Kenturkey048:
Your parents lived it that way and it worked out...Is the world changing for good or bad??

Well..Just believe in what ever you want to believe..Goodnight...

My parents aren't your parents and they didn't live that foolishness. However, your parents and the vast majority of your ancestors did and for that reason, their mistakes continue to haunt Nigeria to this day.

It is time to stop the foolishness and start to embrace commonsense. .abandon the rot of yesterday. The world has changed and it is time you embrace change in place of yesterday's foolishness.

What I can say to the OP is to follow what Madam Chummy said, she's a wise woman and a wise human keeps her home. Please there's nothing outside, things are not as they seem, only you will live with whatever decisions you make. Try and think through your decisions, also speak to someone matured in marriage(that her marriage is working) too for advise because you can only emulate something good and add to the ones you know, no man is an island. After this phase and everything returns back to normal you're be thankful and proud of yourself that you make it work. Continue to pray and listen to messages on marriages for more wisdom, there's nothing new under the sun.

Kobojunkie:
My parents aren't your parents and they didn't live that foolishness. However, your parents and the vast majority of your ancestors did and for that reason, their mistakes continue to haunt Nigeria to this day.

It is time to stop the foolishness and start to embrace commonsense. .abandon the rot of yesterday. The world has changed and it is time you embrace change in place of yesterday's foolishness.

Nigerians think they know what they don't know...That is why a man like Buhari is their president...The world to them is UK and U.S...well. Believe whatever you believe..Bye-Bye...Goodnight...

Crummy:
Amazingbaby I have read both threads and sincerely hope you would listen to what I have to say.

1) it would shock you, but I don't think your husband is cheating on you with that girl you are suspecting, though he might be cheating with other girls but not that one.

2) your husband admires that girl, I think he find her easy to talk to and he connects with her. That's why he was always talking about his business to her at his friends place. You don't communicate well with your husband

3) you deserve an explanation from your husband, but not probably the way you ask right now, men are the easiest people to get if you know their password

4) I think you are paranoid and that is because u don't have much on your hands, once u get a job and something you are passionate with, you won't have much time for unfounded allegations.

5) not giving peace in the home is a thing, a husband should not feel bad whenever he is going home to his family, his house should feel like a home not a battlefield, it's not everything you fight about.. and before you demand transparency,ensure that you yourself is transparent.

6) your husband probably doesn't feel loved or respected in his home,it your duty as a wife to do that no matter what anyone says,why marry someone you cannot love or respect? I think he leaving home for you is for u to come to your senses and beg him...

7) you should apologize for your behaviour, promise to change, listen to him and care for him and see if he would still behave the way he is.. please don't give up on your marriage, I really don't think that girl is cheating with your husband,for her to mention she is a minister and answer your questions well she is not a demon,if u meet ladies ready to snatch your husband you sef go fear.

your husband would change once he sees genuine change and trust, it's obvious u don't trust him and it's understandable considering what he did with your friend,but u have to make your marriage work..no fun in divorce....

Thanks..

See eh, u will live long.
I wish you were her senior sister giving her this advice.
U see you that number 6 and 7 .
Respect and apologizing is major problem in homes especially for women because u cannot do these with emotions.
Only with logical and deliberate effort.
See kids, even when u as a woman discipline them bcoz of what they have done wrong, will u expect them to respect u or apologize.
Emotionally they supposed ( will) not but logically u expect them to still respect u.
That's the same for a husband.

Kenturkey048:
Nigerians think they know what they don't know...That is why a man like Buhari is their president...The world to them is UK and U.S...well. Believe whatever you believe..Bye-Bye...Goodnight...

Now you are not making any sense at all.

The average Nigerian still thinks as their fathers before them did where intelligence is concerned, and that happens to be core reason why men like Buhari and the lot continue to thrive in that nation. You rid yourselves of the foolishness of your fathers and you will see that these men deserve to be striped and flogged in public, and everything they have taken away away them.

How people aren't seeing through Op's antics is what I don't get. I have read her first and second story and I'm still struggling to find her evidence for the husband's cheating, or the need for the subsequent brouhaha that led to the man leaving home. She's trying to appear a peace-loving person/saint, yet she has already called to confront the lady she thought her husband was having an affair with, even without any evidence. I read some people saying her husband isn't providing any explanation. But then I ask, what explanation will convince someone who has already drawn conclusions? How will such discussion not result into argument or, even worse, violence, with the Op's confrontational approach? Well, it looks like the Op is even particular about the category of persons she wants advise from. I wish her well.

Kobojunkie:
My parents aren't your parents and they didn't live that foolishness. However, your parents and the vast majority of your ancestors did and for that reason, their mistakes continue to haunt Nigeria to this day.

It is time to stop the foolishness and start to embrace commonsense. .abandon the rot of yesterday. The world has changed and it is time you embrace change in place of yesterday's foolishness.

Rightly said

They think they are wise, not knowing foolishness is their watchword.

Kobojunkie:
Now you are not making any sense at all.

The average Nigerian still thinks as their fathers before them did where intelligence is concerned, and that happens to be core reason why men like Buhari and the lot continue to thrive in that nation. You rid yourselves of the foolishness of your fathers and you will see that these men deserve to be striped and flogged in public, and everything they have taken away away them.

Bye bye..abeg...

Kenturkey048:


Nigerians think they know what they don't know...That is why a man like Buhari is their president...The world to them is UK and U.S...well. Believe whatever you believe..Bye-Bye...Goodnight...

In your attempt to be smart by quarter, you woefully seem dumb

Buhari is a man of the olden days that you claim are wise, who is presently destroying the country on a per second basis,

The world, a sane world, is UK and US cos it is a functioning society

Are you trying to glorify Buhari and diss the west? Cos your incoherent blabber/postulations doesnt make sense.

HIbreed:
don't spoil this overtly emotional woman's marriage. She'll see hell as a single mom, trust me.

hummm..u are right

Kobojunkie:
Now you are not making any sense at all.

The average Nigerian still thinks as their fathers before them did where intelligence is concerned, and that happens to be core reason why men like Buhari and the lot continue to thrive in that nation. You rid yourselves of the foolishness of your fathers and you will see that these men deserve to be striped and flogged in public, and everything they have taken away away them.

Thank you.

sammiewrite:
How people aren't seeing through Op's antics is what I don't get. I have read her first and second story and I'm still struggling to find her evidence for the husband's cheating, or the need for the subsequent brouhaha that led to the man leaving home. She's trying to appear a peace-loving person/saint, yet she has already called to confront the lady she thought her husband was having an affair with, even without any evidence. I read some people saying her husband isn't providing any explanation. But then I ask, what explanation will convince someone who has already drawn conclusions? How will such discussion not result into argument or, even worse, violence, with the Op's confrontational approach? Well, it looks like the Op is even particular about the category of persons she wants advise from. I wish her well.

Make una leave her to use her hand scatter her marriage ... Then she go dey alright...

At least she don register for gym..she wants to look sexy..

Kenturkey048:

Bye bye..abeg...

See! All I have done is tell you the truth of the Nigerian condition.

Kobojunkie:
See! All I have done is tell you the truth of the Nigerian condition.

I don hear you...bye-bye..

Biglittlelois:
Rightly said

They think they are wise, not knowing foolishness is their watchword.

Ding ding ding ding!!!

Biglittlelois:



In your attempt to be smart by quarter, you woefully seem dumb

Buhari is a man of the olden days that you claim are wise, who is presently destroying the country on a per second basis,

The world, a sane world, is UK and US cos it is a functioning society

Are you trying to glorify Buhari and diss the west? Cos your incoherent blabber/postulations doesn't make sense.

This one just burst from nowhere begin cap lose... Shey, I quote you ni ?? Abeg rest..goodnight...

Ninisun:



Kneel down and beg a cheat, heartbreaker and wicked man? Na wa

If u have a pragmatic alternative opinion that is implementable within the Nigeria cultural context, say it.
Don't come and be forming unrealistic feminism. A marriage is at stake here, kids are involved.
Is it not kemi adetiba that was torn apart this morning for getting married as evening newspaper....despite her accomplishment n achievement.

SIRTee15:
If u have a pragmatic alternative opinion that is implementable within the Nigeria cultural context, say it.
Don't come and be forming unrealistic feminism. A marriage is at stake here, kids are involved.
Is it not kemi adetiba that was torn apart this morning for getting married as evening newspaper....despite her accomplishment n achievement.

Why does it have to fit into your Nigerian cultural context abeg?

I mean there are 100's of thousands of marriages in th same Nigeria that were not designed to fit any of your cultural contexts, so why do you expect that your solution in this case ought to?

My own parents where married over 40 years ago in the same Nigeria and none of what they did even after that fit any of your cultural templates so why do you intend to make this one fit?

Why are some of you bent on comparing this OP'S marriage to others out there. Did Op somewhere suggest that her marriage agreement is modeled as that of the others you point to?

seanwilliam:
Well from the write up , it’s very glaring that the op is a nagging type of wife, she never pointed out one good thing the husband has done for her, she’s a controlling , demanding and troublesome wife whom I pray against in my life., y’all can see how she attacked comments that didn’t massage her ego.. a very selfish woman ! Spit!

If you create a thread about good things husband are doing trust me I will list,I never said he is evil or wicked,why generalize? I am talking about an incident that is breaking us up...where In this incident should I put how good he is? I talked about how he takes care of the kids .oh chim oooo

Amazingbaby:
Biko toks2008 and baby123 make una leave my page even though I love baby123

Link to the first https://www.nairaland.com/6971181/husband-left-us

This week have been crazy, I took alot of advice from this page and was minding my business, I called him on Saturday to come pick the kids because I deserve rest, he said he would prefer coming to the house to see them, he came I cooked and we all ate around 5 he picked up some clothes and left.

He kept calling to talk about things in general and I was responding fine. My kids got sick on Sunday (night fever) and I spent all night tepid sponging and administering drugs.

On Sunday night, he went out with his infamous friend when I called him around 10 he was still out (something he hardly do) when he got back he called and we got talking one thing led to another and I still asked him about the text message and the girl as usual he kept on hammering on how he doesn't owe me any explanation. I told him that if he doesn't give me an explanation I would have to call the girl directly, he cut the call and I actually called her.

When I asked her where she went with my husband the lady told me that my husband saw that she was interested in tech event and took her there on that Saturday, he actually went to pick her up (lol).

I asked her how did she know everything about his business and why would she want to work for him for free, she said my husband normally come to his friends office and when he is not around he do strike up conversation with her and tell her all about his business and she was interested in growing it (lol).

She got very uncomfortable and started talking about how she is a minister in her church (I actually bursted out laughing at this point), she said a whole lot of things contradicting everything my husband told me, he was even talking with her since he left the house.

Don't fight ur husband over that lady's issue as long as he carries out his responsibility in the home. If he wants to marry another woman, there is nothing u can do.

Amazingbaby:
I called my husband and actually blasted him calling him a very big liar and how embarrassed I am.on Monday I left for the hospital he called and we discussed some business and the kids(I was actually not angry again knowing that he is no different from any other guy,if you see how he use to condemn cheating ehh....) Only for my mum to call me around 12 in the afternoon to ask me questions,my husband actually called my mum after I confronted him about what the girl said to tell her he is DONE with me,that I don't give him peace in the house that this and that.in summary calling the girl actually triggered divorce because I am ready for anything.

For those that are doubting that I am a woman,abeg I am.

I followed some lovely people advice and I have actually achieved alot of things this week

1i paid for driving lessons (he literally have to drive me everywhere or I take Uber)
2 I have dusted out my certificate and is seriously looking for jobs(I have contacted alot of outsourcing firms)
3 signed up for gym classes.

In a way I lost myself trying to be a good wife and mother that I literally drove away alot of my friends.i had to stop talking with a good olfriend of mine because my husband was chatting with her behind my back for long (this is one of the reasons I don't trust him)

Lots of information...

So what and what should I do to upgrade myself I have not work for a long time.

Cococandy
Double0h7
Mariangle
Saintmary

Wow. This is a lot. I trust you'll have all the strength and wisdom you need through this period.

Jagunlabiodua:


The worst decision you will make is to leave your husband because he is having an affair with a woman while you are his wife in his home. You think you can find a faithful man as a single mother? The single mother life is that of sorrows, use and clean mouth, at the end you might even start paying to keep men and most will be after your money, which will be used to carry single young girls,.

lol...this here have been the bitter truth and the only existing reality of divorced single mothers in Nigeria.

The feminists here wants to make it seem like she can leave and have a far better life.. something none of them can do if they were in her shoes. They wants to make it a competition with men. Its easy to advice a man to leave a marriage because the man won't lose anything apart from closeness to his kids. Infact he will be free and happier. But for a woman, she will be plunging deeper into an abyss of depression by the time men start using and and dumping her. And thats if she still have anything close to attractiveness on her body. After being married, divorced...at an advanced age, you will start amassing body counts like you did at young age...and this time, it will pain the most when you realise you are being used and dumped for being old, etc.

This OP should go make enquiries from divorced women and single mothers to know whats cooking in the kitchen before letting pride kill her totally. Not like your life is in danger.

All these bitter women here have advised you to park and leave. Na body go tell you

Amazingbaby:
I called my husband and actually blasted him calling him a very big liar and how embarrassed I am.on Monday I left for the hospital he called and we discussed some business and the kids(I was actually not angry again knowing that he is no different from any other guy,if you see how he use to condemn cheating ehh....) Only for my mum to call me around 12 in the afternoon to ask me questions,my husband actually called my mum after I confronted him about what the girl said to tell her he is DONE with me,that I don't give him peace in the house that this and that.in summary calling the girl actually triggered divorce because I am ready for anything.

For those that are doubting that I am a woman,abeg I am.

I followed some lovely people advice and I have actually achieved alot of things this week

1i paid for driving lessons (he literally have to drive me everywhere or I take Uber)
2 I have dusted out my certificate and is seriously looking for jobs(I have contacted alot of outsourcing firms)
3 signed up for gym classes.

In a way I lost myself trying to be a good wife and mother that I literally drove away alot of my friends.i had to stop talking with a good olfriend of mine because my husband was chatting with her behind my back for long (this is one of the reasons I don't trust him)

Lots of information...

So what and what should I do to upgrade myself I have not work for a long time.

Cococandy
Double0h7
Mariangle
Saintmary

Madam, stop right now, stop listening to trash advice, Right now go beg your husband (100X) DO IT

The only work available job right now is in shawoshawo Nig. Ltd in which I don;t wish you.

Nonexisting:
I dey tell you. Immediately I saw that, I stopped reading because she obviously doesn't want quality advice. A married woman in distress should've be yearning for the advice of other married women who are or may have idea what it means to be in her shoes, not some frustrated feminists. It's likely she wants to end up like them so let her keep listening to them. Let her keep dusting her certificate and going to the gym thinking that's what a man wants but I can say with my full chest that a day is coming when she will remember her actions and cry bitterly had she known.

Lol

Amazingbaby:
Biko toks2008 and baby123 make una leave my page even though I love baby123

Link to the first https://www.nairaland.com/6971181/husband-left-us

This week have been crazy, I took alot of advice from this page and was minding my business, I called him on Saturday to come pick the kids because I deserve rest, he said he would prefer coming to the house to see them, he came I cooked and we all ate around 5 he picked up some clothes and left.

He kept calling to talk about things in general and I was responding fine. My kids got sick on Sunday (night fever) and I spent all night tepid sponging and administering drugs.

On Sunday night, he went out with his infamous friend when I called him around 10 he was still out (something he hardly do) when he got back he called and we got talking one thing led to another and I still asked him about the text message and the girl as usual he kept on hammering on how he doesn't owe me any explanation. I told him that if he doesn't give me an explanation I would have to call the girl directly, he cut the call and I actually called her.

When I asked her where she went with my husband the lady told me that my husband saw that she was interested in tech event and took her there on that Saturday, he actually went to pick her up (lol).

I asked her how did she know everything about his business and why would she want to work for him for free, she said my husband normally come to his friends office and when he is not around he do strike up conversation with her and tell her all about his business and she was interested in growing it (lol).

She got very uncomfortable and started talking about how she is a minister in her church (I actually bursted out laughing at this point), she said a whole lot of things contradicting everything my husband told me, he was even talking with her since he left the house.

It’s funny how you want to get a job now, learn driving and go to the gym cause divorce is around the corner, what stopped you from doing any of this all this while? This is actually what it means to be a good wife, having a job, taking care of your shape and doing things for yourself.

Imagine the different times your husband, even if he was tired would have to drive you cause you don’t know how to drive, imagine how much weight and pot belly you have developed all along and it’s now you want to visit the gym, imagine you have been jobless and contribute little or nothing economically to the marriage since.

And you call all of the above being a good wife?what excuse do you have as why you didn’t do these things since? The children? Are the children all dead now? You cook and clean the house? Won’t the house be cleaned now?

This is the problem in marriages, women lazy around and allow the man labor to death, when you say jack they remind you about house chores, most of them start looking for jobs to cater for their kids when the man suddenly stops breathing (dead)

If you had a job, went to the gym and could drive yourself all this while, I don’t think you would even have the time to monitor your husbands movement. If you did, maybe now you will be talking about expanding your business or investment, not do what you should have done years ago, you are looking for a job? Who employs an old fat lazy lady that can’t even write a coherent story to manage his business?

superCleanworks:


yes i read every word right from your first post and i am not surprised that your husband will say such because that is what your whole story smells of.

of course you said it all. he is the bad guy that packed his bags and abandoned his family. just like that. you chose the perfect word to make the world see what a bad person he is and emotional fools like BRATISLAVA have already swallowed it wholesale.


here you go again with your emotional sinker.

good luck

It is a tragedy for a man to walk out on a woman in a marriage. If you don't know, Amazingbaby is pained and hurting, please don't add to her woes.

What woman wouldn't want to know the whereabouts of her Husband, not bf or Fwb o! She didn't do too much by demanding for an explanation. God forbid if anything happens to the man, she's the first point of call.

Pray, Mr. Super Cleaner, how else would she have presented the story other than the way it happened? You accused her of demonizing the husband. Hmmmmn! Like BRATISLAVA said, reverse the genders and see if you'd still have the same opinion.

Don't blame anyone if you haven't walked in their shoes.

@ OP Amazingbaby, Your home can still be salvaged. Don't be hard on yourself, it's good you're looking after yourself now, take care of your kids too. Give them a good life, after all widows excelled at raising kids alone. Pretend he's dead so you can focus. He'd be back. They come back, only they may never return as complete as they left. God be with you.

Amazingbaby:


There was no place I said he was the demon.
It is my narrative so it has to be narrated through my words,oga how would I know what he is feeling,I only know of his actions.
Did I not wrote that he said I hardly give him Peace? That is his words,so what do you want me to say.oh chim!

I am anything but a saint and if demanding answers from my "husband"means I nag and choke then so be it.

The Devil is playing evil beats to your Marraige and You are happily dancing to it.

Trying not to reconcile the issues in your marraige will eventually make things worse for you, your. children, your personality making your lives. more. complicated.

Why not tell him things he needs to improve on and also work on yourself. Visit a Pastor or Therapist of his choosing who has a listening ear.

You seem not to respect Him. Be Humble Please, You just have to be Please.

Call Him, Apologise sincerely.

He is your Man, Please feed his Ego a bit and improve in ways he asks you to improve on.

At lease a few years ago you guys were all loved up.

Don't allow tiny things on your part to break things apart.

Your Marraige will not break IJN, It will work and you and your children will be happy

superCleanworks:

That person you're arguing with is a lady disguised as a man. They always support their counterparts no matter what

BRATISLAVA:


You're the daftest contributor on the forum. You have fallen to insults when you cannot tell us anything if the genders were reversed.

You have conveniently spewed your garbage insinuations about the OP being a nagger. All that you're lacking is the extra daftness to allege she's a cheat.

It is good that we can finally see what you think of her that prompted your first idiotic post full of assumptions. Anyone reading it can see you're wholly stupid with nobody to tell you.

You are a noisy gender bigot.

PS: Anyone who listens to men on the forum is listening to embittered individuals like the above one with deranged opinions on women without any backup.

These are the sorts of people you entrust your judgement to.

Stfu b!!tch y'all always supporting your genders like your lives depends on it. And hey!! I know you'll deny that you're not a lady but Sftu make person hear word abeg

Amazingbaby:


Are you for real? What do you want me to say, should I have lied that he is home when he is not? Abandon his family? I never said anything like that Am I dealing with an insane person on nairaland?
I hate pity that is why I warned my mum never to tell my siblings or anyone,why then would I need nairalnds pity?

Biko I need practical opinion on how to move forward.avoid me.

See how you came here to explicably disgrace the young man you call hubby. You even proud to say you have arranged all your docs, driving school, enroll gym so you can look fit for other men when y'all part ways. Exactly the plan. But when they marry you, you will then quit gym and look shabby and flabby again just like you are and coupled with your crass egotistical behavior they loose it and another divorce sets in. Then this repeats again.

I know you may wonder why i can predict so well its just how y'all ladies be nowadays. You give your men trash and expect them to deal with it cos after they married men/parents. Or what can they do about?

You never for once mentioned or asked how or what you'll do to restore your marriage in all your Lamentations. All you say is you're ready for anything. A disgustingly egotistical lady you is. Look at the numerous feminists you even tagged on the post. You don't love that man. He deserves better

Now make person hear word

Kobojunkie:
My parents aren't your parents and they didn't live that foolishness. However, your parents and the vast majority of your ancestors did and for that reason, their mistakes continue to haunt Nigeria to this day.

It is time to stop the foolishness and start to embrace commonsense. .abandon the rot of yesterday. The world has changed and it is time you embrace change in place of yesterday's foolishness.

On point.! We have more information and education to make better decision than our parents.