Mariangeles:
1. Where you see attack for my words Kobo?
We no dey fight for my family.
Na why I go make sure e remain that way.

2. Either my family approves or nothing! I no dey do Telemundo for real life. I nukwa'm!

My mistake then... I thought that was implied by your support for the other poster you mentioned earlier and by the statement below which you posted earlier.

My own be say na the leg wey you bring come, I go take follow you.

2. So, marriage, for you is not an agreement between you and your man but between you, your relatives and your man?

Ishilove:

Kponkwem!

Don't mind the ones saying 'mind your business'. I seriously doubt they will be able to take their own advice.

Even my mum, up till today, no dey take her brothers joke.
Na so she dey send both crayfish o, okporoko, dry fish and the likes from time to time, give the wives to cook for her brothers.
Not like they can't afford it o.

Kobojunkie:
My mistake then... I thought that was implied by your support for the other poster you mentioned earlier and by the statement below which you posted earlier.

2. So, marriage, for you is not an agreement between you and your man but between you, your relatives and your man?

WO! Kobo, Nigerian marriage different.

Your family gats get your back.
It's important to have it in mind that when you need to go back to your father's house, the doors are always open.

pocohantas:


I am calm. That dude’s brother impregnated the first girl, then he impregnated another badly behaved one. Isn’t it clear he is a man with a poor taste in women?

So I will na leave enjoyment in my husband’s house to go fight her? Make person chook me nail for eye ba?

Forget online talk!

So, you want try to tell me say if your brother wife dey treat your brother anyhow, you no go do anything?

As par wetin na? Women solidarity?

Mariangeles:
WO! Kobo, Nigerian marriage different.

Your family gats get your back.
It's important to have it in mind that when you need to go back to your father's house, the doors are always open.

There is rarely any place on this planet where family does not "get your back", so don't make this into a " Nigerians vs non" issue which it isn't.

My mum and dad made their decision as a couple to be married and their parents had no choice but to accept their decision. Did that then mean that their families cut off from them afterwards? Absolutely not... they remained there all the way.

You choosing to have your relatives decide who you can or cannot marry is wholly a choice made by you.

I don't see why a parent or relative would cut off a ward simply because he or she chose to marry a certain individual. That is a culture born of ignorance and a lack of respect for the individual, if you you me.

Mariangeles:
Forget online talk!
So, you want try to tell me say if your brother wife dey treat your brother anyhow, you no go do anything?
As par wetin na? Women solidarity?

My brothera and sisters are intelligent enough to know that bullying is a no-no, even in a relationship.

However, should any one of them find themselves in that situation, I would remind them of what to do in such situation but respectfully leave the decision up to the one as to whether to implement it or not. My sisters know all they have to do is call me and I will come bail them out if they need an extra backbone, but that choice has to be theirs, not mine.

Mariangeles:


Forget online talk!

So, you want try to tell me say if your brother wife dey treat your brother anyhow, you no go do anything?

As par wetin na? Women solidarity?

So what do I do? Go force an adult out of the marriage? Go beat her up?

Now that you are threatening fire and brimstone online, care to share what you would have done OFFLINE in this situation? Maybe OP would learn something from your guerrilla tactics.

It is against everything I believe in to go after my brother’s wife in the scenario described by the OP. My brother is married and my mum complains of the usual mother complaints. But that me, Poco, would leave my job and house to go confront her? Lol. The best I can do is advise my brother, then like you rightly read, mind my business.

If she tries to abuse me PHYSICALLY, then I would be forced to react. Anything else and she would be ignored. That is if she sees me sef.

Ladyhippolyta88:



You have said it how I wanted to say it I just wanted to be discreet about it

You know say the average Nigerian nor dey quick see the log of wood wey dey their own eye but dem dey quick to see the one from far distance . That is why he cannot see through his brother's fault but is instead blaming the women

The man is impregnating drunks and weed addicts, but somehow he is the victim. Where did he meet these girls if not where he was also drinking and smoking?

If they are being fair, they would agree with me that those werey girls are perfect for him. No responsible girl should be saddled with a man like that.

Wow, so many gbas gbos on this thread, for me whatever everyone thinks or say is right because these things are staring at us from different angles and we tend to comment or give our opinions on the angle from which it is staring at us.
I for one, will not have to fight or have a direct encounter with the spouse/partner of my siblings if by chance I am disrespected, I will give my distance to him/her and face my siblings and tell them to rethink thier choices if it is still reversible and also make them know that their spouse cannot disrespect me for no just reason as I am responsible for myself. And since it is their marriage I can always say hello from afar. Thier choices, their wahala, their joy and happiness which ever is the case.

Double0h7:


No disrespect but you need to step out of people's lives. This is your brother's journey and when he learns what he has to learn then he will do what he wants to do.

I don't get on with my sisters inlaw (no relationship, no love or hate, just neutral and respectful) but I respect them enough to stay the heck out of their lives. I would never disrespect the mothers of my nephews and nieces because those children will only see me as the enemy. I will wait for time to do it's magic and accept whatever the outcome may be.

.

pocohantas:


So what do I do? Go force an adult out of the marriage? Go beat her up?

Beat up who? Our wife? Na me go marry my brother?
There are ways to go about things without violence, and still achieve the desired result.
No be everything be by fight.

[s]Now that you are threatening fire and brimstone online[/s], care to share what you would have done OFFLINE in this situation? Maybe OP would learn something from your guerrilla tactics

I like to mind my business, and I respect boundaries, but if my brother's wife were stoop so low as to insult my brother in my presence, telling him to Go and marry the maid na, I'll tell her to her face not to disrespect him like that again, at least, not in my presence.
Anyhow wey them wan take sort their matter after I'm gone, that one na their business.
I no dey kuku like form familiarity. All that I ask is that she treats my brother right.
Na wife wey calm down we go love. Nobody dey follow you drag husband.

It is against everything I believe in to go after my brother’s wife in the scenario described by the OP. My brother is married and my mum complains of the usual mother complaints. But that me, Poco, would leave my job and house to go confront her? Lol. The best I can do is advise my brother, then like you rightly read, mind my business.

If she tries to abuse me PHYSICALLY, then I would be forced to react. Anything else and she would be ignored. That is if she sees me sef.

OK.

flington4550:
So disheartening...you guys go be Yoruba be that...have got an uncle going through almost the same thing but you let the woman know sey if craze dey her head na madness dey ya own head...I gave it to her hot hot and she composed herself...But for the sake of peace I stopped going to their house.
After all the wahala wey he dey give my uncle we lost him to suicide this time last year....

Omg! This is shocking!!! How's his wife now

aminusodiq:
sometimes it becomes too late... One of my uncles who plyed that path died abruptly.... It was all rosy till he lost his job and she started showing thesame character she showed to every other family member to her husband... Sadly at that point all family member were watching from a distance because when it was all rosy... They both enjoyed it... And now that's bad... They should enjoy it too

This wife was so bad that she won't even offer you water.

Your uncle died abruptly? Did she murder him or something?

Kobojunkie:
Your uncle died abruptly? Did she murder him or something?

.

aminusodiq:
terminal illness courtesy of her negligence

Wait a second.... Why is his terminal illness courtesy of negligence on her part? Why didn't your uncle seek help for what was ailing him?

flington4550:
So disheartening...you guys go be Yoruba be that...have got an uncle going through almost the same thing but you let the woman know sey if craze dey her head na madness dey ya own head...I gave it to her hot hot and she composed herself...But for the sake of peace I stopped going to their house.
After all the wahala wey he dey give my uncle we lost him to suicide this time last year....

You blame your uncle's suicide on his wife? Why? Did your uncle leave a suicide letter blaming his wife.for his taking his life or is this a rush to judgement on your part as his family members?

Life is sweet,,avoid all dis stress keep people at arm length.God known I hav uncle who are rich buh I just need to make my own dole too can’t even sleep in my brother house..

Rachel98:
Good morning everyone. Hope we're having a wonderful week.

My Elder brother is doing well, no doubt he's the breadwinner in our family But his wife is so rude, too authoritative, she's full of pride and she looks down on people. She see everyone as her employee, she does not care if her actions or words hurts you, she's quick to slap at any slightest provocation. She's an event planner, please are event planners this rude??

She's the main reason why we barely visit our brother, despite we all live in the same city, we feel like a total stranger in our brother's house. Probably she's using "jazz" on him, I don't know But everything she does seems cool to him.

I managed to spend the weekend with them, since on friday she act like my presence irritates her. The maid prepared semo and vegetable soup, i don't eat swallow that like, so she saw me cooking noodles, she rudely said why're you not eating semo? Why are you people so selective? Then she left the kitchen. I just maintained my cool.

Yesterday she slapped her maid just because the plantain she told her to fry wasn't brown enough (maybe she wanted burnt sacrifice plantain). My elder brother calmly said honey you shouldn't have slapped her just becus of plaintain. The next she told my brother was "Defender!! go and marry her nw"

This morning, I jejely packed my belongings on my way to work, I entered my brother's car so he can drop me at the bus-stop, I just told him I won't be coming to his place anymore, once I'm done with work today I'm going home straight. And the annoying part, he would be asking me why? As if he's blind, he can't see how rude and ill-mannered his wife is.

His wife has really separated my brother from us, his own family. We don't even know what to do.

Give it time.
It may take long though

IcauseMIGRAINE:

https://www.nairaland.com/6944276/see-guy-report-nearest-police

aboyaji:
This is no disrespect. And I'm in no way asserting my own standard.

Just so I'm clear, so, you'd rather turn a blind eye if you were in my position?

If our only daughter and last born was close by at the time, she'd have fingered him big time. She'd have talked more sense into him. We raise no dumbskull.

Well, I've left them since last year because it was then that it all happened.

This January visit was the last I think I will give them.

I managed to read all your post here... It was straight from the heart.. Do not give up on your brother..

You have to understand that Some people came from disintegrated family, they have no idea how knitted ones feels like.. So it's always easy to tell u to mind your business..they will always advise based on what they know...

Don't feel bad about certain advise u receive.. a lot of them might not know any better..

As for the OP, u should be happy that it was only random talk... And she didn't demand for your drivers licence before entering into her kitchen to cook indomie without permission...I heard a lot of them ask for permission before u go into their kitchen...

Kobojunkie:
Regardless of your opinions of this girl, it really isn't your place to tell your brother who he can or who he can't marry or keep as wife. This is your brother's business that you keep trying to make yours.

Your brother knows the way out of the relationship if that is what he desires, so leave him and mind your own life and business please.

Yes, he is your brother but the moment he decided to hitch his trailer with this woman, he ceased primarily as your brother and became this woman's partner. You really ought to respect that.

You guys should stop giving this kind of stupid advice.
It's not his business, but when he dies prematurely, his family will be called to spend their money on his burial, right?
Anything they can do now to save their brother/son, is in order.
This pretense must stop

ChybuzzDD:


You guys should stop giving this kind of stupid advice.
It's not his business, but when he dies prematurely, his family will be called to spend their money on his burial, right?
Anything they can do now to save their brother/son, is in order.
This pretense must stop

Seriously, very foolish comments from some folks here. Giving your married siblings space shouldn't imply keeping off completely .

I mean, we've been together before the wife came in, then we abandon you all of a sudden because you got a wife? Trust you wouldn't be needing us when trouble comes?

I will lose every respect for any of my brothers that sees the wife disrespect his family, yet, does nothing to call her to order.

Funnily, most times, the so called wife behaves differently towards her own relatives, but wants to treat her husband's with disdain because she's securing her territory? She must be a very foolish woman.

Realestbae:
ode! leave Ur brother's family alone. Mind you is her home nt urs. It nt bad enough that d whole family is leeching on him but U also want to invade her home. African entitlement mentality with their blood is thicker than water but if smtin happens to d brother is d wife that will single handedly take care of d children he will leave behind uncle n aunty go yapa. See Ur mouth like " his own family" my friend his own family is his wife n kids gt that into your head

You're the foolish one here for spewing this kinda trash. I'm a lady but so ashamed of some comments I'm reading here. Her brother shouldn't support his family because he is married? Why calling her family "leech"? I pity ladies like you that bring separation between a man and his family, it never ends well. Also, you will have sons someday who will desert you when they marry.

Kobojunkie:
Wait a second.... Why is his terminal illness courtesy of negligence on her part? Why didn't your uncle seek help for what was ailing him?

.

pocohantas:


I am calm. That dude’s brother impregnated the first girl, then he impregnated another badly behaved one. Isn’t it clear he is a man with a poor taste in women?

So I will na leave enjoyment in my husband’s house to go fight her? Make person chook me nail for eye ba?

Tho,The fault is from the guy due to his poor taste in women but we tend to overlook the mistakes of our loved ones esp immediate Family and blame the other party, it’s not like I’m supporting him buh since the mistake had been done,the next step is solution. You gerrit ?
You sha wantu sit and maintain beauty like you always state in your diary

Mariangeles:


Beat up who? Our wife? Na me go marry my brother?
There are ways to go about things without violence, and still achieve the desired result.
No be everything be by fight.

I like to mind my business, and I respect boundaries, but if my brother's wife were stoop so low as to insult my brother in my presence, telling him to Go and marry the maid na, I'll tell her to her face not to disrespect him like that again, at least, not in my presence.
Anyhow wey them wan take sort their matter after I'm gone, that one na their business.
I no dey kuku like form familiarity. All that I ask is that she treats my brother right.
Na wife wey calm down we go love. Nobody dey follow you drag husband.
OK.

Continue. When you do it in offline, be nice enough to come tell me how that scene played out. We would know who is more in touch with reality.

Women are mostly like that, especially to poor people. Make your own money, go there less.

My brother nothing like jazz, ur elder brother don't just knw any thing about woman.

If any woman is misbehaving, he started right from courtship.

Siddon for your house jeje and maintain your lane. Your brother would be fine las las.

Rachel98:
Good morning everyone. Hope we're having a wonderful week.

My Elder brother is doing well, no doubt he's the breadwinner in our family But his wife is so rude, too authoritative, she's full of pride and she looks down on people. She see everyone as her employee, she does not care if her actions or words hurts you, she's quick to slap at any slightest provocation. She's an event planner, please are event planners this rude??

She's the main reason why we barely visit our brother, despite we all live in the same city, we feel like a total stranger in our brother's house. Probably she's using "jazz" on him, I don't know But everything she does seems cool to him.

I managed to spend the weekend with them, since on friday she act like my presence irritates her. The maid prepared semo and vegetable soup, i don't eat swallow that like, so she saw me cooking noodles, she rudely said why're you not eating semo? Why are you people so selective? Then she left the kitchen. I just maintained my cool.

Yesterday she slapped her maid just because the plantain she told her to fry wasn't brown enough (maybe she wanted burnt sacrifice plantain). My elder brother calmly said honey you shouldn't have slapped her just becus of plaintain. The next she told my brother was "Defender!! go and marry her nw"

This morning, I jejely packed my belongings on my way to work, I entered my brother's car so he can drop me at the bus-stop, I just told him I won't be coming to his place anymore, once I'm done with work today I'm going home straight. And the annoying part, he would be asking me why? As if he's blind, he can't see how rude and ill-mannered his wife is.

His wife has really separated my brother from us, his own family. We don't even know what to do.

What your business? Leave him alone and face your life. If her wife no charm am, na concubine u want make she do am?