UyaiIncomparabl:


Why should she negotiate? Are they transacting a business? The girl dodged a heavy missile.

I don't reply girls that are not even sure that their womb is working

bigpicture001:
My girlfriend whom I have planned to settle down with simply started acting cold and eventually stylishly slide out of our relationship because I sat her down and made a family financial support proposal to her in which she will be financially committed to running the proposed family we intend to raise...

These are the proposal...

1. She earns about 80k wile I earn about 300k.. I asked that we jointly contribute for all the children's Career funding starting from when we get married even before any of their birth.. I proposed 10k monthly from her and 40k from me to a trust account. From it we plan to fund all the children's Career from kiddagatten to varsity or which ever path they choose..

2. That sh choose between Nepa bill or DStv or gotv sub monthly..just one for her

3. I will be responsible for rents

4. We pay into another joint account for vacation once in two years..like sh puts in 20k I put in 50k monthly..

5. I provide all the heavy food stuffs required in the house in large quantities including gas ND change of electronics, but sh provide all the daily food supplements to mk mine complete.

6. She buys her clothes ND I buy mine but we can both surprise ourselfs with gift to the other..

7. I will buy the family car ND maintain it. If she buys no p.

8. I didn't rule out surprise gifts once a while and outting which I bankroll ND expect her to do same occasionally..

Plz oo nairalanders are these responsibilities to a wife too much for her, I mean one who works and earn over 50k...?

Fantastic but the areas where I get issue with your proposal are in your budget for your children education as compared with budget for vacation. That is ridiculous, you place the vacation above your children education. 40+10k month monthly reserve for children education while 50+20k is to be set aside for vacation. That doesn't make sense bro.

bigpicture001:
My girlfriend whom I have planned to settle down with simply started acting cold and eventually stylishly slide out of our relationship because I sat her down and made a family financial support proposal to her in which she will be financially committed to running the proposed family we intend to raise...

These are the proposal...

1. She earns about 80k wile I earn about 300k.. I asked that we jointly contribute for all the children's Career funding starting from when we get married even before any of their birth.. I proposed 10k monthly from her and 40k from me to a trust account. From it we plan to fund all the children's Career from kiddagatten to varsity or which ever path they choose..

2. That sh choose between Nepa bill or DStv or gotv sub monthly..just one for her

3. I will be responsible for rents

4. We pay into another joint account for vacation once in two years..like sh puts in 20k I put in 50k monthly..

5. I provide all the heavy food stuffs required in the house in large quantities including gas ND change of electronics, but sh provide all the daily food supplements to mk mine complete.

6. She buys her clothes ND I buy mine but we can both surprise ourselfs with gift to the other..

7. I will buy the family car ND maintain it. If she buys no p.

8. I didn't rule out surprise gifts once a while and outting which I bankroll ND expect her to do same occasionally..

Plz oo nairalanders are these responsibilities to a wife too much for her, I mean one who works and earn over 50k...?

See Bros women are help mate to men if she like she can support you not you putting up the bills on her. If you continue like this under may be I don't think you will get married.

Kooldame:
The lady is very lucky to have this kind of man as her fiance.What of we ladies that are responsible for 80% of the family responsibility all in d name of she is working in a better place

This is the comment I've been searching for. What some of these men do not know is that some women are the breadwinners in their matrimonial homes. But they keep quiet about it just to respect their husbands.

I can't carry our babies for 9 months, push them out, change my body and clock in motherhood just to be stressing myself carrying financial burden.

Marriage is not a must.
I'll work hard for my money but no man will tell me how to spend it.

bigpicture001:


Thanks man.. heard from her friend that sh said am too stingy,.

Honestly I didn't make her spend up to 50k from her wage.. 300k is not big and can be exhausted soon..

The weight will be too much if I form the normal Nigerian guy who likes to carry load on their head

Will you join her with the day to day running of the house and all shores?
Do you agree no title "I am the man of the house?
How will you be of support when she is pregnant and taking care of the kids?

If you can answer these questions you are good to go.

Let me tell you the naked truth, you can't be African and Western at the same time, that is where Nigerian men are missing it. Since you are enforcing responsibilities on her, no woman I repeat no sane woman you are enforcing these kind of responsibilities on will submit to you totally, since you share the bills you have to share the shores and the cooking. That's what westerns do... In that home there will be two pilots, and you can never Lord over her.. There are no two ways around it.

I don’t see anything wrong with what you have done.

She is an irresponsible adult that’s why she ran away. Simple.

UyaiIncomparabl:


Why should she negotiate? Are they transacting a business? The girl dodged a heavy missile.

Serious heavy one. With his mouth like vacation.

I love how she dumped him like hot potato.

Crazy thing about such a dude is that he'll be having side Beeeches.

bigpicture001:
My girlfriend whom I have planned to settle down with simply started acting cold and eventually stylishly slide out of our relationship because I sat her down and made a family financial support proposal to her in which she will be financially committed to running the proposed family we intend to raise...

These are the proposal...

1. She earns about 80k wile I earn about 300k.. I asked that we jointly contribute for all the children's Career funding starting from when we get married even before any of their birth.. I proposed 10k monthly from her and 40k from me to a trust account. From it we plan to fund all the children's Career from kiddagatten to varsity or which ever path they choose..

2. That sh choose between Nepa bill or DStv or gotv sub monthly..just one for her

3. I will be responsible for rents

4. We pay into another joint account for vacation once in two years..like sh puts in 20k I put in 50k monthly..

5. I provide all the heavy food stuffs required in the house in large quantities including gas ND change of electronics, but sh provide all the daily food supplements to mk mine complete.

6. She buys her clothes ND I buy mine but we can both surprise ourselfs with gift to the other..

7. I will buy the family car ND maintain it. If she buys no p.

8. I didn't rule out surprise gifts once a while and outting which I bankroll ND expect her to do same occasionally..

Plz oo nairalanders are these responsibilities to a wife too much for her, I mean one who works and earn over 50k...?

You never ready to marry

Nonsense!
You neva ready. When you ready to marry, it will not be a topic on nairaland

Mariangeles:

You see why I said he's not yet ready to marry?
What does he even know about a woman's needs?
A pack of common sanitary pad now is about #500. I bet he doesn't know that.

You should also say that she too is not yet ready to marry and be responsible. If he doesn't know... is the response for her to say: "actually these are my expenses, as a woman"... or for her to run away? Once they both have a better idea of what the bills are, they can both make the decision.

I think the OP made a very good point to let her know she will be sharing in the responsibilities from day one, as she should.
Let her know that she needs to pitch in for kids' education - and for other house bills - from the start.

We, as a society didn't spend all that effort, time, and money educating our girls just so they won't contribute financially to their households. Equal rights and access to education means equal financial responsibilities - according to your earnings of course.

ExudeLoveToAll:

You only look at her expenses without looking at the guy's expenses, this is ridiculous. The guy has the major chunk of the expenses when compared to hers, she is expected to bring just 12.5% of her monthly income for child care trust fund amounting to 10 0000k while the guy brings in 13.33% of his monthly income for child care trust fund. Looking at that list the young man will incur more than 70% per cent of the cost to run the family.

I really don't understand why a lady will attend an institution of higher learning, pay school fees just like their male counterparts, shout gender equality and equal career opportunity between both genders. Then she gets the career boost and then expects one party to foot her bills single-handedly, it's better she resigns and files for a housewife position, to whom much is given much is expected.

The same scenario happened with my friend's elder sis, she decided to quit because she does not want to be financially responsible for her would be family, she wants to be an adult baby 'my money is my money and yours is our money'. If not the mum who educated her on how she should build her family with her husband both financially and otherwise she would have quit the relationship because she thought she found a MUGU WHO WILL TAKE CARE OF HER AS AN ADULT BABY.

The better you folks accept financial responsibility the better, if you don't get married won't you pay your house rent, buy a car for your self and take care of all your expenses.

These are issues that needed to be discussed before marriage.

Op should thank God he didn't marry her when she was out of job (this type of issue no for dey and ) op would have been a beast of donkeys. Then, she got a job after marriage and this discussion came, are you thinking what is in my head? DiVORCE is not an oversight.

bigpicture001:
My girlfriend whom I have planned to settle down with simply started acting cold and eventually stylishly slide out of our relationship because I sat her down and made a family financial support proposal to her in which she will be financially committed to running the proposed family we intend to raise...

These are the proposal...

1. She earns about 80k wile I earn about 300k.. I asked that we jointly contribute for all the children's Career funding starting from when we get married even before any of their birth.. I proposed 10k monthly from her and 40k from me to a trust account. From it we plan to fund all the children's Career from kiddagatten to varsity or which ever path they choose..

2. That sh choose between Nepa bill or DStv or gotv sub monthly..just one for her

3. I will be responsible for rents

4. We pay into another joint account for vacation once in two years..like sh puts in 20k I put in 50k monthly..

5. I provide all the heavy food stuffs required in the house in large quantities including gas ND change of electronics, but sh provide all the daily food supplements to mk mine complete.

6. She buys her clothes ND I buy mine but we can both surprise ourselfs with gift to the other..

7. I will buy the family car ND maintain it. If she buys no p.

8. I didn't rule out surprise gifts once a while and outting which I bankroll ND expect her to do same occasionally..

Plz oo nairalanders are these responsibilities to a wife too much for her, I mean one who works and earn over 50k...?

Bros....you did good!
The least she should have done was to negotiate (even if na jokingly sef) but for her to slide out of the relationship then I'm sorry bro, she no dey feel your vibes all along.
Just move on my guy.

bigpicture001:


Do u know I removed health insurance cover which only me will open an account for and it will cover every member of the household including herself .?

300k is not a big money

Big picture,plz, where do you work?

Animegirl:


You don't even know "woman's need", that's why you did that rubbish list. That 80k, isn't enough as a lady talkless of family. Unless you want her to look like an hag, in her husband's house.

Worst, you haven't even settled down yet, you're placing small responsibilities on her head. Be calming down na.

If you want something like this, better find another woman who is willing to contribute to the family with higher earnings.

And what if this was a test? That how they will fish them out one after the other...

bigpicture001:
My girlfriend whom I have planned to settle down with simply started acting cold and eventually stylishly slide out of our relationship because I sat her down and made a family financial support proposal to her in which she will be financially committed to running the proposed family we intend to raise...

These are the proposal...

1. She earns about 80k wile I earn about 300k.. I asked that we jointly contribute for all the children's Career funding starting from when we get married even before any of their birth.. I proposed 10k monthly from her and 40k from me to a trust account. From it we plan to fund all the children's Career from kiddagatten to varsity or which ever path they choose..

2. That sh choose between Nepa bill or DStv or gotv sub monthly..just one for her

3. I will be responsible for rents

4. We pay into another joint account for vacation once in two years..like sh puts in 20k I put in 50k monthly..

5. I provide all the heavy food stuffs required in the house in large quantities including gas ND change of electronics, but sh provide all the daily food supplements to mk mine complete.

6. She buys her clothes ND I buy mine but we can both surprise ourselfs with gift to the other..

7. I will buy the family car ND maintain it. If she buys no p.

8. I didn't rule out surprise gifts once a while and outting which I bankroll ND expect her to do same occasionally..

Plz oo nairalanders are these responsibilities to a wife too much for her, I mean one who works and earn over 50k...?

Op, since you’re sharing the bills, I hope you will also share the house chores with her and assist her to carry pregnancy. I don’t know why men of nowadays now run away from their responsibilities.
Marriage is about what each partner will benefit not love anymore.

franciskaine:
so our parents started out with who will contribute what and what? Ladies naturally want the good things of life, and are neva ready to contribute a dime to the running of the home. Even when dey earn well. It's just their nature. But u don't have to shove it on their face that they must contribute using a particular quota system. Just do ur best as a man and watch how things unfold.

Without this list, this guy can actually drop 100k monthly and be fine with this same lady. Not everything is done by following strict principles.

The last time I checked, this was just a “proposal”. I see nothing wrong there. Do you really think 1 million Nigerians earn 300k monthly?? If so, why are so many young people leaving the country in droves? This guy knows how difficult it is to make money, and simply wants to create financial goals with his intended spouse. Nothing wrong there in my opinion.

SoapQueen:


This is the comment I've been searching for. What some of these men do not know is that some women are the breadwinners in their matrimonial homes. But they keep quiet about it just to respect their husbands.

I can't carry our babies for 9 months, push them out, change my body and clock in motherhood just to be stressing myself carrying financial burden.

Marriage is not a must.
I'll work hard for my money but no man will tell me how to spend it.

if u no carry pikin old age go still change your body and clock for you,

And if he were to abandon you and the kids, u would still carry the burden, marriage na scam

Funkybabee:


I too was even scared, there's nothing you will not see on Nairaland

Maybe he's truly stingy

Very stingy.

UyaiIncomparabl:


Tales by moonlight.

Till reality sets in

You've already placed a bill of about 70k monthly on her, with her 80k salary.
She just japa .
Where she is now ( I'm guessing at her parents house), she may likely not be paying any bills and just living her baby girl life with rent, good food all paid for. Perhaps she even still taxes her parents for extra money for whatever reason and she's always spent her 80K on her self, just flexing.
Now, you're telling her she will have about 10-20k only at the end of each month
It's good to have plans like you do, but you should have involved her in every step before even drawing up your isonu list.
You sprang this new year surprise on her and she needs to process it
Everything was your idea and all she is seeing is that this man wants to take away all I earn every month.
Paying bills is always a shocker for many young people just leaving home.
So you should have started with a proper discussion on how you both want to run your home, compromises each may have to make, and how you can be financially stronger as a family unit. Then you can both draw up the list together

Bonjovi13:
I'm sorry man. You are not ready to be a husband.
The first rule of a successful marriage is that you don't plan with your wife's money. A woman's money is her money. Your money is the family's money.

Have that mind set and don't let fear of being stressed or broke rule you.

Before a woman will trust you with her money,you must have earned that trust based on how well you take care of the family and being financially prudent and responsible.

You cannot just expect her to submit her money to the common purse when you have not proven yourself.
Besides look at the pressure you are putting on her even before you have married her. All those bills inside 80k. She has to even buy her clothes. LMAO!!!

Guy,chill out. Next time when you get into a serious relationship with a woman,let her see you being responsible and generous to her and then allow her to decide what she would do with her funds to help out. But never plan on her money or worse still suggest what she would bring.

See talk for God sake..

Dem don brainwash you with that African women mentality. My money is my money, his money is our money.

If she's yet unemployed, then it's understandable. But for a woman earning close to 100k per month on a FG job with expectation of increase as time goes on. Yet she chose to run away instead of negotiating with her boyfriend if she can't foot all those bills.

The man with his 300k salary should be the only one to struggle and pay up for those bills while the wife may chose to lavish her money on herself alone?

Acidosis:


Your loss, dear. Use that 80k to pay rent, feed, pay utility bills, transportation, etc.

Has your account been hacked?

This is unbelievable.

You no even consider her parent upkeep? Baba see I've prayed that the blessings I will have in marriage will not require her input no matter what she earns its for her upkeep. God that has done it for d likes of Tony Elumelu will elevate me to that standard.

bigpicture001:
My girlfriend whom I have planned to settle down with simply started acting cold and eventually stylishly slide out of our relationship because I sat her down and made a family financial support proposal to her in which she will be financially committed to running the proposed family we intend to raise...

for her, I mean one who works and earn over 50k...?

She seems to be smarter than you. Glad she ran away.

She earns 80k and you want to encumber her to about 50k a month?
In all your plan, there is no plan to improve her earnings career wise. Instead of vacation, why not pay LBS for her so she can also earn N280k or N350k.
I believe women shouldn't be parasitic in relationships, but this is asking her to enter slavery.
Not having money demoralize a person. You shouldn't ask her to give 75 to 80 per cent when you have more.

And marriage or raising children is not board meeting. You can agree to split bills amd expenses, but not draw up contract.

What happens if you break your spinal cord and your 300k stops?

I commend you for planning financially for the future you desire. You try., but free her from contributing to the Vacation Joint Account.
Any vacations you cannot bankroll alone as the head of the family, just forgo and jettison such.
You should instead save monthly the 50k meant for vacation rather for family investments.
Have you surrendered your life to Jesus?
If not, please do so NOW so that you can settle your eternal future.
Shalom.

myfantasies:
And how much did the op said he is earning again?

Since marriage they hungry him, let him wait and look for a woman that is earning same as he himself , then he can bring his plans to the table.

lol

Thank God the girl ran away.

So ontop the fact that she will change her surname and start submitting to you as authority in the home, she will lose her looks and beauty bearing kids that answer your name and belong to your family/lineage, she will be on charge of cooking, childcare, housekeeping etc, this oponu OP still wanted to collect over 80% of her salary instead of being a provider like the Bible and Quran instructed.

Many men these days are just useless pieces of shit.
You idiots will remember to quote the Bible when it comes to demanding submission from women or claiming to be leader of everybody, but you will not remember where the Bible said a man who cannot provide for his family is an infidel.

The worst part is that after the poor woman spends her life savings building this selfish OP home he can still cheat on her and spend on side chics and nobody will blame him because Nigerians think sexual immorality in males is normal and women should tolerate it.


Thank God OP girlfriend ran away.
Selfish and foolish OP.

Very interesting thread. I don laugh tire for comments. Using the Bible as a standard and my reference, marriage is disproportionately skewed against the man. The man is expected to provide for his family (wife inclusive oh) 100%. However, remember too that God created the woman to be a helper, to assist the man. The catch here is for the man to "find a wife" that translate to "findeth a good thing" and "obtaineth favour from God". Once the man gets and marry a good wife, everything falls into place. Cause, a good wife will build a home with the husband; help to manage the resources of the home; offer quality advice to the man; brings in her money willingly to assist etc. Marriage becomes like heaven on earth.

Conversely, if the man marry wahala wife, e don be for the man. This is the bitter truth. So, ladies work on yourselves to become a God-sent wife and not to give the husband hypertension and stress in marriage.

RUBBISH THREAD AS USUAL...

Everyone knows that men bear the bulk of the family financial responsibilities 90% of the time. The women making more than their men are probably less than 10%. If you can’t have an educated discussion with your spouse about finances before getting married, are you not setting yourself up for failure? Remember this guy is a salary earner who can lose his job at anytime!!! Moreover, this was just a proposal!!!!

As I have asked before, as a single lady who pays these bills for you?

SoapQueen:


This is the comment I've been searching for. What some of these men do not know is that some women are the breadwinners in their matrimonial homes. But they keep quiet about it just to respect their husbands.

I can't carry our babies for 9 months, push them out, change my body and clock in motherhood just to be stressing myself carrying financial burden.

Marriage is not a must.
I'll work hard for my money but no man will tell me how to spend it.

Furcko:
if u no carry pikin old age go still change your body and clock for you,

And if he were to abandon you and the kids, u would still carry the burden, marriage na scam

Don't you think this your ranting about old age is getting rather stale? Boring music to the ears, please.

News flash: Growing old is a GIFT! One denied many! And women are having their best lives ever!

Times have changed, I thought you knew.

Wait a minute. A man abandoning me with the children? Poor soul! Speaks highly of the man's character and not mine. I'm not the deadbeat, he is.

Try harder or be a real man.


.

I guess the op brought it here because he thought bearing Mrs was more important to her than noticing red flags .


E shock am say the ring nor Worth am as e be think.whats that they say again? A broken engagement is better than a broken marriage sister clearly has her eyes wide open and saw the future staying married to a stingy dictator. .
She jakpa .May God give her a more sensible husband and may any parent never have to have a son in-law like the op.