A few weeks back, my niece brought a man to me and introduced him as the one she wishes to marry.

Her father died while she was about 15, and I have been the one taking care of her, through school and all. So, she sees me as her father.

Alright, so she brought this young man to me. I have nothing against him. He is finishing up a master's degree, and even though he is not into anything really specific (he is a hustler sort of a person, combining different jobs), I do not have a problem with that. He appears focused, and really hardworking.

However, the problem is that he does not have a place of his own, and does not appear to have any plans in that direction.

So, last week, I asked him a whole lot of questions, and it appears like he would be marrying my baby, and she would live with him in their family house. Other families living there include the man's aged parents, some uncles and aunties, and their children. He was not specific whether aunties or uncles included blood relations and their spouses. I didn't press him on that.

Now, I have also sat my niece down, and had a chat with her. She is only 20+ (would be 21 in June). I tried to be as neutral as possible, but I may have been too blunt sometimes because she has been defensive, including accusing me of not wanting to fund the wedding.

Her mother reasons with me, but the girl has become deaf. She doesn't want to listen.

My point is that the wedding can be put on hold till the young man makes a firm decision on accommodation. All this: "I will consider it; I am considering it; it is a part of my plan" is not conclusive at all, and I don't want her to go and start her married life under the same roof with so many people.

The man is 30 (although he looks older to me), and I am beginning to feel that he is manipulating her.

What do you think?

Which of you has experienced living in your husband's family house? How was the experience?

For me, I think of it just like living in a polygamous family, and it makes me uneasy because this girl is too young, and too fragile.

Your opinions and experiences are highly welcome.

It may be all that I would need to reach a decision concerning this knotty issue.

Living in husband's family house while married is a disaster, ladies should not be deceived by that deceitful words like "his family is my family" your eyes will clear when troubles set in (which you can't totally avoid because fighting your in-laws is like the air we breath, you can't avoid it,just choose your fights wisely by avoiding the very elderly ones but be strong and ready for those young ones that'll come and test you).It's a hard and enduring decision on it's own to marry a man that does not own a house not to talk of marrying one that'll put you in a rent but going further to marry one that'll put you in his family house is what I can't explain.Let me stop here before my nairaland Chief judges begin to rant.

As a lady, before you answer NO, endeavour you're staying alone and your parents are not staying in a rented flat at their old age.


Thank you.

Your fears are legit.
Ignore her tantrums

Is your niece marrying into an Indian family?

Anyways, find a way to solve the issue amicably, before she “accidentally” falls pregnant for the guy.

I reserved my comment

Family house or enemy house.

Nonsense question

OP, the marriage is between your Niece and her guy.

The guy is a hustler like you said. He's sponsoring himself to school, up to Masters level. He got things going for him. Can that be said about your Niece? Your Niece lives at your expense and you think she's ready for marriage?

Your Niece has to be independent, live alone, drive big cars before you can select made men for her as a groom.

Mariangeles:
Is your niece marrying into an Indian family?

Anyways, find a way to solve the issue amicably, before she “accidentally” falls pregnant for the guy.

I am surprised too.

How old is Jesus,I still haven't heard he rented an apartment while on earth or over there in heaven while there are many rooms in his father's mansion.

Machinegun91:
Family house or enemy house.

Nonsense question

I just need some assurance that it is not bad.

Because I don't think I may be able to hold the wedding for long.

She thinks I am against the wedding because I don't want to fund it.

Recently, I have had some change in fortune. Something she knows about. Now, she thinks my reluctance to accept the man is due to my financial situation.

But that is not the issue.

samuel051:
How old is Jesus,I still haven't heard he rented an apartment while on earth or over there in heaven while there are many rooms in his father's mansion.

Please, I don't understand where you may be coming from.

samuel051:
How old is Jesus,I still haven't heard he rented an apartment while on earth or over there in heaven while there are many rooms in his father's mansion.

Shut up and start planning to own a house of your own before ever thinking of bringing somebody's daughter for your families to devour. Your reasoning sucks,may God not let someone like you cross our path.

samuel051:
How old is Jesus,I still haven't heard he rented an apartment while on earth or over there in heaven while there are many rooms in his father's mansion.

Did Jesus come to earth to marry and raise a family?

Be realistic.

Zonefree:
OP, the marriage is between your Niece and her guy.

The guy is a hustler like you said. He's sponsoring himself to school, up to Masters level. He got things going for him. Can that be said about your Niece? Your Niece lives at your expense and you think she's ready for marriage?

Your Niece has to be independent, live alone, drive big cars before you can select made men for her as a groom.

Stop typing anyhow, was she not on her own when the man was pestering her for marriage? why is he disturbing her for marriage when he knows he's not already made since you are saying op sister should be already made before searching for an already made man.Mtcheww

BluntTheApostle:


I am surprised too.

If you are Yoruba, then I don’t think there’s a problem with that.

Mariangeles:


If you are Yoruba, I don’t think there’s a problem with that though.

I am Yoruba.

The family is Yoruba too. But I didn't grow up that way, and so too did my niece.

So, I don't know how she would cope.

Iyaebe:
Stop typing anyhow, was she not on her own when the man was pestering her for marriage? why is he disturbing her for marriage when he knows he's not already made since you are saying op sister should be already made before searching for an already made man.Mtcheww

The pestering is just for procreation... nothing much.

Don't make it look as if it's a big deal getting married a Nigerian girl.

BluntTheApostle:


I am Yoruba.

The family is Yoruba too. But I didn't grow up that way, and so too did my niece.

So, I don't know how she would cope.

That culture is common among the Yoruba people and you know that.
Don’t make it seem as if it is unusual, or that there is something wrong with it.

If she says she’s ok with it, then she can cope with it.

Your niece is too desperate. And what is she accusing you of? What an entitled little br*t. If her husband-to-be cannot fund her "desperate" wedding, stand your ground. Do not approve.

It depends if he is working and he says the reason is he is saving money.

He might be a responsible guy!

Once you clock 18, you're 100% responsible for your decisions.
Any mishap, don't run to me.

Life is already tough without the prospective tough marriage of a desperate lady.

You done marry family be that

Klass99:


From where I stand, it is not a great idea for a host of reasons. Some of which, you have already highlighted in your original post.

Thank you.

BluntTheApostle:
A few weeks back, my niece brought a man to me and introduced him as the one she wishes to marry.

Her father died while she was about 15, and I have been the one taking care of her, through school and all. So, she sees me as her father.

Alright, so she brought this young man to me. I have nothing against him. He is finishing up a master's degree, and even though he is not into anything really specific (he is a hustler sort of a person, combining different jobs), I do not have a problem with that. He appears focused, and really hardworking.

However, the problem is that he does not have a place of his own, and does not appear to have any plans in that direction.

So, last week, I asked him a whole lot of questions, and it appears like he would be marrying my baby, and she would live with him in their family house. Other families living there include the man's aged parents, some uncles and aunties, and their children. He was not specific whether aunties or uncles included blood relations and their spouses. I didn't press him on that.

Now, I have also sat my niece down, and had a chat with her. She is only 20+ (would be 21 in June). I tried to be as neutral as possible, but I may have been too blunt sometimes because she has been defensive, including accusing me of not wanting to fund the wedding.

Her mother reasons with me, but the girl has become deaf. She doesn't want to listen.

My point is that the wedding can be put on hold till the young man makes a firm decision on accommodation. All this: "I will consider it; I am considering it; it is a part of my plan" is not conclusive at all, and I don't want her to go and start her married life under the same roof with so many people.

The man is 30 (although he looks older to me), and I am beginning to feel that he is manipulating her.

What do you think?

Which of you has experienced living in your husband's family house? How was the experience?

For me, I think of it just like living in a polygamous family, and it makes me uneasy because this girl is too young, and too fragile.

Your opinions and experiences are highly welcome.

It may be all that I would need to reach a decision concerning this knotty issue.


Lalasticlala.

She is only 21 so what is the rush? To give her a hot slap on her bare back dey hungry me.

People tend to be in love with the idea of marriage, but are always unprepared for the effort and sacrifices it takes to make a marriage work. She is so naive

@op,

No where did you mention what your niece does for a living or if she has a source of income. This is 2022, a 20 year old girl still has some years ahead of her to be financially independent before getting married which is a huge advantage. I personally think this should be the focus of y’all.

Instead of spending lots of money on her marriage, you can use the money to set her up or even send her abroad for her masters if she is done with university. Getting married to a guy that is still “struggling” and living in family house shouldn’t be the focus abeg.

Discuss with her and let her know that this is the time to maximize the “youth” advantage she has.

bibianna:
It depends if he is working and he says the reason is he is saving money.

He might be a responsible guy!

The problem is that he doesn't appear to have any plans of getting accommodation.

It is like he will marry her into that family house.

BluntTheApostle:
A few weeks back, my niece brought a man to me and introduced him as the one she wishes to marry.

Her father died while she was about 15, and I have been the one taking care of her, through school and all. So, she sees me as her father.

Alright, so she brought this young man to me. I have nothing against him. He is finishing up a master's degree, and even though he is not into anything really specific (he is a hustler sort of a person, combining different jobs), I do not have a problem with that. He appears focused, and really hardworking.

However, the problem is that he does not have a place of his own, and does not appear to have any plans in that direction.

So, last week, I asked him a whole lot of questions, and it appears like he would be marrying my baby, and she would live with him in their family house. Other families living there include the man's aged parents, some uncles and aunties, and their children. He was not specific whether aunties or uncles included blood relations and their spouses. I didn't press him on that.

Now, I have also sat my niece down, and had a chat with her. She is only 20+ (would be 21 in June). I tried to be as neutral as possible, but I may have been too blunt sometimes because she has been defensive, including accusing me of not wanting to fund the wedding.

Her mother reasons with me, but the girl has become deaf. She doesn't want to listen.

My point is that the wedding can be put on hold till the young man makes a firm decision on accommodation. All this: "I will consider it; I am considering it; it is a part of my plan" is not conclusive at all, and I don't want her to go and start her married life under the same roof with so many people.

The man is 30 (although he looks older to me), and I am beginning to feel that he is manipulating her.

What do you think?

Which of you has experienced living in your husband's family house? How was the experience?

For me, I think of it just like living in a polygamous family, and it makes me uneasy because this girl is too young, and too fragile.

Your opinions and experiences are highly welcome.

It may be all that I would need to reach a decision concerning this knotty issue.


Lalasticlala.

Let the man and girl fund their wedding by themselves.


So, they want to freeload on wedding expenses, house rent and God knows what else.


A 30 year old man without a place of his own should be thinking of hustling more not marriage.


How do they plan to finance their lives?


What if they get pregnant by 'mistake'?



What does the girl aspire to?


If you agree to the marriage, you've let the girl down, if you don't agree (which you shouldn't) you've become her enemy.


So, tell her you support her but she shouldn't expect any more handouts from you as she is now her husband's responsibility. She is also free to visit you at anytime, or to return anytime she wants. That way she can see life small.

BluntTheApostle:


I just need some assurance that it is not bad.

Because I don't think I may be able to hold the wedding for long.

She thinks I am against the wedding because I don't want to fund it.

Recently, I have had some change in fortune. Something she knows about. Now, she thinks my reluctance to accept the man is due to my financial situation.

But that is not the issue.

Don't get emotionally blackmailed into funding a ill timed wedding. She is rushing into marriage but what is she bringing to the table? How does she intend to support the family when they start having kids? Does she realize the pressures that come with living in a family house? What are her long term goals in life (asides being married and birthing kids)? As for the groom, oloko hot, he hasn't found his feet yet he wants to get married for the sole purpose of steady nacks (trust me, it is in his subconscious). He wants to drag your innocent niece into his unsteady life so please don't allow him.

Stand your ground and she will thank you later in life. It is called tough love. She won't listen to you now because she fancies herself in love and naively thinks everything will fall into place eventually. Yes, they will (I hope), but it won't be an easy journey, especially in the face of the harsh realities of the present day. This is why she has to use this time to develop herself so she will not be a liability in her marriage and to her relatives.

eniolorunfe:
@op,

No where did you mention what your niece does for a living or if she has a source of income. This is 2022, a 20 year old girl still has some years ahead of her to be financially independent before getting married which is a huge advantage. I personally think this should be the focus of y’all.

Instead of spending lots of money on her marriage, you can use the money to set her up or even send her abroad for her masters if she is done with university. Getting married to a guy that is still “struggling” and living in family house shouldn’t be the focus abeg.

Discuss with her and let her know that this is the time to maximize the “youth” advantage she has.

You are so wise

BluntTheApostle:


The problem is that he doesn't appear to have any plans of getting accommodation.

It is like he will marry her into that family house.

A 30 year old man who doesn't have his own accommodation has no plans to help your niece to further her education.



We may all be wrong sha, let's see if your niece is smarter than all of us.