My father had an accident where he couldn't walk for months because his spinal cord was slightly weakened. There was no way he could attend to the needs of the family as he couldn't work but my mother stood up to the challenge and bore the burden of taking care of a sick husband and five kids.

Her sacrifice was admirable and the fact that she never quit on us even when my father eventually abandoned us is the reason why I will make sure the remaining years of that woman's life is soft, God help me.

fasho01:


This is the summary of it all. Our mothers were contented, were homely and weren't materialistic and weren't polluted by western influences as much as this generation is.

Marriage then was truly for better or for worse but now it is based on interests from both parties just like politics and when the interest of one partner is no longer served, they leave.

This is what marriage has now become globally that is why the rate of divorce globally has increased. The earlier we come to terms with this bitter truth, the better for us.. To be forewarned is to be fore armed

Touché.

I pity anyone that'll be swayed by the platitudes on this thread without carrying out due diligence.

Most of the narratives have been focused on "my mother, my parents, when we were kids": abi no story from 2018 downwards?

Cc: bjtinz

Amanee:
My father had an accident where he couldn't work for months because his spinal cord was slightly weakened. There was no way he could attend to the needs of the family as he couldn't work but my mother stood up to the challenge and bore the burden of taking care of a sick husband and five kids.

Her sacrifice was admirable and the fact that she never quit on us even when my father eventually abandoned us is the reason why I will make sure the remaining years of that woman's life is soft, God help me.

Aha, it's another one: "my mother, my father".

We wan hear una own story not your parents'.

bjtinz:


Lol! You funny sha.

But that's the point of this thread: just as you have failed marriages, you also have successful marriage, so it's a matter of ones being true or not, it's about individual experiences, some good, some bad

Yea I understand the essence of this thread and I also know and understand what I said.

guywitzerogal:
Our parents got married when there wasn't social media and yahoo Boys, our mummy goes to church and pray for our dads, you see the set of girls and boys out now.... Them go disgrace their ancestors

You are right but I still beg to differ. The behavior of women started from the beginning, even the bible says: It's hard to find a good woman and only the Lord can give a virtuous woman. Women have always been attracted to material things then too. Yes, no yahoo boys then , but we have politicians, bankers, lawyers, musicians ( you no dey see Fela). Anybody with comfort, women will follow.
*This is my own submit on how to get a good woman*

1. Marry a girl that has a good proper home training
2. Marry a girl who fears God e.g. Goes to church etc
3. Marry a girl with good cultural upbringing
4. Train the girlfriend you want to marry to be the wife you want.

You see the last point is the most important, women are created to adapt to whomever they are with at a particular time. They are like water, they can be Solid(rigid and stubborn)with one man, Liquid (in-between) with another man and Gaseous ( Totally Submissive) with another. And note all women like water Must by chemical composition occupy the shape of its container.
Therefore, as a man, you have one instruction from divinity: Dominate the earth. God expects you to take charge (not domineering though) but have authority! When you behave masculine,( dominant, assertive, street wise etc), by law of polarity, women are forced by the same law to become feminine ( submissive etc), However, If you allow her ( which she will always try to) to be Dominant, by law you will be Submissive and she will Hate and Disobey you for allowing her to switch roles. Guys, women look up to Men. During courtship, train her to buy something for you, to treat your family well, to cook well, tell her your principles, what you like and don't like. They may be stubborn like Dogs, but I can tell you that they are good learners and can easily adapt.

Being bitter about women from my observation is not the solution, so far men won't become MEN(Masculine), women will find it hard to become SUBMISSIVE ( feminine) as a result of law of polarity. The prevalence of evil is ALWAYS the weakness of good.
Finally, the law of polarity is one of the universal laws guilding nature as well as all humans, and it says: For an interaction (relationship) to exist, to every action, there must be an equal and opposite reaction. To every dominant man, there's an equal and opposite (Submissive) woman. To every simp( non-dominant man), there must be an equal and opposite ( Masculine, Stubborn, untrained) woman.

Everything is bound by law and can be interpreted by law

Selah!

Marriage bad, marriage bad

Yet u see people marrying every Saturday

Let me ask you, what makes breaking news most times , nor be bad news?

I have been married for close to 5 years, my only regret is that I didn't marry earlier

Marriage to the right person is sweet, let nobody deceive you

My advice is , there is not one formula that works in marriage. Create ur own niche. What I can take from madam, you can never tolerate and vice versa

My mother told me one thing, she said if you want a woman to respect you, love her( most men read love from a woman as respect, most women read respect from a man as love, God know why him say husbands love your wife, and wife respect your husband)

She said provide for home, don't neglect ur responsibilities

Marry a woman who is teachable and compatible with you

Marry your friend, someone's you can relate and gist with at all levels and someone who believes in many of the things you believe in

Never be too proud to say you are sorry not necessarily because you think you are right but for the fact you love peace in your home
Avoid malice. Don't go to bed with an unresolved issue.


Marry a praying spouse. Put God first. Nothing sweet pass make ur spouse genuinely want the best for you


Chairmen and women, the thing plenty.


But nor forget na bad news dey sell.

Nor reason all the things wen u dey hear for NL

GboyegaD:
My parents were married for 33 years before my dad's demise. My dad was a regional manager and my mum a banker back in the days. My dad suggested my mom quit banking and focus on us. Unfortunately, shortly after came the Structural Adjustment Program (SAP) and my dad was laid off.

At some point my mom suggested going into food selling business but my dad objected out of pride. She later started small and the business came through for the family since it provided shelter and food for us. At that time, my dad joined in support despite getting a new job and it became our family business.

As for me, I got married at a point I was starting another graduate degree (this time without any funding whatsoever) and the little money I has want going to see us through. My wife supported with the funds she had and stayed through even when it seemed we were so broke. Upon completion of my program, it took about 6 months to get my desired job and in between, we both had to do a minimum paying job and manage our baby in between the job.

She's so much supportive of me and vice versa. We discussed how to navigate any terrain we find ourselves and I think that is what we should encourage people to discuss while dating so that they know what to expect in awkward situations.

God bless your home

my son becareful, your still immature to knowing the phrases of tribes.

You are what you attract

Maybe we should talk about our fathers too. Mine was called archbishop because his colleagues know he will not cut corners or run deals. We all know daddy will horn by 6pm every blessed day. Stoic and disciplined.. No time for shenanigans.. My mother died in 1992 and he refused to remarry cos he didnt want his young kids to be maltreated. If he had a girlfriend, we had no whiff of her, you could bet on his routine and whereabouts daily. No alcohol, drinking, womanising, raunchiness, lewdness, greed. He refused to get a chieftaincy title but is called Ezeudo because he coordinates the new year reconciliation meeting and charity events.
He died yesterday, rest in peace Archbishop.

As for today, the men of today.. They have a lot to struggle with....good character is no longer attractive.... Majority of them are graduated cultists.. Peer influence is largely negative...greed for women, power, money is their driving force.. I do feel pity for them, most are lost and confused, especially those that are products of good home training.
But in life, every man must walk his path based on HIS decisions. Your errors are on you alone..
MAN KNOW THYSELF...

Lightway:
Men should not fall for this useless thread

Women on these days are not women of before..

This generation is useless

are men of nowadays the same with then? The thing swims both ways. Not just one gender is at fault here. It takes two to tango.

Op I get your point, however the stories you're looking for or are being narrate on your trend right now are of our mothers and fathers when. Marriage was for better and for worst, our mothers were most loyal and they make their husbands feel like kings even in their worst state..

Unfortunately we are now living in a very selfish and self centered generation, where everyone is looking for something to gain in a relationship or marriage


Their are good marriages, couples who stick together to overcome challenges, but the numbers are dwindling daily, social media, feminism, gender equality, equal right in the home is contributing to this

Just a simple survey for you

Take a walk around your street this evening, go to the popular spot, relaxation centres, even churches and see the the future wives /husbands

Some with strong will will reengineer their mentality and orientation, but it will come at a cost, others won't it will also come at a cost


The devil is fighting marriage..

Evercurious:


God bless your home

Amen and yours too.

My parents intentionally are staying away from the social media. I mean intentionally. My parents prefer the traditional media than the new media. A lot of marriages fails because of the lifestyles on the the social media. If there is misunderstanding among my parents, they will settle before night time. The gist every evening and share ideas before bedtime. My dad or mum don't stay out till 7:30pm. Never! All these are possible because they had a well-defined foundation.

Raalsalghul:


Aha, it's another one: "my mother, my father".

We wan hear una own story not your parents'.

I'm not married

specialmati:
na only elentus human beings (humans that doesn't have sense)who thinks marriage is always bad. Pray to get the right person then you will be thanking God all the days of your life

if you think you have gotten the right person try 6 months without giving her Kobo and see how she will define what a right person really means to your dumb head

Goodnigga:
You are right but I still beg to differ. The behavior of women started from the beginning, even the bible says: It's hard to find a good woman and only the Lord can give a virtuous woman. Women have always been attracted to material things then too. Yes, no yahoo boys then , but we have politicians, bankers, lawyers, musicians ( you no dey see Fela). Anybody with comfort, women will follow.
*This is my own submit on how to get a good woman*

1. Marry a girl that has a good proper home training
2. Marry a girl who fears God e.g. Goes to church etc
3. Marry a girl with good cultural upbringing
4. Train the girlfriend you want to marry to be the wife you want.

You see the last point is the most important, women are created to adapt to whomever they are with at a particular time. [b]They are like water, they can be Solid(rigid and stubborn)with one man, Liquid (in-between) with another man and Gaseous ( Totally Submissive) with another. And note all women like water Must by chemical composition occupy the shape of its container.
Therefore, as a man, you have one instruction from divinity: Dominate the earth. God expects you to take charge (not domineering though) but have authority! When you behave masculine,( dominant, assertive, street wise etc), by law of polarity, women are forced by the same law to become feminine ( submissive etc), However, If you allow her ( which she will always try to) to be Dominant, by law you will be Submissive and she will Hate and Disobey you for allowing her to switch roles. Guys, women look up to Men. During courtship, train her to buy something for you, to treat your family well, to cook well, tell her your principles, what you like and don't like. They may be stubborn like Dogs, but I can tell you that they are good learners and can easily adapt[/b]

Being bitter about women from my observation is not the solution, so far men won't become MEN(Masculine), women will find it hard to become SUBMISSIVE ( feminine) as a result of law of polarity. The prevalence of evil is ALWAYS the weakness of good.
Finally, the law of polarity is one of the universal laws guilding nature as well as all humans, and it says: For an interaction (relationship) to exist, to every action, there must be an equal and opposite reaction. To every dominant man, there's an equal and opposite (Submissive) woman. To every simp( non-dominant man), there must be an equal and opposite ( Masculine, Stubborn, untrained) woman.

Everything is bound by law and can be interpreted by law

Selah!

God bless you real good. You're 100% correct with the statements above. You sound like a pastor or teacher.

yuping:
Good idea, I still remember when popsy did not get any contract for 2years mom was up and doing that woman sabi manage house even they feed neighbors, our last born takes after her. Sometimes whenever I read about bad marriages here on NL I always use my parent to have confidence that I can have a family of my own 32+ of marriage no be beans, but nairaland women/girls don't like saying their own side of the story shaa. Still sums up to their lazy altitude and negligent. Women of nowadays don't want to do anything at all even in class they will still beg you to do their assignment.
They should just do more, I'm not trying to bash them or anything I have sisters too but they should do more and be more in the society in general.

true I believe there are still some good lasting marriage ,and our ladies too can do better by been supportive,all that glitters on Instagram isn't so in reality ,most couples on Instagram with glittering houses and car are all for show up ,when u meet some of them in reality you will know that the husband sometimes wears shirt way get small hole for the collar ,

Acidosis:

There's no such thing as my wife standing by me in difficult times. We are both in the marriage. If sapa comes visiting, na the two of us go suffer. If she leaves, I leave too but... hey, she won't and I won't too.

I don faint by the below

If she leaves, I leave too

BKayy:
From what I've read about marriages on this forum, it is safe to say that most Nairaland married folks (more than 95%) are in terrible, bitter and toxic marriages.

Well no pity from me by the way. I don't feel sorry for matured people that used their hands to dig their graves. You can't tell me that as an adult, you didn't see signs before taking or being taken by a toxic fellow.

your time is coming don't be in a hurry son the funniest thing is that this ladies are getting worse every day I can promise you when it's your turn there will be no signs to read again

Its Grace of God to keep a Marriage this days

My folks hav been married for over 3 decades ago and they keep getting stronger every single day...

They pray together
They smile together
Share lot of secrets together
Travel all over the world together
They trust themselves

I really pray everyday to enjoy that kind of commitment when I'm set to settle down

It's very possible to get a God sent partner...you just have to make your research pretty well and pray alot before you make that final decision...

BKayy:
From what I've read about marriages on this forum, it is safe to say that most Nairaland married folks (more than 95%) are in terrible, bitter and toxic marriages.

Well no pity from me by the way. I don't feel sorry for matured people that used their hands to dig their graves. You can't tell me that as an adult, you didn't see signs before taking or being taken by a toxic fellow.

Bless you!!!!

No woman want to suffer abeggi if u dont have money as a man DONT marry.men ar lazy.men hav somethin doing.

Miarose:
Maybe we should talk about our fathers too. Mine was called archbishop because his colleagues know he will not cut corners or run deals. We all know daddy will horn by 6pm every blessed day. Stoic and disciplined.. No time for shenanigans.. My mother died in 1992 and he refused to remarry cos he didnt want his young kids to be maltreated. If he had a girlfriend, we had no whiff of her, you could bet on his routine and whereabouts daily. No alcohol, drinking, womanising, raunchiness, lewdness, greed. He refused to get a chieftaincy title but is called Ezeudo because he coordinates the new year reconciliation meeting and charity events.
He died yesterday, rest in peace Archbishop.

As for today, the men of today.. They have a lot to struggle with....good character is no longer attractive.... Majority of them are graduated cultists.. Peer influence is largely negative...greed for women, power, money is their driving force.. I do feel pity for them, most are lost and confused, especially those that are products of good home training.
But in life, every man must walk his path based on HIS decisions. Your errors are on you alone..
MAN KNOW THYSELF...

Such a disciplined man .May his soul RIP. I do hope you learnt a lot from him

Without money marriage cannot work money understand trust wil keep marriage.but men will say girls like money.yes we do

If u dont have money abegii park ur load go another girls side i cannot suffer with any MAN.men double your husule

Men.without money can we cuk ur food can we tak ur child to sch can we pay their sch fee can we wash ur cloth answer men

Charmingrascal:
I remember when Mum bought Dad a car with her salaries that she saved that year.

The things I read about marriages these days makes me dread marriage. But I know that by 2023 that I will be getting married na perfect woman God go give me.

Your mum deserves a hug and a gift!

cassidy1996:
Being married is not easy, but patience and endurance is needed

if not for my wife, i for nor do this Christmas . GOD bless my wife

Bros!!! Pls be sincere did she still respect you?she is from which tribe
Honestly, I am planing to settle down next year,but am sacred, not the girl I am with presently us bad but am scared because she might change in the nearest future..

firstbornson:
Some years ago while my father was still in the Civil Service commission, I remember a particular incident that led to his temporal suspension from the office. Someone framed him and all that. I won't bother you about the details. However, this incident took over 8 months before it was resolved. Prior to this time, we lived a very comfortable life.

What my mom did in the light of this situation is what I won't forget in a hurry.

We mom started selling cold "pure" water and drinks.

We went back to the farm, planting yam and cassava and the rest.

All these coupled with some money my father had saved kept us all.

We didn't stop school.

My mom didn't create a scene that will bring elders from the village to "settle" issue.

My mom stood by my father.

In as much I congratulate your parents of 26 years old marriage but this your write is not necessary.... Because your daddy lost his job temporary then your mother should Park out or be calling villagers or elders... We all need to adjust and adapt to some unforeseen circumstances, May God Almighty no give us the problem that will pass us.

marhez43:
If u dont have money abegii park ur load go another girls side i cannot suffer with any MAN.men double your husule

How old are u?