Amazingbaby:
I called my husband and actually blasted him calling him a very big liar and how embarrassed I am.on Monday I left for the hospital he called and we discussed some business and the kids(I was actually not angry again knowing that he is no different from any other guy,if you see how he use to condemn cheating ehh....) Only for my mum to call me around 12 in the afternoon to ask me questions,my husband actually called my mum after I confronted him about what the girl said to tell her he is DONE with me,that I don't give him peace in the house that this and that.in summary calling the girl actually triggered divorce because I am ready for anything.

For those that are doubting that I am a woman,abeg I am.

I followed some lovely people advice and I have actually achieved alot of things this week

1i paid for driving lessons (he literally have to drive me everywhere or I take Uber)
2 I have dusted out my certificate and is seriously looking for jobs(I have contacted alot of outsourcing firms)
3 signed up for gym classes.

In a way I lost myself trying to be a good wife and mother that I literally drove away alot of my friends.i had to stop talking with a good olfriend of mine because my husband was chatting with her behind my back for long (this is one of the reasons I don't trust him)

Lots of information...

So what and what should I do to upgrade myself I have not work for a long time.

Cococandy
Double0h7
Mariangle
Saintmary

How your husband ended up marrying you and staying with you?

Personally I can't.

Such choice of words you have used to describe him, his actions....even if this marriage fails, you have a lot to do for yourself.

Good luck

Op you are evil always playing the victim that's what wicked wives like you do won't give their husbands peace of mind and give them a bad name I have your type sleeping on my bed right now that gives me bad name outside and form angel for the gullible people supporting your evil manipulative type of wife

maasoap:


You were just rambling and rambling as if you didn't read her previous posts that made it clear that her husband was not ready to discuss with or explain anything to her. Her husband will never listen to her until he's through with the biitch he's following. I just don't understand why you're blaming her for her husband's irresponsibility!

I don’t know, maybe when you’re done with whatever is rambling in your head, you could read her posts and my comment again. Out of everything she has posted so far, you should understand by now that her husband isn’t just cheating on his wife with any random lady, he’s trying to leave his marriage for a specific lady, that’s a different thing altogether. They’ve been having issues in the marriage for long, he told her that she doesn’t give him peace, this is an ongoing thing in their marriage, his solution is to leave the marriage while her solution is to accuse him of cheating, there has been no mention of therapy or intercession, he even called her mother to inform her it was over, piece it together please, that’s what we try to do with the stories people write on the platform

HIbreed:
see as small small pikin wey never enter marriage dey cheer her up. The truth is, no man will ever leave the house and stay out for days if the wife is not a troublemaker and nagging douchebag. Let her continue. I throway salute for the man in question.

So if a woman abandoned her home the same way this man did, would you also be willing to declare her husband a troublemaker and nagging douchebag too?

postmann:


What a waste of my mental exercise. Even after editing your post, I'm still unmotivated. You're mental weak even for a female.

Pay less attention to my accurate depiction of the stench-trench (pûssy). You unwittingly betray how it hurts. Moreover, it's simple logic to know that boneheaded bîtches like you pay the intimate prize for their stupid with a well battered pûssy.

We are men, it's simple, flawless logic with us.

Now, go to sleep, you lousy bore of a bîtch. I have some sleep to catch. If your aren't sleepy already, you can spend your night thinking about that first day you spread your thighs and had your vulva splintered rather cheaply cos from thence began your woes.

Is that all you can manage?

The more you post, the more pitiful you get.

Vagina this, vulva that. Sex organs here, sex organs there.

Is there anything new that flashes through your STD ravaged brain matter? Can't you see it makes no difference how much you fantasize? Is there anything true you even have to say, other than hinging your deranged ramblings on the word "bitch" and your absurd ideas on what I must've done with my sex life? Anyone reading your posts knows there's something fundamentally wrong with you.

Outside of empty sex "insults" what else have you got?

Your approach is an old, baseless, empty, mental one. Hopeless, even.

Stupid infantile thing.

Bubblewitch:
hope this is the same advice you’d give if the roles were reversed. A man left his home because of an outsider and it’s the victim you people are blaming? Let him marry the babe na

Never conclude from one side of a story...

Let the husband too come to narrate the reason why he left...

Madam, I read through your first thread. And I'm reading this here. Here's the thing. You will get lots of both good and bad advice on nairaland. One thing though, you and your man are the only people who know what the true facts are. And in the final analysis, it is both of your lives and that of your children that are affected by all of this.

Now, I see two people who are simply incompatible in the meantime, and honestly immature, perhaps temporarily for the roles they were supposed to play. Forgive my boldness but I see lots of ego playing up on both of you. There is no ego in love and marriage. No pride, only love, admiration, and endurance for those times when the human in us fails us. Again!.

Reminds me of a confession told me by an old friend. He confessed that he hopelessly cheats on his wife. Hopeless because he regrets it each and every time, but he is unable to control his behavior. Compulsiveness.

I know his wife. A quiet gracious girl. I sort to know if he thought about the hurt his wife will feel if she finds out, and the possible fall out of that betrayal. He paused for a few minutes, lost deep in thought. It was obvious that never crossed his mind until that very minute. When he recollected himself and finally emerged from his befuddlement, he goes " I can't even imagine it". When I prodded him further, he said, I will simply break down on her feet and cry my eyes out until she forgives me.

The point is. He knew he was in the wrong, but he also understood what is at stake and the consequences that may follow. And it came to pass that our man was caught eventually. He did behave in the way he had intimated, and after six long months of tears and emotional sorting on both sides later, I was glad to see their happy family back up again.

The foregoing may not be at parity with your situation madam, but there is a message to take from it. Both of you need to work on yourselves. There may be a female angle that you may also have failed to apply here. Maybe, because I am confident that we are not educated regarding all the details of the situation, and we are also not owed the same.

If I were your adviser, I'd ask you to not make that call. Simply ignore the other woman, she owes you nothing. The man you said yes to is where your attention is needed. My game plan will be to lure him back home, then both of you will need to figure out what went wrong in your relationship.

There are other people that you need to put into the equation, your children. Be the woman, play the woman. Call your man, sit him down and ask a very simple question, " How can we both get this right again?". This time, honestly, devoid of rancor or anger.

You may be surprised at what we can achieve when we apply unconventional methods. At the end of the day, you're both adults, and you need to lock the door and talk this out.

Yea, I'll still dust my certs, work on that body, learn to drive, but I'll also work on saving my marriage for myself, my kids, and my man.

Good luck.

Women knows how to fine cote things, so if you believe a woman, then you can believe anything. Well, in this case, its a lose-lose for both parties.

Your husband is cheating on you and so what?
Yes it's hurts but think about Muslim women who share their husbands with maybe 2-4 wives.

You need to stop listening to feminist online and go back to the elders in the village and learn from the women there how to be a peaceful wife.

This is warning to you, do not accept to divorce your husband, tear the divorce papers and put it straight to him you are going nowhere for ever, let him know this so he would stop planning ahead of the divorce

The reason why you must not divorce your husband is you didn't cheat according to your story. I'm sure you know how to get this your husband if you want to just be loyal, allow him to do whatever he is doing with the new girl, just be looking, develop yourself, reinvent yourself, give it 3-4yrs, focus on your kids, do not cheat, give your husband sex, cook, clean,talk don't ask him too much questions, leave your husband stop monitoring him, don't call his female contacts, no man will take it easy with his wife if she does that, understand your husband.

The worst decision you will make is to leave your husband because he is having an affair with a woman while you are his wife in his home. You think you can find a faithful man as a single mother? The single mother life is that of sorrows, use and clean mouth, at the end you might even start paying to keep men and most will be after your money, which will be used to carry single young girls, how about your kids? They are going to be mad at you for divorce. your case is not about domestic violence, do you know your husband can carry Cain and flog you like a child? And it's legal Ok you don't know bcoz you lean towards feminism. Let your husband have his way I'm a man and telling you let him be for now it's just a phase.

kingsceemark:


Madam, there's something you're not telling us about all the drama between you and your husband, it's like your husband is fed up with you, well, make I no talk wetin dey my mind, the way this your husband dey avoid you like cancer, I dey suspect something oooo

She nor go talk that part..what people fail to understand is the husband isn't a fool...What I am telling the advisers is to wait for the husband to come to narrate his side of the story...

goldust777:
Op you are evil always playing the victim that's what wicked wives like you do won't give their husbands peace of mind and give them a bad name I have your type sleeping on my bed right now that gives me bad name outside and form angel for the gullible people supporting your evil manipulative type of wife

Eh God! Abeg forgive her. No vex, sir.

Kenturkey048:
Never conclude from one side of a story...

Let the husband too come to narrate the reason why he left...

Sure, do not conclude but call a spade a spade.

A man/woman choosing to abandon marriage and home, this rather than revealing the nature of a relationship with an outsider is outright wrong. We are not talking here of a secret service kind relationship.

Amazingbaby:
I called my husband and actually blasted him calling him a very big liar and how embarrassed I am.on Monday I left for the hospital he called and we discussed some business and the kids(I was actually not angry again knowing that he is no different from any other guy,if you see how he use to condemn cheating ehh....) Only for my mum to call me around 12 in the afternoon to ask me questions,my husband actually called my mum after I confronted him about what the girl said to tell her he is DONE with me,that I don't give him peace in the house that this and that.in summary calling the girl actually triggered divorce because I am ready for anything.

For those that are doubting that I am a woman,abeg I am.

I followed some lovely people advice and I have actually achieved alot of things this week

1i paid for driving lessons (he literally have to drive me everywhere or I take Uber)
2 I have dusted out my certificate and is seriously looking for jobs(I have contacted alot of outsourcing firms)
3 signed up for gym classes.

In a way I lost myself trying to be a good wife and mother that I literally drove away alot of my friends.i had to stop talking with a good olfriend of mine because my husband was chatting with her behind my back for long (this is one of the reasons I don't trust him)

Lots of information...

So what and what should I do to upgrade myself I have not work for a long time.

Cococandy
Double0h7
Mariangle
Saintmary

Eeya, Op you really get time to be talking to wanderer that has no respect for you. I know you called so he could bring money for food. Women that sacrifice their careers in this Naija for marriage dey try abeg. You made yourself unappealing that's why he goes for well packaged babes. If you meet me, you won't believe I have three kids! I need to take care of myself, not only for my husband but to appreciate my hustle. Go and look for a job cus being at home makes you nag and dormant.
Please let that your horseband be so you can gather yourself together.

goldust777:
Op you are evil always playing the victim that's what wicked wives like you do won't give their husbands peace of mind and give them a bad name I have your type sleeping on my bed right now that gives me bad name outside and form angel for the gullible people supporting your evil manipulative type of wife

Chai, I feel for you. It is well with your family if you are not at fault. I pity me that do not have in peace in their marriage.

Jagunlabiodua:
Your husband is cheating on you and so what?
Yes it's hurts but think about Muslim women who share their husbands with maybe 2-4 wives.

That's the dumbest, and stupidest thing to ask anyone to do. Why should she consider the fate of Muslim women when she does not have or want that sort of marriage...no one wants that kind of evil. Even the women in it don't want it.

Kobojunkie:
Sure, do not conclude but call a spade a spade.

A man/woman choosing to abandon marriage and home, rather than revealing the nature of a relationship with an outsider is outright wrong. We are not talking here of a secret service kind relationship.

Did she tell you the true device she sorted to verify the status of his relationship with the other lady...

Hope you know the husband isn't a stupid man. Let the husband come tell us why he left the house instead of solving issues like a man...

Know this..she will never say how it is. One thing women should know is they cannot stand up to a man in marriage. I noticed the problem of present days marriage. #WOKE

SIRTee15:



I seriously doubt he wants a divorce, he just wants his bruised ego restored and also wants to finally fix your problem- 'put u in your place'. The question is what do u want to do about it?
If u guys are abroad, I will say make u do small shakara. But naija....


Madam just beg him. If it means kneeling on your two knees, just do it- he's your husband. If not for anything, for the sake of the kids. At least uve made your point- u are not a fool.

Single motherhood is not a joke especially in conservative and 3rd world nations like Nigeria. U go old way pass your age. Remember no court can hold him down to do anything for u or your kids.
Most single mothers I know eventually travel abroad for the sake of their sanity.

Kneel down and beg a cheat, heartbreaker and wicked man? Na wa

ospreywin:
..... And there's a simple solution to your problem ooo if only you will take it as the real and only solution. From your grievance and explanation, I can deduce your man still wants the marriage and I bet you also wouldn't want to lose it, by the time you start that nonsense 'independent woman' you want to be forming, you will realize it's a loss eventually. Back to your solution, invite him over some day, don't ask him about what happened between him and the other lady, go on your knees and beg him, well, it will hurt your ego but it's worth it. Forget about how hurt you are or how dumb you feel, you can't have a perfect life, accept that as the challenge God is throwing at you. Though you can live without him, no doubt, don't listen to these people giving you advice to leave him bla bla bla, this is a faceless forum, you don't know who is who, those telling you to leave him might even be enduring X100 of what you are going through but they will want to have a counterpart in a failed marriage. I don't know you and you don't know me but I'm 100% sure your marriage is going to work if you want it and believe me, after you're done begging and he comes to his senses, you will have a sweet experience you've never had before. Trust me

Beg him for cheating? Jeeez!!! Oga it is not everyone that is suffering in marriage. Op go find work and he should apologize for hurting you.

Kenturkey048:

1. Did she tell you the true device she sorted to verify the status of his relationship with the other lady...

2. Hope you know the husband isn't a stupid man. Let the husband come tell us why he left the house instead of solving issues like a man...

Know this..she will never say how it is
3. Know this..she will never say how it is. One thing women should know is they cannot stand up to a man in marriage. I noticed the problem of present days marriage. #WOKE
.

1. Again, regardless of the true nature of his relationship with this woman, the man is wrong for abandoning his marriage to protect his connection to the outsider. You see, when you read that marriage makes two into one, what that means is you keep no more secrets from each other.

2. Regardless of what your personal opinion of OP'S husband, he did here a foolish thing abandoning his marriage over this.

3. The major problem men have in present day marriage is the attempt to live it as if still in the days of their fathers and their fathers before them. It will never work. The world has changed and you need to realize you are no longer gods in it.

Ninisun:



Kneel and beg a cheat, heartbreaker, and wicked man? Na wa

You don label the man all these from one side story...

What if she is refusing him sex?
Men are always loyal to submissive wives...Wait to hear from the man's side before you judge...

maasoap:


If every husband behaves like that, separation and divorce will be everywhere. He doesn't respect his wife and his marriage. Men cheat but not in that stupid and senseless manner.

Somethings are better handled with wisdom, like lady Chummy said both of them are at faults and needs to have a heart to heart, the issue is not in the man being some-way as the OP said but in the manner in which she handled it. He's not a kid and doesn't need her(Op) to be trying to correct him. She raising her voice on him, trying to know his every moves is putting him off. Madam Chummy have given the best advice any one would give but the final decision is left with OP. The man knows already he had been caught he doesn't needs Op rubbing it in his face, he needs someone he can talk to and from what OP wrote up there she's out to teach him a lesson, you can't teach a grown ass man a lesson and before she makes any hasty decisions she should try as much as possible to try other means to keep her marriage so that even if it eventually crashes (which is worst case) the fault won't be from her own side. At least she'll have this peace that she tried, things are not always as it seems, that's why we need pray too so God helps us, because on our own we can do nothing.

Kobojunkie:
1. Again, regardless of the true nature of his relationship with this woman, the man is wrong for abandoning his marriage to protect his connection to the outsider. You see, when you read that marriage makes two into one, what that means is you keep no more secrets from each other.

2. Regardless of your personal opinion of OP'S husband, he did here a foolish thing about abandoning his marriage over this.

Regardless of whatever you think let the OP be a good wife..Men are loyal to submissive wives...

Kenturkey048:
Regardless of whatever you think let the OP be a good wife..Men are loyal to submissive wives...

Submissive? ROFLMAO


As I already said...

3. The major problem men have in present day marriage is the attempt to live it as if still in the days of their fathers and their fathers before them. It will never work. The world has changed and you need to realize you are no longer gods in it.

Amazingbaby:
I called my husband and actually blasted him calling him a very big liar and how embarrassed I am.on Monday I left for the hospital he called and we discussed some business and the kids(I was actually not angry again knowing that he is no different from any other guy,if you see how he use to condemn cheating ehh....) Only for my mum to call me around 12 in the afternoon to ask me questions,my husband actually called my mum after I confronted him about what the girl said to tell her he is DONE with me,that I don't give him peace in the house that this and that.in summary calling the girl actually triggered divorce because I am ready for anything.

For those that are doubting that I am a woman,abeg I am.

I followed some lovely people advice and I have actually achieved alot of things this week

1i paid for driving lessons (he literally have to drive me everywhere or I take Uber)
2 I have dusted out my certificate and is seriously looking for jobs(I have contacted alot of outsourcing firms)
3 signed up for gym classes.

In a way I lost myself trying to be a good wife and mother that I literally drove away alot of my friends.i had to stop talking with a good olfriend of mine because my husband was chatting with her behind my back for long (this is one of the reasons I don't trust him)

Lots of information...

So what and what should I do to upgrade myself I have not work for a long time.

Cococandy
Double0h7
Mariangle
Saintmary

Sail on lady! Take care of yourself and the children!

That gym class, classic! Best thing ever! A great running workout is
Lift weights and grow that muscles!

BigYash:
Probably because most of them are confused .. The same confusion is the reason why most "women" hate each other.. You gerit?

I want to beg you in the name of whatever you believe in, please stop quoting that moniker ,, pls and pls and pls . He’s very a senseless human being ,, no Dey respond to his comments atall abeg

seanwilliam:
I want to beg you in the name of whatever you believe in, please stop quoting that moniker ,, pls and pls and pls . He’s very a senseless human being ,, no Dey respond to his comments atall abeg

Noted bros..

Foolish males on here, stupid disgusting males displaying crassness here, I can never understand the brain matter that makes them think from the depth of their cesspit, these same fools will die if their wives did exactly what the husband did, they will start the divorce process if the wife walked out of her marriage to another man leaving the kids behind,

A husband left his wife and kids for a stupid minister of hell, the kids are watching and seeing everything, the way he comes and goes, pick up clothes and go, years later the foolish man will wail and cry when his kids ignores his existence saying he was not there all along, he will say the wife poisoned their mind, forgetting he laid the ground work for his stupidity to manifest from the onset

The wife asked for explanations of the girl, if he had nothing to hide, he will tell the truth, instead he chose to belittle and disrespect her by saying he owes her no explanation, such guts and effrontery, the op allowed it, cos she's unfortunately a dependent, he wouldn't have tried such with a sane woman who values her self worth and dignity, there are some men that are not worth the energy and effort sincerely

Op my advise to you is to read about passive aggressiveness, learn how to cultivate the habit of silence and pretend as if he does not exist, limit your call conversations or physical presence to only his kids, be polite but not friendly, he threatened a divorce, do not ever mention it, he can go right ahead, for me divorce is a deal breaker cos if you allow him back, he will continue to use divorce threat on you for the rest of your life at any little or slight provocation,

I love the part you said you'd dust your certificate and work on yourself, nothing beats self fulfillment and accomplishments, own your own my dear, you will be fine

All the best.

Well from the write up , it’s very glaring that the op is a nagging type of wife, she never pointed out one good thing the husband has done for her, she’s a controlling , demanding and troublesome wife whom I pray against in my life., y’all can see how she attacked comments that didn’t massage her ego.. a very selfish woman ! Spit!

Forget him, don't mind him, he is stupid, he is irresponsible Be careful, feminist are about to sell their form to you!!! Run o o,
You are about to give your children step father or step mum, Run o o!!! Your parents pass through a lot to give you a peaceful siblings, you owe your children that, don't answer Amazingbaby only online be amazing to those children too, is difficult but achievable!!! Dalu
Many here don't even know what marriage is all about, broken homes has finished this new generation. Madam win your husband back, devil has unleashed many girls to break as much homes as possible, don't add your home on that list. There are more strategy to fight this not force, take care of yourself, dress well or sexy always, avoid him sex, buy him condom, avoid asking him his where about, let his family know his lifestyle incase, one day other men around him will admire you, gbamm jealous will enter him, shame to approach you will not let him, he will be too hungry to taste you then you take control and dictate terms, starting from necessary lab test .... You know the rest. Men hate being monitored even if he is cheating show him you know but careless he will be troubled and restless that you know his escaped but did nothing, he will turn around. My 2kobo advice

Kobojunkie:
Submissive? ROFLMAO


As I already said...

3. The major problem men have in present-day marriage is the attempt to live it as if still in the days of their fathers and their fathers before them. It will never work. The world has changed and you need to realize you are no longer gods in it.

Your parents lived it that way and it worked out for them...Is the world changing for good or bad??

Well. Just believe in whatever you want to believe. Goodnight...

frandal:


Somethings are better handled with wisdom, like lady Chummy said both of them are at faults and needs to have a heart to heart, the issue is not in the man being some-way as the OP said but in the manner in which she handled it. He's not a kid and doesn't need her(Op) to be trying to correct him. She raising her voice on him, trying to know his every moves is putting him off. Madam Chummy have given the best advice any one would give but the final decision is left with OP. The man knows already he had been caught he doesn't needs Op rubbing it in his face, he needs someone he can talk to and from what OP wrote up there she's out to teach him a lesson, you can't teach a grown ass man a lesson and before she makes any hasty decisions she should try as much as possible to try other means to keep her marriage so that even if it eventually crashes (which is worst case) the fault won't be from her own side. At least she'll have this peace that she tried, things are not always as it seems, that's why we need pray too so God helps us, because on our own we can do nothing.

you’re very intelligent.. more so, with such attitude of her, I don’t think she can have stable relationship not to talk of marriage ., except she’s lucky to marry a simp