1x2x3:


The guy na phool and he's proud about his stupidity. Borrowed 2M from your wife and she started complaining within 24hrs. He's claiming to be man but he's actually not a man.

Guy chill first The manchi fit dey talk for talking sake. Na when im come here again confirm say the thing really happen na when I go start to cry for am

bigpicture001:
My girlfriend whom I have planned to settle down with simply started acting cold and eventually stylishly slide out of our relationship because I sat her down and made a family financial support proposal to her in which she will be financially committed to running the proposed family we intend to raise...

These are the proposal...

1. She earns about 80k wile I earn about 300k.. I asked that we jointly contribute for all the children's Career funding starting from when we get married even before any of their birth.. I proposed 10k monthly from her and 40k from me to a trust account. From it we plan to fund all the children's Career from kiddagatten to varsity or which ever path they choose..

2. That sh choose between Nepa bill or DStv or gotv sub monthly..just one for her

3. I will be responsible for rents

4. We pay into another joint account for vacation once in two years..like sh puts in 20k I put in 50k monthly..

5. I provide all the heavy food stuffs required in the house in large quantities including gas ND change of electronics, but sh provide all the daily food supplements to mk mine complete.

6. She buys her clothes ND I buy mine but we can both surprise ourselfs with gift to the other..

7. I will buy the family car ND maintain it. If she buys no p.

8. I didn't rule out surprise gifts once a while and outting which I bankroll ND expect her to do same occasionally..

Plz oo nairalanders are these responsibilities to a wife too much for her, I mean one who works and earn over 50k...?

While i may not want to interfere in your sharing formula, i believe you have done the right thing.

It will give you peace of mind when you are eventually married.

It was also good she ran away, it was for your good. Congratulations

aimmoney9:
A woman's money in marriage is her's....

So also is that of her husband......

This is the Nigerian woman mentality that has made men now start looking for only working class ladies to settle down with coz no one needs a liability.....

They need to drastically change this mindset because from the looks of things fewer men are getting married in Nigeria now and the situation will worsen in the future.....

If you are ready to marry as a woman you must be ready to contribute financially to it, that's what building a home entails....

a woman can negotiate zero financial contribution from ages 19 - 25 based on their attractiveness alone which will lure men to pay it all (men are ready and will do anything to have thoose girls).... but they dont want to commit at that age. so tell me why i should be paying the bills of a fully grown 32 year old woman in the name of wife.... it aint happening.... when you get married at 28:

1. you must bring money in contribution to the household.
2. the guy is free to have younger girlfriends... shikena!

bigpicture001:
My girlfriend whom I have planned to settle down with simply started acting cold and eventually stylishly slide out of our relationship because I sat her down and made a family financial support proposal to her in which she will be financially committed to running the proposed family we intend to raise...

The truth of the matter is no woman would want to hear this kind of thing. You are not yet married you have started dividing bills. It sends a wrong signal to the woman. It is a man's responsibility to provide for his family. You don't need to spell it out, a good wife knows she must support her husband.

Oga don't let anyone deceive you here ooo. No woman would agree with this thing you are carrying upandan.

pompeiimagnus:
I’m not the OP but I’m an Igbo man. While we do not necessarily mind if our wives would support financially, most successful Igbo men marry financially prudent wives. In fact we find a way of involving her in the family business so she can learn the trade and see firsthand what it takes to be the breadwinner. This involves having matured financial discussions with our wives. This lady swiftly ran from even having that discussion in the first place!

There is nothing here that states that the lady in question is not prudent tho,it's just your assumptions working on your reality. If she wasn't prudent a stingy dictator like the op would not even think of marriage with her.


Yes she ran, there are deal breakers and red flags, taking the devil's deal is not must . She isn't that desperate to bear Mrs and take just any deal.


Like someone suggested below he should get a woman who hands over her salary to him. Just because there are women out there who can take such a deal doesn't make the lady a non wife material. Make una nor dey yarn opata like that ,is stupid and childish.

As the saying goes different strokes for different folks , that she rejected this deal doesn't mean she won't make a good wife to a more reasonable man.

patoski39:
I no sure if them dae joke o. I know like two of them ferminists here for Facebook and naso them dae bash men up and down o. Though when I try hookup with one, she been act nice but e no workout coz she dae far from me,,
make I no talk sha

Bros na their luck if dem get that kind man. For every Yahoo-boy, there's a maga. Wetin I just sabi be say nothing concern me and those kind girls. We no go even fit greet each other in the first place, based on say our spirits no match at all

Twoclans:
I really wish more women can voice out ,everytime I log into nairaland and see all this small boys abi small men saying Nugerian women do not contribute to the family i usually ask myself if it is this same Nigeria that I see alot of women hustling and fending for their homes completely with the man being a complete liability.

The nature of my job puts me on the move always ,as it is I have three apartments in different states and I know what I see almost on a daily basis.

I really do not think any woman should be shamed because she refused to contribute to a home that she could be driven away from the next minute especially in this country that does not protect women at all.

U need to understand that many modern girls are extremely unhelpful when it comes family responsibilities, u can even deduce from some comments u read here.

I will never say all of them are irresponsible about family contribition because their are substantial number of them who are, but in all honesty many are not. I can even use my friend's circle as example, many are working and hustling day and night but are always tight handed toward family to support their husband, they feels they can only contribute once he is in tight corner and if they do the whole family and friends will know about it.

However the old women, uneducated women and non materialistic/unsophisticated women are opposite, they tends to be committed to their family, contribute their best to support their homes and some are even the bread winner in their home.

The best thing is to get a wife material who is ready to handover all her salary to you at the end of every month.
This is exactly what my wife does.

Jeferious:
Guy chill first The manchi fit dey talk for talking sake. Na when im come here again confirm say the thing really happen na when I go start to cry for am

He's not joking. I can deduce he married a very pretty woman he chased for many months before she somehow accepted his sorry asssss so since then he's been living the chasing life otherwise she would threaten him with divorce .

I pray he's joking though.

Idamond:

You sound like someone with failed future marriage..
This one doesn't signify good Akwa ibomite at all

So, what signifies a good Akwa-Ibomite woman? One who should submit her whole existence to a man? Because I want to marry? Well, the joke is on you.

Jeferious:
Bros na their luck if dem get that kind man. For every Yahoo-boy, there's a maga. Wetin I just sabi be say nothing concern me and those kind girls. We no go even fit greet each other in the first place, based on say our spirits no match at all

the thing b say, So called 'MATURED' men for this country dn spoil them (women). Notice say all the women and most married MATURED men wey comment, bash the op and try to guilt trip am so that him no go spoil the NORMS.
If every single guy do like the OP, all the single women go sit up and e go become the NORMS. The correct NORMS

ParpahSeventy:

You dodged a time bomb, these kind of ladies will want you to put your kids in schools paying over 800k every term with your earnings at 300k and then expect you to splash d money on them anyhow, I broke up with a lady we were planning for years to marry because she was too materialistic,
1. She wants her kids in the best schools, the payment is all on you.
2. She cooks whenever she is less busy which is only weekends, mind you not stressful cooking that will store food in d freezer (I hate microwaved food with passion) but was still willing to put up.
3. She changes her wardrobe or at least make adjustments every 3 months, na you go pay.
4. She wants vacations every year to rest, at your expense.
5. With all these burden, you should do house chores with her.
And many annoying things I can't remember, so that after 5 years of marriage I will dry up and be a debtor everywhere abi.
It's not like she comes from a family that's affluent, no, she comes from a family where she do regular house chores everyday.

Any issue with microwaved food?

Empirical back up will be appreciated and not whims.

Killermamba:


That is too much na, at least 20k from her is enough, she nor dey pay transport go work? She nor go eat or buy things for herself? Abi na u wan dey buy pad too? Or she nor get family to support? Guy this your plan be like say u nor wan her to progress at all.

Do u read where he said he will buy and maintain cars.

People needs to define this things from the beginning as he has done otherwise women will feel it is ur responsibilities to handle yours, family and thier needs while they hold on to their own and occasionally drop when they see that u are sinking. I learn in a hard way before I realized that I don't have saving nor can I provide for my parents while my wife spends lavishly on her parents and siblings because she doesn't contribute much at home.
I stealthily transfered some responsibilities to her without her even knowing, by the time she realized it, I v already made it her obligation and I'm dumping more as time goes on.

Now I can plan for other things that is of concern to the future of our family such as building house for us.

There is nothing wrong with financial planning. In fact I am glad that the OP is thinking that way and all couples should emulate that. What I have a problem with is the income disparity and the amount of her contribution.

By the time she removes all of that, say 50k, it only leaves 30k for her own needs, which may not be enough. And you earn times 3 of her salary. Pity her small.

If you want that kind of contribution, look for a woman with a higher income, maybe around 200k to complement you.

On the other hand, how has she been living with the 80k?

Its all about compromise, OP, try and see.

bigpicture001:
My girlfriend whom I have planned to settle down with simply started acting cold and eventually stylishly slide out of our relationship because I sat her down and made a family financial support proposal to her in which she will be financially committed to running the proposed family we intend to raise...

These are the proposal...

1. She earns about 80k wile I earn about 300k.. I asked that we jointly contribute for all the children's Career funding starting from when we get married even before any of their birth.. I proposed 10k monthly from her and 40k from me to a trust account. From it we plan to fund all the children's Career from kiddagatten to varsity or which ever path they choose..

2. That sh choose between Nepa bill or DStv or gotv sub monthly..just one for her

3. I will be responsible for rents

4. We pay into another joint account for vacation once in two years..like sh puts in 20k I put in 50k monthly..

5. I provide all the heavy food stuffs required in the house in large quantities including gas ND change of electronics, but sh provide all the daily food supplements to mk mine complete.

6. She buys her clothes ND I buy mine but we can both surprise ourselfs with gift to the other..

7. I will buy the family car ND maintain it. If she buys no p.

8. I didn't rule out surprise gifts once a while and outting which I bankroll ND expect her to do same occasionally..

Plz oo nairalanders are these responsibilities to a wife too much for her, I mean one who works and earn over 50k...?

/

You must really live in Jupiter.

Don’t let that feminism crap confuse you. It is only a hobby to women.

I don’t know what kind of woman will agree to this your arrangement—it is too mechanical fully separated from emotion.

/

Lmao…he makes 3.5 times her salary and can afford to carry 100% of the financial responsibilities. So you really think he needs her money? He simply wanted to have a financial discussion with his girlfriend and you call that a red flag? Really? Just to ask, what then was the purpose of going to school from childhood for over 16 years if you will not freely support your man in the family finances The entitlement is real sha!

Ladycewhy:
There is nothing here that states that the lady in question is not prudent tho,it's just your assumptions working on your reality. If she wasn't prudent a stingy dictator like the op would not even think of marriage with her.


Yes she ran, there are deal breakers and red flags, taking the devil's deal is not must . She isn't that desperate to bear Mrs and take just any deal.


Like someone suggested below he should get a woman who hands over her salary to him. Just because there are women out there who can take such a deal doesn't make the lady a non wife material. Make una nor dey yarn opata like that ,is stupid and childish.

As the saying goes different strokes for different folks , that she rejected this deal doesn't mean she won't make a good wife to a more reasonable man.

sophy17:


Talking from experience, you really need to be smart with this and not coming out point blank like this so you don't end up with a desperate girl.

Just look out for qualities of a good wife in the girl you're dating and you're good to go. When I met my wife about 20yrs ago, she was only a student but then she hadly visited without bringing something i needed to my flat and will never demand for the money used in getting it, even though she is from a poor home.
I tested her in several ways and she did very well. I then married her in less than 7 months into our relationship.
She is now even doing triple more now without any coersion or pressure. Mind you, I invested heavily in her after seeing her qualities and she never disappoint till date.
Today, she is a multi millionaire!

What were the tests?

bigpicture001:


Thanks man.. heard from her friend that sh said am too stingy,.

Honestly I didn't make her spend up to 50k from her wage.. 300k is not big and can be exhausted soon..

The weight will be too much if I form the normal Nigerian guy who likes to carry load on their head

Dude go and thank God, you just dodged a bullet. Her reaction just shows what will have happened had you married her and lost your job during the course of the marriage. If she were wise she will have seen the beauty of having a plan for ones family and I am sure that had you both started your contribution monthly to fund this you will still give her more than her contribution in a month. These fish brain people sef.

Mariangeles:
On top 80k salary, you want make she dey drop 10k every month for trust account, 20k for joint account, provide "food supplement", make she still choose between NEPA bill, DSTV, or GOTV subscription...on top wetin?
Oga, how much wan remain to take buy clothes, cosmetics and toiletries for herself na (cos e sure me dai say you no fit buy those things for her), not to talk of find her parents something? Unto say she marry you?

Abeg! Carry your wahala go front!

Abeg help me ask o. on top how much?? 80k salary Na real wah. How much is left for her needs? What of her tfare and at miscellaneous to her work place or home

Oga make she japa abeg.

Animegirl:


You don't even know "woman's need", that's why you did that rubbish list. That 80k, isn't enough as a lady talkless of family. Unless you want her to look like an hag, in her husband's house.

Worst, you haven't even settled down yet, you're placing small responsibilities on her head. Be calming down na.

If you want something like this, better find another woman who is willing to contribute to the family with higher earnings.

She should go get a better job. The man is not there to pay for her wants. If 80k salary is insufficient for her to meet her needs / wants then that is her shelenge.

Mariangeles:




God go bless you.

You see why I said he's not yet ready to marry?
What does he even know about a woman's needs?
A pack of common sanitary pad now is about #500. I bet he doesn't know that.

You are saying it as if OP is the cause of the current cost of sanitary pad. Most of you think upside down I swear. How much is gas in your area now? And e dey quick finish.

Cocao:
There is nothing wrong with financial planning. In fact I am glad that the OP is thinking that way and all couples should emulate that. What I have a problem with is the income disparity and the amount of her contribution.

By the time she removes all of that, say 50k, it only leaves 30k for her own needs, which may not be enough. And you earn times 3 of her salary. Pity her small.

If you want that kind of contribution, look for a woman with a higher income, maybe around 200k to complement you.

On the other hand, how has she been living with the 80k?

Its all about compromise, OP, try and see.

We can't say he should look for women that earns more otherwise who will marry the one than earn less if everybody just looks for high income earner, men can be acting like women.

However I feels Op should just remove some unnecessary spending such as vacation from that list. It is extremely unnecessary to contribute more that 10% of ur income on vacation because their are other things we do as a family that is much more important than that, example is building/buy ur home. I believe the budget would have been reasonable if it that vacation was for mortgage and the said lady wouldn't have felt drown. In all things being said, the lady also have entitlement mentality if she truly told her friends he is stingy.

bigpicture001:


Thanks man.. heard from her friend that sh said am too stingy,.

Honestly I didn't make her spend up to 50k from her wage.. 300k is not big and can be exhausted soon..

The weight will be too much if I form the normal Nigerian guy who likes to carry load on their head

so if you added an extra 50k to your expense that’s too much for you? You get to keep 150k of your money and you’re still whining?
The girl dodged a bull£t. Mark my words if she meets a guy that genuinely loves her she won’t hesitate to spend all her salary on raising a family with him. God helping her her income will increase.
It’s not the spending that’s the problem here, it’s the principle of you thinking you can dictate what she must use her money for.

123readygo:
Hmmmmmm
Your tactless manner of presenting the issue made the lady to runaway....
In my own case, I refused to even know how much my wife was earning before our marriage. Till date, I don't know how much she has and I don't care how she spends her money. I take care of all the expenses in the house including buying a car for her, fueling and maintaining it. The only time I requested for money from her was when I was undergoing two projects simultaneously and at a point I ran out of cash. She gave me 2m and I told her that I'll pay her back with interest and she was very much excited. But the next day she talked anyhow and I transferred back the money to her and collected loan from somewhere else...
I don't like taking shit from anybody including my wife, so I see no reason why someone earning over 3m per annum should be asking his wife to devote 65% of her earnings to running a home.
It is a man's responsibility to take care of his home, the woman is only there as a helper not a family 'co-runner'!!

You bought a car, fuel it. Took money from your wife and promised to pay back with interest? And she was excited?

She talked anyhow and you sent back the money? And had to take loans elsewhere?


Can you tell me why your wife is working?

Why does she leave domestic chores she should be doing at home and be wasting your fuel and accumulation mileage on the car?


I am sure she is derelict in her home duties because of her work-- work with no useful earnings?


I am stupefied by this revelation.

Let me ask sha, As a single woman doesn’t she pay those bills from that same 80k
Why the hullabaloo over contributing to the family finances

zimach:


Abeg help me ask o. on top how much?? 80k salary Na real wah. How much is left for her needs? What of her tfare and at miscellaneous to her work place or home

Oga make she japa abeg.

It is well...please find a richer girlfriend now that you're single. Richer babe won't run from this your good plan.

zimach:


Abeg help me ask o. on top how much?? 80k salary Na real wah. How much is left for her needs? What of her tfare and at miscellaneous to her work place or home

Oga make she japa abeg.

The guy he will buy car and maintain it.

pompeiimagnus:
Lmao…he makes 3.5 times her salary and can afford to carry 100% of the financial responsibilities. So you really think he needs her money? He simply wanted to have a financial discussion with his girlfriend and you call that a red flag? Really? Just to ask, what then was the purpose of going to school from childhood for over 16 years if you will not freely support your man in the family finances The entitlement is real sha!

In this life manner of approach is everything. Maybe the fact that the op feels he is well off than her is the reason he is too full of himself to approach like someone he wants to marry and not an employee you are offering a job offer to. And that itself is even a more worrisome red flag .


Freely is the word here except you are ignorant of what "freely" means in the context of being handed proposal.


Yen yen yen , entitlement ,you sure have been using words not related to the context of this thread. It's not entitlement to walk out of a relationship ,it's even the more not entitlement if you are given a devil's deal and turn it down.

Yes some women will accept it, good for them, it does mean the lady is will not be a good wife to someone else. It's just how the world works. All this nagging and wailing from boys is nauseating abeg. She didn't make a fuss,she didn't protest ,she gave it a thought and decided it wasn't for her, that sounds like a sensible lady if you ask me.

Jeferious:
You talk about taking care of your parents and younger siblings from the money you earn which consequently means that you are not obligated to contribute financially to your marital home, which some other ladies have also said is the part of the reasons why they shouldn't contribute.....this man wey marry una, shebi im no get mama and papa and younger siblings Like which kind selfish and foolish reasoning be this sef wey I dey see so?

The whole conclusion of the matter be say most girls no dey marry whom they love. Na person wey dey ready dem dey follow for the sake of Mrs. title. But thank God for some of us wey go dey lucky to find person wey really love us. I will keep saying it "Love and giving...they go hand in hand. "

But then, an idea just struck. Instead of entering an "unnecessary and loveless" union because you want to avoid of stigma of life-spinsterhood, why not start a social campaign against the institution of marriage? Seriously, I'd be number one supporter of such campaign. It's better than succumbing to societal pressure only to go into the Union and mess things up. Make everybody dey their dey with their respective families

I am sure if you read my mention from top to bottom you won't type this garbage.

You want to try to prove that you are intelligent, but you missed the important thing I mentioned in my mention, go back and read it, I will be waiting.

Mariangeles:
On top 80k salary, you want make she dey drop 10k every month for trust account, 20k for joint account, provide "food supplement", make she still choose between NEPA bill, DSTV, or GOTV subscription...on top wetin?
Oga, how much wan remain to take buy clothes, cosmetics and toiletries for herself na (cos e sure me dai say you no fit buy those things for her), not to talk of find her parents something? Unto say she marry you?

Abeg! Carry your wahala go front!

He wants her to survive with 50k in this Buhari era and an inflated naira. Internet subscription alone is 10% of her income. Even the useless trust fund is inflated naira. Suffer head plan.

He should find a village uneducated girl that can wear one wrapper everyday except when going to church or party.

UyaiIncomparabl:


So, what signifies a good Akwa-Ibomite woman? One who should submit her whole existence to a man? Because I want to marry? Well, the joke is on you.

did u weight the both partners contributions before blapping? No
u only reach comment. u seriously won't make a good wife.
your type divorce file full court.
u can't assist ur husband with just 12% of ur salary u can urself a wife.

DEBJOCH1:
UNMARRIED AN INMATURED PEOPLE WILL BE HERE TELLING YOU NONSENSE THAT THE LADY IS BAD, SHE A GOLD DIGGER OR THAT, MARRIAGE AND FINANCIAL PLANNING DOESNT WORK THE WAY YOU JUST PAINTED IT NOW TO BE. THE RULE OF HAVING A SUUCESSFUL MARRIAGE AND A SUPPORTIVE WIFE 8S THIS. BE OPENED TO HER, DO NOT PURKDIVE INTO HER SALARY OR SAVING, DO YOUR PART AS A HUSBAND, THEN ONCE IN A WHILE PRETEND YOU DONT HAVE, THEN YOU WILL SEE HER DOING ALL THE UNIMAGINABLE, THOUGH WE HAVE SOME HEARTLESS WIVES, THOSE THAT EVEN IF THEY ARE EARNING 500K A M9NTH THEY WONT EVEN DROP 10K AT HOME FOR SUPPORT, BUT GENERALLY WHEN A HUSBAND ALWAYS TREAT THE WIFE WELL, YOU DONT NEED TO SHARE RESPONSIBILITIES WITH YOUR WIFE BEFORE YOU SEE HER DOING THE NEEDFUL AT HOME. IS EVEN A SHAME ON YOUR PART FOR YOU TO CALL A LADY YOU ARE NOT MARRIED TO AND START SHARING FINANCIAL OBLIGATION WITH, IT SHOWS YOU ARE NOT EVEN MATURED, IT SHOW YOU AS A MAN, YOU ARE THE GOLD DIGGER THERE, THE YOUNG LADY DID THE BEST BY SAVING HER HEAD AND RUN AWAY FROM A POTENTIAL RISK LIKE YOU. WITH YOUR KIND OF MEN NO LADY WILL WANT TO SPEND HER LIFE WITH A MAN LIKE YOU, BECAUSE YOUR TYPE WONT MAKE A BETTER HUSBAND, WHAT YOU SOULD HAVE BEEN CONCERNED ABOUT DO GET A LADY WHO CAN MANAGE WITH YOU, WHO IS NOT EXTRAVAGANT IN SPENDING ETC. AND NOT A LADY YOU SHOULD BE SHARING FINANCIAL IBLUGATION WITH. I. YOUR MIND YOU THOUGHT YOU ARE WISE, YOU BE MUMU, 70 YEARS OLD MAN.. EVEN THE ROAD TO....

Why is she working?

And what will she be doing with her money?