eaglez:
Hello madam how long do you have to hold on on past deeds

will you keep quiet,you think rape is easy to forget and look as a past deed have you ever been violated before?you think it easy

if she continues like that, it leads to depression and u know what that means, forgiveness is a part of healing process

She needs help she needs to see a therapist not the husband neither is living with him now the solution, she can forgive him but must not live with him she needs a psychologist and someone that can help her not by staying with her husband it won't help her when she gets the help she needs she would not enter depression, no victim heals by getting close to their perpetrator

brothers others g is Tue parents are the first friend of the woman, if there is anyone to initiate the process of healing and letting go, it is the parents

Common go and sit down and the healing is by getting back to her rapist her parents have done right and should let her mee professionals that can help her not by sending her back to the lions den

because the may have a high influence and her and that's y she had to run to them, they shouldn't make the matter worse, from all indications, the guy is remorseful and he is willing to make amends and not to make this repeat itself again. As per the joking part you mentioned, I am not part of that.

His remorse will not take her out of the shock and trauma she is in sex with the two of them can never be the same, be honest with your self because if you were the one violated you won't be saying this.
The wife should get out of that marriage what the man did is terrible and no sane woman should condone that because he will do it again.I said you must be joking you are trying to trivalise rape and assault especially when it is done to you by someone dear to you it is painful and disastrous to forget so you must be joking to think that is easy to swallow and go back to normal,nothing will ever be normal between the two of them again.

God forbid, tueh

faoogoke:
My brother you need to realise that marriage just like life is mostly unfair. Good men endnup marry terrible women and vice versa. Marriage just like life is no bed of roses.
Go back home, engross yourself with your work, draw close to your God and pretend you don't have a wife.
Hopefully she will come to her senses and if not please move on with your life. Its not worth stressing yourself about.
I feel for your daughter but it shall be well.

And above all he should get himself 5 wives and 10 Christian gfs he can learn more about God from and hv sex too (as committed partners).... this way no more issues of "deny me sex" (I hate that term - are you a weakling?)

BigBashiru:


Why did a man rape the wife?? Because of religion. This same man could have easily gotten himself a second wife or girl friend so when the wife denies him sex he can see his born again 2ndwife or gf. But religion and fear won't let men think.

no mind them...well men don wise up..marriage no be must again...how can someone who against all odds marry you and you deny him sex....wetin con be your work as wife...Oh GOD...

Noah9:
I want to thank everyone for their advice and I really appreciate everyone involvement about the thread I created 2week ago. Here is the link.
https://www.nairaland.com/6933724/regretted-actions-please-me

Great people of this forum, honestly things have never been better ever since that incident and I wish our minds are like show glass so that y'all would see how sorry I am inside of me. I messed up and I'm really sorry.

5 days after I created that post above, My wife traveled with my daughter to her parents house to stay without telling me. Since that incident my wife haven't said a word to me, Not a single word. Sometimes I wonder if she's the same woman I married. I'm frustrated, incoherent and I'm losing my mind.

I've been good to her, I provide 85% for my family while she bring just 15% yet I don't complain, I'm romantic and good looking, since we married I don't keep female friends not to talk of cheating. Yet She denied me sex over 2 months without any reasons, that was why I acted that way and I'm so sorry.

On Tuesday here, My friend and I traveled to her parents house, they did not even welcome us well, I don't know what she must have told her parents but I explained myself, knelt down and asked for forgiveness.

She refused to come home with me, her parents were just starring at me like I'm some demon, I requested for my daughter but she refused to release her and I've already paid my daughter's school fees for the term. Her parents said they would register my daughter in a new school, that my wife need some space for now.

Please don't call me a weak man, I'm family oriented, I don't want broken home, if she needed some space that's not a problem, I can give her all the space in the world but let her come home. It's not proper raising a child in a broken home...I'm really losing my mind.

I faced query today at work because I traveled without informing my Boss which I know he won't allow me and I know how much would be deducted from my salary. what I'm going through now I can't wish my enemies and I wish I could turn back the hands of time. I messed up.

Beloveth Pls I need advice.

You need to relax....no need to be anxious about the situation. It is true that for most humans we don't get our wishes....you need to embrace the reality in which you are currently living.
1. You wronged your wife by your actions - that you cannot change
2. You have asked for forgiveness
3. She needs some time to process it all - give her time
4. You are concerned about your daughter potentially growing up in a broken home - If your wife decided that she wants a divorce based on your action, the court will not allow you to have custody of your daughter ( it's a safeguarding issue) because you are a potential risk to the female gender
5. Start thinking about the worst case scenario and how you will move on with your own life.
6. Stop blaming yourself - it doesn't solve any problems
7. Sop posting on nairaland - You can be prosecuted for that
8. Start living again

sageer1706:

Hanty/broda jenny, the man is asking for solutions and not to keep blaming him (he has apologize and admitted he did wrong do u want him to kill himself) you should also find out why the wife will starve her husband of sex for 2month... Some women are responsible for the bad behavior of their husbands

No leave am make em dey call anybody rapist up n down,na her key word be dat.

Intially,you don't give full information about what's going inside your home, because it won't be easy like that for your woman to stop given you sex just like that, something went wrong..and after the begging..let her be..God will bring her back by himself.Because,if you continued to insist to come home..It will thought you still going to do the same..

alfarouq:
Thank God for Islam. Polygamy is allowed. Getting a second wife would have saved you from the act of forcefully raping her and because she would come to her senses as she will realize she can no longer use sex as a weapon against you.

100 likes for "polygamy is allowed".... I also believe polygamy is allowed in Christianity because Solomon had 1000 wives and 750 concubines....

Alfa mail...
You raped your wife as she was bleeding because she denied you sex.
One day you will still use your mouth to give us the true reason why she denied you sex for that long.

Stop trying being a gentleman, the sex she denied u then, she go still continue to deny u, even go worse this time when she comes back in, for u go be at her and her family's mercy........

Since u dom beg her tire...and even went to her family...u don try oga.., how can she be denying u ur rights for two months without any reason



Oga move on with ur life.......
The kid is urs anyway, and having the kid a step mom isn't a bad thing.
Or u go always be at her mercy for the rest of ur life!!!!!!

Olaideolayemi:
Intially,you don't give full information about what's going inside your home, because it won't be easy like that for your woman to stop given you sex just like that, something went wrong..and after the begging..let her be..God will bring her back by himself.Because,if you continued to insist to come home..It will thought you still going to do the same..

"for your woman to stop giving you sex" puts the woman in control

esthel:
According to which of the Nigerian Laws ? In case of a divorce if the court sees that she is capable of taking care of the child financially and in other aspects they will give her custody. You people carried patriarchy to law. If there is any law that says otherwise please let us know. Her parents seems like they are educated and Informed so Oga is in for a ride.

So in your thinking, once she is capable of taking care of the child the court will just give her custody and ask the father of the child to leave the child's life abi?? Well-done ma!!

@OP
Your marriage has already crashed. Move on.

You created the problem for yourself. That woman was out to destroy you and you played to her gallery. I would rather carry a prostitute to my house and fvck her on my matrimonial bed than put myself in a situation where I'd have to deal with, for the rest of my life, the stigma of being called a rapist and woman beater. God forbid.

Forget the matrimonial title, if you could rape your wife, you can rape any woman. No woman is safe around you in terms of sex. You violently raped your wife, which woman would you not rape given the same or similar circumstances? How do you explain to your daughter that her mom left you because you raped her? You don't deserve to have custody of your daughter because she's not even safe with you.

I don't care whether she denied you sex for a decade, there're many ways you could have navigated through it without violently violating her. Such a despicable act.

Quit the pity party and move on with your life as you bear the consequences of your action. Whether she was your wife or another woman, rape is rape.

@Noah9: Guy, you really messed up,but then again you are only human and every human will fuckup from time to time in one way or another. Just be prepared to bear the consequences, especially on your conscience. It's obvious that you regret your actions and have made efforts to make amends without success.

Bro, at this point you can't kill yourself over this situation. I'll advice you give her the space she's requested, but also brace yourself for the worst because truth is your marriage is either dead or at best would never go back to the way it was when things were smooth between you two. But hey, it is what is. Man up and keep pushing. All the best.

debeginin:

lt's a trying time,but you have done your best.Ignore her and her parent for sometime,don't call,no SMS,just lock up after a while they will start calling and begging.Trust me.

God bless you my brother....that's the best...leave them and stop acting like a pussy..be a man ruged yourself and think of your job

DarkJeddi:
Nonsense talk!

Every action has a reaction..

Whether extreme or not..

WHAT did the wive's parents have to say about his own side of the story?

Or is that not a tenable question?!!

Why did their daughter have to deny the husband sex for so long,without any reason?

If she no want marry she should have relocated to her father's house!!

You can't live in your husband's house..

Eat his food,spend his money and still refuses to do your conjugal duties!!

That's why I say marriage is a SCAM!

Everything is engineered to favor the woman!!

SPITS

You Rape apologist. Don't ever in your life quote me.

I'm never getting married, me when like fvck die

You will keep making the same mistakes, if you follow some advise here that externalizes the issue.


Do you even speak well with your wife, to find out why she denied you sex, and how did you two meet, what attracted you to your wife in the first place, do you know her person. what does she really like, did you ask her.

Tell me just one thing she likes, or what has she been saying about what she likes or want wish you do better.

Kidding, Just be introspective, don't externalize, that's you kid, right there, your kid is your legacy, treat your wife with dignity, her influence over your legacy is powerful.

jeff1607:


You really have got serious issues

Do you think op would narrated what actually happened, for his wife to ran away? Do you think it's easy to overcome the trauma the wife facing now?

You this rapist don't quote me. Please.

Jennyclay:
keep supporting the man. Please don't quote me again you rapist. You don't even know how to quote.

lol imagine this one wan make we banter abeg shif i no see u and aint gat no tym to spare for ur case cus an not siding wit any party here,neutral asf and for u, u can call me whatever u wish wit ur keyword cus dats all u can do and pls dont drag my attention/mention again.

stop overworking yourself for nothing my dear...your so-called good wife was only pretending and now you've seen her true colours so man up n quit d marriage from ur end and move on with your life.No good wife will ever deny her husband sex except she's on her period or very sick or just put to bed.She's even lucky you are a good man for not even going to get it elsewhwere.
Send me a mssge if u reside in Lagos and is very much ready to move on with ur life cos na your type of man i dey find abeg...

Noah9:
I want to thank everyone for their advice and I really appreciate everyone involvement about the thread I created 2week ago. Here is the link.
https://www.nairaland.com/6933724/regretted-actions-please-me

Great people of this forum, honestly things have never been better ever since that incident and I wish our minds are like show glass so that y'all would see how sorry I am inside of me. I messed up and I'm really sorry.

5 days after I created that post above, My wife traveled with my daughter to her parents house to stay without telling me. Since that incident my wife haven't said a word to me, Not a single word. Sometimes I wonder if she's the same woman I married. I'm frustrated, incoherent and I'm losing my mind.

I've been good to her, I provide 85% for my family while she bring just 15% yet I don't complain, I'm romantic and good looking, since we married I don't keep female friends not to talk of cheating. Yet She denied me sex over 2 months without any reasons, that was why I acted that way and I'm so sorry.

On Tuesday here, My friend and I traveled to her parents house, they did not even welcome us well, I don't know what she must have told her parents but I explained myself, knelt down and asked for forgiveness.

She refused to come home with me, her parents were just starring at me like I'm some demon, I requested for my daughter but she refused to release her and I've already paid my daughter's school fees for the term. Her parents said they would register my daughter in a new school, that my wife need some space for now.

Please don't call me a weak man, I'm family oriented, I don't want broken home, if she needed some space that's not a problem, I can give her all the space in the world but let her come home. It's not proper raising a child in a broken home...I'm really losing my mind.

I faced query today at work because I traveled without informing my Boss which I know he won't allow me and I know how much would be deducted from my salary. what I'm going through now I can't wish my enemies and I wish I could turn back the hands of time. I messed up.

Beloveth Pls I need advice.

worldclass68:
Stop trying being a gentleman, the sex she denied u then, she go still continue to deny u, even go worse this time when she comes back in, for u go be at her and her family's mercy........

Since u dom beg her tire...and even went to her family...u don try oga.., how can she be denying u ur rights for two months without any reason



[font=Lucida Sans Unicode]Oga move on with ur life.......
The kid is urs anyway, and having the kid a step mom isn't a bad thing.
Or u go always be at her mercy for the rest of ur life!!!!!!

exactly my point...don't let her take total control...stop apologising her...leave her alone..don't become a slave in your own house

I'm sorry sir but your home is broken already. A marriage of just 3years and she is already denying you sex for 2months at a time... Why? I'm sorry but she caused this not you. Know this and know peace. This is in no way a justification for what you did. I think you are a disgusting beast for slapping your wife in the face so hard that she bleeds and then still going on to rape her! How low can you go? But I still maintain that she started the issue that has now escalated into a broken home. She has now carried it so far as to abscond from the marriage with your child. Her parents ain't helping matters and I doubt they will judge impartially so Mr man, remove your eyes from this marriage because it is finished! It was finished even before you slapped and raped her but you didn't know it that's why you allowed the devil to use you to give her ammunition to use against you now anywhere she goes to judge why she left her marriage, she will tell them you are a wife beater and a rapist, forgetting to mention her own hand in the matter.
Mr man, you need to bone up, stop this your whining and do what you should have done in the very first instance! Give her and her family the bottom line. She has a month to return home and resume her wifely duties or kindly refund your bride price and sign divorce papers. She can then be free to go and meet the guy that was distracting her all along and made her begin to deny her husband sex for months at a time! Oh, are u shocked? You didn't know? Look, for women, cheating starts as an emotional attachment before it becomes physical. And when a woman begins an emotional relationship with another man, ( which is also infidelity) she begins to see her husband as a bloody nuisance and spreading her legs for him becomes a burden. As long as its not like she wasn't doing her wifely duties before so unless you're not telling the whole story, that woman is in love with someone else and you just foolishly paved the way for her to leave you and go to him.
Cheers. I hope in your next marriage, you don't let your 3rd leg rule your emotions and you don't think issues with your wife can be resolved with your fists and brute force ! Wife beater!

Walkee:
I have a lot of sisters I know how they manipulate their husband. I know this will be difficult for you. Don't call her for one week. She and her mother were laughing when you left and have both promised to make sure you see shege.
If you didn't cram her phone number, delete it from your phone so that you won't be able to call her even if you lost it and tried to call again. Erase your call history. The more desperation you show the more they will suffer you. Block her on WhatsApp. I swear she will come and spy on your house in less than 2 weeks. This is 100%

cc Noah9
OP, if truly you have realized your mistake, learnt from it and have truly and genuinely asked for forgiveness from God and from man(that is her and her family).

I don't need to start blaming OR condemning you over what you did because you have already done that and trying to make amendment.

Try opening up to your parents and if possible they should follow you to her parents place, to fulfil all righteousness of going there with elderly people. They(elderly ones understand themselves better).

After that, if the issue still persist.

Please and please, follow this advice I quoted or follow your parents advice, there is a very high probability she will come checking indirectly(if she is the proud type) or directly if she really care when she notice you're about to move on with your life without her, i.e if she is truly what you said about her, else she has left you emotionally and was just buying time to do that physically(i.e leave you physically) which you gave her on a platter.

Read this, prolonged begging won't be good for the healing process you're hoping for in your marriage.
She need time to think about and process your actions both the bad one(the rape) and the good one(the remorse/begging), and also to form her decision i.e next move. Prolonged begging won't give her that time.

PS: Always think about your actions before you take them.
Had it been you got it outside, the blame would have been on her because she sex starved(you which is very wrong) even though you're the one that committed the adultery.
Now, nobody is talking about that manipulation(denial of conjugal right) because you fell for it.

Aaron12:
CHUCKLES.

Las las una go marry unasef

Easy madam, I now see that you have been violated before, my sincerest apologies and hope you heal fast and come back strong, in the meantime, I don't throw tantrums, I am more civilised than shutting people up and spitting on faceless people, guess you should step up your courtesy frequency. It will help.

Ladyhippolyta88:
will you keep quiet,you think rape is easy to forget and look as a past deed have you ever been violated before?you think it easy She needs help she needs to see a therapist not the husband neither is living with him now the solution, she can forgive him but must not live with him she needs a psychologist and someone that can help her not by staying with her husband it won't help her when she gets the help she needs she would not enter depression, no victim heals by getting close to their perpetrator Common go and sit down and the healing is by getting back to her rapist her parents have done right and should let her mee professionals that can help her not by sending her back to the lions den

His remorse will not take her out of the shock and trauma she is in sex with the two of them can never be the same, be honest with your self because if you were the one violated you won't be saying this.
The wife should get out of that marriage what the man did is terrible and no sane woman should condone that because he will do it again.I said you must be joking you are trying to trivalise rape and assault especially when it is done to you by someone dear to you it is painful and disastrous to forget so you must be joking to think that is easy to swallow and go back to normal,nothing will ever be normal between the two of them again.

God forbid, tueh

Jennyclay:
Your wife did the right thing by moving to her parent's house.

You hit your wife so hard that she was bleeding from her mouth (only God knows how many times you hit her be4 blood gushed out), you saw her bleeding mouth, and you raped her. Sir you're a professional in raping.

She also did a good thing by not releasing your daughter to you. Because you might rape the little girl too. We have read many cases here on nairaland how Men rape their daughters and it all started like this.

You want her parents to welcome you with beer and asun for beating & raping their daughter?? oga you're on your own oo.

"for raping their daughter “. The same daughter whose bride price he paid. I am not in support of hitting a woman. I wouldn't have done that if I were in his shoes. But let us always learn to address the root cause of issues. Why would a woman deny her husband sex for more than two month? If she's truly a godly woman, what happens to calling your husband and complaining about anything you're not pleased about. Why punish him with sex instead??
If this same man had been involved in adultry, you lots would have as well nailed him. What is wrong with us??

The foundation of this whole issue is the woman. She fumbled and she has some apologising to do. Stop heaping the whole blame on the man. 2 months without any reason??
If that is not Wickedness, tell me what it is.

Jennyclay:
Do you think op would narrated what actually happened, for his wife to ran away? Do you think it's easy to overcome the trauma the wife facing now?

You this rapist don't quote me. Please.

You just don’t shell out the name “rapist” anyhow. I’m guess if someone especially a guy you don’t like , you could put him in trouble tagging such names, since you don’t know what happened to the couples , say your piece and stop tagging names.

Remember you are single and they are married , you ain’t even nearly qualified to dish out advise in this matter, just read and learn

Do you think that's the best idea at this moment. What if after being rude with her,she chose to report the incident to authority/feminist group. What do you think will happen to the man.
Personally,I think she needs time to heal,likewise the man. He should let her be with her parent and get herself back cuz time heal wound.

Prayfortheworld:
To be honest with you to leave that marriage dey your woman mind since

Because i don't see any Reason why she will deny you sex for months without any tangible reason. It's either she's seeing someone else or tired of the marriage tell her you're tired that you've tried if she wants a divorce let her tell you that you will gladly give her that rather than all this her hide and seek game.

Text her this night or call her! Mehn Man up tell her this and focus on your job. Find better woman wey go Dy quench your conji. Life is too short for someone to start giving himself unnecessary headache about who don't give a f**k about you.
That's wickedness from her own side to deny her husband sex for two months. i can't take that!! Let it be known that i cheat than forcing her.

Oga u don do wetin u fit do , apology is the best option after doing wrong thing because nobody is perfect . Oga move on with ur life.

eaglez:
Easy madam, I now see that you have been violated before, my sincerest apologies and hope you heal fast and come back strong, in the meantime, I don't throw tantrums, I am more civilised than shutting people up and spitting on faceless people, guess you should step up your courtesy frequency. It will help.

I have never been violated and never will be but I have seen women share their stories even men too, I must not be violated to know how terrible and disastrous the victims feel.

You should be the one taking your advice since in your head you could not reason that it isn't about the OP or his remorse but about a woman he claimed to love and protect whom he violated and broke her trust and it is up to her to decide heal and forge ahead

But your selfish self could not see that and you try to trivialise the suffering the wife faced in his hands and you think think that a mere apology can suffice in a psychological and physical issue you should be the one healing because you obviously need help.

Noah9:
I want to thank everyone for their advice and I really appreciate everyone involvement about the thread I created 2week ago. Here is the link.
https://www.nairaland.com/6933724/regretted-actions-please-me

Great people of this forum, honestly things have never been better ever since that incident and I wish our minds are like show glass so that y'all would see how sorry I am inside of me. I messed up and I'm really sorry.

5 days after I created that post above, My wife traveled with my daughter to her parents house to stay without telling me. Since that incident my wife haven't said a word to me, Not a single word. Sometimes I wonder if she's the same woman I married. I'm frustrated, incoherent and I'm losing my mind.

I've been good to her, I provide 85% for my family while she bring just 15% yet I don't complain, I'm romantic and good looking, since we married I don't keep female friends not to talk of cheating. Yet She denied me sex over 2 months without any reasons, that was why I acted that way and I'm so sorry.

On Tuesday here, My friend and I traveled to her parents house, they did not even welcome us well, I don't know what she must have told her parents but I explained myself, knelt down and asked for forgiveness.

She refused to come home with me, her parents were just starring at me like I'm some demon, I requested for my daughter but she refused to release her and I've already paid my daughter's school fees for the term. Her parents said they would register my daughter in a new school, that my wife need some space for now.

Please don't call me a weak man, I'm family oriented, I don't want broken home, if she needed some space that's not a problem, I can give her all the space in the world but let her come home. It's not proper raising a child in a broken home...I'm really losing my mind.

I faced query today at work because I traveled without informing my Boss which I know he won't allow me and I know how much would be deducted from my salary. what I'm going through now I can't wish my enemies and I wish I could turn back the hands of time. I messed up.

Beloveth Pls I need advice.

I read your previous thread before this particular one.

From my observations, you are an emotional slave to your wife and you need to set yourself free. I would also tell you another truth which you may not want to hear but you need to...which is...THERE IS A 90% PROBABILITY THAT YOUR WIFE IS CHEATING ON YOU HENCE HER DENYING YOU SEX!

It may seem unbelievable to you but it is the bitter truth. If you are being a good husband to your wife and treat her with utmost care and respect and she suddenly stops giving you sex, she is giving it to another man outside of your matrimonial home. Men and Women are differently wired...a man can cheat with 10 women outside but will still have séx with his wife but once a woman cheats with just 1 man, an emotional detachment takes place in the mind of that woman and she will be seeing her husband as a mere platonic house-mate.

Although you went extreme in slapping her and using force on her (I can understand when a man is really Hot and the frustration of not getting it from a woman you truly love), the fact that she has moved out of your matrimonial home and her parents are joining her to make it an issue without even having to hear your own side says it all. SHE NO LONGER LOVES YOU!

It is left for you to behave like a real man, refurbish you mind and make it look like she doesn't exist...go look for another lady and bring her into your life. Have steady sex with the lady and eventually, you will get over your wife. If you study the new lady and see that she is good and and loyal, file for a divorce and marry the new person.

Let your wife continue to remain with her parents since it is what she wants. If she wasn't up to something, she would have at least mended fences with you and followed you back home but on the other hand, she was looking for a very good opportunity to leave your house to continue that "hidden agenda" she was doing behind your back.

The only advice I will give you is always make sure you send something as an upkeep to your daughter and have evidence to back it up. Pray that your friends who followed you to beg your wife are alive by the time your daughter grows up so that they will tell her the true story of what transpired to negate the lies her mother will wash her head with about you which will turn her into a man-hating female like many Nairalanders we have here like Saphiere, Ladyhippolyta88, Jennyclay etc not knowing that it is the possible unfaithfulness of her mother that earned her a divorce in the first place and not you as the man.