I am just thinking why some mothers are so bold and domineering in their daughters' marital homes. Their decisions tend to be stronger and more forceful as they are more influential than the mothers of their sons-in-law. What should be responsible for this? They can easily pack into their daughters' homes without prior information unlike the men's mothers.
Have you experienced such? Kindly share your thoughts and experiences

Nnamnugochi:
I am just thinking why some mothers are so bold and domineering in their daughters' marital homes. Their decisions tend to be stronger and more forceful as they are more influential than the mothers of their sons-in-law. What should be responsible for this? They can easily pack into their daughters' homes without prior information unlike the men's mothers.
Have you experienced such? Kindly share your thoughts and experiences

You mean almost the exact same way the husband's mother dominates her son?

Nnamnugochi:
I am just thinking why some mothers are so bold and domineering in their daughters' marital homes. Their decisions tend to be stronger and more forceful as they are more influential than the mothers of their sons-in-law. What should be responsible for this? They can easily pack into their daughters' homes without prior information unlike the men's mothers.
Have you experienced such? Kindly share your thoughts and experiences

It goes both ways.I guess this is specifically about your mother in law?

Because the man of the house welcomes it that way.

As you make your bed so you lie on it.

Nnamnugochi:
I am just thinking why some mothers are so bold and domineering in their daughters' marital homes. Their decisions tend to be stronger and more forceful as they are more influential than the mothers of their sons-in-law. What should be responsible for this? They can easily pack into their daughters' homes without prior information unlike the men's mothers.
Have you experienced such? Kindly share your thoughts and experiences

Has your mother-in-law moved into your home or your mother moved into your married sister's home?

It goes both ways.
I think the problem is with the female folks generally. Once they become mothers they tend to be overly protective.

The question is why don't fathers behave that way

It is both sons and daughters. Some mothers like to interfere in their children’s marriage.
Your question should be why do mothers do so

Beremx:
Your question should be why do mothers do so

This is still what we desire to know. They do it towards the daughter more

I think it's due to the entitlement mentality in their DNA. I have decided that anytime I want to give my wife's parents any gift I will rather send it to her dad then her dad can share with his wife.

its a factor even the women cant cant explain

When women bring their marital issues to other women, they are usually advised to ‘focus on their children’. You see such comments often from female monikers here too.

25 to 30 years of focus will not come to an abrupt end because the object of focus got married. There would need to be a refocus of energy from the children over time. What is an old woman going to channel her focus to? Working out? another man? getting further education? most times it’s always too late to change focus when they need to.

So before you get married, check the relationship between your prospective MIL and FIL, if they don’t have a good relationship, the chances of having a meddling mother in law are very high.

Personally, a meddling mother in law isn’t so much of a big deal to me. I know a mother loves her children and wants the best for the them, I will not put anyone in a situation where they would have to pick between me and their moms. If I was ever in such situation I will pick my mother.

eazzzy1:
When women bring their marital issues to other women, they are usually advised to ‘focus on their children’. You see such comments often from female monikers here too.

25 to 30 years of focus will not come to an abrupt end because the object of focus got married. There would need to be a refocus of energy from the children over time. What is an old woman going to channel her focus to? Working out? another man? getting further education? most times it’s always to late to change focus when they need to.

So before you get married, check the relationship between your prospective MIL and FIL, if they don’t have a good relationship, the chances of having a meddling mother in law are very high.

Personally, a meddling mother in law isn’t so much of a deal breaker for me. I know a mother loves her children and wants the best for the them, I will not put anyone in a situation where they would have to pick between me and their moms. If I was ever in such situation I will pick my mother.

Interesting!

Gift96:
its a factor even the women cant cant explain

It's well

When I hear that "focus on your children" ,it riles me up.
But its common where the woman is jobless or sick.You cant be engaged meaningfully and leave your job to go chook mouth in a yoing ppls marriage.

God help me the kind of life I want to leave,nobody will see my leg unless very necessary

Nnamnugochi:
I am just thinking why some mothers are so bold and domineering in their daughters' marital homes. Their decisions tend to be stronger and more forceful as they are more influential than the mothers of their sons-in-law. What should be responsible for this? They can easily pack into their daughters' homes without prior information unlike the men's mothers.
Have you experienced such? Kindly share your thoughts and experiences

The woman is the only creature that saw the devil face to face and discussed with him. Whatever they discussed, nobody knows till date, except the cocck and bull story Eve told us.

So, fear women

Not just the wife's mother. Siblings (Young ones) of your wife too sees their sister's house as their second home.

When we were fully based in my hometown, I can count the number of times my people visit. They don't even sleep over. But wifey's people ehn.. You bid them farewell today, you see them again the following week.. lol

It's all fun as long as there is money.

I don dey tell wifey now say when we are aged, nothing like you leaving me alone in the house for months in the name of Omugwo. May God keep us both and grant us long life by his grace.

It's probably a generational thing that will fade with time.

ecolime:
Not just the wife's mother. Siblings (Young ones) of your wife too sees their sister's house as their second home.

When we were fully based in my hometown, I can count the number of times my people visit. They don't even sleep over. But wifey's people ehn.. You bid them farewell today, you see them again the following week.. lol

It's all fun as long as there is money.

I don dey tell wifey now say when we are aged, nothing like you leaving me alone in the house for months in the name of Omugwo. May God keep us both and grant us long life by his grace.

Hmm!

Na craze de their head.

Reasons why many marriages packs up easiy. Especially if the guy doesn't give her the chance.

eazzzy1:
When women bring their marital issues to other women, they are usually advised to ‘focus on their children’. You see such comments often from female monikers here too.

25 to 30 years of focus will not come to an abrupt end because the object of focus got married. There would need to be a refocus of energy from the children over time. What is an old woman going to channel her focus to? Working out? another man? getting further education? most times it’s always too late to change focus when they need to.

So before you get married, check the relationship between your prospective MIL and FIL, if they don’t have a good relationship, the chances of having a meddling mother in law are very high.

Personally, a meddling mother in law isn’t so much of a big deal to me. I know a mother loves her children and wants the best for the them, I will not put anyone in a situation where they would have to pick between me and their moms. If I was ever in such situation I will pick my mother.

@emboldened I first laughed... then I thought about it deeply.

I think there's some truth in what you've written.

*********
I think it is true that a significant number of women marry men who are ready, and not necessarily who they love/want deeply. And when that happens, the reality of being with that man forever becomes unexciting, and their anchor to get by becomes their children.

The other scenario is when women decide to endure their marriage "because of the children." Once again, they've made their kids the lifeline. They feel they've sacrificed too much to not reap as they deem fit. They become entitled.

Also, without intending to, most women get married, start having children, and the bulk of their attention shifts to the kids. They stop investing in nurturing a solid relationship with their husbands so much so that when the kids have grown and begun to move on with their lives, there's not much companionship left in their marriage.

And so they restlessly begin to want to be so much involved in their children's lives because there's not much else going on for them.

********
Now that I think about it, mothers who still have happy marriages, or other important things (career, thriving business or meaningful social engagements) going on for them, do not become overbearing and unduly involved in their kids' marriages.

It depends on the man, i told my mother inlaw that she is not part of my family and a guest in my house.
She has no decision making power in my house.
Just to stay her lane and out of my way

PrimadonnaO:


I first laughed... then I thought about it deeply.

I think there's some truth in what you've written.

*********
I think it is true that a significant number of women marry men who are ready, and not necessarily who they love/want deeply. And when that happens, the reality of being with that man forever becomes unexciting, and their anchor to get by becomes their children.

The other scenario is when women decide to endure their marriage "because of the children." Once again, they've made their kids the lifeline. They feel they've sacrificed too much to not reap as they deem fit. They become entitled.

Also, without intending to, most women get married, start having children, and the bulk of their attention shifts to the kids. They stop investing in nurturing a solid relationship with their husbands so much so that when the kids have grown and begun to move on with their lives, there's not much companionship left in their marriage.

And so they restlessly begin to want to be so much involved in their children's lives because there's not much else going on for them.

********
Now that I think about it, mothers who still have happy marriages, or other important things (career, thriving business or meaningful social engagements) going on for them, do not become overbearing and unduly involved in their kids' marriages.

Lol you are absolutely correct. In addition we have the maternal instinct, most mothers are overprotective of their children. Some men stay in marriage for their children too, it doesn’t generally make them meddlesome in-laws.

I think Meddling becomes tolerable when spouses understand that a mother usually want what’s best for her child.

eazzzy1:


Lol you are absolutely correct. In addition we have the maternal instinct, most mothers are overprotective of their children. Some men stay in marriage for their children too, it doesn’t generally make them meddlesome in-laws.

I think Meddling becomes tolerable when spouses understand that a mother usually want what’s best for her child.

Very correct about the maternal instincts - always wanting to protect.

Although tbvh, the sort of meddling some MILs do simply seem like pepper body, and outright unkindness.

PrimadonnaO:


Very correct about the maternal instincts - always wanting to protect.

Although tbvh, the sort of meddling some MILs do simply seem like pepper body, and outright unkindness.

Na wao
Lol

Nnamnugochi:
I am just thinking why some mothers are so bold and domineering in their daughters' marital homes. Their decisions tend to be stronger and more forceful as they are more influential than the mothers of their sons-in-law. What should be responsible for this? They can easily pack into their daughters' homes without prior information unlike the men's mothers.
Have you experienced such? Kindly share your thoughts and experiences

Every married home belongs to the wife but owned by the husband

So expect more of wife family dominance than husband families

You can't change it but you can manage it

Klass99:




This Eazzzy, you amuse me to no end with your idealistic mindset as reflected in your recent posts which I have come across.

Ideally, what you said here won't be an issue. But, realistically when you start to experience it in real time, you will not find it funny neither will you feel this way.

What you think is not a big deal caused the breakdown of a marriage and led to the divorce of a couple I know personally. Pray not to have meddlesome in-laws or a wife who lacks good judgment, is incapable of independent thought and independent choices.

I saw your response to Prima as well about mothers wanting the best for their children, I just smiled and shook my head. Like seriously, that is not always the case and when will some of you grasp that motherhood is NOT synonymous with sainthood?

We like to think that (I mean mothers wanting the best....) but older me is realizing how manipulative, calculating and selfish some women can be in the name of motherhood. Some use emotional blackmail, spiritual blackmail or outright witchcraft to get what they want out of their children. In the name of, I carried you for 9 months in my womb, I did this and that, if she is a widow who trained you in school be prepared for an even heavier dose of that blackmail.

When I hear things like these, in my mind I am like, ehn ehn and so? Wasn't it your responsibility to do all of that? You decided to have kids, you ought to have known what comes with it. Then most love to act like they gave you life and own your life (not God our Creator o, but them) simply because they gave birth to you.

When scripture says a man's worse enemies are from within his own household or the human heart is desperately wicked, please remember that God's word is not a lie and mothers are not exempted from that word of truth either, just because.....

I always enjoy reading your comments, you are a rare gem

Klass99:


Thank you, I am flattered.

You are welcome dear, it's becoming increasingly difficult nowadays to find women/ladies that are honest and objective when it comes to marital issues without playing gender card.

I don't need ta soothsayer to tell me that you are an upstanding woman, it's glaring

Klass99:


With age comes wisdom, if you take the time to think things through carefully and allow real life experiences to educate your mind. Without relying on a lot of the BS we were fed as young children, or some of society's norms and practices which hurt us, more than they help us. I appreciate your comment and compliment.

i agree with you wholeheartedly. most emotional, childish and biased comments we read everyday from young women on this platform shows their inexperience and immaturity.
I believe with time they will learn and adjust when reality sets in.

Enjoy your day, you are my new friend