My candid advice to the Op and to all single guys who wish to marry and have a peaceful, loving and healthy marriage is this:



So long as you and your wife live in Nigeria, please remove that mentality of sharing family upkeep with your wife. Just work hard and pray to God to empower you financially enough to cater for your wife and family without relying on your wife's income.


The rate of divorce in western countries is too high compared to that in Nigeria and part of the reason is their practice of gender equality in almost everything.


Follow Bible teachings about marriage and you won't have issues.



From the Bible, read from the book of Genesis during creation of man, God didn't create man and woman the same day.


God first created everything that a man would need to live a worthy life and then He created man and put him in charge of everything he created on earth.


God Himself observed man and noticed that even though man had everything he needed materially, he was still lonely whenever he returns back to his abode after the days work, so God decided to create a helpmate and companion for the first man Adam.



So the first purpose of a woman in a man's life is companionship and not to help the man to create wealth or share family burdens or expenses. The woman is firstly there to keep you company emotionally. That's why men all over the world are ready to spend their last kobo to get a woman to make love to, it is nature at work not that women have more emotional control than men, it is nature that made men emotionally vulnerable than women such that a man melts at the sight of woman's naked body but most women will even get irritated at the sight of a man's naked body unless they are already emotionally attached to that man somehow.



Adam was rich and had everything he needed before God made him fall asleep and used his rib to make a woman for him and Adam saw Eve and cherished her because she was so beautiful to his delight.


So the first quality a man notices in a woman is her physical beauty before any other thing.



Follow Bible teachings and not man made civilized laws that failed in western countries.



Gender equality is a scam.


Man and woman can never be equal. Each gender have their God assigned role, play yours with joy and you will enjoy this life.



Me I am happy to be the sole provider in my marriage.


My wife works and earns well I guess but I have never needed her to bring a dime and it has never stopped me from expanding and living a happy life.


My wife one day asked me why I don't even bother about her job or career, like what she earns and whether she gets promoted. I told her, my dear, I don't think it's necessary but I know you get plenty money na and it's good for the family, at least I am sure you will invest a lot for your kids.


One thing I know is that, she never tells me about her relative needing any money, I only do Christmas for her dad once a year and on Easter and Father's day. And I am sure she do spend on them from her own income. Aside that, I take care of everything, including her personal shopping. Most times I fuel the car she uses to go to work. I do these things with joy. If she decides to stop working tomorrow, I won't pressure her. But I love the fact that she is working so she can be mentally fit and financially responsible cos I noticed housewives are usually dull and financially irresponsible.


So guys please remove your eyes from your wifes income. If things go bad financially for you which nobody should pray for, believe me, she will come through, forget what you read online, most ladies do help their husband's financially when he is down. Some are even the breadwinners of their family. So it's not as if all Nigerian ladies that got married depend solely on their husband. Some are breadwinners. Some share financial responsibility with their hubby willingly.



Not all our ladies are leeches abeg

I love how Nairaland men love to say that 'good women are few'. But now want OP to ditch his long term relationship and 'find someone else' as if dem dey pluck good women from trees.

The OP needs to man up and speak to his girlfriend. Find out what the issue is with the plan and see if there's something they can negotiate around.

I can imagine someone earning 80k not being enthused about a plan that will consume close to 50k of her earnings, before even personal needs, clothing and hair stuff are counted.

I don't even see the wisdom in setting aside 70k per month for vacation at the stage when the family should be looking for investment opportunities to grow their net worth.

Let's analyze the man's expenses.
2.5k daily for food for 30days=75k
Fuel for car and gen 1.5k/day=45k
Rent.........................................= 70k
Contribution for health insurance=10k
Contribution to vacation................=40k
Contribution for children trust fund=40k
Man had only 20k left, so you understand now?

efosky1246:


she dodged a bullet. a mule is what you're looking for. not a wife.

this is 80k for goodness sake. If at the barest minimum she spends 1K everyday on feeding and transport. 30k is gone. the contributions you demand of her will definitely finish the remaining 50k. she has nothing left to spend on herself as a woman or on miscellaneous expenses she doesn't want to bother you about. And in addition to all that she'll also be the one to cook and clean.

on top wetin?

what kind of a man are you? would you wish this on your sister?

You can't tell me you love that woman. this is a marriage of convenience for you. If you were earning a million you will not choose her. so let her be abeg.

Marriage is not by force, you're clearly not ready to create the lifestyle you want for your family hence why you need to depend on a woman. hustle more or find a woman earning 200k+ to work with this your budget.

N.B: If any alpha male wannabe devoid of common sense and cursed with a brain that can only formulate the word simp quotes me I will swear for you and your generation. this is a new year.

Even in our 30 years marriage to God,s glory i never ask my spiuse to support from primary to graduation of our 6 childten.i saw it as my duty to pay fees bills and rents.
I think you scared her!
Pls look for her and apologise and make a better plan to establish her and develop her

Funkybabee:


And so what, what's her benefits self

Food only or what

She provides that for herself before marriage

at least the woman has that benefit of staying in a house she doesn't pay for eating food..
wetin come be the man benefit for the marriage after paying huge on bride price. even a verse in proverb says "a woman goes out to bring food for the family".
that's why pussi chasers die young after few years in marriage, they take 100% of the responsibilities in the house and finally fall into depression.

HellVictorinho3:



What exactly?

I work with a financial institution

Lumosk:
Let's analyze the man's expenses.
2.5k daily for food for 30days=75k
Fuel for car and gen 1.5k/day=45k
Rent.........................................= 70k
Contribution for health insurance=10k
Contribution to vacation................=40k
Contribution for children trust fund=40k
Man had only 20k left, so you understand now?

He is the man here. it is his responsibility to curtail the expenses according to his pocket. with your analysis he is living beyond his means. It is too early into the marriage to put that much financial strain on the woman.

pnemric:

Then how does she take care of her needs as a single if 80k is not sufficient? clytocurrency i guess

As a single lady, nobody made it compulsory for her to save 20k monthly for vacation and other expenses. And is going on vacation compulsory? Why can't he sit her down so that they can plan those things together? Why excluding her?

Let's analyze the man's expenses.
2.5k daily for food for 30days=75k
Fuel for car and gen 1.5k/day=45k
Rent.........................................= 70k
Contribution for health insurance=10k
Contribution to vacation................=40k
Contribution for children trust fund=40k
Man had only 20k left, so you understand now?

sugarlyn:


Bros, it's too much.
She earns 80k and you still want to carry all these load inside 80k?
When babies start coming, with these your logic, the whole baby things such as wears, diapers and feeding will be on her.
Do you want to kill her?
Please reduce the load and don't use your stingy to pursue a good wife.
She did the right thing to quit what she can't finish.
Your girlfriend is honest and it's hard find an honest girl.
Op. Go back and review your list abeg

ImaIma1:


I read the post before I made my comment. If she was the one earning more, do you think he would have the guts to do that?

Nairaland is not for everyday bash women, sometimes we should look critically from both sides before we join the bashing bandwagon.

even if it was the other way round the man will still provide more

NigeriaIsGreat:
Our fathers and forefathers don't understand their nature too abi?

1. In the days of our fathers and forefathers, women go to primary, secondary school and college.... by the time she is in college she is already married....the contract was clear.... men provide and women sit at home and care.... the economy allowed it... men were largely hunter gatherers and farmers or white collar workers or tradesmen.

2. Today women go to university. People go to university to earn degrees which they use to support themselves. By going to university, the contract has been rewritten. Its expected that a graduate will be able to support herself (not contribute to the house - these are 2 different things....she should be able to take care of herself).

3. While in university and nysc she has multiple boyfriends and flings (on husband time) - many remove their wombs or complicate from abortions etc! thereby rewriting the contract again... because of this, what neutralises not being a virgin, having high body count with boyfriends is that she uses her own money to care for herself 100%. The man uses his own to care for himself....many husbands don't know where their child birth issues is coming from and its unfair.

4. Abroad because of the way the economy is structured no guy provides 100% there and women there contribute significantly.

5. Present day women wants the benefits without the responsibilities.... dont forget she got married at 29. What benefit does the man get for providing 100% for a woman?? What does she bring to the table? Folks are just bound and shackled by religious dogma. The bible that said a man should provide still has the conditions of the provision laid out based on the old marriage contract.
I can go on but these are the main points.

Ladycewhy:
Atleast it's good you acknowledge the lady isn't pained,she jeje carry herself jakpa .

Wanting an 80k earner to use her salary for 300k taste.

Which person wey normal go dey earn 80k dey think of vacation abroad? Ask yourself the question.

So you want to be earning a whole 80k and expecting the money to be yours alone while the man shoulders all the responsibilities all alone?

He'll not die before his time all in the name of being a responsible man, that'll never be his portion because gone are those days.

The earlier your type realize this the better for you.

zedegit:


Like I said what he requested is like a woman suggesting having a time table for intimacy: twice a week(Friday and Sunday by 10pm)

How will like a woman to suggest you cooking always during weekends?

Yes a woman should assist but not like this. Let him ask her instead of imposing it on her.

That #80k for your information is nothing in this present economy talkless of removing from it.

Some of his demands are ridiculous. It shows autocracy.

Same way 300k is nothing when you remove house rent and other bills.

He never imposed it on her, she had the option of challenging it but she choose to run away instead.

Idamond:

at least the woman has that benefit of staying in a house she doesn't pay for eating food..
wetin come be the man benefit for the marriage after paying huge on bride price. even a verse in proverb says "a woman goes out to bring food for the family".
that's why pussi chasers die young after few years in marriage, they take 100% of the responsibilities in the house and finally fall into depression.

Eh eh

Kill that Nigeria mentality. What works for one marriage might not work for the other. Leave OP, if she decides to leave, someone else might be comfortable with the allocation

Mariangeles:
On top 80k salary, you want make she dey drop 10k every month for trust account, 20k for joint account, provide "food supplement", make she still choose between NEPA bill, DSTV, or GOTV subscription...on top wetin?
Oga, how much wan remain to take buy clothes, cosmetics and toiletries for herself na (cos e sure me dai say you no fit buy those things for her), not to talk of find her parents something? Unto say she marry you?

Abeg! Carry your wahala go front!

How much be 80k?
The guy is not ready to marry

My brother, I just married recently and I can tell you that finance is a very big matter in marriage. No doubt, it is the responsibility of the man to cater for the family but the woman must be willing to support in every way. Any woman not ready to release her money or having the mentality that my money is my money and your money is our money is not fit for marriage. Pls don't even think about it because even of you have millions now, things can quickly change o. You might be down in no time and you will need your wife to support you. If she can't cover you, then you are in trouble. You can just kill yourself or somebody. Also, there is a better way of doing things. Your approach is not bad, but it shouldn't be too rigid. Allow for flexibility. When there are laws, there will be sin and quarrels. I prefer trust and understanding to strict rigid laws. You guys can still get back together and talk it out because that's needed. Ask people who are married and have OK marriages for advice but know that no two homes are the same. You must find out what works for you guys. In the end, as important as money is, your happiness and your wife's happiness is much important.

ivolt:

How did you arrive at 30K?
Perhaps, you think the taste of a 300K earner is the same as that of those on minimum wage.
As your income increase, so does your spending. Her salary cannot even cover some couple's NEPA bill.

She will have 0 Naira at the end of every month.

She had the option of challenging what he's proposing, afterall they're not married yet but she chose to run away instead.

enonche85:


Same way 300k is nothing when you remove house rent and other bills.

He never imposed it on her, she had the option of challenging it but she choose to run away instead.

Exactly she should have challenged and negotiated until they reached an agreement....

bigpicture001:


Do u know I removed health insurance cover which only me will open an account for and it will cover every member of the household including herself .?

300k is not a big money

Oga your work place will cover your health insurance. 80k is ant money compared to your 300k, she will budget 30k on savings, pay cable subscription, buy everyday food.That’s almost all her salary gone.. bros . She hasn’t even thought of buying jack for herself, cloths, toiletries, hair, data, airtime etc haba

A lot of people are saying he dodge a bullet. Me that is earning 80k I know how difficult it is for me after all my monthly expenses, including taking out transport fare and feeding at work, I can't even remember the last time I got anything for myself. Things are hard, inflation is on the rise . I don't want to be a liability to someone's son , I'm scared of going into a relationship with my small salary, not to talk of marriage, that is why I am even trying to get something better, if possible start a side hustle. Money is one of the major problems in marriages , most people don't know this, they think with love you can conquer all. At least she walked away, some will accept and once they are married, problem will start.My advice to him is to sit her down , let them have a discussion, at least he should help her and look for a better paying job , or maybe assist her with a little side hustle that can bring extra income.

texazzpete:
I love how Nairaland men love to say that 'good women are few'. But now want OP to ditch his long term relationship and 'find someone else' as if dem dey pluck good women from trees.

The OP needs to man up and speak to his girlfriend. Find out what the issue is with the plan and see if there's something they can negotiate around.

I can imagine someone earning 80k not being enthused about a plan that will consume close to 50k of her earnings, before even personal needs, clothing and hair stuff are counted.

I don't even see the wisdom in setting aside 70k per month for vacation at the stage when the family should be looking for investment opportunities to grow their net worth.

vincentjk:


So you want to be earning a whole 80k and expecting the money to be yours alone while the man shoulders all the responsibilities all alone?

He'll not die before his time all in the name of being a responsible man, that'll never be his portion because gone are those days.

The earlier your type realize this the better for you.

80k cannot fund a 300k taste ,she realized it on time and bounced that's the most sensible thing to do.


It's best this way, he can go and look for another lady who is desperate enough for the Mrs tag to take such a deal. Life nor hard.

ejieddy:
My brother, I just married recently and I can tell you that finance is a very big matter in marriage. No doubt, it is the responsibility of the man to cater for the family but the woman must be willing to support in every way. Any woman not ready to release her money or having the mentality that my money is my money and your money is our money is not fit for marriage. Pls don't even think about it because even of you have millions now, things can quickly change o. You might be down in no time and you will need your wife to support you. If she can't cover you, then you are in trouble. You can just kill yourself or somebody. Also, there is a better way of doing things. Your approach is not bad, but it shouldn't be too rigid. Allow for flexibility. When there are laws, there will be sin and quarrels. I prefer trust and understanding to strict rigid laws. You guys can still get back together and talk it out because that's needed. Ask people who are married and have OK marriages for advice but know that no two homes are the same. You must find out what works for you guys. In the end, as important as money is, your happiness and your wife's happiness is much important.

Best comment I've read in this post.

ejieddy:
My brother, I just married recently and I can tell you that finance is a very big matter in marriage. No doubt, it is the responsibility of the man to cater for the family but the woman must be willing to support in every way. Any woman not ready to release her money or having the mentality that my money is my money and your money is our money is not fit for marriage. Pls don't even think about it because even of you have millions now, things can quickly change o. You might be down in no time and you will need your wife to support you. If she can't cover you, then you are in trouble. You can just kill yourself or somebody. Also, there is a better way of doing things. Your approach is not bad, but it shouldn't be too rigid. Allow for flexibility. When there are laws, there will be sin and quarrels. I prefer trust and understanding to strict rigid laws. You guys can still get back together and talk it out because that's needed. Ask people who are married and have OK marriages for advice but know that no two homes are the same. You must find out what works for you guys. In the end, as important as money is, your happiness and your wife's happiness is much important.

Please read my post on this page.

Apart from the vacation, what other things should he remove please? You think he has the better deal? Try and price the cost of electronics and see! Perhaps she should handle feeding only and see how much of her salary remains?

efosky1246:


He is the man here. it is his responsibility to curtail the expenses according to his pocket. with your analysis he is living beyond his means. It is too early into the marriage to put that much financial strain on the woman.

Ladycewhy:
80k cannot fund a 300k taste ,she realized it on time and bounced that's the most sensible thing to do.


It's best this way, he can go and look for another lady who is desperate enough for the Mrs tag to take such a deal. Life nor hard.

But i asked a simple question; are you saying she should keep her 80k all to herself while helping her husband munch his money?

Oga you never ready to marry, there are some things here that's necessary nd some are not. So cut your clothes according to your pocket. And she will definitely support you for a little she can. But all these ur Nigeria �� budgets you're making na ur wahala be that. A beg commot for here.

ejieddy:
My brother, I just married recently and I can tell you that finance is a very big matter in marriage. No doubt, it is the responsibility of the man to cater for the family but the woman must be willing to support in every way. Any woman not ready to release her money or having the mentality that my money is my money and your money is our money is not fit for marriage. Pls don't even think about it because even of you have millions now, things can quickly change o. You might be down in no time and you will need your wife to support you. If she can't cover you, then you are in trouble. You can just kill yourself or somebody. Also, there is a better way of doing things. Your approach is not bad, but it shouldn't be too rigid. Allow for flexibility. When there are laws, there will be sin and quarrels. I prefer trust and understanding to strict rigid laws. You guys can still get back together and talk it out because that's needed. Ask people who are married and have OK marriages for advice but know that no two homes are the same. You must find out what works for you guys. In the end, as important as money is, your happiness and your wife's happiness is much important.

It's better if it's rigid oh.... if its not rigid the girl will subtly renege.... if ur not the type that likes arguments then pre-written rigid agreement is better. If she reneges then u can be flexible until she recovers....

Biggie2000:
They are always looking for who will carry all the responsibilities in the house. They don't care how you carry it, or how heavy the responsibilities are; all they care about is that the man must carry all the responsibilities in the house and must not complain. Op, you seem like someone that has lots of responsibilities to handle, even if you're single, 300k cannot carry all your responsibilities. Now, you say you want to marry, and the girl you want to marry is running away from certain financial responsibilities, don't you know that's overkill?? I pray you don't die before your time o. Either you remain single for now, while hustling to make more money or you just find another girl that is ready to make better financial plans with you and does not run from certain financial responsibilities. Most married men are in debt right now, simply because they're trying to please their wife. Several married men have committed suicide because of debt. I'm even surprised you truthfully told your girlfriend the amount you earn, are you sure she earns 80k or it's just the amount she told you?

i married with 50k salary. my wife was a student. somehow we made it work and today we are very comfortable. Its not how u start or what you earn that matters, its determination, love and hardwork. A man must never be afraid to shoulder responsibility but also the wife must key into his dream and be a good helper.

myfantasies:
I work with a financial institution

Alright.... I wish you well.

Mariangeles:
On top 80k salary, you want make she dey drop 10k every month for trust account, 20k for joint account, provide "food supplement", make she still choose between NEPA bill, DSTV, or GOTV subscription...on top wetin?
Oga, how much wan remain to take buy clothes, cosmetics and toiletries for herself na (cos e sure me dai say you no fit buy those things for her), not to talk of find her parents something? Unto say she marry you?

Abeg! Carry your wahala go front!

Mariangeles never disappoints, I don laugh tire. OP, marriage is not a do or die affair.

UyaiIncomparabl:


Any man that cannot provide for his family 100% has no business getting married in the first place. This is why I love my Igbo men. They provide for their women without nagging. God bless the responsible Igbo men in the world. The rest can take several seats.

The reality is that not all men can provide for the family 100%. And yes, some women like to contribute, even if it's a small percentage, it's gives them a sense of value to thier family.