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I Am In A State Of Confusion by AneemA: 12:53pm On Jan 02, 2022 |
Hi guys, I am new here but I have viewed this forum from time to time (not often, but the vibe I get from ppl here is something I am interested to get some for my own case). Please dont use pidgin coz I dont speak it. So my case is this. I have married with a Nigerian guy in my country. I am a South-east Asian. Long story short, this guy who is my husband now has not given me much ever since we got married. He is one of those yahooboys. He said he hasn't got any other options of getting money except doing this thing. This 'work' I actually stated I don't like him doing from time to time but well, I am not too firm about that. He isn't making much at all from doing it, in fact all these almost 4 yrs we're together, he just made only 3 or 4 sum of money from it. I honestly can count with fingers how many he provided with that money , meaning buy things or pay bills but the majority of the time I am the one who is providing, food, bills, and even money he spent to do some juju to work on his "spiritual blockages" (he said one of his extended family is the one who spiritually chains him to make it here). I got married religiously with him not bringing any single dime, no ring, no legal papers made, no nothing but I persevered, thinking I should try to understand his hardship. Our family made him convert to my religion then after a couple of yrs, he went back to Christianity (he is an Igbo). The actual reason we got married was because I got pregnant and it's a taboo for a woman to carry a child without a husband. My family disapproved abortion so there we were with the marriage. But after we got married, I got miscarriage. So there is no baby. Then a while later he asked me to have another baby, at first I didn't like the idea as his financial condition isn't well enough to provide a family, he cannot provide me well enough as a wife, then how would he be able to have more as responsibility but he argued that by grace of god this baby will be a blessing and argued that people don't have to have millions of dollars to have baby. So here we are our baby has grown a year now. His finance isn't improving whatsoever. And I am the sole provider of the house. He sometimes also took my money without telling, oblivious to the fact that I am struggling to make ends meet. I have grown TIRED. Finance problem aside, I have also become aware that his ego is too much to handle. I think he is quite arrogant. He is also wary of me nagging and snapping from time to time. I know my words can be hurtful and disrespectful, yes. But we are TIRED of each other. Words of getting separated were thrown around from my side quite a few times during our marriage but we never actually execute that. I am tired and I don't think I can handle this hardship no more. If he thinks I am not the right person for him as I tend to let him down with my nagging and snaps, so be it, I acknowledge it myself. I am not a good fit. We are not a good fit for each other. He always told me the problem is that I don't trust him thats why I never listen. I am sorry, but truth to be told, he hasn't shown enough proof that he has been serious for me or fight for me (dared I need to mentioned, ever since we were still dating, he never came to my house nor asked me out on a date). How can he feel so entitled of my trust where not much he can put on the table to garner the trust? Such an entitled nigerian man! Bruv! Look at the facts and just stop lying to my face! I even thought he has been "workin on me" like he tries as yahooboys. I am frustrated and stuck. Now we have a child together and separation isn't looking well for his growth but I swear to God this 2022 I can't tolerate none of his shit no more! Help me with some perspectives here. I don't need validation of how hurtful I am right now coz my feelings are VALID. I just need some perspectives to get my head straight. Ask me questions if you need to in case I missed mentioned some aspects of my case. |
Re: I Am In A State Of Confusion by pussymonger1: 12:53pm On Jan 02, 2022 |
ONCE A FRAUDSTER WILL ALWAYS BE A FRAUDSTER . THERE IS NO ADVISE I CAN GIVE TO YOU DEAR BUT I WILL STILL TRY TO GIVE A PIECE OF IT . RUN FOR YOUR LIFE . ARE U IN NIGERIA OR ASIA . IF U ARE IN ASIA , GOOD , RUN FOR YOUR LIFE , AT LEAST YOU ARE WORKING AND I BET IF YOU STEP UP YOUR GAME U WILL BE ABLE TO TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOUR KIDS CONVINIENTLY WITHOUT NEEDING THE HELP OF DAD OR MOM . FORGET ABOUT TABOO OR TABOOING . STAY WOKE . LOTS OF WOMEN ARE LIVING FINE WITHOUT HUSBAND IN THIS GENERATION . ANYTHING THAT MAY DRAW YOU BACK IN 2022 PLS AVOID IT . BUT IF YOU ARE IN NIGERIA , I WILL BEG YOU TO FIND A WAY TO RELOCATE BACK TO YOUR COUNTRY BECAUSE THE GUY IN QUESTION WILL DEFINITELY USE U FOR RITUAL SOONER WHEN HE IS STUCKED . RUN FOR YOUR LIFE .MAY THE LORD BE WITH U . FORGET ABOUT TABOO FOR NOW , YOUR LIFE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL .FORGET ABOUT THE SAYINGS 'BABY NEEDS DAD AND MOM ". I WAS RAISED BY AN OLD WOMAN . DONT MIND MY USER NAME AND MOST OF MY COMMENTS ON HERE BUT WHEN IM SERIOUS , IM SERIOUS . 1. DIVORCE 2. START TAKING CUSTODY OF YOUR OWN CHILD BECAUSE YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN GIVE THE BABY A GOOD LIFE , THE FATHER HAS NOTHING UPSTARES THAN FRAUD AND I DONT PRAY YOUR KID EMULATE HIS WRENCHED LIFESTYLE . THIS IS THE TIME U CAN SEPARATE SHAFT FROM GRAINS. 3.MOVE FAR AWAY FROM HIM , MAYBE TO ANOTHER REGION IF POSSIBLE 4. WORK HARDER AND SAVE SOME MONEY IF POSSIBLE TO MOVE TO A BETTER COUNTRY IN THE WORLD AND IF MOVING TO ANOTHER COUNTRY IS NOT AN IDEA YOU REALLY LIKE , YOU CAN START A SIDE BUSINESS WHERE EVER YOU ARE TO CREATE MULTIPLE INCOMES 5. RUN AWAY FROM THE LEECHES AND RITUALIST . 4 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: I Am In A State Of Confusion by Anigreat: 12:54pm On Jan 02, 2022 |
![]() Please don't post with half baked English, because I don't speak it. |
Re: I Am In A State Of Confusion by SankaraSo: 12:57pm On Jan 02, 2022 |
Your husband is trying his best to provide a good life for you. Support him Pray for him Help him He is a strong black man When he finally makes it, you'll have a stress free life. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: I Am In A State Of Confusion by AneemA: 1:08pm On Jan 02, 2022 |
SankaraSo: I am now tired. I will try to support, pray and help him again later coz now I am pretty much smashed down.. sigh. I don't know about him but I think he is double-smashed. I am not sure if we are still together in this marriage mentally and emotionally because I sense a huge ambiance of separation even when we are living under the same room. I believe he has grown too tired of me. Maybe it's just a matter of months before he actually checks out. From me. Not from our child, I know he loves him so much. But the fact the I have hurt his feelings from my snaps will be no surprise to lead him to leave him. I don't know if I try again the support, help and pray for him will make any difference. I think our relationship has broken into pieces. 1 Like |
Re: I Am In A State Of Confusion by SenecaTheYonger: 1:12pm On Jan 02, 2022 |
He’s cashing out steady. You are the client my dear 2 Likes |
Re: I Am In A State Of Confusion by AneemA: 1:15pm On Jan 02, 2022 |
pussymonger1: Thanks for your input. As bad as I think he is, he isn't a ritualist nor use anyone for rituals but then again who knows.. I am trying to persuade him to go to another island where he mentioned to give a try to improve his situation but I won't spend anymore money for him to get there. Or maybe I will in the future if I need him to stand on his feet. I still believe very much that my son needs him. Afterall, with him being a house-husband unwillingly, creates stronger bond between them.. and I am dead afraid he will kidnap my son if he is too upset! |
Re: I Am In A State Of Confusion by yanabasee(m): 1:19pm On Jan 02, 2022 |
Lies upon lies ...... The story is a fiction.... Reading down, it seems Asia and Nigeria have almost the same traditions..... And you even know juju..... Let's assume he puts you on and tells you everything a out his Igbo tradition, you in turn sounded desperate and unintelligent.... You should know that people who read stories and make contributions on this forum aren't kids... 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: I Am In A State Of Confusion by Dannyyoung26(m): 1:22pm On Jan 02, 2022 |
Kindly go with the first advice given to you, you confidently married someone who his wealth is illegal, don't you know, you are subjecting yourself to an unknown danger. You better take heel. 4 Likes |
Re: I Am In A State Of Confusion by AneemA: 1:22pm On Jan 02, 2022 |
SenecaTheYonger: Well if that's really a case, i think I made him understood that I have stopped becoming his client. I understand the reasons why he is making me as a client. I am not that mad because I understand his condition, and I blame Nigerian gov for not being able to provide Nigerian youths and citizens in general to make it better in life. But I am no longer willing to serve him as a client. I want him to take me as his wife. And if he can't, just like how yahooboys stops receiving money from their clients, he will leave me. And that's fine too even though I have wasted my years. |
Re: I Am In A State Of Confusion by pussymonger1: 1:24pm On Jan 02, 2022 |
GOD WILL HELP YOU DEAR . IF HE IS READY TO GO LEGIT I BET IT WITH YOU , EVERYTHING WILL START WORKING FINE FOR HIM . YOU CANT USE SCAMMED MONEY THEY WAY YOU WILL USE THE MONEY YOU MADE BY SWEATING .IF HE GOES LEGIT AND STAY AWAY FROM FRAUD I BET U WILL SEE HOW GOOD AND FLOURISH IS LIFE WILL BE . I HAVE A BROTHER HERE IN NIGERIA DOING THE SAME HE WAS DOING , I TALKED TO HIM LAST YEAR AND HE HEED TO MY WORDS , HE STARTED TRANSPORTATION JOB ...[ BOLT DRIVER } EARLY LAST YEAR AND NOW HE IS DOING FINE FOR HIMSELF AND HIS FAMILY , HE SPEND WISELY AND ALWAYS HAVE PLANS FOR TOMMOROW . WE JUST DONR TALKING SOME HOURS AGO HE'S PLANNING TO SELL HIS CORROLA AND MOVE TO FRANCE . FRAUD WONT GIVE U AN INSIGHT TO GOODIES OF LIFE , FRAUD GIVES ILLUSIONS * 10000000.. ONCE AGAIN GOD WILL BE WITH YOU . ADVISE HIM TO GO LEGIT , STAY OFF MEDIA SO AS TO AVOID PEER AND SOCIETAL PRESSURE . U CAN INTRODUCE HIM TO NAIRALAND AneemA: 1 Like |
Re: I Am In A State Of Confusion by Nobody: 1:25pm On Jan 02, 2022 |
SankaraSo:bird's of the same feathers. The op shouldn't follow your advice. Divorce the he-goat and start afresh. Yahoo isn't a work, he should go and learn a skill for survival. Leave him now before you become a victim, before he use you for ritual. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: I Am In A State Of Confusion by AneemA: 1:25pm On Jan 02, 2022 |
yanabasee: I never said I am intelligent. After all I put myself in this situation. If you don't think this story is real, well you can move on to other things. Thanks for your thought. |
Re: I Am In A State Of Confusion by AneemA: 1:28pm On Jan 02, 2022 |
pussymonger1: I did try to give ways to make legit work here. Thanks for the affirmation. This is a solid advice. Thanks 1 Like |
Re: I Am In A State Of Confusion by Dannyyoung26(m): 1:29pm On Jan 02, 2022 |
AneemA: He can never take you as his wife, rather as a baby mama. I'm telling you reality. Legal guys self are not serious talk more of illegal..... They've given you the best advice Do you have your child here in Nigeria? |
Re: I Am In A State Of Confusion by Nobody: 1:30pm On Jan 02, 2022 |
WTH..? Your story is Longer than my skreeeek.. ![]() Damn.. Tsk-tsk.. I'm Outta here.. ![]() Skreeeek ![]() |
Re: I Am In A State Of Confusion by AneemA: 1:35pm On Jan 02, 2022 |
Dannyyoung26: Since our marriage hasn't been made legally, our son is legally my son. His name is not placed in his birth certificate. No, in my country. Never been to Nigeria. He hasn't even come back to his country ever since he got here due to lack of money. |
Re: I Am In A State Of Confusion by Ocholu: 1:42pm On Jan 02, 2022 |
Let me be real with you OP; Sorry for your ordeals. And I want you to know that time and chance happens to everyone. So, just be a little bit patient. But I am a little bit curious; how do you know a lot about yahoo? I get the part that your husband does it, but how eloquent you are about it is interesting. And oh! You also sound a lot like a Nigerian. |
Re: I Am In A State Of Confusion by Danielkelly: 1:55pm On Jan 02, 2022 |
To be honest with you Asia.., your situation is like the proverb in Nigeria that says: If you ask me nah who i go ask ![]() ![]() If you feel you aren't seeing a future with him(He is not being the man, rather you are.) and thats not what you "need". The same way he married you is the same way you can unmarried him. NAIRALANDERS SHA AM MAKING SENSE! ![]() ![]() Modified |
Re: I Am In A State Of Confusion by Dannyyoung26(m): 1:56pm On Jan 02, 2022 |
AneemA: So why are you giving yourself issues, inform the police in your country incase he tried anything funny and leave him alone. He's not responsible.. Trust me, if he hit huge amount of money, he will leave your country the next day. I bet you. Use your head(Brain) 1 Like |
Re: I Am In A State Of Confusion by Dannyyoung26(m): 1:57pm On Jan 02, 2022 |
Danielkelly: Na so na namesake 1 Like |
Re: I Am In A State Of Confusion by Danielkelly: 1:59pm On Jan 02, 2022 |
Dannyyoung26:Dannyyoung26 you nah correc2 G. 1 Like |
Re: I Am In A State Of Confusion by Dannyyoung26(m): 2:01pm On Jan 02, 2022 |
Danielkelly:You too much : ![]() 1 Like |
Re: I Am In A State Of Confusion by Danielkelly: 2:05pm On Jan 02, 2022 |
Dannyyoung26:ORo ro.., dey ur head. ![]() |
Re: I Am In A State Of Confusion by Ojikutumomiage(m): 2:10pm On Jan 02, 2022 |
Wo arábìnrin I am also tired of this Yahoo boys lifestyle, they are romantic online and moneymatic offline. I am also tired for your greediness when you saw the handwritings. You took the moneymatic and let say Sig. Exciting lifestyle they live.... Well, let me leave you. Now you are an emotional being who must feel loved like a kid. Meanwhile the yahoo syndrome has made the man jump onto another, you're indecisive. You feel like opening the goal post for on idle boy or a married that doesn't mind ![]() My advice tho, Wo My dear, ọlọrun a sho e, toju ọmọ e. That journey is not worth it. Your child should be a priority and enjoy your life. Yahoo Bois are disease of our today society. |
Re: I Am In A State Of Confusion by 0Plurse: 2:40pm On Jan 02, 2022 |
When you mentioned he is into FRAUD, i ran out idea on what to advise. |
Re: I Am In A State Of Confusion by AneemA: 4:44pm On Jan 02, 2022 |
Dannyyoung26: Nah. I am not reporting him. He has never hit me nor doing something violent. He has never violated the law here either other than of course for overstaying (and that's due to lack of money either). And I don't need to put more problems on top of all his problems by calling him out. It doesn't solve anything. If he hits huge amount of money and leave me, so be it. I don't really care. He can go rich if he makes that jackpot, I don't give a flying Bleep about that money. Least he can provide for himself. Not me providing for him coz as a woman, it will make me see him less as a man. I am trying to talk him out of this deceitful job and get an honest living even though it means to work as a bricklayer. |
Re: I Am In A State Of Confusion by AneemA: 4:56pm On Jan 02, 2022 |
Ojikutumomiage: To be honest, I don't get what you were writing about.. Tired of my greediness when I saw the handwritings?? Emotional beings who must feel loved like a kid?? Well, yahoobois is one thing.. what about that hushpuppi.. Nigerian scams are world-wide and so robust, bruv. WHY?? |
Re: I Am In A State Of Confusion by Ojikutumomiage(m): 4:59pm On Jan 02, 2022 |
AneemA: You don't Gerrit, forgetit! |
Re: I Am In A State Of Confusion by 2mNaira: 8:38pm On Jan 02, 2022 |
AneemA: What is his highest level of education? Pls stop the nagging and snapping. It may be difficult, but please stop it. You are actually making things worse for both of you by doing so. 1 Like |
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