husbands are simps.

I will advice you talk to your wife calmly about the issue, so she sees reasons with you. You are her lord, her king, and its your house... You ought to be served first before anyone..

Most people here don't understand how this little issue can be something else.

They don't have an idea how the man's brain works, because if someone out there start respecting you more than your wife.. switch will start forming in the man's mind.

Like I said, I won't even take such.. because I pay attention to little details.. you can't give me water without bending sef...

Nobi free I carry you from your family house... And nobi dash somebody dash me the money.

The family I came from, the head is the king and kings are served first...

So really don't pay attention to these Nairaland children.. 98% of them can't keep a simple relationship..

And for next time, don't bring such issues to nairaland...

ignis:
She have been together with the brother long before she met you.

You people amaze me..

She should marry her brother then..

Stewpid talk.. Na una de marry to satisfy society

Bola146:
As for me I don't see anything bad in that, it's a way to show honour and respect to him, it's just a visit not forever, he will soon go to his house.

NB If you truly want a happy home, don't seek advice on social media, those kids who can't maintain a week relationship will advise you astray. What works for A might not work for B.

Even with your modifications, it's the same thing!!! Is the man living forever in your house? Why come here to rant instead of telling your wife directly that she did something wrong?! You see why I always said good communication with intimacy are good in every home especially with this teens getting married everyday. I know he will still come back to ask if it's good for his wife to be greeting him every morning or late in the night orishirishi Dear Lord have mercy on us all

I understand your point and dare say you are right.. but there is something else I want you to know.

99% of men are lonely and need to be heard. If the OP has any iota of sense like I believe he does, he wouldn't take any advice here.

He just wants to be heard, to speak, to vent.

I wish people would understand this.

cescky:


You people amaze me..

She should marry her brother then..

Stewpid talk.. Na una de marry to satisfy society

Respect other people's opinion.

Simran94:

Wait, so if it was the OPs Parents that came visiting, is she supposed to serve him first before serving his parents food?

Why you dey reason like the DOG in your DP,So parent and brother na the same thing?. Who do you this thing sef?...well you are not even married sef..what am I saying.

SayAsSeen:
Hello friends, I'd like to ask intelligent and older minds for advise about an issue before I react.

My wife's elder brother is visiting my house and my wife has been serving his food first before serving and bringing my good, in my own house.


Please I just want to ask if this is wrong or right or even just normal?

I worked all through the night and was famished by the time the day broke this morning. I gave her some dough and told her to prepare me noodles and sardine, emphasizing on the fact that I was very hungry.

NOTE: Her Brother was still asleep at this time.

She prepared the meal, split it into two. Woke up and served her brother first in my guest room before coming to my room to give her hungry husband his food.

I was so mad, I ignored the food, went out to smoke a cigarette. While I was doing that it occured to me ask for advice here, because I didn't want to ask anybody I knew personally.

I still don't know whether to be mad, or to just ignore it.

I am a strong believer of common sense and respect and her actions this morning lack both! It would have take her less than 30 seconds to give me my food then go wake and serve her brother!

Is she told me she needed money for something and I put my younger sister's need over her's-no matter how tribal her's might be-i know how she'd react and the amount of making up I'd have to do.

I am trying to be very mature about this, that's why I keeping things anonymous?

Besides I'd like to know, I possibly can't be the only person who has experienced this sort of situation because they say there's nothing new under the sun. Please who has ever felt this way, I am very understanding and if something irks me, it would irk every body else too.


Wish I could explain better

Brother in my own candid opinion, it could be annoying and provoking but wait till you are calm and tell her how you want things to be in your house, most especially the food part, then if she refuses then you have to let her know that in as much as her family is ranked higher than you her husband then she will have to drop on your own scale of preference as well coz marriage or relationship is not a one sided thing its give and take, you can't disrespect me in marriage and expect me to respect you as well...

In every home the way things are being run is different, in my own case I can't take it as well but you just have to call her attention to it coz she might not see it as anything bad, it might be a norm in their own family.... Goodluck bro

Park where? Park for that ya old smelly kpekus. Hello no! I rather wash and let it hang until I see correct place to park. After my reply so I strike you as someone who will wash his wife kpekus covering. Abeg go and buy air freshener. Ya smelly kpekus is disturbing nairaland.

Bola146:


Na them he is one of those washing panties for his wife but will be typing otherwise here pack well and face front jare

I guess the OP took the risk of sharing his discomfort on this platform. It is a risk worth it. Why?
You find divergent opinions and if you have the spirit of wisdom, you will be able to read between the lines.

First, I have noticed that there are lots of folks here who in a bid to be politically correct pander to the vagaries of the female sex. They just prefer to be unfortunate,rude and bereft of commonsense.

As funny as this may seem every action taken has a reason behind it. The brother that came around is elderly hence the reason i believe she does that. But guess what ...it is not a right thing to do. If you can wake a sleeping person to come and eat before serving the person that is starving don't you people see that there is a reason for that? You are so hypocritical on this platform. In a bid to respect the elder brother she disrespects the husband. ñnn(Normalise talking about your reservations but don't be rude about it).
As for you guys that are abusing him, I say thank you for your Candid opinions. We can't all be wise.
To the OP , sit your wife down and don't hold anything back when you are expressing yourself. It would save your marriage.

Favfables1:


The most sensible comment I've seen so far...

Personally if it's just a one time thing, I won't be bothered buh it happening consistently is something that'll make me raise eyebrows...

OP talk to your wife and tell her exactly how this makes you feel...
She may be doing it without meaning to upset or disrespect you...

I know this may seem like something "not worth talking about", buh if it hurts you enough for you to open a thread on nairaland, then it's better you communicate with her rather than allow it grow into resentment...

And please leave all those folks up there insulting you for whatever reason, if you do your investigations they're probably not married and thus won't know *exactly* how it feels...

Good luck Chief...

U're as foolish as OP's wife.

Guests are served first only if the host is happy.

You are the fool here!

OLULAW:
The OP lacks maturity. Guests are served first. Even if the food is dished centrally and each person then dishes the food from the central bowls, courtesy demands that you let the guest take theirs first, then you follow. Do you have home training and manners, OP?

Daughterboard:
Guests are served first only if the host is happy.

You are the fool here!

Go and take more of your cheap drugs. Better still, check yourself into a mental asylum. You're clearly one of the lunatics on this site.

What with this "wife has to serve husband food" attitude. If I am really hungry I serve myself no time to waste. I only ask someone to serve if am not too hungry.
I don't care who serves food, there are bigger fish to fry