I will try to be brief as I can. Pls read on

I was born in a broken home from two different tribes in the country.
My late mom was a lecturer in one of the state polytechnics though she resigned her job when she couldn't cope with her mental illness. Me and my siblings were only in primary school then

My dad showed no concern for her health and came back to his hometown engaging himself in politics that have benefitted him nothing.

Me and my elder bro grew up with our dad while my two little sisters stayed with my mom, though we lost our last born the year 2005

I grew up with asthma and lacked mother's care. My dad and extended family even my grannies disliked me because they taught I was slow and couldn't cope with my mates

The truth is that my asthma was severe. I couldn't move an itch without my inhaler. The abuse got worse when in my early youth I couldn't do basic work to earn like my mates by working on building sites.

I was called lazy and the day I tried to prove I wasn't lazy, I nearly died of cement dust

My mom died last year April
She died poor and in pains due to liver disease.

I didn't remember giving my mom anything substantial before her demise, though i didn't have, but I feel I wasted my early youth by not making use of the best opportunity that presented itself after I left secondary which would have bettered me

Few years before her death she pleaded I move to stay with her. I couldn't because she lives in Northern Nigeria and there's no job in the area. I am in deep pains!

My mum mental health resulted to her adding hypo in her food and water claiming it's a cure for BP.(she also have BP)
I feel I am responsible for her death and hate myself for not reaching for my mom when she needs me. If I was around she wouldn't have drank hypo occasionally thereby destroying her liver


Now I feel I am becoming a demon. I hate helping people, infact when I see people in need I withhold any kind of help because God didn't give me chance to offer help to the woman I love most. I think because I couldn't do for my late mom no one is worth it.

My lack of empathy is growing by the day.
My girlfriend left, saying she couldn't cope, she says I have to start forgiving myself.
Do you believe I refused rendering help to my dad when he had accident? This was even before my mom died

I have taught about suicide but I can't just imagine how my bro will feel. Despite causing him pains too, he have always tolerated me and I know the damage my death will cause him. I wish I was never his brother


Pls I am tired of being angry and depressed
Is there a remedy for me? Sometime I think I behave abnormal, I really don't know if I am mentally insufficient too

Please cheer up and take a break off thoughts. Visit relaxation centres and take yourself out. Depression should be the last thing for a promising future of your kids. Patronize your girl: I do research writing for MSc and PhD.

Exprofressor:
Pls I am tired of being angry and depressed
Is there a remedy for me? Sometime I think I behave abnormal, I really don't know if I am mentally insufficient too

If you are truly tired, then I suggest you seek out the help of mental health professionals/doctors to help you begin treatment for your depression then. Make an appointment and go in to see a professional so you can begin now on your path towards forgiving yourself and others, and having a better quality of life now than what is your past.

Tell Urself enuf is enuf.Laugh)smile always.Cheerful/render assistance in Ur own little way.Seek medical help/pray to God for healing N Mercy

I know you have only written just a few from what you have passed through.
Let me tell you some things.
Nigeria is an evil place, majority of people in Nigeria are evil too, therefore the average person grow up in the midst of abuse, torture, pain etc.
95% of people in Nigeria are traumatised from the pain and evil they grew up with, the worse thing is that this has now be normalised and the result is a country lacking in empathy, desensitized to pain and evil in all its fabric.
You see police men, killing people without remorse, swapping inmates for the highest bidder and allowing the guilty walk free.

I have written all this so that you know you are not alone, some people on this group have been abused by their own parents sexually for years, how do you heal that kind of trauma, no justice nothing.

Every body expects you to man up and move on.

Now this is my little advise from someone who also had a traumatic childhood like you, but in my own case, people would argue that I should be grateful cos some people have it worse.

The fact you are alive is a priviledge, try to forgive yourself, move away from anything, family, friends that triggers the thought of the past .
This might sound somehow but try to look for a lady that loves you sincerely(this might be difficult but still possible considering the average lady out there is a gold digger) and pour your love into her.

Lastly, dream of having your own family and have a plan to raise your kids and family with the opportunity that you did not have.

The joy you get from a beautiful family will make you forget the past.

I wish you all the best.

Start by forgiving pipu. U said no one loved u wen u wia younger cos de tot u wia lazy n hated u 4 dat, ur still holding no 2 d past. My advice, in other to move forward u need to let go of ur past, learn hw to love, stay close to ur brother u will learn alot from him.

A psychologist could help, which will possibly involve family members

.

The way I laugh out loud when alone e people will think that I am mad. No I am actually trying to stay lovely with myself. Op I hate people too especially those that blow big pidgin English (broken). They are frustrating and lousy. Just find something that makes you happy. For me having sex a lot with lovely young girls and eating good delicacy makes me happy. I wish I can have enough money in the bank, I wouldn't need anyone at all just my Lovely Dog and me.

Hmm IPOB scammers

KillMNKnow:
Hmm IPOB scammers

Baby girl hajia, what do you mean?

Thank you for taking out time to share your story with us.I understand your limitations where due to the childhood asthma which your dad never recognized.You don't have to blame your self for your mum's death.You have challenges you where fighting.
Thank you for considering your brother regarding his pains when you die.All you need now is psychotherapy.You need to go to a teaching hospital in your area to see the mental health unit for counseling.In no distant time, you will be fully rehabilitated.
I would advice you call your girlfriend and apologize to her because you need to start a new life, and have children who would care for you at old age.
God bless you real good for sharing this pathetic story.DONT EVER BLAME YOURSELF.YOUR NEVER CAUSED YOUR MOTHER'S DEATH.
Thank you

KillMNKnow:
Hmm IPOB scammers

What happened to your instagram?

The honest truth I've come to learn is that our childhood and environment plays a vital role in our adulthood.
Reason being that circumstances and experiences we had while growing up made lots of person wicked, sadist and selfish.
Since you've already found out your issue, it's best you try working on yourself.
Try by giving alms to the less privileged who can never repay you and watch their smiles brighten your day.
Read books and listen to soul lifting songs.
Travel to lots of places you've heard but haven't been to.
Engage your spare time with voluntary organizations and most importantly visit a counselor.
You will be alright.

forgiveness:


What happened to your instagram?

changed it because of serious relationship

I don’t know why many people don’t understand that there is never Total and absolute happiness in this world. There are ways to feel at peace with yourself and that is what you don’t have.
First, you have to find a way to stop blaming yourself for your mother’s death because your reason for not wanting to relocate to the north was very valid. A grown human has to make decisions that would better his/her life. You could have done other things to help her though but there is no point talking about them now.

Now, I have to say that you will never be a peace with yourself if you keep holding yourself back from helping people you know are in genuine need. Trust me, that happiness you will cause other people from very little kind deeds will always find a way of returning back to you and it will drastically help with your depression.

I hope you find reasons to stay alive and stop every thought of suicide as you can get through whatever you are going through if you decide to fight.

Exprofressor:
I will try to be brief as I can. Pls read on

I was born in a broken home from two different tribes in the country.
My late mom was a lecturer in one of the state polytechnics though she resigned her job when she couldn't cope with her mental illness. Me and my siblings were only in primary school then

My dad showed no concern for her health and came back to his hometown engaging himself in politics that have benefitted him nothing.

Me and my elder bro grew up with our dad while my two little sisters stayed with my mom, though we lost our last born the year 2005

I grew up with asthma and lacked mother's care. My dad and extended family even my grannies disliked me because they taught I was slow and couldn't cope with my mates

The truth is that my asthma was severe. I couldn't move an itch without my inhaler. The abuse got worse when in my early youth I couldn't do basic work to earn like my mates by working on building sites.

I was called lazy and the day I tried to prove I wasn't lazy, I nearly died of cement dust

My mom died last year April
She died poor and in pains due to liver disease.

I didn't remember giving my mom anything substantial before her demise, though i didn't have, but I feel I wasted my early youth by not making use of the best opportunity that presented itself after I left secondary which would have bettered me

Few years before her death she pleaded I move to stay with her. I couldn't because she lives in Northern Nigeria and there's no job in the area. I am in deep pains!

My mum mental health resulted to her adding hypo in her food and water claiming it's a cure for BP.(she also have BP)
I feel I am responsible for her death and hate myself for not reaching for my mom when she needs me. If I was around she wouldn't have drank hypo occasionally thereby destroying her liver


Now I feel I am becoming a demon. I hate helping people, infact when I see people in need I withhold any kind of help because God didn't give me chance to offer help to the woman I love most. I think because I couldn't do for my late mom no one is worth it.

My lack of empathy is growing by the day.
My girlfriend left, saying she couldn't cope, she says I have to start forgiving myself.
Do you believe I refused rendering help to my dad when he had accident? This was even before my mom died

I have taught about suicide but I can't just imagine how my bro will feel. Despite causing him pains too, he have always tolerated me and I know the damage my death will cause him. I wish I was never his brother


Pls I am tired of being angry and depressed
Is there a remedy for me? Sometime I think I behave abnormal, I really don't know if I am mentally insufficient too

You need Jesus my dear. He gives me a reason to live and hope for a tomorrow. He gives me peace and joy like no one has given me. Truth be told,life itself is depressing but I can assure you He gives everything you seek

My dear, life deals with everyone in one way or the other. How we rise above our circumstances determine success. Yes, life has been difficult but what have you done with it? When life is tough it’s an opportunity to look around you for opportunities and start life a new.

You can’t blame anyone for your mums death. Whether you were there or not. Her mental health had deteriorated so much for some years. To prevent slipping into same state, avoid overly stressful situations.

What are you willing to do to turn your life around? You have your own health limitations and two siblings who look up to you. It’s time to get up and own your life. Beat the odds and win at life. Start learning IT and coding online(YouTube) and try to get new skills where you could get jobs that are less stressful and do not expose you to environments that trigger your asthma.

Forgive your mum (trust me, you are angry that she was ill), forgive your dad (he tried his best by leaving with you to go and hustle, it’s so hard being with an unstable spouse. Even his life could be at stake), forgive yourself (for not being able to live up to expectations for yourself and your younger ones). Say these words to yourself and cry out your grief. It’s ok, you will start your healing from there. Get self help books for empathy and motivation. When ever you can afford therapy, please , pay for it.

As for the part about empathy, please, you know better about struggling in life. How far a little help and empathy would have changed your life. God has blessed you with life and good health, you don’t know how great such blessings are! So, in every circumstance, just help the little you can without sacrificing or over compensating. Do it without expecting anything back but say a prayer for yourself and your family when you do those acts of kindness. I truly know life will get better for you, hang in there. We will all die anyway, why not see life finish and enjoy the ride.

You start by forgiving yourself for not being there for your mom.

Stay closer or communicate more with your brother since he has more positive attitude.

You chose to be like this, both of you had same parents but he turned out better.

Forgiving your dad will be difficult but you'll have to for closure and your own peace of mind.
What of your other sister, no mention of her in your write up.

Learning how to give as an adult will be difficult, but try an locate an orphanage near you. Get some gifts and visit them, don't just drop the gifts and move, play with the kids and I bet you when you're done and home your view towards life and giving will change.

Be good and positive and avoid bitter people and peeps with negative vibes.

I think with this chequered past of yours,this is the time to be very strong and call your only brother for a meeting to team up and work towards the success of your family.

I did it because there was a time in my family when things went so bad, bad that my father couldn't afford his rent,no pension coming mum was a house wife who was into trado-medicals but in all, it's very much fine today because of the action I took.

I called my brother for a meeting and re-emphasise the need for family first,and both of us worked towards it.
Today,we are happy for the decision we took together.

Pls,u can call your brother,have a meeting with him and see how both of u can work things out and make sure being alive shall be your focal point and rethink your lives and replan how u guys want to live.

Wishing u guys the best.

KillMNKnow:
changed it because of serious relationship

I guessed as much. Wish you best of life.

Bro, the first problem is that you blame yourself for everything even when it is not your fault.Funny thing is that your mom won't blame you but you feel you failed her and so that was why she died.Bro take if from someone who was once a big loner(I hate talking to people) from a very young age.I hated people too .

I just realised my life is in my hands ,if I want to be happy it is up to me and your mum wherever she is will never want you worry about her.Bro live your life and learn to love and accept yourself.

Learn to love yourself

Kobojunkie:
If you are truly tired, then I suggest you seek out the help of mental health professionals/doctors to help you begin treatment for your depression then. Make an appointment and go in to see a professional so you can begin now on your path towards forgiving yourself and others, and having a better quality of life now than what is your past.

Where can one find one? I stay in Owerri, I don't know how to find any

I want you to understand that Jesus loves you, and he is your creator, his thought towards you is of good and not of evil even to give you an expected end... Somewhere in the book of mattew the Bible said we should take no thought about tommorow, he continued to say that if he feeds the birds of the earth what of we humans that he created in his own image; therefore you should take no thought about tommorow.

Bro only God can deliver you out of your predicament, only him can cure your asthma and redesign your life for good, he will show you the way and all these problems will be a story.

I am a living testimony of the goodness of God, my mom was a good Christian, and with the help of God upon her life she lead us through this stage, I learned the act of prayer and love for God through her hands, and when you tell me I can't do it, i tell you i can do it, and I am doing it. I never knew I will finish my primary, secondary to university and where i am now. When situations become bad I pray about it and you see God in action. God is faithful.
Find a living church, draw close to God, pray often, fast and dont joke with your midnight prayers, read the word of God often because it gives satisfaction, when you do these I assure you that that depression will stop and God will begin to guide you earnestly. 110% assurance.

Exprofressor:

Where can one find one? I stay in Owerri, I don't know how to find any

I guess you can do a Google search for hospitals and mental health clinics in the area. Call them and ask if is possible to see a mental Health counselor or therapist. Another way is to call or visit a general hospital and ask for referral from there for such things.

Look up to God......
Don't try proving anything to anyone.....
Be yourself. .

Lastly,be very cocky and don't think of what people say or feel about you.

3coins:
I don’t know why many people don’t understand that there is never Total and absolute happiness in this world.

Reminds me of Cheslie Kryst's story.

Never think of yesterday, when there is a today with the promise of tomorrow.

If you want the keys to earning online... Check my signature, I am giving a ebook out for free.

Sad

I feel you are going through the 5 stages of grief:

1. Denial – The first reaction is denial. In this stage, individuals believe the diagnosis is somehow mistaken, and cling to a false, preferable reality.

2. Anger – When the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue, they become frustrated, especially at proximate individuals. Certain psychological responses of a person undergoing this phase would be: "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; "Who is to blame?"; "Why would this happen?".

3. Bargaining – The third stage involves the hope that the individual can avoid a cause of grief. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. People facing less serious trauma can bargain or seek compromise. Examples include the terminally ill person who "negotiates with God" to attend a daughter's wedding, an attempt to bargain for more time to live in exchange for a reformed lifestyle or a phrase such as "If I could trade their life for mine".

4. Depression – "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die soon, so what's the point?"; "I miss my loved one; why go on?"
During the fourth stage, the individual despairs at the recognition of their mortality. In this state, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time mournful and sullen.

5. Acceptance – "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it; I may as well prepare for it."
In this last stage, individuals embrace mortality or inevitable future, or that of a loved one, or other tragic event. People dying may precede the survivors in this state, which typically comes with a calm, retrospective view for the individual, and a stable condition of emotions.

My advice is that, you take all the time you need to grieve over the loss of your mum. Afterwards, forgive yourself. Then.

1. Seek out ways to celebrate her going forward. Ex: celebrating her birthday (post humous), create things that reflect her passions (in memory of her).

2. Do to others those things you failed to do to her. One way to redeem our mistakes is to teach others not to make them by sharing our experience.

3. Draw close to God. There's so much 'energy' you will get from this.

4. Join support groups if any.

5. Learn to be happy via relationships with reasonable people.

Ps: Love conquers all

Kobojunkie:
I guess you can do a Google search for hospitals and mental health clinics in the area. Call them and ask if is possible to see a mental Health counselor or therapist. Another way is to call or visit a general hospital and ask for referral from there for such things.

Thank you. I will do as you say
I really appreciate