I'll be your Ozumba Mbadiwe.

MsJackson:
Hello guys. Straight to the topic. In my eight years of marriage, he has never taken me out. I look good and dress well, i even have toasters outside. I am very faithful to him. I actually envy couples that go to outing, take pictures, create memories with their loved ones, but his own is different. Whenever i bring it up, he starts talking about this responsibility and the other one. I even told him that we should add money together just incase he doesnt have much, but he refused. I want to experience it and also want my 5 year old daughter to experience it too but she has never. He promised me that if i take in, he would take me out. It happened and he gave excuses until i forgot it. He then said wen i put to bed, we will go out. We never did. Even we dont celebrate anniversary because he doesnt want to spend anything. Na by force i dey take buy pepper meat and drink bitter just to mark the day. There was a day his friend offered to take me out in his presence. He didnt say anything. When it was almost evening time and I reminded the friend, if u see the way my husband shouted that i was long throat and that its ojukokoro that will kill me. I was so embarrassed. Now we are not on talking terms since yesterday because I reminded him about this outing issue, he said that with me, he knows he will never progress because I was an enemy of progress. Please i am dying of boredom and I cant go out with another man because he will get angry. Please is this stinginess or wat?
PS : he dishes soup for me because he counts meat in the pot. I dont steal meat ooo

This is what you get when you force a man to marry you.

Saintmary:



This is what you get when you force a man to marry you.

Do not draw conclusions when you do not know the facts.

MsJackson:
Do not draw conclusions when you do not know the facts.

Don't attack me Ma'am, I'm just responding based on what I see from your post.

Why not surprise him with a romantic dinner at home since he doesn't want to go out..Candle light, cool music and sexy wear just you and him dine together in the comfort of your home..

Also like most people have suggested take him out , take yourself out and take the kids out too.
Have some memorable moments with the kids. Go out with friends and family too.

Enjoy your life babe.

Hopefully he will have a rethink someday. He's probably overwhelmed with so much responsibilities or just boring.

He has good parts no?

Focus on his good.. You are building a mountain over something you can easily ignore or improvise.

Happiness is free in this life. Do not kill yourself for nothing.

If you ask me, I will say please readjust to suit your husband's lifestyle. Carry your children out if you must. It's not a do or die affair.

Sekoni003:
Your husband must be a graduate of Economics or an Ijebu man, or both

.my current Financial Controller is an Ijebu man and a chartered accountant. Even the owner of the company is not allowed to spend his own money. Everybody don tire for the man. Even to eat, the man no dey eat.

MsJackson:
Hello guys. Straight to the topic. In my eight years of marriage, he has never taken me out. I look good and dress well, i even have toasters outside. I am very faithful to him. I actually envy couples that go to outing, take pictures, create memories with their loved ones, but his own is different. Whenever i bring it up, he starts talking about this responsibility and the other one. I even told him that we should add money together just incase he doesnt have much, but he refused. I want to experience it and also want my 5 year old daughter to experience it too but she has never. He promised me that if i take in, he would take me out. It happened and he gave excuses until i forgot it. He then said wen i put to bed, we will go out. We never did. Even we dont celebrate anniversary because he doesnt want to spend anything. Na by force i dey take buy pepper meat and drink bitter just to mark the day. There was a day his friend offered to take me out in his presence. He didnt say anything. When it was almost evening time and I reminded the friend, if u see the way my husband shouted that i was long throat and that its ojukokoro that will kill me. I was so embarrassed. Now we are not on talking terms since yesterday because I reminded him about this outing issue, he said that with me, he knows he will never progress because I was an enemy of progress. Please i am dying of boredom and I cant go out with another man because he will get angry. Please is this stinginess or wat?
PS : he dishes soup for me because he counts meat in the pot. I dont steal meat ooo

Whew! It is well. You see why women need to empower themselves too? If you earn your money,you would take yourself out.

If you earn your money, no one will count meat in soup for you.

It is well....may God empower you.

naija4life247:

.my current Financial Controller is an Ijebu man and a chartered accountant. Even the owner of the company is not allowed to spend his own money. Everybody don tire for the man. Even to eat, the man no dey eat.

Ijebu man+accountant? Interesting combination

You don't sound like a nice wife yourself.
1) you claim to have toasters outside
2) you wanted his friend to take you out
3) you work but your husband is drowning in responsibilities but your concern is going out.

You get what you give in this life so if you want love, romance, and peace then give these things to your husband.

MsJackson:
Hello guys. Straight to the topic. In my eight years of marriage, he has never taken me out. I look good and dress well, i even have toasters outside. I am very faithful to him. I actually envy couples that go to outing, take pictures, create memories with their loved ones, but his own is different. Whenever i bring it up, he starts talking about this responsibility and the other one. I even told him that we should add money together just incase he doesnt have much, but he refused. I want to experience it and also want my 5 year old daughter to experience it too but she has never. He promised me that if i take in, he would take me out. It happened and he gave excuses until i forgot it. He then said wen i put to bed, we will go out. We never did. Even we dont celebrate anniversary because he doesnt want to spend anything. Na by force i dey take buy pepper meat and drink bitter just to mark the day. There was a day his friend offered to take me out in his presence. He didnt say anything. When it was almost evening time and I reminded the friend, if u see the way my husband shouted that i was long throat and that its ojukokoro that will kill me. I was so embarrassed. Now we are not on talking terms since yesterday because I reminded him about this outing issue, he said that with me, he knows he will never progress because I was an enemy of progress. Please i am dying of boredom and I cant go out with another man because he will get angry. Please is this stinginess or wat?
PS : he dishes soup for me because he counts meat in the pot. I dont steal meat ooo

Your husband doesn't fancyyany thing called social outing, just erase that from uoir mind

If you want an outing give it yourself

Am sure you are not working yet that's why you have time to look for outing

Get some thing doing and you will be able to go out almost every day

That alone will occupy your minds

Another thing, if he is the only one financing the family expenses just let him be

Sirqt5:
U r in ur 40s or late 30s already . make urself happy . either divorce am or live with am like dat . U met him dis way , he no go change

Do you assume that 8 years old marriage is too old that the woman must be in her 40s or late 30s? You know some women marry on time.

If this lady married at age 24, she should be 32 by now and be looking young.

One of my sisters married a man like this. He isn't romantic because he never followed women in his youth.

My sister and her kids never knew what beach and malls mean until I moved to Lagos and started taking them out myself.

The difference with OP's case is that the husband provides the money and everything needed for the outing.

I wonder why nairaland must always fault a woman in anything happening to her marriage.

This is coming from the angle of stinginess to me and being too serious with life.

Op, you can take yourself and your children out. Your husband does not need to be in the picture. Just tell him you are going out and that's enough.

Saintmary:



This is what you get when you force a man to marry you.

You just opened your dirty mouth waaaaa to vomit rubbish. What in her post tells you she forced the husband to marry her? When she corrected that misconception you still opened mouth anyhow and said don't attack me. What was the attack in her telling you not to draw conclusions on things you know nothing of. You would have sounded better with your mouth closed. Nonsense and ingredients

As I was reading my advice was just leave him jare, take yourself out, some are u romantic like that.that you don't have problem

But you see that last part of counting meat and dishing food part - you have bigger problems at hand madam, I know their type, not a good thing at all ooo. This is the real problem not even the taking out part.

naija4life247:

.my current Financial Controller is an Ijebu man and a chartered accountant. Even the owner of the company is not allowed to spend his own money. Everybody don tire for the man. Even to eat, the man no dey eat.

Abeg don't yab we Ijebu people

It's just being prudent at least he's managing the company's finances well, he's now a charted accountant again, powerful combo.

My own collegue has said the only problem she has with me is money issue and this is because I don't spend my money anyhow,
I don't borrow, I don't do pass my self and the only problem me I have with her is money issue because she feels so entitled to other people's money and she can so buy things beyond her salary ehn, someone I senior in rank, would be buying things I would have to think well to buy, you now go broke easily, then I become the bad person when I refuse to spend my own anyhow. I don't even mind the Iya Ijebu talk anymore Na you Sabi.

Do you have a family budget?

He keeps complaining about drowning in bills.

Do you share financial responsibilities since you work or you let him pay all bills and bring soup money once in a while?

Women who want a traditional man to pay every single bill but a touch or modernity in romance are not being realistic especially in this economy.

Adjust your family budget so the man too can breath and start enjoying life a little.
Prices of items have tripled, salaries have not he will be calculating how money for outing can buy light or pay for water.

It was not nice to ask his friend to take you out, imagine him asking your friend to cook for him.

Sit with him and discuss a family budget, how you can help reduce his burden.
Meanwhile take yourself and your kids out.

DEGREE2466:


Do you assume that 8 years old marriage is too old that the woman must be in her 40s or late 30s? You know some women marry on time.

If this lady married at age 24, she should be 32 by now and be looking young.

One of my sisters married a man like this. He isn't romantic because he never followed women in his youth.

My sister and her kids never knew what beach and malls mean until I moved to Lagos and started taking them out myself.

The difference with OP's case is that the husband provides the money and everything needed for the outing.

I wonder why nairaland must always fault a woman in anything happening to her marriage.

This is coming from the angle of stinginess to me and being too serious with life.

Op, you can take yourself and your children out. Your husband does not need to be in the picture. Just tell him you are going out and that's enough.

she's not 32

Framed:


You just opened your dirty mouth waaaaa to vomit rubbish. What in her post tells you she forced the husband to marry her? When she corrected that misconception you still opened mouth anyhow and said don't attack me. What was the attack in her telling you not to draw conclusions on things you know nothing of. You would have sounded better with your mouth closed. Nonsense and ingredients

Who stole your bread this early morning?



Sorry ehn.

.

MsJackson:
Hello guys. Straight to the topic. In my eight years of marriage, he has never taken me out. I look good and dress well, i even have toasters outside. I am very faithful to him. I actually envy couples that go to outing, take pictures, create memories with their loved ones, but his own is different. Whenever i bring it up, he starts talking about this responsibility and the other one. I even told him that we should add money together just incase he doesnt have much, but he refused. I want to experience it and also want my 5 year old daughter to experience it too but she has never. He promised me that if i take in, he would take me out. It happened and he gave excuses until i forgot it. He then said wen i put to bed, we will go out. We never did. Even we dont celebrate anniversary because he doesnt want to spend anything. Na by force i dey take buy pepper meat and drink bitter just to mark the day. There was a day his friend offered to take me out in his presence. He didnt say anything. When it was almost evening time and I reminded the friend, if u see the way my husband shouted that i was long throat and that its ojukokoro that will kill me. I was so embarrassed. Now we are not on talking terms since yesterday because I reminded him about this outing issue, he said that with me, he knows he will never progress because I was an enemy of progress. Please i am dying of boredom and I cant go out with another man because he will get angry. Please is this stinginess or wat?
PS : he dishes soup for me because he counts meat in the pot. I dont steal meat ooo

If he doesn't take u out, take him out. Note: Not Every man have time for such.

Abfinest007:
Cooked story reason
1)how can ur husband dish soup u cook for u
2) if refuse to take you out take urself out then invite him over

It happens ooo.
I no one doctor like that....

MsJackson:
i do have job. I do.

Imagine you don’t have a job, sorry would have been your name.
If someone takes him out and pay the bills, he will appreciate it. But if you pay the bills he won’t appreciate it, because he believes the money will solve one or two problems at homes.
Just take yourself out , have fun. Please don’t lock yourself, life too short

Klass99:


At the bolded, so you have noticed the toxic pattern too? I cannot thank you enough for saying this or giving your sister and her kids a fun experience at the beach/malls.

These little things contribute to wonderful life experiences, exposed minds and well rounded individuals/children, who are not easily intimidated with an inferiority complex, when their peers talk or share stories.

I have seen kids with low self esteem and complex issues, due to the sort of family backgrounds they come from, it breaks the heart. Children should be able to have nice experiences growing up, where they can just say WOW for the sheer pleasure of it.

This is a stone thrown at my family, my parents life evolved around work and spirituality and it got worst when we had both parents at home for the formative years of our lives 24/7 for roughly 8 years. You need to see me how I spearheaded and gingered two trips during my NYSC one outside our state of service, and people were seeing me as this wassup guy, but I alone knew what I wanted. And so far it's the best year of my life. My sister had same testimony as NYSC been her best year.

MsJackson:
Hello guys. Straight to the topic. In my eight years of marriage, he has never taken me out. I look good and dress well, i even have toasters outside. I am very faithful to him. I actually envy couples that go to outing, take pictures, create memories with their loved ones, but his own is different. Whenever i bring it up, he starts talking about this responsibility and the other one. I even told him that we should add money together just incase he doesnt have much, but he refused. I want to experience it and also want my 5 year old daughter to experience it too but she has never. He promised me that if i take in, he would take me out. It happened and he gave excuses until i forgot it. He then said wen i put to bed, we will go out. We never did. Even we dont celebrate anniversary because he doesnt want to spend anything. Na by force i dey take buy pepper meat and drink bitter just to mark the day. There was a day his friend offered to take me out in his presence. He didnt say anything. When it was almost evening time and I reminded the friend, if u see the way my husband shouted that i was long throat and that its ojukokoro that will kill me. I was so embarrassed. Now we are not on talking terms since yesterday because I reminded him about this outing issue, he said that with me, he knows he will never progress because I was an enemy of progress. Please i am dying of boredom and I cant go out with another man because he will get angry. Please is this stinginess or wat?
PS : he dishes soup for me because he counts meat in the pot. I dont steal meat ooo

This one is strong oooo, it's another thing to not want to go out but counting and dishing out meal to you is way out of it. Just take yourself and children out snap pictures selfie alone oooo, it will serve as evidence that it was you and the children alone...

As for other things, na the cross wey you carry, keep at it..

.

Saintmary:




Don't attack me Ma'am, I'm just responding based on what I see from your post.

YOU ARE WRONG! Rest in Jesus name.

Framed:


You just opened your dirty mouth waaaaa to vomit rubbish. What in her post tells you she forced the husband to marry her? When she corrected that misconception you still opened mouth anyhow and said don't attack me. What was the attack in her telling you not to draw conclusions on things you know nothing of. You would have sounded better with your mouth closed. Nonsense and ingredients

thanks my dear, for clearing her. She was not there when this man was wooing me for almost 2 years before i even agreed to date him, let alone marry him, we were even platonic friends for 5 years before the proposal. For a stranger to just conveniently conclude i forced him into marriage, is beyond me. I dont understand some women honestly.

Sirqt5:
she's not 32

lol. U sound so sure. Do u know me?

MsJackson:
Please i am dying of boredom and I cant go out with another man because he will get angry. Please is this stinginess or wat?
PS : he dishes soup for me because he counts meat in the pot. I dont steal meat ooo

Welcome to typical Nairaland marriage

Seriously, your post just described exactly what my husband does. I used to be unhappy and nag him for not taking me out, buying me gifts or even giving me money.

See, everything changed when we changed our residence. I used to think that taking myself out requires thousands of naira, I discovered it doesn't when we got to my new area. I work from home, and as an introvert, I have few friends. But, I connected with an old friend of mine who has kids. She stays close by. So, what we do is, we set out dates to go out and have fun with our kids.

You have to create your own happiness in marriage. Never ever revolve your happiness around a man, or he'll never respect you.

After going out, I'll take as much pictures as possible (showing me and the kids) and post them. I celebrated my birthday with my kids and a few friends last year and I was very glad I did. Life is too short and the memories we create are what make people remember us when we're gone.

Besides, you can't change a man. A stingy man believes he's wasting money by taking you out. But when you take yourself out, you'll be happy you did, regardless of what he says or how he feels. You owe yourself happiness, please stay happy! I have learned to create my own happiness and I'm happy I did.

Teettyllayho:
Seriously, your post just described exactly what my husband does. I used to be unhappy and nag him for not taking me out, buying me gifts or even giving me money.

See, everything changed when we changed our residence. I used to think that taking myself out requires thousands of naira, I discovered it doesn't when we got to my new area. I work from home, and as an introvert, I have few friends. But, I connected with an old friend of mine who has kids. She stays close by. So, what we do is, we set out dates to go out and have fun with our kids.

You have to create your own happiness in marriage. Never ever revolve your happiness around a man, or he'll never respect you.

After going out, I'll take as much pictures as possible (showing me and the kids) and post them. I celebrated my birthday with my kids and a few friends last year and I was very glad I did. Life is too short and the memories we create are what make people remember us when we're gone.

Besides, you can't change a man. A stingy man believes he's wasting money by taking you out. But when you take yourself out, you'll be happy you did, regardless of what he says or how he feels. You owe yourself happiness, please stay happy! I have learned to create my own happiness and I'm happy I did.

Thank you my dear for ur input. I have learnt A LOT here and will put dem into practice. Thanks so much to all who contributed, God bless you all.

MsJackson:
Hello guys. Straight to the topic. In my eight years of marriage, he has never taken me out. I look good and dress well, i even have toasters outside. I am very faithful to him. I actually envy couples that go to outing, take pictures, create memories with their loved ones, but his own is different. Whenever i bring it up, he starts talking about this responsibility and the other one. I even told him that we should add money together just incase he doesnt have much, but he refused. I want to experience it and also want my 5 year old daughter to experience it too but she has never. He promised me that if i take in, he would take me out. It happened and he gave excuses until i forgot it. He then said wen i put to bed, we will go out. We never did. Even we dont celebrate anniversary because he doesnt want to spend anything. Na by force i dey take buy pepper meat and drink bitter just to mark the day. There was a day his friend offered to take me out in his presence. He didnt say anything. When it was almost evening time and I reminded the friend, if u see the way my husband shouted that i was long throat and that its ojukokoro that will kill me. I was so embarrassed. Now we are not on talking terms since yesterday because I reminded him about this outing issue, he said that with me, he knows he will never progress because I was an enemy of progress. Please i am dying of boredom and I cant go out with another man because he will get angry. Please is this stinginess or wat?
PS : he dishes soup for me because he counts meat in the pot. I dont steal meat ooo

You are nt the only one experiencing such. most introverted husbnd are like dat. they are very calculative as regards spending.
Not that they are stingy but they see spending outside the basic stuff the home needs as wasteful.
Ironically, most of them wil give generously to feedin , school fees payment, huz rent and oda inevitable expenditure for running the family but channeling money for pleasure or fun is not their thing.
A snr colleague at wrk said he hasn't taken his wife out since they got married .weda eatery or beach or any oda fun place.he doesn't celebrate her birthday even sayin it on social media is a no for him. same wit d children. He doesn't take dem out.
when I ask him, why? He said he sees it as a waste of money. I countered him dt it is wrong. He strongly insisted dt he wil not do odawise. I shake my head when he refuse to yield.
As odas have advice, draw happiness from within. take ursef out. leave him at home to his boredom.