bibianna:
It depends if he is working and he says the reason is he is saving money.

He might be a responsible guy!

He might be responsible, yes. That doesn't mean he's ready for marriage. Let him get a house first. Then they can talk.

OP.. let her learn ..

Let her learn.. leave her to her decisions

I can never make he mama and sisters come give me problem?

Saintmary:




That's if he's ready to face her hatred.


Since he's not the direct parent, the best he could do is to dissuade the mother from pushing her daughter into perpetuating poverty.

The mother is on my side. But she is helpless.

Their type of relationship is like this: the girl is the mother while the mother is the daughter. I hope you understand.

I have spoken to my father, but my father is too liberal. He says I should leave her alone to find her own way.

Zonefree:
As a lady, before you answer NO, endeavour you're staying alone and your parents are not staying in a rented flat at their old age.


Thank you.

this your comment is absolutely senseless. Would you advise your sister to do the same? I understand you are a redpiller, but please apply it with common sense.

You sound like Kriss216 though

In Nigeria most families are pathetic and hateful so they think that's how everyone else is...
Some families are very lovely N loving biko
All in-laws are not enemies

D man is not ready for marriage

UyaiIncomparabl:


He might be responsible, yes. That doesn't mean he's ready for marriage. Let him get a house first. Then they can talk.

Supported!

But the gal go suffer if she has nothing to bring to the table.

Hustler can't cope with liability

She should not try it ooh, make sure he rents a house before they get married. My grandma had a big house and her kids refused to move after getting married. It became a fuji house of commotion. Strife, envy, numerous fights. Most of the wives ran away in the end.

Zonefree:
OP, the marriage is between your Niece and her guy.

The guy is a hustler like you said. He's sponsoring himself to school, up to Masters level. He got things going for him. Can that be said about your Niece? Your Niece lives at your expense and you think she's ready for marriage?

Your Niece has to be independent, live alone, drive big cars before you can select made men for her as a groom.

What you are indirectly advising is what will happen to your daughters.

Nope,for what now?

BluntTheApostle:


The mother is on my side. But she is helpless.

Their type of relationship is like this: the girl is the mother while the mother is the daughter. I hope you understand.

I have spoken to my father, but my father is too liberal. He says I should leave her alone to find her own way.

You see? Even your father knows why he said what he said.

It's common in lagos

NeoWanZaeed:


Supported!

But the gal go suffer if she has nothing to bring to the table.

Hustler can't cope with liability

Truth.

Nowhere did the OP mention how the girl is making money however little. Well, I'll just say it's "youthful exuberance" in display. She's only yearning for a wedding, not the marriage in itself. She's in for a long ride.

Zonefree:
As a lady, before you answer NO, endeavour you're staying alone and your parents are not staying in a rented flat at their old age.


Thank you.

Case closed, the best comment I've seen.... Not interested to read any other comments

Her eyes will soon clear! You can drag a Horse to the River but can't Force it to drink water. That Age your Sister is at is what is disturbing her Brain. Just pray for her cos nah pepper she go see for Family people hand. I am talking from Experience. I once stayed in my Dad's House with my Wife and Son I knew what we pass through.

BluntTheApostle:


I just need some assurance that it is not bad.

Because I don't think I may be able to hold the wedding for long.

She thinks I am against the wedding because I don't want to fund it.

Recently, I have had some change in fortune. Something she knows about. Now, she thinks my reluctance to accept the man is due to my financial situation.

But that is not the issue.

This is such a useless question!

Why won’t they if the women themselves have no future, good education and drive? When some of them have no homes of their own and nothing to bring in other than toto. They should be happy marrying a guy living under Abule-Egba flyover sef.

If dem no like a man living with his family or my talk, let them build their own houses and come marry the men. There is no law that forbids that or states that the man must die to please women.

Nonsense!

First time wey iyaebe make sense

BluntTheApostle:
A few weeks back, my niece brought a man to me and introduced him as the one she wishes to marry.

Her father died while she was about 15, and I have been the one taking care of her, through school and all. So, she sees me as her father.

Alright, so she brought this young man to me. I have nothing against him. He is finishing up a master's degree, and even though he is not into anything really specific (he is a hustler sort of a person, combining different jobs), I do not have a problem with that. He appears focused, and really hardworking.

However, the problem is that he does not have a place of his own, and does not appear to have any plans in that direction.

So, last week, I asked him a whole lot of questions, and it appears like he would be marrying my baby, and she would live with him in their family house. Other families living there include the man's aged parents, some uncles and aunties, and their children. He was not specific whether aunties or uncles included blood relations and their spouses. I didn't press him on that.

Now, I have also sat my niece down, and had a chat with her. She is only 20+ (would be 21 in June). I tried to be as neutral as possible, but I may have been too blunt sometimes because she has been defensive, including accusing me of not wanting to fund the wedding.

Her mother reasons with me, but the girl has become deaf. She doesn't want to listen.

My point is that the wedding can be put on hold till the young man makes a firm decision on accommodation. All this: "I will consider it; I am considering it; it is a part of my plan" is not conclusive at all, and I don't want her to go and start her married life under the same roof with so many people.

The man is 30 (although he looks older to me), and I am beginning to feel that he is manipulating her.

What do you think?

Which of you has experienced living in your husband's family house? How was the experience?

For me, I think of it just like living in a polygamous family, and it makes me uneasy because this girl is too young, and too fragile.

Your opinions and experiences are highly welcome.

It may be all that I would need to reach a decision concerning this knotty issue.

I understand how you feel.i was in it passed thru it was an ugly xperience.You shouldn't be looking at if the guy have his own Accommodation,what you should be looking at is his future,what can he do,does he have any skills or stable income.
What if the guy pays for a flat for 2 years and married the little girl,he has accommodation u want but no stable income,when the rent expires,he can't afford and he falls back to the family house.
I'm using myself as an example cos I married was very well to do but things turned around and I left Lagos to Enugu and stayed in family house was not a nice experience most especially when u have unmarried sisters.
Well to God be the glory I moved from family house to my house cos I had something gud I started doing but was a horrible xperience,everyday I look at my wife then and pity her 4 bringing her to suffer in a marriage.

Advice if she wanna let it not be like u blocking her let her know the cons and pros and let her know wat she dwelling into.
Thanks

BluntTheApostle:
A few weeks back, my niece brought a man to me and introduced him as the one she wishes to marry.

Her father died while she was about 15, and I have been the one taking care of her, through school and all. So, she sees me as her father.

Alright, so she brought this young man to me. I have nothing against him. He is finishing up a master's degree, and even though he is not into anything really specific (he is a hustler sort of a person, combining different jobs), I do not have a problem with that. He appears focused, and really hardworking.

However, the problem is that he does not have a place of his own, and does not appear to have any plans in that direction.

So, last week, I asked him a whole lot of questions, and it appears like he would be marrying my baby, and she would live with him in their family house. Other families living there include the man's aged parents, some uncles and aunties, and their children. He was not specific whether aunties or uncles included blood relations and their spouses. I didn't press him on that.

Now, I have also sat my niece down, and had a chat with her. She is only 20+ (would be 21 in June). I tried to be as neutral as possible, but I may have been too blunt sometimes because she has been defensive, including accusing me of not wanting to fund the wedding.

Her mother reasons with me, but the girl has become deaf. She doesn't want to listen.

My point is that the wedding can be put on hold till the young man makes a firm decision on accommodation. All this: "I will consider it; I am considering it; it is a part of my plan" is not conclusive at all, and I don't want her to go and start her married life under the same roof with so many people.

The man is 30 (although he looks older to me), and I am beginning to feel that he is manipulating her.

What do you think?

Which of you has experienced living in your husband's family house? How was the experience?

For me, I think of it just like living in a polygamous family, and it makes me uneasy because this girl is too young, and too fragile.

Your opinions and experiences are highly welcome.

It may be all that I would need to reach a decision concerning this knotty issue.

d truth is that no matter what u decides ,she had already made-up her mind.allow her to go on.My only advice to you is ' never u spend a dime on that marriage'.if you claim to luv her as a daughter, keep that money u intends to spend on her during her wedding for d rainy day.Speak no evil n harbour no bad feelings against her.she go understand latter.marriage no be moimoi.surprise her with d money later when things gets rocky for her in their marriage.

BluntTheApostle:
A few weeks back, my niece brought a man to me and introduced him as the one she wishes to marry.

Her father died while she was about 15, and I have been the one taking care of her, through school and all. So, she sees me as her father.

Alright, so she brought this young man to me. I have nothing against him. He is finishing up a master's degree, and even though he is not into anything really specific (he is a hustler sort of a person, combining different jobs), I do not have a problem with that. He appears focused, and really hardworking.

However, the problem is that he does not have a place of his own, and does not appear to have any plans in that direction.

So, last week, I asked him a whole lot of questions, and it appears like he would be marrying my baby, and she would live with him in their family house. Other families living there include the man's aged parents, some uncles and aunties, and their children. He was not specific whether aunties or uncles included blood relations and their spouses. I didn't press him on that.

Now, I have also sat my niece down, and had a chat with her. She is only 20+ (would be 21 in June). I tried to be as neutral as possible, but I may have been too blunt sometimes because she has been defensive, including accusing me of not wanting to fund the wedding.

Her mother reasons with me, but the girl has become deaf. She doesn't want to listen.

My point is that the wedding can be put on hold till the young man makes a firm decision on accommodation. All this: "I will consider it; I am considering it; it is a part of my plan" is not conclusive at all, and I don't want her to go and start her married life under the same roof with so many people.

The man is 30 (although he looks older to me), and I am beginning to feel that he is manipulating her.

What do you think?

Which of you has experienced living in your husband's family house? How was the experience?

For me, I think of it just like living in a polygamous family, and it makes me uneasy because this girl is too young, and too fragile.

Your opinions and experiences are highly welcome.

It may be all that I would need to reach a decision concerning this knotty issue.

20 years should still be building her life naaaaa. You have to be active in this matter, or lese she will blame you in future for not acting more decisive

Nonsense and useless talk.Life is stage by stage.Who told u lots against the young girl and the hubby to be dat they plan to live/stay in family house forever ? U want him to borrow and live big? Who told u lots that fortune won't smile on him? Leave her alone

[b]Who are these people saying Nothing wrong in living in the parent's house? Are you people kidding me? God please o! Why rush marriage! Why!

This girl is not even yet 21 years of age. She doesn't even know what she wants to do with her life yet.

@blunttheapostle , If your story is true, it means you have a lot of work to do. Please and please, don't listen to anyone that tells you to let her make her choice and learn the hard way. If you truly love her, you will later regret it.

How did you even let her get so damaged mentality-wise. This girl sounds to me like someone who has a very wrong mentality/ ideology.

You have to be as calm and wise as possible in resetting her brain. She doesn't know anything at all, abi she thinks marriage and this life itself is a joke?

Since you are her Father right now, try every ideal means to ensure she begins to think like a normal person. Use her Mother, Use her friends, Use other relatives you know she'd listen to, Show her more love and affection etc[/b]

BluntTheApostle:
A few weeks back, my niece brought a man to me and introduced him as the one she wishes to marry.

Her father died while she was about 15, and I have been the one taking care of her, through school and all. So, she sees me as her father.

Alright, so she brought this young man to me. I have nothing against him. He is finishing up a master's degree, and even though he is not into anything really specific (he is a hustler sort of a person, combining different jobs), I do not have a problem with that. He appears focused, and really hardworking.

However, the problem is that he does not have a place of his own, and does not appear to have any plans in that direction.

So, last week, I asked him a whole lot of questions, and it appears like he would be marrying my baby, and she would live with him in their family house. Other families living there include the man's aged parents, some uncles and aunties, and their children. He was not specific whether aunties or uncles included blood relations and their spouses. I didn't press him on that.

Now, I have also sat my niece down, and had a chat with her. She is only 20+ (would be 21 in June). I tried to be as neutral as possible, but I may have been too blunt sometimes because she has been defensive, including accusing me of not wanting to fund the wedding.

Her mother reasons with me, but the girl has become deaf. She doesn't want to listen.

My point is that the wedding can be put on hold till the young man makes a firm decision on accommodation. All this: "I will consider it; I am considering it; it is a part of my plan" is not conclusive at all, and I don't want her to go and start her married life under the same roof with so many people.

The man is 30 (although he looks older to me), and I am beginning to feel that he is manipulating her.

What do you think?

Which of you has experienced living in your husband's family house? How was the experience?

For me, I think of it just like living in a polygamous family, and it makes me uneasy because this girl is too young, and too fragile.

Your opinions and experiences are highly welcome.

It may be all that I would need to reach a decision concerning this knotty issue.

My question is how can a 30 year old man still be living in his family house? It just doesn't make sense. Not to mention, with uncles and aunties?

It will be better for you to guage what his own family is like. Whether they are kind, loving, caring and close knit. They'll likely treat her the same

Also, please educate that young lady on the dangers of getting married to the wrong partner. Marriage should not be taken lightly. Sure she's still young, naive, and stubborn, but she will have to face the consequences of get decisions regardless. She better make sure that she's getting into a loving family

Nothing wrong with staying in your parent's house till you find your feet. However, considering your niece's age and the young man's situation, I will advice that they both wait

Iyaebe:
Living in husband's family house while married is a disaster, ladies should not be deceived by that deceitful words like "his family is my family" your eyes will clear when troubles set in (which you can't totally avoid because fighting your in-laws is like the air we breath, you can't avoid it,just choose your fights wisely by avoiding the very elderly ones but be strong and ready for those young ones that'll come and test you).It's a hard and enduring decision on it's own to marry a man that does not own a house not to talk of marrying one that'll put you in a rent but going further to marry one that'll put you in his family house is what I can't explain.Let me stop here before my nairaland Chief judges begin to rant.

Hope u will be able to pay for half of the rent

ALLOW HER WHEN HER EYE CLEAR SHE WILL SEE BUT JUST WARN HER STRENLY THAT SHE MUST NOT LEAVE AS YOU HAVE NO PLACE TO ACCOMODATE HER.....ALLOW HER OOO....I STAYED IN FAMILY HOUSE 1ST YEAR OF MY MARRIAGE 10YRS LATER I HAVNT RECOVERED FROM THE BITTERNESS AND PAIN OF MY SISTER INLAWS AND MOTHER INLAW.....

Zonefree:
OP, the marriage is between your Niece and her guy.

The guy is a hustler like you said. He's sponsoring himself to school, up to Masters level. He got things going for him. Can that be said about your Niece? Your Niece lives at your expense and you think she's ready for marriage?

Your Niece has to be independent, live alone, drive big cars before you can select made men for her as a groom.

That is a young girl you are comparing to a 30 yrs old man or even older (Becos op said the man looks older that his age)She is 21 yrs old for Christ sake and should not be encouraged to start her life in such living arrangements . Its a disaster waiting to happen.
Will you allow ur sister to marry into a home with so many family relative living in it ? They will trun her to thier domestic slaves on disguise of "our wife'
Why the rush in the first place ? Can't he do a normal engagement and wait till he is buoyant enough to rent an apartment? Must he marry now ? Why the rush over 21yrs old lady ?

Mariangeles:


That culture is common among the Yoruba people and you know that.
Don’t make it seem as if it is unusual, or that there is something wrong with it.

If she says she’s ok with it, then she can cope with it.

There's nothing common about that culture among the Yoruba people. It's considered disgraceful if grown male children live with their own family in their parent's house. There's everything wrong with it.

Allow her follow her mind. Life nor get manual.

UyaiIncomparabl:


Truth.

Nowhere did the OP mention how the girl is making money however little. Well, I'll just say it's "youthful exuberance" in display. She's only yearning for a wedding, not the marriage in itself. She's in for a long ride.

She go learn