RedMac:


She does not fit into my plans... I just don't want to be the odd one out of us (3 boys) the other two have standard wife's... Doctor (working in Saudi) nurse (working in Canada)

The fear of settling down with someone not up to the class of my elder brothers wife is so scaring...

I have vowed to use 2022 to upgrade my financial status as well...

So Dr T man for Saudi is your brother ? We work together and currently preparing our plab to practice in the UK . I'm going to inform him the evil you're about to do. Guess how I found out ? Because of the Canada nurse .

I had a girl like this. Met her in school, she was a hairdresser then (still is) but just had only Waec as her highest education certificate.

Small, beautiful and speaks well. I really liked her, and as years went by, she grew fond of me. During my youth service I left Lagos and it didn't deter her from wanting a relationship. I was worried about her education status, and one day she begged me not to leave her because of it, and promised me she will do her best to get into school (we weren't even dating)

Luckily for her, she started her ND in a private polytechnic, still I wasn't convinced, mainly because she was from another tribe. Nevertheless, I always encouraged her and gave her moral support always. During that time, she got into a relationship and later left.

Do you know what saved me? We never had sex! I wouldn't pretend or lie that it wasn't in my thoughts and even she suggested it a few times but I just couldn't. I knew she wanted more and having sex with her will give her a claim to us being in a relationship. I also knew she would always complain of some fetish stuff going on in her hometown, so I didn't really know what she was capable of doing and didn't want to find out.

So I avoided that route. As long as I never had sex with her, I was free in my conscience to walk away. It's is evil, wickedness, highly deceptive to have sex with a lady that is into you, and you know that you can't marry (not leaving out the fact that sex outside marriage remains a sin)

Today, she has completed her ND, her hair fashion business is still going fine, and she hopes to get married soon. This was not even a case of what would my parents say, but for me too, there must be a certain standard educationally speaking.

Don't let anyone deceive you that it's not part of it, it's very necessary, especially as a Man. I have illiterate uncles that married educated well grounded women. Never seen it reverse. But if you can afford to put her through, why not.

Modified
I started my higher institution journey with OND at Yabatech, and so will never look down on anyone with an OND. However, the question remains: what next? Do you want to keep being "ordinary" or you want to move up the ladder? If this lady is someone hungry for more education, then try to push her. I fear that she might have lost that enthusiasm given that she's in her late 20s. But still give it a shot if you like her, as you said you do.

RedMac:


To a large extent is not about money, it's about her level, she ranks low compared to my two elder brothers wife... How do I present her to my parents as my wife is my biggest problem here...

Stop comparing

RedMac:


To a large extent is not about money, it's about her level, she ranks low compared to my two elder brothers wife... How do I present her to my parents as my wife is my biggest problem here...

brush her up bro or is it impossible? It is not everyday that you will come across a lady that want to die for you o.

RedMac:


Hmmmmm it's my biggest flop ever... I am a graduate, my brothers wife are Doctor and nurse respectively... But she's just got only ND and currently learning hair dressing...



Now I wish she can double date and find a guy who's serious and ready for marriage

Doctor, nurse and so? Na money be koko o. Ask yourself do you truly not feel anything for her? Yes/No will determine your next line of action. Another question you shd ask yourself is do you think your brothers are getting the kind of attention this lady is giving you from their wives. All fingers are not equal, our blessings are different from one another. It is still your decision to make sha.

RedMac:


She deserves the best... I won't forgive myself if I let her down... Thanks for your advice sir

You're welcome sir!

Don't let anybody guilt trip you into marrying her oh, marriage is forever oh, stick to your status.
If you're still looking for ways to break up with her tell her you're a sickle celler... SS or AS Genotype

Raalsalghul:
RedMac, don't let anyone guilt trip you into settling for what you don't want.

Stick to your standards.

If it was the other way round, a lady will unabashedly and unrestrainedly state her desires/specs and everyone sort of rolls with it: nobody will bat an eyelid.

So why can't you?

Good character and peace of mind are overrated. You deserve more!

Build yourself while you're at it too.

from this comment l can bet you are not upto 25yrs, good character and peace of mind is overrated abi? dont worry life and maturity will teach you otherwise.

The ONLY solution that will prevent you from hurting her further is to leave the state for at least two years....out of sight can make her forget you. I've been there. Depending on her level of sanity, such souls can kill you if you just jilt them like that o.

RedMac:


Exactly my fear... I have deceived her too much... I feel so bad myself... What can I give her as a pay off...

Give her belle

Better the devil you know than the devil you don't. It is often better to deal with someone or something you are familiar with and know, even if they are not ideal, than take a risk with an unknown person.
Dating and marrying a financially stable woman is a blessing. When she says I love you, you know it comes from the heart not from an empty stomach.
The wealthy ladies are already living their lives and may not pretend to please you, because they may even have probably seen and enjoyed the wealthy that you and your family have also enjoyed. They may form a strong alliance and contribute sustainable things to you and your family.

But you see most ladies from a humble backgrounds; they will pretend, pretend, pretend until you marry them and may even be pretending to love you and your family even after you have married her, because of the benefits she would be enjoying. Its only when you are very observant, that you truly know that they are all about the money..And they will not constitute any sustainable thing towards you or your family.

Those ladies from humble background change drastically into something else, once someone comes to alleviate them from their previous situation.Most turn into gold diggers because they don't know how to create wealth..All they will do is to buy everything that they had ever lacked weather they needed it or not.

Marriage is not a joke....o. Keep your emotions far far far away.
You have not even stated what qualities that girl possesses and how that will contribute sustainably to your development and your family in the long run. How does she reason, what mentality does she have? etc Because all is see from the post is she doesn't deserve this and that, caring and loving. Oga, any lady can pretend to care and love you so to get a ring on that finger then she would show you the real deal. Even satan can be caring sometimes. That girl is manipulating you. You even said she toasted you...That girl clearly wants to hook you because of whatever she would stand to gain. You would not want to marry someone who would not be able to solve problems and manage situation independently.
People are mostly wrongly adviced to marry a broke lady because of love; on the premise that she is loving, caring, humble but the ladies are encouraged never to marry a broke guy no matter the level of love....But when those ladies eventually open their eyes to see money and starts to misbehave, all those who advised you would just be minding their businesses.

I have also experienced a situation, though the variables are not the same.
A lady in my neighborhood who has a hair dressing salon and running an ND program brought a lorry load of love to me last year. Had openly told me we should use each other to know how to be perfect couples. And my issues then was that we were never on the same level in terms of reasoning; I sensed that she was trying to manipulate me somehow, so I got myself ready for anything. I told myself and decided not to sleep with her, eat her food, spend quality time with her anytime she offers, so that she would not be able to hook me with anything.
This girl disturbed my life so much, that I had to be taking a different and longer route whenever I leave home to avoid her incessant displays of affection.
One day, Satan would have put me into her trap. As I was going back home from somewhere, I was caught by a heavy rain storm close to her shop. I ran to her shop to take shelter because of my phone, PC and other things which I had with me. She offered me food which I decline. She came and stood close to where I standings and was begging me to go inside to sit doen, as I refused to go into the shop; the rained increased and I had to go inside the shop.
One thing led to another, she started saying she is feels cold, wanted me to embrace her and also told me that my presence is making her body change; and was asking me if am sure I have not charmed her. This girl was giving me close marking.....o and was rubbing her body against mine even as I was changing locations.
I thank the Lord Almighty, the maker of heaven and earth, my savour Jesus Christ of Nazareth, who had given me the control for me not to have sex with her that night, even as I was aroused. I saw an old umbrella a the corner of shop, which she had earlier lied she didn't have. Na so, I japa comot for that place....o, under that heaven rain..
After that incidence, I made sure we did not meet for one week. I blocked her everywhere until I was satisfied. We then sat down talked; I told her my priority is making money legitimately and that I am only ready for any lady who can help me realize my priority, while I also help her achieve hers.
She flared up; I walked out on her, blocked her everywhere and only answer her greetings anytime we see each other on the road.
So my guy, better focus on your priorities because there so many different ladies with the similar, and even more qualities than she has who can replace her, just like there are so many other guys with better qualities than you who can replace you comfortably and make her more happy than what you are doing now.
So leave that girl, you guys will both be fine.

RedMac:


Hmmmmm it's my biggest flop ever... I am a graduate, my brothers wife are Doctor and nurse respectively... But she's just got only ND and currently learning hair dressing...



Now I wish she can double date and find a guy who's serious and ready for marriage

You're yet to understand what marriage is all about.

RedMac:


Definitely she will open a salon... She will definitely also go back to school... Am just so confused... I feel the target set before me by my two elder brothers is what is making me think she's low in status...

I may keep her and fly her out with me, cause my brothers have it in mind to move me out since their wife's are out there...

so your brothers marry nurse and doctor, so you wan marry nurse and doctor not even because of anything else but because of what you feel your parents and people around you will say?

No one really gives a f*ck bro. I don't see anyone jobless enough to sit down and gossip "his two brothers married nurse and doctor but he the useless one married a nobody"

And if they even talk, should that be a determining factor in choosing a partner? Na them with you go de sleep for the same house.

Personally, the last thing I'll consider when choosing a girl is what anyone else will think.

RedMac:
Good evening nairalanders... This issue is one out of many bothering me in 2022...

Let me first of all apologize for all the evil things I have said about women being so cheap, hence the reason they fall into the hands of bad guys... cos am now guilty of a bad guy here

My previous relationship was just about crashing, in fact I was totally fed up with KATE, I vowed to end 2019 with her, and so it was... I never wanted to have any serious relationship with any lady until I have a sustainable financial source of income... I was doing fine without a girlfriend until this one wriggled her way into my life, thinking she have found love...

So me and this girl (in her late 20's) started dating deep into 2019 to 2020...

Truth is she was the one who toasted me, she would come to our house to charge phone's and the rest, from there things started happening... I felt whatever that's going on won't last long, but hell no, she just wanted true Love... Which I have been deceiving her with

By standard of wife material (she's a perfect example to the core), very caring and loving

her limitations is her status... Way too local and not up to my standard...

We started dating and the truth is that we both have different reasons for dating each other...

I decided to keep her because of the services I get from her as I must constantly oil my engine... I felt everything will die off naturally as my previous relationship has, now am hooked up...

I got to know her intention of marriage in 2020 during the lockdown, but since then i have been looking for ways to end everything with her, cos I have no intention of marrying her and I feel I have deceived her a lot, She sees me as who I am not... And my plain character have deceived her a lot...

She did no wrong loving me, her only offense was that she could not sense that am deceiving her... If she was up to my social status I would have married her but she is no where close to who I can present to my people as my wife...

I have been looking for ways to let her know am not ready to marry er... One taught am having is teaming up with a false prophet to tell er this guy (me) am not the guy for her... She really deserves the best in life, but I see myself as the wrong guy for her... She has never given me any reason to suspect she's dating another guy, all her attention is always on me

This year she's expecting our relationship to move to the next level... Like introduction and the rest

Experts in the house, how do I pull this off... I just don't want her to feel so bad towards me...

Help me!!!

I think it has more to do with the level of your feelings and the level of your respect for her. I feel like you are making excuses with the whole status talk.
You just need to present her as someone you respect and who deserves the respect of your family regardless of her occupation or educational background. You can also teach her and help her grow into the woman you need.

I have a brother's wife who is learned, she studied in Malaysia but whom i have no respect for cos she has not done anything to prove she deserves it. I also have a brother's wife whose highest educational qualifications is ND and is into fashion designs but i love her so and would do anything in my power for her and her kids if she asks. Cos she has proven to deserve my respect.

Now, if it has more to do with what you feel for her. If you don't care for her as a man should care for his wife and you don't respect her as a gentleman should respect his woman. DON'T BOTHER trying to make it work just cos you feel guilty about wasting her time or just cos you are scared of what her reaction will be if you end it. She deserves to know the truth about how you feel and pls spare her the whole status talk.

It is better for you to tell her she is the kind of woman you would have loved to marry and you've tried so hard to give her the kind of love she deserves from a man. Tell her you are appalled to realize you can't be that man. Tell her you wish you don't have to say this but you've finally accepted there is no point in delaying the truth about how you feel. You like her, her personality and you respect her drive but that is where it ends. Tell her you just don't have the deeper feelings that is needed to sustain a marriage which is what she wants.

Goodluck.

funnyDM:


I read those bolded parts and I was gobsmacked!

Seriously, bro! I hope you aren't kidding me on this?

So many rich men are regretting (some even gone) because of the high social status of their wives. See. You can NEVER control a high-class educated and wealthy woman. NEVER! You'll only compromise and endure the relationship with her. But here, you have a lady that is loyal to you and loves you - a rare quality among nigerian women and your backpedalling? Are you alright bro? Do you wanna marry a karashika, or a gold-digging slay queen? And spend your entire life in regrets and restlessness? Think about it bro.

And if her only fault is her low social status (educationally or financially) as you claimed, then why not man up on your responsibilities and build her to your taste?

Who knows, you may dump her for another man that will build her to a level that will make you, in subsequent years to come, become jealous and wish you never took such rash decisions as would want to, today.

And those years, if you try to start those "how do I hook up with my ex" nonsense, thunder from God Almighty will strike you to blindness and madness in Jesus name Amen.

Lol. Why would you want to control another human being who is also an adult like you? That’s probably where those men have issues with their women. Drop this your mentality about highly educated and well to do women. Some of us fall just as stupid in love as the op’s girl did but what’s worse is we parted with some belongings and a lot of money just because of one nigga wanted something to smash every night instead of real love.




These bad experiences did not make me give up on the thought of love or stop being a sweet natured girl. Human beings are very different.

LordIsaac:
The ONLY solution that will prevent you from hurting her further is to leave the state for at least two years....out of sight can make her forget you. I've been there. Depending on her level of sanity, such souls can kill you if you just jilt them like that o.

Been seeing a lot of this.

Love is not obsession. She will never kill him because she loves him.

I love mine to a point that if someone else makes him happier in the future, I will tearfully let him go because his happiness comes first even if it that doesn’t include me in his life. I will always also support him from afar because he was my best friend first and he deserves everything good.

Seems Op didn't read how a jilted lady in Abia state pour petrol to burn her ex bf

RedMac:


Exactly my fear... I have deceived her too much... I feel so bad myself... What can I give her as a pay off...

Reasons why men will always be better than women. If it were to be the other way round, they'll use you until they are done, then move on gracefully.

I'm in such dilemma too. Don't be anxious, the relationship will die a natural death. My own finally got another guy. Though she didn't let me know, I found out and I'm playing along till when she'll tell me she's getting married. If you peradventure be the first to impregnate someone else, it makes it all better. But If it happens that you want to officially get married, then come I'm with the prophet stunt. But for now, continue with the oiling service.

Chanchit:



Reasons why men will always be better than women. If it were to be the other way round, they'll use you until they are done, then move on gracefully.

I'm in such dilemma too. Don't be anxious, the relationship will die a natural death. My own finally got another guy. Though she didn't let me know, I found out and I'm playing along till when she'll tell me she's getting married. If you peradventure be the first to impregnate someone else, it makes it all better. But If it happens that you want to officially get married, then come I'm with the prophet stunt. But for now, continue with the oiling service.

This was what KATE eventually did to me... It was after her I vowed never to date any girl again until I become super financially buoyant...

Like I said, this lady wriggled her way into my life, she has in all honesty made me wish I met her first before the other girls in my life... So loving and caring, a lady who would call me almost 5 times everyday just to make me feel am not alone, being contented with the little she has while encouraging me the future will be better... I just don't know why I can't pay her back that love she deserves...

I know this is one of the hardest decision I would ever make in this life... May God forgive me if I eventually take the wrong decision on this... For now I will strive hard to be the best guy both for myself and for her...

Thanks man for the encouragement

Bobmarie:
Been seeing a lot of this.

Love is not obsession. She will never kill him because she loves him.

I love mine to a point that if someone else makes him happier in the future, I will tearfully let him go because his happiness comes first even if it that doesn’t include me in his life. I will always also support him from afar because he was my best friend first and he deserves everything good.

That's why I said depending on her level of sanity. Mine still calls at least once a year to lay curses which I always reject.

RedMac:


To a large extent is not about money, it's about her level, she ranks low compared to my two elder brothers wife... How do I present her to my parents as my wife is my biggest problem here...

Upgrade her to your standard and marry her

Bobmarie:
Been seeing a lot of this.

Love is not obsession. She will never kill him because she loves him.

I love mine to a point that if someone else makes him happier in the future, I will tearfully let him go because his happiness comes first even if it that doesn’t include me in his life. I will always also support him from afar because he was my best friend first and he deserves everything good.

All these things wey you type so, are you really sure? I don't think you are from Earth, you must be from.planet Pluto.

LordIsaac:

That's why I said depending on her level of sanity. Mine still calls at least once a year to lay curses which I always reject.

Lmao! Wtf.

Kirkman:

All these things wey you type so, are you really sure? I don't think you are from Earth, you must be from.planet Pluto.

Lol. To most people na mumu I be

Bobmarie:
Lol. Why would you want to control another human being who is also an adult like you? That’s probably where those men have issues with their women. Drop this your mentality about highly educated and well to do women. Some of us fall just as stupid in love as the op’s girl did but what’s worse is we parted with some belongings and a lot of money just because of one nigga wanted something to smash every night instead of real love.




These bad experiences did not make me give up on the thought of love or stop being a sweet natured girl. Human beings are very different.

Isn't that a paradox? I'm afraid but you can't find such women, atleast not in Nigeria.

funnyDM:


Isn't that a paradox? I'm afraid but you can't find such women, atleast not in Nigeria.

What is a paradox? Please make proper use of that word.

You attract what you put out into the universe. For you to actually insinuate that no women can be found with such traits, that means I should have the worst kind of opinion on men? Because for most of you, sex is always is the endgame and nothing else, once you’ve have had sex with a lady, she’s used goods to you.

But I’m smart enough to know the world is full of too much difference.

I decided to keep her because of the services I get from her as I must constantly oil my engine... I felt everything will die off naturally as my previous relationship has, now am hooked up...

This part is funny you kept her to oil your Engine your Godzilla machine gun

RedMac:
Good evening nairalanders... This issue is one out of many bothering me in 2022...

Let me first of all apologize for all the evil things I have said about women being so cheap, hence the reason they fall into the hands of bad guys... cos am now guilty of a bad guy here

My previous relationship was just about crashing, in fact I was totally fed up with KATE, I vowed to end 2019 with her, and so it was... I never wanted to have any serious relationship with any lady until I have a sustainable financial source of income... I was doing fine without a girlfriend until this one wriggled her way into my life, thinking she have found love...

So me and this girl (in her late 20's) started dating deep into 2019 to 2020...

Truth is she was the one who toasted me, she would come to our house to charge phone's and the rest, from there things started happening... I felt whatever that's going on won't last long, but hell no, she just wanted true Love... Which I have been deceiving her with

By standard of wife material (she's a perfect example to the core), very caring and loving

her limitations is her status... Way too local and not up to my standard...

We started dating and the truth is that we both have different reasons for dating each other...

I decided to keep her because of the services I get from her as I must constantly oil my engine... I felt everything will die off naturally as my previous relationship has, now am hooked up...

I got to know her intention of marriage in 2020 during the lockdown, but since then i have been looking for ways to end everything with her, cos I have no intention of marrying her and I feel I have deceived her a lot, She sees me as who I am not... And my plain character have deceived her a lot...

She did no wrong loving me, her only offense was that she could not sense that am deceiving her... If she was up to my social status I would have married her but she is no where close to who I can present to my people as my wife...

I have been looking for ways to let her know am not ready to marry er... One taught am having is teaming up with a false prophet to tell er this guy (me) am not the guy for her... She really deserves the best in life, but I see myself as the wrong guy for her... She has never given me any reason to suspect she's dating another guy, all her attention is always on me

This year she's expecting our relationship to move to the next level... Like introduction and the rest

Experts in the house, how do I pull this off... I just don't want her to feel so bad towards me...

Help me!!!

you see better girl u still de talk nonsense about status. Someone who you can both build each other to taste. Do you think you're also 100% for her? There are aspects where she de manage you too. If u seebetter babe better grab am so u won't spend the rest of your life in regret.


Like one old man said to me, you want to leave her because you think you can find a better girl? What makes you think she can't find a better guy than you? She just decided to stick by you

A tale of a people pleaser. A tale of a family pleaser. A tale of an adult who is still living in fairy tales

You don't even sound like a man who knows what he wants in life but only trying to please certain people

You were still making sense when you said she's a little bit below the par based on her educational standard which is still quite understandable but using your brothers' wives status as a benchmark to pick a wife is just so silly

Oooh you think marriage is all about marrying your standard? You think marriage is all about marrying a woman that will fit exactly into your brothers' wives status?

Anyway! just find a subtle way to pass your message across to her and I wish you well in your quest of looking for a woman that will measure up to your fairytale standard

soundOsonic:
She is not in your status?
But you two dey thesame compound dey pay thesame house rent? She dey local.
I understand you sir. But the problem be say you think marriage is all about status?

Modified:


It is easier for you to measure and compare your brother's wife with this girl than your own life with that of your brothers'. How true is man?
You convince yourself you have value by saying you will make it this year, you don't know it's a defence mechanism you put up to make yourself feel good.
If you can upgrade, why do you believe she can't upgrade herself financially even if it is not occupation wise.
Your case isn't about the girl measuring up to your fairytale standard NO. The problem is your Big ego in that your small man body putting a disillusioned pressure on himself.
You are not the man you look in the mirror sir, atleast not yet.

To me, the OP has low sef esteem and I doubt if he will ever admit it

So he's only trying to do all he can to measure up to the status of his brothers and that of their wives even though he lacks the resources

Just take a lot at what he's saying "she's a nurse in Canada, bla bla bla

tosyne2much:
A tale of a people pleaser. A tale of a family pleaser. A tale of an adult who is still living in fairy tales

You don't even sound like a man who knows what he wants in life but only trying to please certain people

You were still making sense when you said she's a little bit below the par based on her educational standard which is still quite understandable but using your brothers' wives status as a benchmark to pick a wife is just so silly

Oooh you think marriage is all about marrying your standard? You think marriage is all about marrying a woman that will fit exactly into your brothers' wives status?

Anyway! just find a subtle way to pass your message across to her and I wish you well in your quest of looking for a woman that will measure up to your fairytale standard

I picked up something from u, thanks man... Am silly trying to please others