I grew up with my grandmother till the age of 9 years before I moved to my father house with his new wife , I didn't know anything about my own mother , I continued my primary and secondary school there but I was treated like a maid when I was staying with my father I do lot of works than normal , until a faithful day I decided to run out of the house to struggle and survive , cos I see no bright future staying with them , I failed my waec the first time my father said he didn't. Have money for now for another exams , just few years after I left the secondary school I manage to run out of the house, God helped me a little I was able to achieve few of my aims , I did another exams and passed , graduated from higher institution, went for my NYSC , God showed me some love , I was able to build a small house which I'm staying now , even though it's not yet completed, but I give thanks to God , I didn't tell him when I started the house because he doesn't have one yet , he will want me to build for him first , it was latter when I started staying there he got to know , I guess he wasn't happy with it , because he said he is one supposed to be staying there not me , when I don't kno anything about my mother I have asked many times , but keeps giving me different stories, he couldn't locate her anymore even with her family , what amazed me is that he is a man of God . He decided not to visit me in the house with wife , cos I've invited them once , they want me to give them the small property I suffered for , and I'm yet to get married I'm 35, no kids , no wife , and he is not really bothered, assuming my mother is there I know my life cant be like that , now I'm living like a ghost no family member, and you hardly get married to a good woman without your parents based on Nigeria culture, please friends what do you suggest I can do , it's a very long story , just decided to brief it a title .they all refused to come to my side, they only want me to be coming to see them .

Your story is actually all about you surmounting obstacles.

You need to get married. Don't you have uncles and other relatives?

Complete your house. Set fresh goals and go on with your life.

You are a winner already.

Sustain your tempo.

Draft fresh blueprint for your life and stick with it.

May God crown your efforts with success.

My brother, I do not know what part of the country you come from, but let tell me you that it is not written in any constitutional or religious document where a child is supposed to cater for his/her parent .

However, for the sake of peace and moral laws ,I suggest you settle this thing amicably by bringing in the church elders of your father's parish to broker peace between you and your father. Doing this will not only solve many of the problems you are facing, but will bring a blessing in digusie.

And lastly , please forget about the past and the bitterness attached to it, because you will only be hurting yourself on account of someone else who doesn't even know you are suffering mentally

Guy you've already come this far, don't let your mind to tie you down by suggesting that you need family members before you can get married.

My advice is that you make friends around where you live, make friends with both the elderly and your age mate cos they are the ones that will help and stand for you.

Have a respectable elder that you can confide in and tell him that you want him to act as a father figure for you whenever the need arises.

Ammishaddai:
My brother, I do not know what part of the country you come from, but let tell me you that it is not written in any constitutional or religious document where a child is supposed to cater for his/her parent .

However, for the sake of peace and moral laws ,I suggest you settle this thing amicably by bringing in the church elders of your father's parish to broker peace between you and your father. Doing this will not only solve many of the problems you are facing, but will bring a blessing .

I don't think that's a good idea though it may sound so, cos you don't know the influence that his father may have in the church, maybe the church elders are in his payroll and inviting them to broker peace may end up not favouring him.

None of the family is ready to cooperates with me because they are scared of him , I'm the only child of my mother , before another women came in , and the woman kids are not friendly may be their mind has been poisoned, just living life like a ghost , what's the best step to take to get married without parents.

He is the founder , and people under him doesn't have mouth to tell him what to do , they are all also scared of him , just like I want to add more petrol to the fire if I try that .





quote author=Ammishaddai post=109106731]My brother, I do not know what part of the country you come from, but let tell me you that it is not written in any constitutional or religious document where a child is supposed to cater for his/her parent .

However, for the sake of peace and moral laws ,I suggest you settle this thing amicably by bringing in the church elders of your father's parish to broker peace between you and your father. Doing this will not only solve many of the problems you are facing, but will bring a blessing in digusie.

And lastly , please forget about the past and the bitterness attached to it, because you will only be hurting yourself on account of someone else who doesn't even know you are suffering mentally [/quote]

Ekejoestar:
Guy you've already come this far, don't let your mind to tie you down by suggesting that you need family members before you can get married.

My advice is that you make friends around where you live, make friends with both the elderly and your age mate cos they are the ones that will help and stand for you.

Have a respectable elder that you can confide in and tell him that you want him to act as a father figure for you whenever the need arises.



I don't think that's a good idea though it may sound so, cos you don't know the influence that his father may have in the church, maybe the church elders are in his payroll and inviting them to broker peace may end up not favouring him.

Let him try that first . Whatever influence, there will still be one person amongst the elders who will know how to boldly tell the truth to his father.

bendaniel1616:
He is the founder , and people under him doesn't have mouth to tell him what to do , they are all also scared of him , just like I want to add more petrol to the fire if I try that .





quote author=Ammishaddai post=109106731]My brother, I do not know what part of the country you come from, but let tell me you that it is not written in any constitutional or religious document where a child is supposed to cater for his/her parent .

However, for the sake of peace and moral laws ,I suggest you settle this thing amicably by bringing in the church elders of your father's parish to broker peace between you and your father. Doing this will not only solve many of the problems you are facing, but will bring a blessing in digusie.

And lastly , please forget about the past and the bitterness attached to it, because you will only be hurting yourself on account of someone else who doesn't even know you are suffering mentally

There is no harm in trying. And if you continue in bitterness, you will not go very far in life . Infact, you will only be hurting yourself in the long run

Ammishaddai:
Let him try that first . Whatever influence, there will still be one person amongst the elders who will know how to boldly tell the truth to his father.

I understand what you are saying but the issue at hand doesn't suit the method of approach you are suggesting, such approach can only work if he did something bad to his Dad that his Dad swore never to forgive or have anything to do with him anymore, and from his story up there, I can say that he himself is a victim of a failed marriage between his mom and dad.

bendaniel1616:
He is the founder , and people under him doesn't have mouth to tell him what to do , they are all also scared of him , just like I want to add more petrol to the fire if I try that .





quote author=Ammishaddai

I talk am.

Daniel, don't bother calling any elder from that church.

Do this

Ekejoestar:


My advice is that you make friends around where you live, make friends with both the elderly and your age mate cos they are the ones that will help and stand for you.

Have a respectable elder that you can confide in and tell him that you want him to act as a father figure for you whenever the need arises

Ekejoestar:


I understand what you are saying but the issue at hand doesn't suit the method of approach you are suggesting, such approach can only work if he did something bad to his Dad that his Dad swore never to forgive or have anything to do with him anymore, and from his story up there, I can say that he himself is a victim of a failed marriage between his mom and dad.

Brother, we are all victims in one way or the other , but that doesn't stop us from reconciliation and settling our differences. And besides , the Op here is bitter for the fact that his father neglected him , but what he fails to understand is that bitterness does not give true peace . Rather, it will only make room for more misery

Ammishaddai:
Brother, we are all victims in one way or the other , but that doesn't stop us from reconciliation and settling our differences. And besides , the Op here is bitter for the fact that his father neglected him , but what he fails to understand is that bitterness does not give true peace . Rather, it will only make room for more misery

Why are you making use of the word reconciliation cos to me the only way it would have made sense is if the son had an issue with his Dad prior to running away from the house, though he may have done something bad but he didn't state it here.

In my own little understanding of life,this young man here is a victim of failed marriage.

He is not bitter, but what I think is that he still have some hope of reconciliation with his Dad, but what he should have done for a long time is to accept his fate as it is and work towards building his own life and family instead of waiting for his Dad to give him his approval.

Ekejoestar:


He is not bitter, but what I think is that he still have some hope of reconciliation with his Dad, but what he should have done for a long time is to accept his fate as it is and work towards building his own life and family instead of waiting for his Dad to give him his approval.

Bros ,read his post and you will see elements of bitterness in it . Secondly, the role a father plays in the life of a person can't be easily substituted "focus" and desire to succeed . This is something I've learned from experience.

But right now, the OP here is still secretly nursing the the hope of him and his father being reconciled, and frankly speaking , I see nothing wrong in following the path of peace . Afterall, the bible says " pursue peace with all men "(Heb12:14)

bendaniel1616:
I grew up with my grandmother till the age of 9 years before I moved to my father house with his new wife , I didn't know anything about my own mother , I continued my primary and secondary school there but I was treated like a maid when I was staying with my father I do lot of works than normal , until a faithful day I decided to run out of the house to struggle and survive , cos I see no bright future staying with them , I failed my waec the first time my father said he didn't. Have money for now for another exams , just few years after I left the secondary school I manage to run out of the house, God helped me a little I was able to achieve few of my aims , I did another exams and passed , graduated from higher institution, went for my NYSC , God showed me some love , I was able to build a small house which I'm staying now , even though it's not yet completed, but I give thanks to God , I didn't tell him when I started the house because he doesn't have one yet , he will want me to build for him first , it was latter when I started staying there he got to know , I guess he wasn't happy with it , because he said he is one supposed to be staying there not me , when I don't kno anything about my mother I have asked many times , but keeps giving me different stories, he couldn't locate her anymore even with her family , what amazed me is that he is a man of God . He decided not to visit me in the house with wife , cos I've invited them once , they want me to give them the small property I suffered for , and I'm yet to get married I'm 35, no kids , no wife , and he is not really bothered, assuming my mother is there I know my life cant be like that , now I'm living like a ghost no family member, and you hardly get married to a good woman without your parents based on Nigeria culture, please friends what do you suggest I can do , it's a very long story , just decided to brief it a title .they all refused to come to my side, they only want me to be coming to see them .

My story is almost like urs, but I learn how to move cause I really need it. You're a man it's easy for you, make ur own family, moved on!