Iyaebe:
Has he started giving you money?

johnmba:


we use the same energy for all family members even extended families. we dont behave like you people.

Jesus said the man left 99 sheep to go look for just 1

johnmba:
https://www.nairaland.com/5494102/rich-brother-does-not-care

Hello house, i opened the above thread some time ago about my elder brother attitude towards us his sibling. am here to give update.

my brother has gradually changed, he can now pick our calls and we have some discussion unlike before. He now calls to check up on us when there are issues in our places of residence. He has even joined our family whatsapp group and he participate actively.

i want to appreciate all who gave meaning advice during that discussion. money is good but everything is not all about money. most times what family members needs is love and care. I love a happy family and its wonderful to see family that live in peace.

i want to thank Madridguy, your post then really gave me hope that families with similar issues can be restored.

my advice to those who feel they can do without their family is remember God blessed you not because you are the smartest but by his grace. we dont have much time to stay here on earth so lets love and cherish one another.


NB nobody was asking him for money for people shouting entitlement this entitlement that. we are all doing well and we wanted our brother back. now that he is back everybody is happy and the family is moving fine.

Cashio:
Bro, I know what I am saying. I am actually the last boy, me elder siblings are not financially strong and I contribute more to the family than them because I earn better than they do.
I never felt entitled to anyone's money because I understood what it meant to have mine at a very younger age. I sponsored more than 80% of my higher education through bricklaying and designs I did.
What I am saying is this. An elder sibling who is well off financially is mandated to assist his younger ones. Not like it is a must, but it is just the right thing to do, Just as parents are mandated to take care if their children.
If I train my child and he gets so useless as to forget his family, I will hunt him down and make him repay all I spent in his training before I disown him with a curse that his kids will do same to him. So after giving you the best education, you now leave home and abandon everyone. Na mumu dey worry the bastard.

Dailyparrot:
It depends on what you want from your brother. I believe we can love from afar.

I don't call my brothers and they don't call me and we're cool with that.

Anytime I ever see their calls coming in, I already knew that something has happened. But we're not enemies. We just want to mind each other's business.

thorpido:
You guys obviously didn't have a bond growing up.It's cool for you as it but obviously something was missing growing up.

Cashio:
Why will people shout entitlement?
Yes the elder brother owes his younger siblings some form of help or assistance. That is not entitlement, that is being responsible.
Imagine I have an elder brother who was trained in school or craft by our parents and afterwards, he absconds and forgets his siblings. I will personally go to his house and break his doors and if need be, threaten him with gun and make him pay for everything our parents spent on him.
An elder bro, owes his younger ones some care, same with other siblings. If you are trained, you have to assist to train others. That is how the family will grow.

YeyeGbami:
Do these fools read to understand at all?

mabea:
Honestly we have many foolish people on this forum yet they take themselves as wise

Amazinggrace71:
Whether my brother calls me or not is non of my freaking business. He calls once in a month and as long as he is doing fine, I'm very cool with that. For you to have mentioned anything about his being very rich in the first place has laced the post with entitlement mentality or envy of some sort.
My brother hates calling and it was even worse when he was a broke guy. Don't always attach people's character to the fact that they have money

EagleNest:


Bros this your view point is weird. It is an example of entitlement mentality. Elder brothers don't OWE any siblings any shit unless the so called siblings are disabled due to circumstances.

For it to work, make sure you build a rapport or trust or good relationship with your elder brother or vice versa, and if he's rich or any other person in the family for that matter, it will naturally cascade to everyone within the family without asking. But if you sit down and do nothing, banking that he MUST do it because he's elder brother, then there lies the wahala. He will not flinch!

Dailyparrot:


Maybe you are right. But what is missing isn't in a negative way.

My brothers have left home to learn trade before I was born. I never ever lived with them pass two weeks that they spend at home whenever they come home for any reason.

I don't have any memories shared with them. The age difference is pretty much.

So, you see that it's not necessarily because we have bad blood within ourselves, it's just that there was never any bond and they are more like uncles to me than brothers.

We operate on different spheres of life.

Caleycashh:
Fact still remains when people seek your presence and personality... you have money!!!, cus I can bet my ass if he doesn't have money non of you all will bother about him, what gets me so angry is the hypocrisy and slyness in most people!. No one fuckin cares you exists but once you've made money boom they just choke around you!... pathetic!

mabea:
You people are very myopic. What about a situation where nobody looks up to your brother for any financial need yet they need his input in some other pressing family matters yet he is nowhere to be found? Imagine having a brother though alive but feels like he's dead to the family members. What about loosing one of your parents and still your brother could not show up nor show any form of concern. I could go on and on. Money is important but not everything there is to life.

Nectarbaba:
I just laugh at the comments here. Well, it actually shows that people do not know the value of family in this part of this world. I guess that is why almost everybody looks miserable.

franchasofficia:
You are very wrong if that's how your family functions, don't use it as a model for other well trained and well cultured families, instead pray for God to heal your family and bring back love.


In my own family, we are 8, I am the last child and believe me, all are well to do and happily married yet we relate with one another with love. Even those outside the country, we crack jokes on our family whatsapp group and call each other once in a while. Mind you, none of us is begging, in fact all of us are heavy weights.


This thing mostly depends on parental upbringing, how parents raise their kids matters, we were raised with the mindset that an injury to one is an injury to all and a win for one is a win for all, and this principle have kept us together for decades despite our individual successes.


Cristiano Ronaldo and his brothers still forge ahead like teens. Lionel Messi same.



The Bush family are forever united in love despite their individual successes and despite having one of them as a former US President.


Goodluck Jonathan raised his brother before he succumbed to death.


Buhari's kitchen cabinet and cabal controlling Nigeria are his family members, they are so powerful that they even chased his wife Aisha to Dubai lol.


And it was that his family that stood by him when he was forgotten affer he was ousted as Head of State via coup in the 80s. It was his family that stood by him till he became President again in 2015. So you need family love and unity. Linda Ikeja a lady single handedly lifted all her siblings from poverty without complaining that they are depending so much on her like many would have. Family is everything brother.


Bola Tinubu have also lifted all his immediate family. He uses his power to install them as Governors or give them mouthwatering political posts or appointments. Why do you think his urchins can kill for him? He gives them crumbs that keep them alive lol.


Please while raising your own kids, teach them to love one another and to take ones pain as everybody's pain and ones success as everybody's success, this helps to bond them together even when they become married adults with separate families.



I forgot to tell you that one of my greatest joy in life is helping my extended family members since my immediate family are okay.


Helping people gives me extraordinary joy and fulfillment and that's why I pray and work harder everyday to have more money so that my assistance can become nationwide and not just limited to my family and community.



And I pray that soon, my pet project for Nigeria will become a reality that you and others will read about on national media and dailies. so bro be glad that you have to give cos being financially broke can be depressing, don't mock those still struggling to stand because it is not always their fault, some are smarter, wiser, and work harder than you and I.

vikstandon:
Some Statements here say a lot about how many dysfunctional homes we have in Nigeria.

If you have got money and stability and you think family bond doesn't matter...you have a problem.

Unionism brings about advancement even in community, talk more of family... Tomorrow you encounter problem that you don't have access to that your wealth...you will require a bro/sis to do the runarounds.

Some innocent persons are in jail even with their money...na family dey the outside walls dey run around to secure their freedom.

Many are kidnapped even with their money, na family member go pay ransom to secure their freedom.

Family bond matters...money can't do a lot for you. Onye nwe mmadu kariri onye nwere ego (Igwebuike).

People who don't have known relative (family), try to create one (even a superficial one)...There is reason why!

vikstandon:
Some Statements here say a lot about how many dysfunctional homes we have in Nigeria.

If you have got money and stability and you think family bond doesn't matter...you have a problem.

Unionism brings about advancement even in community, talk more of family... Tomorrow you encounter problem that you don't have access to that your wealth...you will require a bro/sis to do the runarounds.

Some innocent persons are in jail even with their money...na family dey the outside walls dey run around to secure their freedom.

Many are kidnapped even with their money, na family member go pay ransom to secure their freedom.

Family bond matters...money can't do a lot for you. Onye nwe mmadu kariri onye nwere ego (Igwebuike).

People who don't have known relative (family), try to create one (even a superficial one)...There is reason why!

franchasofficia:
God bless you for mentioning Linda Ikeji family. Linda Ikeji single handedly raised her siblings and lifted them all from poverty, something many wouldn't do but rather cite how they suffered to make it and why others must suffer to make theirs.



Such mindset is evil and inhumane cos we all are not gifted with same capabilities in life, and that is why the successful must assist the struggling ones among them to stand.


I am glad the Op's family are better off now.

It breaks my heart to hear or read about people struggling with life while their siblings or close family member is living in affluent, it always gives me goosebumps

ume1000:
did u just call ur own family a dead weight?

Cashio:
This idea of no one owes no one shit is why accountability is lacking in our generation. Baba an elder brother who enjoyed good support from parents owes his younger siblings same support until they also find their feet. To me, it is a must. They train you to assist in training others, not just the elder brothers alone, but ever other member of the household.
Imagine training your son in the higher institution and assisting him until he gets a job and can afford to survive on his own. Why won't he also assist to train his younger siblings till they can stand on their own. He mustn't necessarily take up all their responsibilities, but he owes them those little help and support he got from the parents, it is an obligation.

Cashio:
This idea of no one owes no one shit is why accountability is lacking in our generation. Baba an elder brother who enjoyed good support from parents owes his younger siblings same support until they also find their feet. To me, it is a must. They train you to assist in training others, not just the elder brothers alone, but ever other member of the household.
Imagine training your son in the higher institution and assisting him until he gets a job and can afford to survive on his own. Why won't he also assist to train his younger siblings till they can stand on their own. He mustn't necessarily take up all their responsibilities, but he owes them those little help and support he got from the parents, it is an obligation.

Amazinggrace71:

So what if he is nowhere to be found? Is he the first born? Is he the oracle of the family that must be available for all events? What about people with no siblings or parents, did they die?

Do you people even know what love is?. If he truly loves his brother, then he wouldn't mind being the one calling and not minding his infrequent calls.
Whether you like it or not, there is always that one or two siblings that love to mind their business even from a very tender age, you can spot them which is exactly what he said about his brother being so from a young age.
If you chase your brother to the extent of bringing his matter to nairaland, then, there is more to it than meets the eye. If someone is avoiding something, then please don't judge the person until you have walked in his shoes. Nobody will avoid something that is pleasing to him or that gives him comfort.

See ehn, just go back and read his previous post about his brother. He dwelt well on the issue of money. If money is not everything, then, why did he give it such an important highlight on his previous post.
Wait o! Let us even hear his brothers side of the story, I can never draw conclusion from listening to only one person's narrative!!!

NorthSerious:

You are really the most annoying, entitled idiooot I've ever had the displeasure of meeting on the internet. You reek of entitlement, it's nauseating. Listen to yourself. Did your older siblings force your parents to give birth to them? Your parents aren't doing them any favors by giving them good education and as such, they are not obligated to give your entitled assss anything. Your siblings owe you nothing. The sooner you realize that, the less miserable and annoying you will be to sane folks.

NorthSerious:

You are really the most annoying, entitled idiooot I've ever had the displeasure of meeting on the internet. You reek of entitlement, it's nauseating. Listen to yourself. Did your older siblings forced your parents to bore them? Your parents aren't doing them any favors by giving them good education and as such, they are not obligated to give your entitled assss anything. Your siblings owe you nothing. The sooner you realize that, the less miserable and annoying you will be to sane folks.

mabea:
If you like don't help your family members the Choice is yours.

Mariangeles:


When I read comments such as this one, it shows me how much I'm blessed.
I can't help but be grateful for the kind of family that I have.

Truly, some of us don't even realize how blessed we are until we read/hear the story of others.

Calibrator:
I said what I said.


This mentality is always fronted by the less privileged and entitled peeps in every family.


If you are doing well for yourself, life na per head. Nobody should leech on another.



Face your immediate family and let communication amongst siblings be strictly about courtesy not billings as if the elder bro is in charge of the family trust fund


As the first son of the family who is forging ahead without any past or present assistance, just sheer individual willpower, I know first hand how people like OP reason, I also followed the initial thread page to page that year.


Nonsense and entitlement!

EagleNest:


I get your point considering we grew in Nigeria and are polarised by our way of life and thinking, but the reality (and that's how it is done in modern world) is that it is the responsibility of the parents to train their kids regardless of if it is first or last child or male or female. That responsibility ideally should not be passed to eldest child unless the parent(s) died untimely. When you load up the eldest child with such huge responsibility at early stage of life, it becomes a heavy burden to carry. And trying to find a balance between personal goal and big family expectation become difficult. In fact how do you lift people up when you yourself can barely stand. We should break that cycle of burden bearing, they are not born donkeys. That's why such weird expectations forces an eldest daughter to marry out quick, to minimise number of mouths to feed, and they will even press pressure on her new family. What happened to all her life dreams and ambitions, - all suspended. Next she will start making babies and the cycle will continue. Similar with eldest male child, their's is worst. They are expected to train every one regardless of the number of them. And they grow old too quick carrying the responsibility of parents at very young age. In fact you are expected not to start your own family until you have cleared some of these burden. Please let's stop this. They are not sacrificial lambs or donkeys that carry burden.

However, if we are all equally well trained up to certain level, enough to be able to be independent, and it happens that one or two persons are falling behind, yes anyone can render help whether eldest or youngest, to lift that person up. There are too much eyes and expectations on eldest child that doesn't sit well with me. It should stop.

ImaIma1:


Seriously o. Thank God for good families. Video calls every single day. Calls to my siblings everyday. We cannot mind our business. We want to know what you ate that day