Mariangeles:


If you are Yoruba, then I don’t think there’s a problem with that.

There is a big problem with a Yoruba man in this situation.

Please don't be tribalistic.

eniolorunfe:
@op,

No where did you mention what your niece does for a living or if she has a source of income. This is 2022, a 20 year old girl still has some years ahead of her to be financially independent before getting married which is a huge advantage. I personally think this should be the focus of y’all.

Instead of spending lots of money on her marriage, you can use the money to set her up or even send her abroad for her masters if she is done with university. Getting married to a guy that is still “struggling” and living in family house shouldn’t be the focus abeg.

Discuss with her and let her know that this is the time to maximize the “youth” advantage she has.

First of all, this marriage issue came as a rude shock.

When she said she wanted to see me about something, I never expected it would be about marriage. I thought it was about her education or even a business because she once mentioned how people were making money in POS business.

And it appears like she is determined about this wedding stuff.

She is totally dependent on me and her mother. Her highest academic qualification is ND, with an HND in view.

Although, I did sponsor her to learn makeup when she said she wanted to learn it. But I doubt she has used it to make any money, or even wants to use it. Because she doesn't even talk about it.

As it is now, she doesn't want to hear anything else. Just wedding.

It is not even about the guy. But a lot more about her. She is too young. What life has she seen? And yet she wants to go and live in a place that is like barracks.



I know life is a teacher, but I fear she would learn the hard way. I don't want her to suffer.

Klass99:


You're welcome. I updated my first post, check it out.

Alright, I will.

Mariangeles:


That culture is common among the Yoruba people and you know that.
Don’t make it seem as if it is unusual, or that there is something wrong with it.

If she says she’s ok with it, then she can cope with it.

It might be common in the slums, not the rest of Yorubaland.


We build houses too, sometimes even before getting married in case you haven't seen anyone doing it.


This case is unusual, unacceptable, ridiculous and condemnable to most reasonable Yoruba people.

Saintmary:


It might be common in the slums, not the rest of Yorubaland.


We build houses too, sometimes even before getting married in case you haven't seen anyone doing it.


This case is unusual, unacceptable, ridiculous and condemnable to most reasonable Yoruba people.

Ok.

BluntTheApostle:


First of all, this marriage issue came as a rude shock.

When she said she wanted to see me about something, I never expected it would be about marriage. I thought it was about her education or even a business because she once mentioned how people were making money in POS business.

And it appears like she is determined about this wedding stuff.

She is totally dependent on me and her mother. Her highest academic qualification is ND, with an HND in view.

Although, I did sponsor her to learn makeup when she said she wanted to learn it. But I doubt she has used it to make any money, or even wants to use it. Because she doesn't even talk about it.

As it is now, she doesn't want to hear anything else. Just wedding.

It is not even about the guy. But a lot more about her. She is too young. What life has she seen? And yet she wants to go and live in a place that is like barracks.



I know life is a teacher, but I fear she would learn the hard way. I don't want her to suffer.

With this, I believe you know what to do.

Klass99:


From where I stand, it is not a great idea for a host of reasons. Some of which, you have already highlighted in your original post.

1. There will be too many people getting all up in their business in such a setting. A young marriage doesn't need that sort of interference or pressure.

2. To borrow your own words......The problem is that he does not have a place of his own, and does not appear to have any plans in that direction

3. Another valid point from you....... All this: "I will consider it; I am considering it; it is a part of my plan" is not conclusive at all

4. I don't know about other people, but having a place of my own and living by myself has immensely contributed to my being responsible. Because, you learn the value of prioritizing your bills and paying them on time too, to avoid embarrassment from your landlord or co-tenants. Does this man have this sort of experience? Or is he comfortable letting others pick up the tab in this household?

5. A childhood friend (let's call her Nikky) was in a similar setting some years ago, there were rumours that her father in-law was a diabolical man. When she gave birth once (stillbirth) father in-law took the infant's corpse at night to bury, by himself with no one else in attendance for this funeral.

She was never able to carry a pregnancy to full term and never had a child in that marriage. One of my classmates who is from the same village/local govt as Nikky's in-laws, once said if Nikky knew the sort of family she was married into, prayer and fasting would be her daily bread.

Diabolical rumours and issues aside, living in close proximity with in-laws like Nikky did, was never healthy for her and the marriage relationship from what I heard. Nikky is divorced today.

Thank you so much.

Especially that Number One. That has been my major argument.

BluntTheApostle:


First of all, this marriage issue came as a rude shock.

When she said she wanted to see me about something, I never expected it would be about marriage. I thought it was about her education or even a business because she once mentioned how people were making money in POS business.

And it appears like she is determined about this wedding stuff.

She is totally dependent on me and her mother. Her highest academic qualification is ND, with an HND in view.

Although, I did sponsor her to learn makeup when she said she wanted to learn it. But I doubt she has used it to make any money, or even wants to use it. Because she doesn't even talk about it.

As it is now, she doesn't want to hear anything else. Just wedding.

It is not even about the guy. But a lot more about her. She is too young. What life has she seen? And yet she wants to go and live in a place that is like barracks.



I know life is a teacher, but I fear she would learn the hard way. I don't want her to suffer.

Of course she will learn the hard way, regardless of what you say.


After she gets married never hand her cash if you plan to help. Just pay her school tuition by yourself, or any other expenses you might be so magnanimous to undertake.

So sad.

Ishilove:

With this, I believe you know what to do.

Thank you, Ishilove.

Saintmary:



Of course she will learn the hard way, regardless of what you say.


After she gets married never hand her cash if you plan to help. Just pay her school tuition by yourself, or any other expenses you might be so magnanimous to undertake.

So sad.

These two statements are in direct contradiction of each other. After she is married, she becomes her husband's responsibility.

At the end of the day, she will do what she has made up her mind to do, and I doubt there’s much you can do about whatever she has decided to do.
Just pray she doesn’t get pregnant.

BluntTheApostle:


First of all, this marriage issue came as a rude shock.

When she said she wanted to see me about something, I never expected it would be about marriage. I thought it was about her education or even a business because she once mentioned how people were making money in POS business.

And it appears like she is determined about this wedding stuff.

She is totally dependent on me and her mother. Her highest academic qualification is ND, with an HND in view.

Although, I did sponsor her to learn makeup when she said she wanted to learn it. But I doubt she has used it to make any money, or even wants to use it. Because she doesn't even talk about it.

As it is now, she doesn't want to hear anything else. Just wedding.

It is not even about the guy. But a lot more about her. She is too young. What life has she seen? And yet she wants to go and live in a place that is like barracks.



I know life is a teacher, but I fear she would learn the hard way. I don't want her to suffer.

Then you should stand your ground and propose an offer to her that she can’t refuse. Since she’s still dependent on you… discuss your fears and concerns with her and then offer her a reward or incentive to enable her finish school and be financially independent. If possible, you need to also find out what is making her to be so desperate.

In future she will thank you and if she doesn’t, you will know that you tried your best to help her not to settle for less.

Ishilove:

These two statements are in direct contradiction of each other. After she is married, she becomes her husband's responsibility.

I mentioned that he might be magnanimous enough to help out.

Of course she's the husband's responsibility but who wants to sit by and watch his relative suffer because of naivety.

Saintmary:




I mentioned that he might be magnanimous enough to help out.

Of course she's the husband's responsibility but who wants to sit by and watch his relative suffer because of naivety.

He can stop the suffering to a large extent, now that he has the chance, by not indulging her naivete.

Ishilove:

He can stop the suffering to a large extent now that he has the chance by not indulging her naivete.

That's if he's ready to face her hatred.


Since he's not the direct parent, the best he could do is to dissuade the mother from pushing her daughter into perpetuating poverty.

Saintmary:




That's if he's ready to face her hatred.


Since he's not the direct parent, the best he could do is to dissuade the mother from pushing her daughter into perpetuating poverty.

According to the OP, the mum doesn't support the marriage as well.

Personally I think the girl is being overindulged. If her sponsor, in this case the OP and her mother put their foot down and insist she gets at least her HND first before she thinks of marriage, I believe she will farabale

Zonefree:
OP, the marriage is between your Niece and her guy.

The guy is a hustler like you said. He's sponsoring himself to school, up to Masters level. He got things going for him. Can that be said about your Niece? Your Niece lives at your expense and you think she's ready for marriage?

Your Niece has to be independent, live alone, drive big cars before you can select made men for her as a groom.

Are you naturally slow or you are just being intentionally silly?

Must a man be wealthy for him to stay alone? If a man can't decide to leave the shackles of family's house and bosom and also isn't independent by getting the basic (shelter) of his own, then it's safe to say that he's not ready for marriage.

Lights up my kpoli

Listening to Popcaan weed is my best friend

I am concerned that he doesn't have a stable source of income, more reason he is still staying with his ppl.

If he has a stable income then he can easily work it out.

What plans does ur niece have regarding supporting family income.

1

NO.

A big NO!!!

How many times are we gonna have this here?

If you are indian or a die hard zeeworld fan I'm guessing it shouldn't be a problem

Acidosis:
Your niece is too desperate. And what is she accusing you of? What an entitled little br*t. If her husband-to-be cannot fund her "desperate" wedding, stand your ground. Do not approve.

Exactly.

She's being too desperate and entitled.

Years from now, she will look back and thank him for not allowing her to go on with the marriage. He cannot single-handedly sponsor a wedding and he's talking marriage.

Zonefree:
OP, the marriage is between your Niece and her guy.

The guy is a hustler like you said. He's sponsoring himself to school, up to Masters level. He got things going for him. Can that be said about your Niece? Your Niece lives at your expense and you think she's ready for marriage?

Your Niece has to be independent, live alone, drive big cars before you can select made men for her as a groom.

You get sense

Ishilove:

According to the OP, the mum doesn't support the marriage as well.

Personally I think the girl is being overindulged. If her sponsor, in this case the OP and her mother put their foot down and insist she gets at least her HND first before she thinks of marriage, I believe she will farabale

Exactly.

She needs to farabale and plan her future.


A responsible man will not put his bride in his family house.

Cha E

Rent house for them...I've seen parents gift their newly wedded children houses and cars.