It's one thing to be as leech but it's quite another to be proud of it and then quite another to be entitled about it.

The women that don't have a man but earn 40k a month, how are they surviving?

Obviously based on your paradigm every woman was sent to this world to depend on men for survival. What a poverty stricken mentality.

This same person now expects men to respect women whereas according to her- the woman's brain is incapable of generating sufficient finances even though she sat side by side with men in school.

Mariangeles:




God go bless you.

You see why I said he's not yet ready to marry?
What does he even know about a woman's needs?
A pack of common sanitary pad now is about #500. I bet he doesn't know that.

dingbang:
you are welcome bro. See just find woman wey her salary start from 150k. It will ease up things for you a bit. Trust me .

We have a lot of coded female doctors who are single and they are always busy. No time for dating. That is a good source for you to catch.

This is exactly why doctors marry themselves

princeeze1:
Some people blame Op for raising this issue before marriage, Abeg wen was the best time to make financial plans for marriage before?
My own story:
I married my wife a student, though she was already in her finals, before you know, pregnancy, childbirth etc so she never worked for long and I was used to shouldering every bills. But walahi, it was telling, to fuel just generator daily is over 30k monthly unless, you don’t want to live basic standards, feeding, education, rent, medical care, no savings ooo.
I was then working with a commissioner who offered her a 2 year contract job with her ministry. Brethren, this job her new job was how I got to know women see your money as hers and hers as hers.
I suggested she handled some few basics I outlined, barely 40% of her salary to enable my breath atleast, she agreed, but rebelled after 3 months, that her money is her sweat and she cannot contribute it to my home. This nearly ended the marriage.
Worst of it, it got to my Boss who got her the job because she had threatened divorce and it has even divided both our families, my boss being a woman took her side, along side her pastor(never allow a pastor who is not a trained psychologist counsel your marital issues).
You needed to see them lamblast me in her presence, how I am a useless man for looking at her salary, how I am even supposed to give her money wether she works or not, how she is my full responsibility, how real men run their homes 100%, how she is at liberty to decide wether she was going to support or not.

This made her more deviant in her stand. They tried to cow me into submission in the Bishop’s office, at the end I opted for divorce to their amazement. She was also willing to tow the line. She moved out, into her sister’s while we contemplated how to officially go about the divorce since we did court wedding and had no idea how to, her family geared her on, 2 weeks later, she came back begging and asking for forgiveness and begging my parents because this thing tore through the entire family.

What has changed? Firstly, same married sister who also encouraged her started giving her and my son attitude in her home barely 2 weeks, secondly, her immediate boss a woman showed her the foolery in her actions, she saw first hand how virtually all the women working around her were either bread winners or financing their homes sometimes above 50%.

Today, I don’t even live with them, but she specifically asked me not to spend on running the home so I can focus on capital expenditure. She runs the home 100%, I only pay their rent and school fees, nothing else. She supervises our projects herself l, so she can see where all the efforts are going into. If I had not stood my ground, maybe by now, I will still be in one circle thinking I am moving.
Again, no sane formula for marriage, each situation is unique, what works for A might not work for B, but he who fails to plan, has already planned to fail.

Oga 3 people in a roll said you are wrong.
What makes you think you are right?
What you read online right?
How often as a man do you help with chores?
Or you are marely looking for a woman to share financial responsibility with why you sit at home and watch TV as the man.
Yes Nigerian mentality men don't do chores, if you copy the western with sharing financial responsibility with your spouse, don't forget to copy them on 50:50 house chore routine.

Druss:


Your wife is providing feedback that you don't seem to care about her career or how she is doing at work and you are here advising OP?

I disagree with your general conclusion. A marriage is a union at all levels. OP is most likely a detailed man who plans a lot. My wife initially used to vex but when I demonstrated a few things including what the plan would result in - she began singing a new song.

PS please go talk to your wife about her career. Understand what is happening at her place of work.

There is also nothing wrong with a woman deciding to be an housewife. That is immense sacrifice on the part of a woman. Housewife doesn't mean they don't have hustles. My mum sacrificed her time for us but was a teacher and entrepreneur at the side.

Lol, my wife was only wondering why I don't ask how much she earns or if she got promoted. What prompted this was a time she got promoted from being a House Officer (what Nigerians call Doctor lol) to a full Doctor kind of. She was trying to explain the hierarchy in medical field, how they move till they become a full consultant, but she noticed I wasn't paying much attention or asking if it comes with pay rise. Honestly I have never envisaged myself pondering over a woman's income right from when I was a young single man. My heart has always been fixed on making plenty money cos I used to cherish reading about rich men, and coupled with my observation of some of my successful elder brothers, I developed my mentality about being sole provider of my marriage.



I know my wife is a highly disciplined and responsible lady and I trust she will be investing her income wisely. At least I am aware when she told me she wanted to open a bank account for our son shortly after he was born. As at then, I was aware she paid in 500k. So I don't need to bother about her income or career.


On the part of the Op, his mentality about marriage in Nigeria setting is flawed. This is Nigeria not UK or US or Canada. If you want peace and harmony in your marriage, remove eye from your wife's income and pray to God to make you sufficient enough to take care of all your family needs without relying on your wife's income. This is what I desire and what I will teach my son.



My mother was a hustler, she in fact hustled more than my father growing up, but as I grew up to an adult, I never wished my own wife to hustle and overwork like my mother, women are not created for that. The first reason God made woman for a man is emotional companionship, then as a helpmate not an equal mate to share burden with. She is only there to support you and not to share everything equally with you like gender equality proponents in the western world want.

NoToPile:


At least the OP is or what the OP placed is not responsibility?

No. Read it properly.... the op proposed to foot every major expenditure- rent, expensive food stuff and whatever op proposed she pay like dstv or nepa d woman also uses. The ops girlfriend is selfish and entitled. Not cool....

Mariangeles:
[i]On top 80k salary, you want make she dey drop 10k every month for trust account, 20k for joint account, provide "food supplement", make she still choose between NEPA bill, DSTV, or GOTV subscription...on top wetin?
Oga, how much wan remain to take buy clothes, cosmetics and toiletries for herself na (cos e sure me dai say you no fit buy those things for her), not to talk of find her parents something? Unto say she marry you?

Abeg! Carry your wahala go front! [v/i]

You ladies are so unreasonable, wanting your husbands to die in the name of responsibilities.
Do you know the number of financial responsibilities the man would shoulder? No wonder men are running from marriages these days, and even those presently married wouldn't hesitate to leave once the burden become so much, without support from their so-called 'useless' wives.
Rubbish.

dmostcheerful:

Oga 3 people in a roll said you are wrong.
What makes you think you are right?
What you read online right?
How often as a man do you help with chores?
Or you are marely looking for a woman to share financial responsibility with why you sit at home and watch TV as the man.
Yes Nigerian mentality men don't do chores, if you copy the western with sharing financial responsibility with your spouse, don't forget to copy them on 50:50 house chore routine.

That is it. This is where Nigerian guys are getting it wrong completely.


Let's ask the Op, did he also share how they will be washing the plates, cooking, doing laundry, lawn, mopping the floors, bathing the babies, feeding the babies, cutting vegetables for soup, and disposing the waste bin?


Modern Naija guys want a wife that will share financial burden with them but don't want to share house chore responsibility with her, no be juju be that

nuelyoyo:

The reality is that not all men can provide for the family 100%. And yes, some women like to contribute, even if it's a small percentage, it's gives them a sense of value to thier family.

My own is, don't force me to contribute. I know what to do.

franchasng:
Lol, my wife was only wondering why I don't ask how much she earns or if she got promoted. What prompted this was a time she got promoted from being a House Officer (what Nigerians call Doctor lol) to a full Doctor kind of. She was trying to explain the hierarchy in medical field, how they move till they become a full consultant, but she noticed I wasn't paying much attention or asking if it comes with pay rise. Honestly I have never envisaged myself pondering over a woman's income right from when I was a young single man. My heart has always been fixed on making plenty money cos I used to cherish reading about rich men, and coupled with my observation of some of my successful elder brothers, I developed my mentality about being sole provider of my marriage.



I know my wife is a highly disciplined and responsible lady and I trust she will be investing her income wisely. At least I am aware when she told me she wanted to open a bank account for our son shortly after he was born. As at then, I was aware she paid in 500k. So I don't need to bother about her income or career.


On the part of the Op, his mentality about marriage in Nigeria setting is flawed. This is Nigeria not UK or US or Canada. If you want peace and harmony in your marriage, remove eye from your wife's income and pray to God to make you sufficient enough to take care of all your family needs without relying on your wife's income. This is what I desire and what I will teach my son.



My mother was a hustler, she in fact hustled more than my father growing up, but as I grew up to an adult, I never wished my own wife to hustle and overwork like my mother, women are not created for that. The first reason God made woman for a man is emotional companionship, then as a helpmate not an equal mate to share burden with. She is only there to support you and not to share everything equally with you like gender equality proponents in the western world want.

The proposal of the op is a helpmeet proposal not equal mate. You seem to be a religious nut job that feeds off judo Christian idealism. The action of the opgirlfrienf clearly demonstrates she is not helpmeet..... most women actually aren't helpmeet and only do what is convenient for them.

LagosInter:


Selfish beings. Why not just stay at home and do chores alone?

During the time of or fore fathers that was how it is.
A woman stays at home rare kids, do chores take care of the husband why the man provide for the family.
Do we hear anything about divorce then?
That was Christ intention for the family, husband toil and provide for the family wife suffer and bear kids, how has it been going?
Before selfish beings like you who won't do nothing at home but expect a woman to help you conditionally financially.
Some of you forget your wife's even have family before they met you.
It's always about you all, your type don't even know how to dress the bed you wake up from.

UyaiIncomparabl:


My own is, don't force me to contribute. I know what to do.

If u can't contribute then go for a rich man.... but don't forget u hv until the end of ur 26th birthday to find a richman if u also want exclusivity from him...

ukaface:
I don't like this kine of method.

Why not suggest a particular percentage of money from both partners be put into a joint account. This joint account would take care of everything from rent,fees,bills.
If you put in 100k, and she puts say 30/40k
140 k *12
Or to make it more feasible a larger percentage can be agreed upon. But put in mind to consider her salary. 80k no fit do Nada for a family woman.
I'm sure she would get wigs, want to look good, get personal feminine stuffs,her Transportation and feeding at work. Bros Na those things you go consider.
All these bring 10k for this one, 20k for that...won't pay her.

my dear it almost same just that he splitted it..

I think you need someone who earns like 150k per month. If she has to drop 20k for vacation 10k into joint account and still choose between nepa bills and the likes. How much is left for her not to talk of if she still has responsibilities to take care of in her own family like her parents upkeep and she still has to deduct transport fare that will take her to work to and fro..... Trust me it's scary entering into such an agreement. Rather sit her down and you both discuss finances and how she can be of support in her own way

BigBashiru:


The proposal of the op is a helpmeet proposal not equal mate. You seem to be a religious nut job that feeds off judo Christian idealism. The action of the opgirlfrienf clearly demonstrates she is not helpmeet..... most women actually aren't helpmeet and only do what is convenient for them.

Everything must not be written down like relationship experts make you guys believe lol.



Why must he sit the young girl down to start telling her how they will share expenses when he hasn't even married her yet? No be juju be that? Are we in Amelikaa?


If I happen to have a daughter tomorrow and she tells me that her boyfriend raised such a topic, I will tell her to delete his number because he is not serious, in fact, he is a gold digger. This is sign of male gold digger

alfredfrddy:
Op should thank God he didn't marry her when she was out of job (this type of issue no for dey and ) op would have been a beast of donkeys. Then, she got a job after marriage and this discussion came, are you thinking what is in my head? DiVORCE is not an oversight.

You are right, any lady who invests as much as the husband in marriage will think less of a divorce and will try to make this go smoothly. Marriage is a partnership and not a sole proprietorship business.

aktolly54:
please use responsibility kill your own fiance , in fact marry for money. FFK ex-wife is people like you, you always think all gilter is gold, thats why people don't pity FFK ex-wife. Wish you the best

I won't allow emotions to becloud my sense of reasoning.

I am not Chiwendu Precious and my fiance is not FFK.

Good luck sweetie

franchasng:


God Himself observed man and noticed that even though man had everything he needed materially, he was still lonely whenever he returns back to his abode after the days work, so God decided to create a helpmate and companion for the first man Adam.



So the first purpose of a woman in a man's life is companionship and not to help the man to create wealth or share family burdens or expenses. The woman is firstly there to keep you company emotionally. That's why men all over the world are ready to spend their last kobo to get a woman to make love to, it is nature at work not that women have more emotional control than men, it is nature that made men emotionally vulnerable than women such that a man melts at the sight of woman's naked body but most women will even get irritated at the sight of a man's naked body unless they are already emotionally attached to that man somehow.


Me I am happy to be the sole provider in my marriage.

Oga what are you saying?

You said God decided to create a "helpmate and companion" for man and you said the main purpose God created a woman is companionship and not helpmate.

@bolded
You probably earn around a 7figure salary.

dmostcheerful:

During the time of or fore fathers that was how it is.
A woman stays at home rare kids, do chores take care of the husband why the man provide for the family.
Do we hear anything about divorce then?
That was Christ intention for the family, husband toil and provide for the family wife suffer and bear kids, how has it been going?
Before selfish beings like you who won't do nothing at home but expect a woman to help you conditionally financially.
Some of you forget your wife's even have family before they met you.
It's always about you all, your type don't even know how to dress the bed you wake up from.

Problem with Christians be say una go just dey talk IDEALISTIC talk. The economy has changed. The marriage contract has changed as well....

See, a woman isn't helping a man financially biko.

If u read wat the op wrote u will see he is paying rent and paying the majority of all major expenses so she's actually helping herself...

Women just like men are selfish and don't want stress. U want the man to provide .... did u give him virginity?? Did u give him good character?? Did you give him a peaceful home?? In what ways do you make his life easier??

You no send all those wants all u want is he must provide.

Selfish beings....

dmostcheerful:

During the time of or fore fathers that was how it is.
A woman stays at home rare kids, do chores take care of the husband why the man provide for the family.
Do we hear anything about divorce then?
That was Christ intention for the family, husband toil and provide for the family wife suffer and bear kids, how has it been going?
Before selfish beings like you who won't do nothing at home but expect a woman to help you conditionally financially.
Some of you forget your wife's even have family before they met you.
It's always about you all, your type don't even know how to dress the bed you wake up from.

Honestly our modern Nigerian guys need to have a rethink. This is not how God planned marriage to be.



This mentality is what's increasing divorce in western countries

BigBashiru:


If u can't contribute then go for a rich man.... but don't forget u hv until the end of ur 26th birthday to find a richman if u also want exclusivity from him...

I have that covered. I have so many of your genders under my armpit. I use and dump them like papers.

franchasng:
That is it. This is where Nigerian guys are getting it wrong completely.


Let's ask the Op, did he also share how they will be washing the plates, cooking, doing laundry, lawn, mopping the floors, bathing the babies, feeding the babies, cutting vegetables for soup, and disposing the waste bin?


Modern Naija guys want a wife that will share financial burden with them but don't want to share house chore responsibility with her, no be juju be that

marriage really change you sha.

It's a good thing .


Imagine making a 300k financial plan dey expect her to contribute her 80k to fund the taste. This op head dey shake .

franchasng:
Everything must not be written down like relationship experts make you guys believe lol.



Why must he sit the young girl down to start telling her how they will share expenses when he hasn't even married her yet? No be juju be that? Are we in Amelikaa?


If I happen to have a daughter tomorrow and she tells me that her boyfriend raised such a topic, I will tell her to delete his number because he is not serious, in fact, he is a gold digger. This is sign of male gold digger

He sat her down to tell her all that because HD doesn't want divorce....and argument everyday.... and it yielded result.... she walked away now....

Assuming he didn't do that he would be divorced wen he goes into the marriage...

franchasng:
That is it. This is where Nigerian guys are getting it wrong completely.


Let's ask the Op, did he also share how they will be washing the plates, cooking, doing laundry, lawn, mopping the floors, bathing the babies, feeding the babies, cutting vegetables for soup, and disposing the waste bin?


Modern Naija guys want a wife that will share financial burden with them but don't want to share house chore responsibility with her, no be juju be that

Guys hv been washing plates, changing bins cleaning etc as bachelors and guys like me continue even after marriage.... no big deal...

enonche85:


From the onset he called it "financial plan", not general family operations.

Its a faulty financial plan. Financial plan is what will determine the general family operations.

What then happens if both parties decide to travel to Abuja on a joint social engagement according to this financial plan? The husband will fly with Arik Airlines while the wife will take Greener Lines Motors, as someone on an 80k salary cannot afford to pay 60k for the round trip.
The OP will do better to look for someone with. Similar income level with his mindset.

BigBashiru:


No. Read it properly.... the op proposed to foot every major expenditure- rent, expensive food stuff and whatever op proposed she pay like dstv or nepa d woman also uses. The ops girlfriend is selfish and entitled. Not cool....

Then let the OP look for another woman that will accept his proposition Na if he feels that way.

He is dictating she will leave 35k out of her 80k salary and then also in the 45k balance there's

1. Food supplementation which can even gulp the whole 45k
2. Transportation to work
3. Her own clothing and personal needs
is included in the balance, s
4. Miscellenous

And the babe Japa, If you ask the OP now he can't even do housework or baby sit. She should have even proposed how to share house work to see his reaction before she japa finally.

Leave the lady with her so called selfishness and entitlement she's smart, very smart.

LagosInter:


Why is your wife working? Because working will still lead to negligence and dereliction of duties at home.

Why doesn't she just stay at home and take care of chores?

I love the fact that she is working. It makes her mentally active and financially responsible too. She will know how to manage money as a working class lady.


Also her career, it's almost impossible to stop them from working my brother

benqo01:


She even make mention of family lol so na OP no get family? All these lames excuses from some ladies kept me wondering the kind of ladies we hv

My brother only GOD will save men in this country. Most women here are not reasonable with their demands.

UyaiIncomparabl:




I have that covered. I have so many of your genders under my armpit. I use and dump them like papers.

Good for you then. Have them under your arm pit while it lasts....

Make hay while the sun shines.

BigBashiru:


Guys hv been washing plates, changing bins cleaning etc as bachelors and guys like me continue even after marriage.... no big deal...

You are lucky you enjoy doing house chores, me I hate it and respect whoever that does it lol

wirinet:

Its a faulty financial plan. Financial plan is what will determine the general family operations.

What then happens if both parties decide to travel to Abuja on a joint social engagement according to this financial plan? The husband will fly with Arik Airlines while the wife will take Greener Lines Motors, as someone on an 80k salary cannot afford to pay 60k for the round trip.
The OP will do better than to look for someone with. Similar income level with his mindset.

It wasn't imposed on her. There was room for negotiations but she chose to run away.

Revolva:



This is not a good statement ......what is marriage in the first place....wife also can contribute to family....its just that majority of our young woman is over dependant on men and its very bad in this hard economy.....

any lady that does not have anything to offer in marriage should not think of marrying let her go and be selling her kitten about.....codedly. cos no sane man will see her as a marriageable woman

Further checks into this marriage thingy ehn, I think it doesn't favour we women. After all, we end up living our lives for the family because we want to uphold family and societal values.

We have been used and been a pushover for too long and trust me, I'll endorse that the marriage institution is scrapped until both genders can find their bearing in the home, more especially the irresponsible men the society keeps churning out on a daily. It's even better to go the Ini Edo way. Marriage does not favour us in any way. Long overdue.

BigBashiru:


Good for you then. Have them under your arm pit while it lasts....

Make hay while the sun shines.

Whatever.