NeoWanZaeed:


She no go listen and may hate her aunty for that

Zonefree:
As a lady, before you answer NO, endeavour you're staying alone and your parents are not staying in a rented flat at their old age.


Thank you.

Kobojunkie:
ROFLMAO


So, you are not speaking of this here 21-year old, abi? make i rephrase my question small to help you then..

Why is 21 a very good time to marry when at that age what a majority of Nigerian women have to bring "to the table" is a vagina, as many have taking to stating?

Kobojunkie:
Jesus Christ did rent an apartment while he was on earth. It is recorded in scripture that this happened.

And I am lost as to why you chose to drag Jesus Christ into this to begin with.

samuel051:
Because there are many mansions in his father's mansion.. person wey him mama dey sell food no dey die of hunger

samuel051:
How old is Jesus,I still haven't heard he rented an apartment while on earth or over there in heaven while there are many rooms in his father's mansion.

Mariangeles:


That culture is common among the Yoruba people and you know that.
Don’t make it seem as if it is unusual, or that there is something wrong with it.

If she says she’s ok with it, then she can cope with it.

Belafonte:
There's no need t rephrase your question to help me. I'd advise you to show my comment to someone that has a brain and ask them to explain it to you, though I doubt the possibility of that

21 is a good time to marry if the intending bride/groom can sustain there home financially.
21 year olds marry and have good marriages in this country all the time. Afterall, we can clearly see the 30 year old in this story cannot even afford accomodation like millions of Nigerians. Are we now going to move marriageable age to 43?

Kobojunkie:

BluntTheApostle:


First of all, this marriage issue came as a rude shock.

When she said she wanted to see me about something, I never expected it would be about marriage. I thought it was about her education or even a business because she once mentioned how people were making money in POS business.

And it appears like she is determined about this wedding stuff.

She is totally dependent on me and her mother. Her highest academic qualification is ND, with an HND in view.

Although, I did sponsor her to learn makeup when she said she wanted to learn it. But I doubt she has used it to make any money, or even wants to use it. Because she doesn't even talk about it.

As it is now, she doesn't want to hear anything else. Just wedding.

It is not even about the guy. But a lot more about her. She is too young. What life has she seen? And yet she wants to go and live in a place that is like barracks.



I know life is a teacher, but I fear she would learn the hard way. I don't want her to suffer.

ImaIma1:


Unfortunately, it is the op that she will run to when trouble starts. By then the blind love would have expired and her eyes will be open. It is then that she'll see what everyone has been telling her.

The problem is that at her age, most people fall hard in love and lose the ability to reason and think clearly. She needs the guidance from her uncle and mum.

A 30 year old man that is still living with his parents and wants to bring in a wife to a packed family house is a red flag.

BluntTheApostle:


First of all, this marriage issue came as a rude shock.

When she said she wanted to see me about something, I never expected it would be about marriage. I thought it was about her education or even a business because she once mentioned how people were making money in POS business.

And it appears like she is determined about this wedding stuff.

She is totally dependent on me and her mother. Her highest academic qualification is ND, with an HND in view.

Although, I did sponsor her to learn makeup when she said she wanted to learn it. But I doubt she has used it to make any money, or even wants to use it. Because she doesn't even talk about it.

As it is now, she doesn't want to hear anything else. Just wedding.

It is not even about the guy. But a lot more about her. She is too young. What life has she seen? And yet she wants to go and live in a place that is like barracks.



I know life is a teacher, but I fear she would learn the hard way. I don't want her to suffer.

BluntTheApostle:
A few weeks back, my niece brought a man to me and introduced him as the one she wishes to marry.

Her father died while she was about 15, and I have been the one taking care of her, through school and all. So, she sees me as her father.

Alright, so she brought this young man to me. I have nothing against him. He is finishing up a master's degree, and even though he is not into anything really specific (he is a hustler sort of a person, combining different jobs), I do not have a problem with that. He appears focused, and really hardworking.

However, the problem is that he does not have a place of his own, and does not appear to have any plans in that direction.

So, last week, I asked him a whole lot of questions, and it appears like he would be marrying my baby, and she would live with him in their family house. Other families living there include the man's aged parents, some uncles and aunties, and their children. He was not specific whether aunties or uncles included blood relations and their spouses. I didn't press him on that.

Now, I have also sat my niece down, and had a chat with her. She is only 20+ (would be 21 in June). I tried to be as neutral as possible, but I may have been too blunt sometimes because she has been defensive, including accusing me of not wanting to fund the wedding.

Her mother reasons with me, but the girl has become deaf. She doesn't want to listen.

My point is that the wedding can be put on hold till the young man makes a firm decision on accommodation. All this: "I will consider it; I am considering it; it is a part of my plan" is not conclusive at all, and I don't want her to go and start her married life under the same roof with so many people.

The man is 30 (although he looks older to me), and I am beginning to feel that he is manipulating her.

What do you think?

Which of you has experienced living in your husband's family house? How was the experience?

For me, I think of it just like living in a polygamous family, and it makes me uneasy because this girl is too young, and too fragile.

Your opinions and experiences are highly welcome.

It may be all that I would need to reach a decision concerning this knotty issue.

samuel051:
How old is Jesus,I still haven't heard he rented an apartment while on earth or over there in heaven while there are many rooms in his father's mansion.

BluntTheApostle:
A few weeks back, my niece brought a man to me and introduced him as the one she wishes to marry.

Her father died while she was about 15, and I have been the one taking care of her, through school and all. So, she sees me as her father.

Alright, so she brought this young man to me. I have nothing against him. He is finishing up a master's degree, and even though he is not into anything really specific (he is a hustler sort of a person, combining different jobs), I do not have a problem with that. He appears focused, and really hardworking.

However, the problem is that he does not have a place of his own, and does not appear to have any plans in that direction.

So, last week, I asked him a whole lot of questions, and it appears like he would be marrying my baby, and she would live with him in their family house. Other families living there include the man's aged parents, some uncles and aunties, and their children. He was not specific whether aunties or uncles included blood relations and their spouses. I didn't press him on that.

Now, I have also sat my niece down, and had a chat with her. She is only 20+ (would be 21 in June). I tried to be as neutral as possible, but I may have been too blunt sometimes because she has been defensive, including accusing me of not wanting to fund the wedding.

Her mother reasons with me, but the girl has become deaf. She doesn't want to listen.

My point is that the wedding can be put on hold till the young man makes a firm decision on accommodation. All this: "I will consider it; I am considering it; it is a part of my plan" is not conclusive at all, and I don't want her to go and start her married life under the same roof with so many people.

The man is 30 (although he looks older to me), and I am beginning to feel that he is manipulating her.

What do you think?

Which of you has experienced living in your husband's family house? How was the experience?

For me, I think of it just like living in a polygamous family, and it makes me uneasy because this girl is too young, and too fragile.

Your opinions and experiences are highly welcome.

It may be all that I would need to reach a decision concerning this knotty issue.

Solatium:
Since you know the danger in living in family house while married, you can actually help them out by providing them with a small accomodation that will be easier for them to maintain on their own.
The problem with us in this part of the world is rather than put people's feet on the path of greatness we always prefer the Glitz and Glamour that comes with every owambe.

Mariangeles:


If you are Yoruba, then I don’t think there’s a problem with that.

Kobojunkie:
Why are you worried about funding the wedding though? Isn't that up to the man's side to do?

Saintmary:


It might be common in the slums, not the rest of Yorubaland.


We build houses too, sometimes even before getting married in case you haven't seen anyone doing it.


This case is unusual, unacceptable, ridiculous and condemnable to most reasonable Yoruba people.

BluntTheApostle:
I am to fund her own side of the wedding. For example, the funding of the formal introduction which will happen at my house, and the guests during the wedding reception.

But that is not even the problem. I have cooperatives to run to.

Omoluabi16:
Haba. Why would you say this? I don't know neither have I seen or heard of any Yoruba family doing this.

DSC7:
First time wey iyaebe make sense

Mariangeles:


Seriously, you’ve not?

Well, I was born in and have lived most of my life in the southwest, and that is what I’ve observed.

Omoluabi16:
Haba. Why would you say this? I don't know neither have I seen or heard of any Yoruba family doing this.

JoyousFurnitire:


Anty abeg where did you grow up

Sterope:
This is common with some families not all.