gift0123:
I can see you are a nagging woman, and you don't give that man peace of mind...
Go and sort out your marital issues abeg.

Are you female or you identify as a female because I don't understand.

My take on this matter:
1. You still do not have any evidence that your husband is having an affair with that lady. Talking with someone does not equal to having sex with the person.
2. You sound like a nag.
3. You're taking advice from the wrong people. There is no perfect home. If you're not ready to take some smelly shit, better don't get married.
4. Your husband doesn't have peace at home. No man will pack his things and leave his home just like that.
Decide for yourself what you want. If you're not ready to be a wife any longer... then leave!

ezugegere:
My take on this matter:
1. You still do not have any evidence that your husband is having an affair with that lady. Talking with someone does not equal to having sex with the person.
2. You sound like a nag.
3. You're taking advice from the wrong people. There is no perfect home. If you're not ready to take some smelly shit, better don't get married.
4. Your husband doesn't have peace at home. No man will pack his things and leave his home just like that.
Decide for yourself what you want. If you're not ready to be a wife any longer... then leave!

Marriage means taking some smelly shit? Where is this written abeg?

How some of you dey open mouth gbagadaaaa sometimes dey amaze person. So are you telling us that if you are married and your partner chose to withhold the true nature of a relationship from you, even going as far as to walk out on your family as a result, that you would condone that in your marriage relationship?

Anyways, I don't think OP is the one attempting here to end her marriage but instead reacting to what could potentially end it.

From this your update, it doesn’t seem like you have been minding your business ooo and taking the advice you were given in your previous thread fully.

Don’t go and spoil a good thing (didn’t say perfect because there is a difference) because of your inability to master your emotions.

Self development is good but you don’t have to lose your marriage before you develop yourself.

eniolorunfe:
From this your update, it doesn’t seem like you have been minding your business ooo and taking the advice you were given in your previous thread fully.

Don’t go and spoil a good thing (didn’t say perfect because there is a difference) because of your inability to master your emotions.

Self development is good but you don’t have to lose your marriage before you develop yourself.

I am,but he keeps calling me acting as if everything is alright,does he have partial amnesia,I prefer tackling things straight up than pretending.it is one of my flaws

My self development is coming from ignoring myself for a long time,this situation might be a catalyst but I haven't been feeling fulfilled for long.

I don't think you have any evidence that your husband is cheating. I do think that you have checked out of this marriage and you've been looking for any excuse to leave and this woman he took on at work is the perfect excuse.

The reason your husband won't give you an explanation might be because he knows this too and he is giving you your excuse to leave.

You seem like the type of woman who uses the fact that her husband single handedly provides her every need as *He controls everything* and if he didn't pay all her bills then he would be an irresponsible husband. The man can't win!

You could ask yourself did you ever love this man or was he just a good meal ticket?

Since you're ready to fend for yourself and I'm sure you've romanticized the whole process but reality might check you. You already know what to do to survive so do those things (learn to drive, find a job, exercise and reflect)

I would say you gotta do some deep reflection. You've covered his faults but now it's time to reflect on the only faults that matters to you and that's your own fault.

Start a journal and be honest with yourself. After every pity party you have, reflect on your contribution and take away the valuable lessons.



Be ready for any curveball that might come. Set boundaries and co parent in a healthy environment. Protect your children's mental health.

I wish you all the best.

OP, Please go and win your husband over. No perfect home or perfect man. You are entering a phase you will regret if you don't take care. Swallow your pride and keep your home. Look for your husband and bring him home. I'm begging you. I'm crying here because you feel you can pull through alone. Look for your husband and bring him home. This is for your sanity.

.

Amazingbaby:


I am,but he keeps calling me acting as if everything is alright,does he have partial amnesia,I prefer tackling things straight up than pretending.it is one of my flaws.
My self development is coming from ignoring myself for a long time,this situation might be a catalyst but I haven't been feeling fulfilled for long.

The bolded is the reason why he is saying those things to your mother… that you are nagging, don’t give him peace etc etc

You need to work on that flaw and learn to master your emotions. It’s not about pretending, it’s about wisdom and understanding the “art” of being a woman and where your strength lies.

Do you have to pick his calls? Even if he’s calling to act like everything is normal; you not picking his calls will send a clear message to him that there are issues that need to be discussed and would allow him miss you. Hopefully that “space” will remind him of how valuable you are to him.

Even when you start working, do you just blurt things out to your coworkers or even boss because you don’t know how to pretend? There is an art to these things or else you would have to be changing jobs over and over again.

Like I said, self development is good but you don’t have to lose your marriage to achieve this.

Acidosis:
Wrong moves everywhere.

Asinnnn.
Mtcheeewww.

If persin no know better, one would just be thinking all these stories and fights are all there is to marriages.

Idaytesj29:


OP amazingbaby

Now I feel like crying. You don't sound like a troublesome woman. You come off as dedicated lovely wife. Whatever made your husband chase that lady is not important now but the safety of the marriage.

Before you finally sign any divorce papers, I advise that you call a joint family meeting of both your family and his. Narrate everything that happened, thank God, women are naturally detailed. Explain how he wanted to date your best friend and how this happened.

Let them know you did not pack out of the house, he did for weeks and he demanded for divorce himself, not you cos you demanded an explanation to from him over the matter.

Let them know under normal circumstance, you do not like to be divorced, and while you are not desperate to resolve without him admitting his wrong doings and ready to be accountable for his actions going forward, you are still open for reconciliation right now before your mind moves on.

I believe in that sober moment, a lot can change and it had worked for many couple, it may work for you.


With all the new resolutions you just made, kindly follow through with them, even if a reconciliation happens.

I don't know how to send a WhatsApp group contact to you where various jobs and vacancies majorly in Lagos and few other places are advertised daily, I would have loved to help you with that.

Just my own 2kobo

Pls can I message you about the WhatsApp group?

With what I read up there,op never really loved her husband. Imagine the monikers she mention in her post above.. Its a pity you allowed wrong nairalanders to advise you wrongly. A man can actually marry more than one wife.. Its not a crime..

BigYash:
With what I read up there,op never really loved her husband. Imagine the monikers she mention in her post above.. Its a pity you allowed wrong nairalanders to advise you wrongly. A man can actually marry more than one wife.. Its not a crime..

A woman can also marry more than one husband... also not a crime.

eniolorunfe:
From this your update, it doesn’t seem like you have been minding your business ooo and taking the advice you were given in your previous thread fully.

Don’t go and spoil a good thing (didn’t say perfect because there is a difference) because of your inability to master your emotions.

Self development is good but you don’t have to lose your marriage before you develop yourself.

It doesn’t look like she wants to save the marriage. Her ego comes first, or maybe she also wants out like the man does

Amazingbaby:


Are you female or you identify as a female because I don't understand.

I am a woman for real, but most times, I call a spade a spade, I made that comment because of the way you narrated your story, it was full of insults and you kept pushing him to the wall. You don't follow things with toughness, most times a cool denamor could solve certain things... Especially when it comes to our issues with men. When you push a man so hard and shout at him you chase him out... Follow that matter easily, you will surely get him back abeg..
Take care.

Kobojunkie:
A woman can also marry more than one husband... also not a crime.

No problem. If it favors you.. You can marry 50 or even more,its actually your body not mine

BigYash:
No problem. If it favors you.. You can marry 50 or even more,its actually your body not mine

Same applies to both genders is all I am making clear here.

Kobojunkie:
Same applies to both genders is all I am making clear here.

You're making a mistake there.. Why don't women pay groom prize? This is Africa and not the western world.. You gerrit?

BigYash:
You're making a mistake there.. Why don't women pay groom prize? This is Africa and not the western world.. You gerrit?

Because women didn't put together traditional ideas requiring such payments... men did that for their benefit.

Right there in the very same Africa, 100s of thousands also married without keeping to your traditional ideals and their marriages just as strong or even stronger for it. :

Kobojunkie:
Because women didn't put together traditional ideas requiring such payments... men did that for their benefit.

Then,women you be fast about putting that together for their benefit too.. Until then,they should follow the rules made by the various African societies..
Its simple..

BigYash:
Then,women you be fast about putting that together for their benefit too.. Until then,they should follow the rules made by the various African societies..
Its simple..

Why would women want to institute such a foolish idea to begin with?

Hmm. Only you truly knows your husband. However he seems like someone who wants you to be alright with any affairs he may have. Once you open such a box, you may not survive it. Since he says he’s done with the marriage, reduce communication with him except he wants to see his kids. Let him be done, no more courtesies and cooking for him. Let him be the bachelor he craves.

Start putting your own life together. What a joke of a man, who in this day and age works for free. Lmao. He even has time to be doing driver for a single woman. Jokes all round. Just focus on you woman.

If you should ever make up, make sure that his friend does not come close to your family ever again! Make it hell for him! Your husband also has a lot of work to do if he ever wants his marriage back.

I don’t support you calling the girl though. That was a wrong move. Making her more important than she is and giving her the chance to call your husband with lies about what you both discussed. Trust that she told him something else entirely that will cause more problems.

Kobojunkie:
Why would women want to institute such a foolish idea to begin with?

Probably because most of them are confused .. The same confusion is the reason why most "women" hate each other.. You gerit?

BigYash:
Probably because most of them are confused .. The same confusion is the reason why most "women" hate each other.. You gerit?

You are not making any sense here. Why would women institute a backwards idea which pretty much reduces a one to status of ward/slave in the marriage? Why would a woman want to take on responsibility of caring for the numerous husbands she marries when it is best if they each retain their individual responsibilities in the marriage?

Kobojunkie:
You are not making any sense here. Why would women institute a backwards idea which pretty much reduces a one to status of ward/slave in the marriage? Why would a woman want to take on responsibility of caring for the numerous husbands she marries when it is best if they each retain their individual responsibilities in the marriage?

And what would you called a society or union without a leader/rules and regulations?
Since your mind told you ,that you're making sense.

BigYash:
And what would you called a society or union without a leader/rules and regulations?
Since your mind told you ,that you're making sense.

A partnership/agreement. And mind you , you have it all wrong believing there are no rules and accountability in such a partnership.

Kobojunkie:
A partnership/agreement.

That's why I said most of you women are confused.. The society you are in ,does it support such? Now,if you wanna do that,you go to where people appreciate that.. I hope you gerrit now?

BigYash:
That's why I said most of you women are confused.. The society you are in ,does it support such? Now,if you wanna do that,you go to where people appreciate that.. I hope you gerrit now?

Polyandry is practiced right there in the very same Nigeria you pretend to know. Instead of continuing your existence in ignorance of the realities of that country, why not spend time educating yourself about the different cultures that actually coexist in that jungle of a country?

Kobojunkie:
Polyandry is practiced right there in the very same Nigeria you pretend to know. Looking than existing in ignorance of the realities in that country, why not spend time educating yourself instead about the different cultures that actually coexist in that jungle of a country?

You mean you're from a jungle? Now I understand where you're coming from... Enjoy the rest of your evening..

BigYash:
You mean you're from a jungle? Now I understand where you're coming from... Enjoy the rest of your evening..

.... there are over 250 ethnic groups in Nigeria meaning 250 potentially different traditions makes makes the place a jungle of sorts. Try to keep up!

I'm happy for that man...
Now, he can have peace...