My take: firstly, majority of the females on the thread are actually unmarried folks. As for the males, you don’t expect all men to be men just because they have peepee.
Even our fore fathers did not marry leeches, their wives helped out in the farms, so when the tide changed and men were expected to carry the entire burden for a home is what I cannot tell.
I have seen couples split bills, rent, groceries etc abroad. Witnesses this on a regular. Why only Africa and gender bias when it comes to financial responsibility.

Mind you I also do not subscribe to a woman slaving herself running the domestic chores alone in a nuclear family setting where kids have not come of age while the man crosses his two legs watching Arsenal/manu. Life is easier when we cooperate.

SoapQueen:
Serious heavy one. With his mouth like vacation.

I love how she dumped him like hot potato.

Crazy thing about such a dude is that he'll be having side Beeeches.

So are you implying that all the money and time educating the girl, so she too can work in modern society and contribute to her household financially... are you implying that was all for nothing? I mean, she also went to the same schools, took the same exams, made the choice for career, etc. And somehow it's not cool for her partner to insists she deploy her earnings into the household?

She too is not ready for marriage, running away because she was given a bill.

This story sounds somehow. It shows you are not going to be a responsible husband.

pompeiimagnus:
Everyone knows that men bear the bulk of the family financial responsibilities 90% of the time. The women making more than their men are probably less than 10%. If you can’t have an educated discussion with your spouse about finances before getting married, are you not setting yourself up for failure? Remember this guy is a salary earner who can lose his job at anytime!!! Moreover, this was just a proposal!!!!

As I have asked before, as a single lady who pays these bills for you?

Wrong. He says he hustles and I think that means a business.

Where did you get your statistics from?

About Everybody knowing that a man foots most of the bills in the family?

What I'm saying is that he has options to NOT get married or look for a woman who earns more.

As a single lady, I work extra hard and pick up my bills myself - feeding, rent, upkeep.

It was only recently when business became very rough someone helped out in a relationship. Prior to then, I was the one picking up my ex'es bills and NO ONE heard of it.

pompeiimagnus:


The last time I checked, this was just a “proposal”. I see nothing wrong there. Do you really think 1 million Nigerians earn 300k monthly?? If so, why are so many young people leaving the country in droves? This guy knows how difficult it is to make money, and simply wants to create financial goals with his intended spouse. Nothing wrong there in my opinion.

you are not getting the point. This guy can save way more in marriage even without dat list. You say to ur wife, this is 100k pls manage it for the home in a month. I assure u a good woman might not use everything, or if need be, add her own to augment. Only a foolish lady will demand too many from u without thinking of tomorrow. That budget should be for the man alone. He should hand over what he can afford to the wife for family upkeep.

It bcoms absurd wen u ask ur woman to contribute dis, I contribute this. Do ur permutations, hand what u have to her, let her sort it out herself. A gud wife will as a matter of urgency understand d husbands financial standing and tailor their family needs towards dat.

ImaIma1:


The fact that he does something like that without her is enough to make her run.

He simply showed her a proposal, a girl with common sense will negotiate or tell him to give her time to properly review the proposal; not her running away.

pompeiimagnus:


As I have asked before, as a single lady who pays these bills for you?

As a single man who cooks and cleans for you?

SoapQueen:
This is the comment I've been searching for. What some of these men do not know is that some women are the breadwinners in their matrimonial homes. But they keep quiet about it just to respect their husbands.

I can't carry our babies for 9 months, push them out, change my body and clock in motherhood just to be stressing myself carrying financial burden.

Marriage is not a must.
I'll work hard for my money but no man will tell me how to spend it.

To the women bread-winning. Kudos to them. But I must argue that if a woman's not going to be carrying financial burden for the children she chose to make, she should have let her parents know early on so they won't have bothered spending money educating her. I'm being intentionally mean, but that's the logical conclusion your statement is taking me to.

dingbang:
no actually he is. People have choices. He can find another woman earning higher than the girl and they decide to get married. He needs to look for a woman earning higher. The equation will balance.

Should financial capacity and capability be the sole consideration for marriage now ,.. What happened to love, compatibility, soul mate? Marriage don become contract agreement between 2 people in Nigeria now. Economic survival ,.. Nobody won carry another pesin load again.

naijainstinct:
No, let's agree that most of you women are lifetime liabilities.

A necessary one you will definitely end up with.

Sent87:
I love that your girlfriend,thank God for her life she ran away. There's a reason why men are regarded as head of the family, that's because they are meant to provide for their family, not saying your wife shouldn't contribute to the upkeep of the family, but you don't make it her responsibility like she must do it. The sooner you men realize that women were created to be pampered, the better for you. There's also a reason why God created them last. Everything was already on ground before they came. Now you don't need to wonderagain why most women are wired to go after ready made men.

See mindset.. I shake my head for you. Because the man doesn't need pampering. That he is the head means he's a financial sacrificial lamb. Tufia!

SoapQueen:


Don't you think this your ranting about old age is getting rather stale? Boring music to the ears, please.

News flash: Growing old is a GIFT! One denied many! And women are having their best lives ever!

Times have changed, I thought you knew.

Wait a minute. A man abandoning me with the children? Poor soul! Speaks highly of the man's character and not mine. I'm not the deadbeat, he is.

Try harder or be a real man.


.

No such thing as a real man, but only blackmailwomen to make a man do her bidding

Newsflash; Growing old without fulfillment is tortue and carrying Children in Marraige and being a mother is not an achievement, bcus if the man isn't involved in their lives the responsibility you runaway from will still be shouldered by you

Only simp men slave away their youth to please their wives

Wittyduchess:

She jakpa .May God give her a more sensible husband and may any parent never have to have a son in-law like the op.

Amen

What a stupid topic from a lazy leech.

And after the girl don feed am pay him bills finish he will still want to lord it over her and demand submission. Infact I want to slap this OP.

nextstep:


So are you implying that all the money and time educating the girl, so she too can work in modern society and contribute to her household financially... are you implying that was all for nothing? I mean, she also went to the same schools, took the same exams, made the choice for career, etc. And somehow it's not cool for her partner to insists she deploy her earnings into the household?
She too is not ready for marriage, running away because she was given a bill.

Thank you my brother. There’s no point going to school for over 16 years, if all that education would end up not being of any financial use to your husband. Even our mothers and grandmothers went to the farm and market to financially contribute in any small way to their families.

As a salary earner, the guy is making smart decisions by having financial discussions with her. Running away simply tells him what kind of wife he would have tied himself down with.

franciskaine:
you are not getting the point. This guy can save way more in marriage even without dat list. You say to ur wife, this is 100k pls manage it for the home in a month. I assure u a good woman might not use everything, or if need be, add her own to augment. Only a foolish lady will demand too many from u without thinking of tomorrow. That budget should be for the man alone. He should hand over what he can afford to the wife for family upkeep.

I disagree that the budget should be for the man alone... we talk about "partnership" and "equality"... well, this is it.
I think it would work much better if the woman has skin in the game (i.e. she is also expected to pay into the household, not in a "add to it if need be" kind of way)

alizma:

Fantastic but the areas where I get issue with your proposal are in your budget for your children education as compared with budget for vacation. That is ridiculous, you place the vacation above your children education. 40+10k month monthly reserve for children education while 50+20k is to be set aside for vacation. That doesn't make sense bro.

opna stingy man e no even talk bout his family. I mean siblings n parents.

nextstep:


So are you implying that all the money and time educating the girl, so she too can work in modern society and contribute to her household financially... are you implying that was all for nothing? I mean, she also went to the same schools, took the same exams, made the choice for career, etc. And somehow it's not cool for her partner to insists she deploy her earnings into the household?

She too is not ready for marriage, running away because she was given a bill.

As you can see, she works. I'm glad she's not idle.

And you can never ever truly tell why people make the decisions they make.

I've seen women start out very supportive only to be left with the huge responsibility of taking care of the family and their husbands.

Again, she has her reasons.

Twoclans:
I really wish more women can voice out ,everytime I log into nairaland and see all this small boys abi small men saying Nugerian women do not contribute to the family i usually ask myself if it is this same Nigeria that I see alot of women hustling and fending for their homes completely with the man being a complete liability.

The nature of my job puts me on the move always ,as it is I have three apartments in different states and I know what I see almost on a daily basis.

I really do not think any woman should be shamed because she refused to contribute to a home that she could be driven away from the next minute especially in this country that does not protect women at all.

If you see money but yet want your husband to bear all financial responsibilities alone then you're wicked and selfish.

Animegirl:


You don't even know "woman's need", that's why you did that rubbish list. That 80k, isn't enough as a lady talkless of family. Unless you want her to look like an hag, in her husband's house.

Worst, you haven't even settled down yet, you're placing small responsibilities on her head. Be calming down na.

If you want something like this, better find another woman who is willing to contribute to the family with higher earnings.

Women's need is not the responsibility of the man. Women should learn to support family,life is not about looking good.

OP YOU DID WELL,THAT LADY ISNT READY TO SETTLE DOWN WITH YOU I SEE GREEDINESS ON HER SIDE......IMAGINE YOU LOSE YOUR JOB SHE WILL IMMEDIATELY DUMP YOU ND D KIDS SOME OF THIS LADIES AINT HELPING MATTERS AT ALL ABEG LET HER GO IF SHE CANT CONTRIBUTE A KOBO

bigpicture001:
My girlfriend whom I have planned to settle down with simply started acting cold and eventually stylishly slide out of our relationship because I sat her down and made a family financial support proposal to her in which she will be financially committed to running the proposed family we intend to raise...

These are the proposal...

1. She earns about 80k wile I earn about 300k.. I asked that we jointly contribute for all the children's Career funding starting from when we get married even before any of their birth.. I proposed 10k monthly from her and 40k from me to a trust account. From it we plan to fund all the children's Career from kiddagatten to varsity or which ever path they choose..

2. That sh choose between Nepa bill or DStv or gotv sub monthly..just one for her

3. I will be responsible for rents

4. We pay into another joint account for vacation once in two years..like sh puts in 20k I put in 50k monthly..

5. I provide all the heavy food stuffs required in the house in large quantities including gas ND change of electronics, but sh provide all the daily food supplements to mk mine complete.

6. She buys her clothes ND I buy mine but we can both surprise ourselfs with gift to the other..

7. I will buy the family car ND maintain it. If she buys no p.

8. I didn't rule out surprise gifts once a while and outting which I bankroll ND expect her to do same occasionally..

Plz oo nairalanders are these responsibilities to a wife too much for her, I mean one who works and earn over 50k...?

I think it puts strain on the relationship. The most sensible on that list is the children trust fund, that should have been enough.


Nigerian girls are mostly selfish, know this and know peace.

Mariangeles:
On top 80k salary, you want make she dey drop 10k every month for trust account, 20k for joint account, provide "food supplement", make she still choose between NEPA bill, DSTV, or GOTV subscription...on top wetin?
Oga, how much wan remain to take buy clothes, cosmetics and toiletries for herself na (cos e sure me dai say you no fit buy those things for her), not to talk of find her parents something? Unto say she marry you?

Abeg! Carry your wahala go front!

So tge young man should kill himself bcus he wanted to get married?
Ain't you a man or are you a simp?
Is it dat you're not aware of how difficult tinsz are dis days?
A wife should support her husband... she's not jus der for sex and making babies, Think well bro bfor you end up being a fo*l

pompeiimagnus:


Thank you my brother. There’s no point going to school for over 16 years, if all that education would end up not being of any financial use to your husband. Even our mothers and grandmothers went to the farm and market to financially contribute in any small way to their families.

I Hope Op and the woman he wants to share bills with will divide their kids into half half, half the kids bear the woman's name and the other kids bear the mans name.

Hope they will divide authority in the house since the wife is now paying bills and feeding her husband?
Will they have cooking and cleaning time table too? Will the man back the baby to market when his wife is tired and wants to rest etc??

bigpicture001:
My girlfriend whom I have planned to settle down with simply started acting cold and eventually stylishly slide out of our relationship because I sat her down and made a family financial support proposal to her in which she will be financially committed to running the proposed family we intend to raise...

These are the proposal...

1. She earns about 80k wile I earn about 300k.. I asked that we jointly contribute for all the children's Career funding starting from when we get married even before any of their birth.. I proposed 10k monthly from her and 40k from me to a trust account. From it we plan to fund all the children's Career from kiddagatten to varsity or which ever path they choose..

2. That sh choose between Nepa bill or DStv or gotv sub monthly..just one for her

3. I will be responsible for rents

4. We pay into another joint account for vacation once in two years..like sh puts in 20k I put in 50k monthly..

5. I provide all the heavy food stuffs required in the house in large quantities including gas ND change of electronics, but sh provide all the daily food supplements to mk mine complete.

6. She buys her clothes ND I buy mine but we can both surprise ourselfs with gift to the other..

7. I will buy the family car ND maintain it. If she buys no p.

8. I didn't rule out surprise gifts once a while and outting which I bankroll ND expect her to do same occasionally..

Plz oo nairalanders are these responsibilities to a wife too much for her, I mean one who works and earn over 50k...?

haha. Ur vacation money per month is higher than the savings for your children trust fund per month. I guess that's why she japa

Commanderinpips:


Women's need is not the responsibility of the man. Women should learn to support family,life is not about looking good.

She even make mention of family lol so na OP no get family? All these lames excuses from some ladies kept me wondering the kind of ladies we hv

Animegirl:


You don't even know "woman's need", that's why you did that rubbish list. That 80k, isn't enough as a lady talkless of family. Unless you want her to look like an hag, in her husband's house.

Worst, you haven't even settled down yet, you're placing small responsibilities on her head. Be calming down na.

If you want something like this, better find another woman who is willing to contribute to the family with higher earnings.

So marriage is a bed of roses where u just come and cross you legs and chop.. You don't want responsibilities?? �

CHoccolaTE:



Amen

What a stupid topic from a lazy leech.

And after the girl don feed am pay him bills finish he will still want to lord it over her and demand submission. Infact I want to slap this OP.

Lol, I am just happy the lady didn't make a fuss, she kuku find her way no sweat and drama ,but the guy is pained cos she left and wasn't desperate enough to take "the devil's deal". It would have definitely ended in tears for her.

Baba if she cannot have a simple financial discussion with her intended husband is that not a red flag? Many female teachers in Nigeria don’t even earn 50k monthly but still contribute to their families. This guy just dodged a train wreck!

franciskaine:
you are not getting the point. This guy can save way more in marriage even without dat list. You say to ur wife, this is 100k pls manage it for the home in a month. I assure u a good woman might not use everything, or if need be, add her own to augment. Only a foolish lady will demand too many from u without thinking of tomorrow. That budget should be for the man alone. He should hand over what he can afford to the wife for family upkeep.

It bcoms absurd wen u ask ur woman to contribute dis, I contribute this. Do ur permutations, hand what u have to her, let her sort it out herself. A gud wife will as a matter of urgency understand d husbands financial standing and tailor their family needs towards dat.

Furcko:
No such thing as a real man, but only blackmailwomen to make a man do her bidding

Newsflash; Growing old without fulfillment is tortue and carrying Children in Marraige and being a mother is not an achievement, bcus if the man isn't involved in their lives the responsibility you runaway from will still be shouldered by you

Only simp men slave away their youth to please their wives

One thing that makes me so happy is that WOMEN ARE WORKING EXTRA HARD THESE DAYS to make it legitmately.

And what makes you think that a man abandoning his family is the end of the world for the woman? Guy, you fall my hand o with your myopic thinking. Looooooool.

Cry hard as you may, there are millions of men out there buying diamonds and expensive gifts for their wives. It has always been so and will always be so!
The greatest gift a woman prays for is being a mother, not being married to your wahala gender.

Lool.

Biglittlelois:
Man provides, woman helps

Division of labour;
Husband---- financial security
Wife-----household chores
Equation balanced

On no ground is anyone obligated to assist the other, it is a choice

If you want equal contribution, contribute in household chores and the kids

If you say house maid, no problem, get a work/financial help for yourself.

There are househelps who are cheaper. Why do many women marry with this degrading and condescending mindset of preferring only domestic and child care?

Wittyduchess:
Lol, I am just happy the lady didn't make a fuss, she kuku find her way no sweat and drama ,but the guy is pained cos she left and wasn't desperate enough to take "the devil's deal". :DIt would have definitely ended in tears for her.

Very smart girl. I pray she finds a hardworking and rich, generous man to marry not akagum like OP.

nextstep:


I disagree that the budget should be for the man alone... we talk about "partnership" and "equality"... well, this is it.
I think it would work much better if the woman has skin in the game (i.e. she is also expected to pay into the household, not in a "add to it if need be" kind of way)

the earlier you started understanding dat women hate contribute dis, contribute dat, the better for you. A man dat earns 300k should automatically know dat not more than 50% of that should go for daily family expenses. Make ur calculations and hand over what u can to ur wife. Let her sort herself.