This is my reaction to Theonlysonofher's thread - https://www.nairaland.com/6919425/wife-poisoned-mother-salt

What motivated me to write this rejoinder is a discussion I had with my wife and few minutes ago about the topic. I showed her the thread and that the marriage is on the rocks with the husband and many nairalanders accusing the wife of murder or negligence. It was then she opened up (in fact confessed) about a similar situation in my own home.
Let me explain further...

I have my 83 year old mum who come to spend extended periods of time with my family. She has her own place with her own care givers but prefers to spend time in my house because of the children.
She too just like Theonlysonofher's mother (may her soul rest in peace) has serious health challenges. She is diabetic and asthmatic apart from other old age illness. In fact her leg is swollen from the diabetes. Just like Theonlysonofher's mother the doctor placed her on a special diet. Her diet is to be saltless and with as little carbohydrate as possible. Sugar is completely forbidden. My wife used to prepare different meals for her and then different meal for the rest of us. But recently I notice my wife serves her the same food we all eat. When I asked my wife just tells me she just reduced the salt for the general food and anyone who require more salt can add it.

While discussing this issue with my wife early this morning, my wife said she wanted to report mama to me, because she does not want people accusing her murder if anything happens to mama. She said that on New year's day, she caught mama gulping a whole bottle sprite. She said she open her room door unexpectedly and caught mama hands down with a bottle of sprite in her mouth. She said mama begged her not to tell me because I would quarrel with her, and that it's new year and so don't want to start the new year with quarrel. She further add that she should be allowed to indulge and enjoy herself to celebrate seeing the new year.
She later learn from my son that he secretly buys minerals for mama often. But also told them not to tell me

That's what I call emotional blackmail. If my wife had reporter and I quarrel with my wife, she will be accused of trying to cause quarrel between son and mother.
I then asked why she stopped cooking her meals separately, she explained that when she was doing that mama was not eating the meals and that she will just pick the meat or fish and scatter the food on the plate.


What am I getting at? Theonlysonofher's wife is innocent. She too must have been caught between the devil and the deep blue sea. I am sure his mother had been eating salt all along. She probably had a pact with the house girl and later the wife not to tell her son of her real taste for salt. If she had not been eating salt for a long time, she would have not have been able to eat a salty meal without complaining at least. And lots of doctors have pointed out that a few days of eating regular food cannot have such a devastating health impact in such a short period of time.

And so unless an autopsy or toxicology report suggest poisoning, Theonlysonofher should go back to his wife.

Hmmmmm...
It's so sad his mom die. Make we wait for elders in the house

I remember when my grandma (paternal) was brought to live with us years back before my dad passed away. She was brought to stay with us cause she was falling Ill frequently and the nurse paid to care for her advised we took her with us for extensive treatment.

My dad took mama to the hospital and they did extensive tests and drugs were prescribed.

We discovered later that mama wasn't taking her drugs, she would eat without taking water and she was abusing paracetamol.

Mama would finish a packet in three days and she would chew all the tablets.

My dad assigned my mum to ensure she took her drugs and my youngest sister to ensure she drank a big cup of water each day.

Mama would fight with my mum and would chase my sister away with the water.

My dad got tired and sent her back to the village.

Sometimes, the story is not what you think it is.

Romanoff:
I remember when my grandma (paternal) was brought to leave with us years back before my dad passed away. She was brought to stay with us cause she was falling Ill frequently and the nurse paid to care for her advised we took her with us for extensive treatment.

My dad took mama to the hospital and they did extensive tests and drugs were prescribed.

We discovered later that mama wasn't taking her drugs, she would eat without taking water and she was abusing paracetamol.

Mama would finish a packet in three days and she would chew all the tablets.

My dad assigned my mum to ensure she took her drugs and my youngest sister to ensure she drank a big cup of water each day.

Mama flight with my mum and would chase my sister away with the water.

My dad got tired and sent her back to the village.

Sometimes, the story is not what you think it is.

It's people that have not lived with old people before that will not understand how mischievous and difficult they can be.

God forbid i ever Get married. I can't even Fathom the thought of putting the fate of my Mother's life on the hands Of a Wicked witch.

Na wa oh

wirinet:
This is my reaction to Theonlysonofher's thread - https://www.nairaland.com/6919425/wife-poisoned-mother-salt

What motivated me to write this rejoinder is a discussion I had with my wife and few minutes ago about the topic. I showed her the thread and that the marriage is on the rocks with the husband and many nairalanders accusing the wife of murder or negligence. It was then she opened up (in fact confessed) about a similar situation in my own home.
Let me explain further...

I have my 83 year old mum who come to spend extended periods of time with my family. She has her own place with her own care givers but prefers to spend time in my house because of the children.
She too just like Theonlysonofher's mother (may her soul rest in peace) has serious health challenges. She is diabetic and asthmatic apart from other old age illness. In fact her leg is swollen from the diabetes. Just like Theonlysonofher's mother the doctor placed her on a special diet. Her diet is to be saltless and with as little carbohydrate as possible. Sugar is completely forbidden. My wife used to prepare different meals for her and then different meal for the rest of us. But recently I notice my wife serves her the same food we all eat. When I asked my wife just tells me she just reduced the salt for the general food and anyone who require more salt can add it.

While discussing this issue with my wife early this morning, my wife said she wanted to report mama to me, because she does not want people accusing her murder if anything happens to mama. She said that on New year's day, she caught mama gulping a whole bottle sprite. She said she open her room door unexpectedly and caught mama hands down with a bottle of sprite in her mouth. She said mama begged her not to tell me because I would quarrel with her, and that it's new year and so don't want to start the new year with quarrel. She further add that she should be allowed to indulge and enjoy herself to celebrate seeing the new year.
She later learn from my son that he secretly buys minerals for mama often. But also told them not to tell me

That's what I call emotional blackmail. If my wife had reporter and I quarrel with my wife, she will be accused of trying to cause quarrel between son and mother.
I then asked why she stopped cooking her meals separately, she explained that when she was doing that mama was not eating the meals and that she will just pick the meat or fish and scatter the food on the plate.


What am I getting at? Theonlysonofher's wife is innocent. She too must have been caught between the devil and the deep blue sea. I am sure his mother had been eating salt all along. She probably had a pact with the house girl and later the wife not to tell her son of her real taste for salt. If she had not been eating salt for a long time, she would have not have been able to eat a salty meal without complaining at least. And lots of doctors have pointed out that a few days of eating regular food cannot have such a devastating health impact in such a short period of time.

And so unless an autopsy or toxicology report suggest poisoning, Theonlysonofher should go back to his wife.

.....My questions to you sir.
(1) Let's assume that the said woman did all what you said here. Why didn't the wife report her to her son?


(2) Was the husband aware that mama was taking the same meal as the general family?

(3) Why was the house help doing a better job in taking care of the old woman than his wife?

(4).Will she have done same if the woman was her mum?

How does this prove the wife's innocence?


My own late grandmother died of hypertension, she was always taking her drugs, she never missed! She always watch her diet, she was always reading books like Nature Power to see the natural method of combating this disease.

But, despite how careful she was, she eventually died of hypertension.

Now, if someone who was this careful eventually lost to this, how about someone that was being fed with regular dosage of salt against doctor's advice?

Again, ask yourself, if the mana was careless, she could have died when she wasn't with them because there was no supervision and she was free to drink anything she wanted?

It's not everyone that doesn't regard their health.

Deep

JONNYSPUTE:
.....My questions to you sir.
(1) Let's assume that the said woman did all what you said here. Why didn't the wife report her to her son?


(2) Was the husband aware that mama was taking the same meal as the general family?

(3) Why was the house help doing a better job in taking care of the old woman than his wife?

(4).Will she have done same if the woman was her mum?

Somehow, anyhow, the wife must be blamed right?

Mariangeles:


Somehow, anyhow, the wife must be blamed right?

.... Judging from the story. Tell your self the truth. Who will you blame?.

Note. We are not there so the op might want to exaggerate the circumstances but let's assume all he said was the truth.

Will you blame the dead woman?.
Alsoo do you know that ignorance is not an excuse and that negligence is a big offence in the law court?

You have a valid point.

4 days of mama eating the regular family diet is not enough to claim that she was poisoned. The seizures could have been as a result of hypoglycemia since she also suffered from Diabetes.

He better not use his hand to destroy his marriage. Let him request for an autopsy from a reputable pathologist to clear his doubt.

Before we all come here to play judge, has anyone tried to eat a saltless food?? I personally am not of the opinion that elderly people with hypertension and diabetes should totally abstain from eating salt or sugar. They are already old. Why make the rest of their short stay on Earth miserable

My personal thoughts on your own case
Your mother is 83years old.
Allow her enjoy the remaining days of her life doing what she likes, but in moderation.
At that age, where almost all their peers are gone, they just want to relasss and be taken care of.
There comes a point where you have to weigh the treatment and the quality of life it offers.
Let her get away with the occasional coke/sprite (like I said, in moderation. Perhaps once a week or something).
We don't seem to understand the importance of the quality of life for ill people.
There's a lot of education needed for diabetic patients, which is a major part of the treatment success in the long run.
It's not enough for the Dr to say eat this or that, and don't eat this. That is the job of a dietician because even the Drs have little education about the necessary diet.
I would advice those with diabetes to actually speak to a professional dietician about their diet, and get properly educated on it.
Your Dr cannot go through your correct diet with you as that's not his field, and he can only give some general advice. Meanwhile what you need is an advice and diet tailored to you speciifically.
And to all the Drs placing patients on saltless diets, just Negodu. The recommendation is a reduced salt diet and not saltless. Even the specialists worldwide who agreed that as an ideal recommendation understand people need to have some salt in their food to be palatable, otherwise they can't eat the food.
The quantity of salt you should be having can be measured and a dietician can put you through

Is it only me that likes to be with old people, and I also like finding their trouble

JONNYSPUTE:
.... Judging from the story. Tell your self the truth. Who will you blame?.

Note. We are not there so the op might want to exaggerate the circumstances but let's assume all he said was the truth.

Will you blame the dead woman?.
Alsoo do you know that ignorance is not an excuse and that negligence is a big offence in the law court?

Since you are obsessed with apportioning blame, why blame only the wife? What about others who should also share in the blame game -
1. Theonlysonofher himself who should have ensured that his mother is keeping to the strict diet and medicines. For 10 days after the house help left, he had no clue on the diet his mother was taking.

2. The mother herself ( God bless her soul) who despite knowing that salt is fatal to her health and prohibited from eating salt, eat food with salt without telling the son or anyone else.

3. The sisters. Mr Theonlysonofher said he has 3 sisters. How come non of the sisters are unable to share in the responsibility of the mother mother? How come the responsibility of taking care of a needy mother rests only with mr Theonlysonofher and his wife?

African must always blame the wife or step mother for any misfortune that befall a man

eyinjuege:
My personal thoughts on your own case
Your mother is 83years old.
Allow her enjoy the remaining days of her life doing what she likes, but in moderation.
At that age, where almost all their peers are gone, they just want to relasss and be taken care of.
There comes a point where you have to weigh the treatment and the quality of life it offers.
Let her get away with the occasional coke/sprite (like I said, in moderation. Perhaps once a week or something).
We don't seem to understand the importance of the quality of life for ill people.
There's a lot of education needed for diabetic patients, which is a major part of the treatment success in the long run.
It's not enough for the Dr to say eat this or that, and don't eat this. That is the job of a dietician because even the Drs have little education about the necessary diet.
I would advice those with diabetes to actually speak to a professional dietician about their diet, and get properly educated on it.
Your Dr cannot go through your correct diet with you as that's not his field, and he can only give some general advice. Meanwhile what you need is an advice and diet tailored to you speciifically.
And to all the Drs placing patients on saltless diets, just Negodu. The recommendation is a reduced salt diet and not saltless. Even the specialists worldwide who agreed that as an ideal recommendation understand people need to have some salt in their food to be palatable, otherwise they can't eat the food.
The quantity of salt you should be having can be measured and a dietician can put you through

But if he dies as a result of a diabetic shock who will people blame? If it was discovered that my wife actually gave her soft drink and it led to her dying of diabetic shock, people including family might say my wife poisoned my mother with sugar.

If she falls sick as a result of eating or drinking what is prohibited, it is me that would cough out money to take her to the hospital.

wirinet:


Since you are obsessed with apportioning blame, why blame only the wife? What about others who should also share in the blame game -
1. Theonlysonofher himself who should have ensured that his mother is keeping to the strict diet and medicines. For 10 days after the house help left, he had no clue on the diet his mother was taking.

2. The mother herself ( God bless her soul) who despite knowing that salt is fatal to her health and prohibited from eating salt, eat food with salt without telling the son or anyone else.

3. The sisters. Mr Theonlysonofher said he has 3 sisters. How come non of the sisters are unable to share in the responsibility of the mother mother? How come the responsibility of taking care of a needy mother rests only with mr Theonlysonofher and his wife?

African must always blame the wife or step mother for any misfortune that befall a man

.....Emotions is all I see playing around in your submissions.

If you are employed as a security guard in a company and due to your negligence there was a theft,do you start blaming your CEO and other staff?

Like I said my submissions where based on what the op wrote.

JONNYSPUTE:
.....Emotions is all I see playing around in your submissions.

If you are employed as a security guard in a company and due to your negligence there was a theft,do you start blaming your CEO and other staff?

Like I said my submissions where based on what the op wrote.

And who was "employed as a security guard" in this case?

wirinet:


And who was "employed as a security guard" in this case?

Thank you for asking JONNYSPUTE that question.

Mariangeles:


Thank you for asking JONNYSPUTE that question.

....You guys are just trying to be honest by half.
The house help travelled and the responsibility of making sure she eats was bestowed on the wife.

Literally,she becomes her guardian for that moment.

Just like we all are blaming Down college for the death of Silvester,does it mean they did it directly?

No but their negligence caused his death.

Or do we start blaming his parents for sending him to a boarding school?

wirinet:


And who was "employed as a security guard" in this case?

...The wife was the guardian as soon as the house help left.

Take the case of Silvester for example. Everybody is blaming the school for negligence which caused his death and from what you are saying,his parents should also be blamed for sending him to a boarding school. And let's say you know,here the school also serves as a security guard to him once he is in that premises.

And since Silvester have lots of elderly sisters,they all should also go to the school and share the responsibility of taking care of him there

No wonder the country is still same way it is bcs we like supporting evil. The wife is wicked and heartless as simple as that.
The wicked wife doesn't care about mama, forget about the way u are painting it.
I do physiotherapist to both young and old, I know that old people can be funny at times but not in this case where doctor has warned them about mama food.
Mama was fine when the maid was around but just one week the maid traveled and the wicked wife took over, mama started having issues and d issues was on doctor's warning
Are u people caused or what?

wirinet:


But if he dies as a result of a diabetic shock who will people blame? If it was discovered that my wife actually gave her soft drink and it led to her dying of diabetic shock, people including family might say my wife poisoned my mother with sugar.

If she falls sick as a result of eating or drinking what is prohibited, it is me that would cough out money to take her to the hospital.

I understand you very well.
That's why I said occasional and in moderation.
I was just thinking of her enjoying the few years she has left. I doubt indulging her once in a while will change much for her, especially as she's already so old with multiple comorbidites

emmanuelbrown26:
No wonder the country is still same way it is bcs we like supporting evil. The wife is wicked and heartless as simple as that.
The wicked wife doesn't care about mama, forget about the way u are painting it.
I do physiotherapist to both young and old, I know that old people can be funny at times but not in this case where doctor has warned them about mama food.
Mama was fine when the maid was around but just one week the maid traveled and the wicked wife took over, mama started having issues and d issues was on doctor's warning
Are u people caused or what?

Interesting. Doctor warned "them" but you blamed "her".


As a man, if you're too busy {so much that your work takes you out of your house for 10 days OR so bad that you don't even know your family menu}, then your aged mama has no business being in your house. Take her to her daughters. Abi mama's daughters don't cook for their husbands in their respective homes?

the wife would have taken extra care if the person involved was her mum. that I'm very sure of.


barely one week since the departure of the house girl, mama don dy get plenty issues.

evil people.

Acidosis:



Interesting. Doctor warned "them" but you blamed "her".


As a man, if you're too busy {so much that your work takes you out of your house for 10 days OR so bad that you don't even know your family menu}, then your aged mama has no business being in your house. Take her to her daughters. Abi mama's daughters don't cook for their husbands in their respective homes?

if you can't trust your spouse to be selfless to take care of your mum for as much as 10 days..then such marriage is an hideously hilarious waste of time.

sapoyoro:
if you can't trust your spouse to be selfless to take care of your mum for as much as 10 days..then such marriage is an hideously hilarious waste of time.

..
well said.

Acidosis:



Interesting. Doctor warned "them" but you blamed "her".


As a man, if you're too busy {so much that your work takes you out of your house for 10 days OR so bad that you don't even know your family menu}, then your aged mama has no business being in your house. Take her to her daughters. Abi mama's daughters don't cook for their husbands in their respective homes?

What if he is the only child?
Their is no how I will hv a home and my special parents won't come. So is now an offence for mama to come and stay in his son's house, didn't u read where d op said that on an occasion he had washed wife mother's cloth? Which I don't see myself doing yet the wicked and heartless wife decided to terminate mama's life, if I were op the wicked and heartless wife will rot in jail even if she is my sister she will rot in jail.II don't celeveate mediocrity and I will never do that which people around me knows that, u can't mess with my family like that and go scot free

wirinet:


And who was "employed as a security guard" in this case?

everything you say is absolutely rubbish top down...we are now so unprincipled enough to even be blaming the dead.
I wouldn't trust the op story 100% but people need to be made to take responsibility for their actions.

wirinet:


Since you are obsessed with apportioning blame, why blame only the wife? What about others who should also share in the blame game -
1. Theonlysonofher himself who should have ensured that his mother is keeping to the strict diet and medicines. For 10 days after the house help left, he had no clue on the diet his mother was taking.

2. The mother herself ( God bless her soul) who despite knowing that salt is fatal to her health and prohibited from eating salt, eat food with salt without telling the son or anyone else.

3. The sisters. Mr Theonlysonofher said he has 3 sisters. How come non of the sisters are unable to share in the responsibility of the mother mother? How come the responsibility of taking care of a needy mother rests only with mr Theonlysonofher and his wife?

African must always blame the wife or step mother for any misfortune that befall a man

a thorough rubbish..
smh..