Naira landers, kindly advise me on what to do.

l am over 60 years old, a widower. By the grace of God, l was blessed with three children of which two are graduates with good grades from reputable universities here in Nigeria, one is still undergraduate before the departure of my late wife some years back.

As a retired man with meager money, I decided to manage a little business which barely gives me much money. One of these my children, a professional, though not teacher, is currently residing with me doing teaching job in different places as part time, pending when he would get a much better job.

We are living in my personal house. l would single handedly pay electricity bills, lawnman, etc. My son would not want to help in any way, not even with pure water of #10 claiming that he is with his father.

Efforts to convince him to assist me is not yielding positive result, instead he would pick quarrels with me. His senior sister has married, while the junior brother is still in the school as dependant, what sort of counseling do you think he needs to change.

I am afraid even if this boy owns shop rite in future, he would not help either.

I recommend you send him to a barbing school

I don't even know what to say but to start with. How was he raised?
I mean,was he having everything at his will when growing up?

Eject him from the home.

This is something you both need to sit down and have a mature conversation about.

He needs a change of mindset.

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Golan007:
Eject him from the home.

...Lol You think is easy?

Free him

Na body go tell am

See wetin bad economy cause

You can't repay your father for raising you, you are still taking from him even at retirement

That's a crime


Use the method my mum used on us..

Note ; she is a retired Federal Government worker with my dad and they both earn good money from pension and house rent

Call all your children to have a serious conversation early in the morning...

Mandate each and everyone of them to take care of a certain bill or give you a certain amount every month so as to receive your true blessing while you're still alive

Start with little commitments for them

*filling of cooking gas
*service and fueling of Generators
*buying of pure water bags and water dispenser refill
*even your kid in school can afford to buy bread or live chcken every time he comes home if you mandate him to do so
*3k monthly subscription of internet or DSTV




.

You don't want your son to enjoy you now that you're alive abi?

JONNYSPUTE:
...Lol You think is easy?

After graduation, a man should leave his father's house.

Golan007:


After graduation, a man should leave his father's house.

Shatap

Golan007:


After graduation, a man should leave his father's house.

...You right about that.My question was. Do you think is easy for the man to eject him?

Flexherbal:
This is something you both need to sit down and have a mature conversation about.

Desusi, your son is a grown man and you and he can, as suggested here, have a grown up conversation about such things.

If you don't know how, watch some American family movies to get you an idea of what you can do.

The current situation of the country made him to still be living under your roof. Don’t frustrate him and make him misbehave. He’s still a good boy unlike some sons who are jobless and shameless. Give him more time to look for a better job and let him move on

Malory:
Shatap

This one is still doing "Mummy, thank you" after breakfast, lunch and dinner.

JONNYSPUTE:
...You right about that.My question was. Do you think is easy for the man to eject him?

Yes.

His son is a roommate that isn't contributing.

Needs to be ejected.

Hmmn, at that age, he should have a sense of responsibility even for late bloomers.

You have to sit him down sir and talk to him. No matter how small, he should contribute.

Since he has a small job he should at least do something, even if it's buying pure water for the house.

I understand your Concerns sir.

Don't even think about him anymore.....live your life to the fullest Sir...if he can't reason well sale off the house and use the money to maintain yourself to live longer because that's the first thing he will sale immediately you die....

Mooh247:




See wetin bad economy cause

You can't repay your father for raising you, you are still taking from him even at retirement

That's a crime


Use the method my mum used on us..

Note ; she is a retired Federal Government worker with my dad and they both earn good money from pension and house rent

Call all your children to have a serious conversation early in the morning...

Mandate each and everyone of them to take care of a certain bill or give you a certain amount every month so as to receive your true blessing

Start with little commitments for them

*filling of cooking gas
*service and fueling of Generators
*buying of pure water and water dispenser refill
*even your kid in school can afford to buy bread or live chcken every time he comes home if you mandate him to do so
*3k monthly subscription of internet or DSTV




.

Thanks for your fantastic advice! How l wish he would read this and complied. I will try your suggestions too.

Kobojunkie:
Desusi, your son is a grown man and you and he can, as suggested here, have a grown up conversation about such things.

If you don't know how, watch some American family movies to get you an idea of what you can do.

l will see to that too.Thank you my brother.

Beremx:
The current situation of the country made him to still be living under your roof. Don’t frustrate him and make him misbehave. He’s still a good boy unlike some sons who are jobless and shameless. Give him more time to look for a better job and let him move on

OK.

So long as you made the selfish decision to have children, you are completely responsible for them till you die. As if they are sharing high paying jobs in Nigeria.

Kobojunkie:
Desusi, your son is a grown man and you and he can, as suggested here, have a grown up conversation about such things.

If you don't know how, watch some American family movies to get you an idea of what you can do.

Gbam

Naijanascam:
Don't even think about him anymore.....live your life to the fullest Sir...if he can't reason well sale off the house and use the money to maintain yourself to live longer because that's the first thing he will sale immediately you die....

the son might even kill him one day in other to inherit the house.I have seen cases like that.

Richy4:

Sir, u have done your part wonderfully well...
Since he is earning, use your church mind to calculate how much his take home is...Write a love note, stating what you want him to contribute clearly....

Since it's gonna cause a misunderstanding, put it in writing by telling him to contribute towards the upkeep... Example..

<<< Monthly electricity Bill... # 7000
<<<Saturday Lawn mowing... # 1000 or u mow the lawn by yourself..
<<< Food.. since I am your father, I will provide that..
<<< Water rates... #5000
<<< General house cleaning...#6000

Conclude by saying....Son, I want you to read this carefully.. U will only approach me over this subject matter if u want to negotiate only... But if u can not help me your father, Your certificate is enough to get u any where u want in the world... I want you to leave my house first week after Easter holidays...

Oga please type it... So that he will know that you are serious...do not right with pen...

Print your own copy as well just incase he wants to negotiate... It's called tough love... I believe anywhere he will be, he will pay rent and bills? Haba!!!

Your suggestions are superb.It means there are cool headed Nigerians who can see things on ones side like this. Great thanks. I will work on this too.Advice is a second mother to a child.

At 29, it is too late to train or teach him the tenets of giving. Children don't learn the act of giving and compassion at old age. To get anything from him at this stage of his life, you need to be manipulative and intentional. You also need to ask yourself if you've been showing and practising the act of giving in his presence.

Acidosis:
At 29, it is too late to train or teach him the tenets of giving.

Children don't learn the act of giving and compassion at old age. To get anything from him at this stage of his life, you need to be manipulative and intentional. You also need to ask yourself if you've been showing and practising the act of giving in his presence.

That's not true abeg!

So long as he lives as home, he can still learn from his father how to live with a roommate contributing his share to the bills and all. He can learn how it is not too much to do chores and run errands so that when he eventually leaves and has roommates of his own, or maybe gets married, these things won't be a big deal to him..

After the last recession here that forced many adults to move back home, many eventually wrote of how they learnt during that time, how to live with roommates and contribute unselfishly to the upkeep of home and family. Many of those writeups are stil online.

udomonday:
the son might even kill him one day in other to inherit the house.I have seen cases like that.

Wow! Great heavens,have mercy.

tensazangetsu20:
So long as you made the selfish decision to have children, you are completely responsible for them till you die. As if they are sharing high paying jobs in Nigeria.

If not for anything, at least respect his age. See the way u talking to a 60years old man. Must you display your lack of home training I blame social media

Kobojunkie:
That's not true abeg!

So long as he lives as home, he can still learn from his father how to live with a roommate contributing his share to the bills and all. He can learn how it is not too much to do chores and run errands so that when he eventually leaves and has roommates of his own, or maybe gets married, these things won't be a big deal to him..

After the last recession here that forced many adults to move back home, many eventually wrote of how they learnt during that time, how to live with roommates and contribute unselfishly to the upkeep of home and family. Many of those writeups are stil online.

I hope you know that this issue is beyond contributing as in the case of two roommates? That's why I mentioned the use of manipulative tricks to get money from him.

As far as compassion between a father and his son is concerned, I don't see a solution.