How to determine sexual compatibility without having sex
AYOOLA ADETAYO
December 28, 2021 8:10 AM

You don't have to indulge in pre-marital sex to determine sexual compatibility with your partner.

Sex is something that many would rather leave till they are married.

People make decisions as this all the time; whether due to absolute virginity, or in some cases, just a decision to abstain from sex till they get married.

For people like this, one of the most difficult things would be the determination of sexual compatibility with their partners.

Obviously, it's OK to not have sex before marriage, but it's not cool to not talk or discuss it before then.

The story has once been shared of a bride who was asked by her new husband for anal sex on the very night of their wedding or sometime thereabouts.

This particular couple had both abstained from sex till that wedding night, and when the time came to consummate their union, it occurred that they both had totally different ideas of what sex was meant to be like.

Apparently, the couple in question must surely not have had proper talk about their sexual preferences and towing such line in a sexless relationship could be the deadliest recipe for disaster.

Deciding to not have sex before marriage is not a bad thing, and if that is what you want with your partner, it's absolutely fine.

But choosing not to ascertain the sexual compatibility between you and your partner before taking such a huge leap as marriage is not advisable. And to determine the sexual common grounds between yourself and your partner without actually doing it, all you need is communication.

Unabashed, unrestricted, honest-to-God conversations. Large doses of it.

You need to ask all the questions imaginable, cover all the possible bases.

It is never enough to limit your talks to banks statements, number of kids, etc, only to relegate sexual compatibility to a place of nothingness. It does not work that way.

Since you will not actually be engaging in the sex, it is only logical to ask and have honest conversations about what that partner sees sex as, and what teases and pleases them, what they can do, what they can't, and what they can't do without.

You need to listen to your partner's opinions on accepting and giving sexual pleasure, and gauge whether you can live up to that expectation or not.

You'll need to voice out what you find impossible and ridiculous. You also have to be open to bending a bit here, being accommodating a bit there till you both reach a common ground on the subject.

And this applies to both partners.

If you are both comfortable with it, these conversations could be during couples pre-marriage counselling, where you have someone 'supervising the negotiations.'

Whichever way you want it though, let it be known that sexual compatibility can be deciphered to a large extent without actually having sex if you both will just communicate right.

Biggie2000:


Your thread only suggests that partners should speak up about what they want/like. Remember some people can make mouth about what they'll do, but will still disappoint at the end of the day.
There is no way to fully understand and be aware of your partner's sexual compatibilities without having sex (religious fanatics should not disturb me).

Karleb:




How to be a good driver without driving a car.

OLAADEGBU:


Having a conversation about it during courtship will be much better than leaving it till after marriage.

Opeyemiextra:


It's a serious issue in marriage fa.

OLAADEGBU:


That's the main reason for opening this thread because folks usually take this subject for granted.

Biggie2000:


Having a conversation about it is cool, but the main action occurs after marriage. So many people usually make mouth and pretend before marriage. I can make mouth that I will last 45 minutes in bed and that I can do all the styles, does that mean I'll last 45 minutes and can do all the styles? Me that I'll last like 3 hours.

OLAADEGBU:


Having a conversation about it during courtship will be much better than leaving it till after marriage.

OLAADEGBU:


Discussing sexual compatibility is much more than talking of how long you can last.

Opeyemiextra:


But how do we even know for those who are celibate because it's a bit difficult to know exactly what and who suits you sexual in detail except you have, at some point, been sexually active.

Biggie2000:


Discussions are mere words that can be manipulated to suit narratives.
Oga, you CANNOT know about your partner's sexual compatibility until you try him/her.
You cannot know how good a car is, until you take it for a 'test drive'.

OLAADEGBU:


Are you aware of driverless cars?

OLAADEGBU:


What forms your idea about sexual compatibility? Do you have the same moral compass to start with? Discussion will identify where you share the same interests and what you enjoy doing. Family values, background and upbringing contributes to what we find acceptable. Do you really have to be compatible?

OLAADEGBU:


What is your understanding of the phrase sexual compatibility?

Biggie2000:


Discussions are mere words that can be manipulated to suit narratives.
Oga, you CANNOT know about your partner's sexual compatibility until you try him/her.
You cannot know how good a car is, until you take it for a 'test drive'.

Biggie2000:

WTF? Bros, you should not be asking this question. Why will I be discussing with you about Sexual compatibility if I don't have a proper understanding of it.
You seem like a dude that created a thread simply because you're bored.

OLAADEGBU:


You mean if you are to buy meat in the market you will have to cook and eat it first before you pay for it?

Karleb:


How to be a good driver without driving a car.

Karleb:


The guy is funny. Imagine asking questions like "what do you understand by sexual compatibility" like he's talking to a 9 yr old.


It's just like listening to Sunday schools teachers that has answers to every question they are asking and these answers are all within the scope of the Sunday School manual, anything else is wrong and unacceptable. Issokay.

Biggie2000:


Bruh, grow up. This your 'meat' comparison makes no sense. Absolutely no sense.
I don't know if you created this thread to get some attention or love from the females here, but you're going about it the wrong way.

debbydams:


lol ..chop knuckle

Karleb:


The guy is funny. Imagine asking questions like "what do you understand by sexual compatibility" like he's talking to a 9 yr old.


It's just like listening to Sunday schools teachers that has answers to every question they are asking and these answers are all within the scope of the Sunday School manual, anything else is wrong and unacceptable. Issokay.