Kobojunkie:
There is no such thing as my own idea of mental discipline. That is why I pulled from a blog online to help you see it from a layman's angle.

I am afraid no psychiatrist in his right mind would affirm any of what you claim there and this because there is no set mental disciplines box to tick where personalities are concerned. Mental discipline is a choice to be made by individuals.

AjiBussu:


Since you can read very well. Part of her is still wishing. So Okafors law is applicable here. This isn't a genuine repentance. SMH

"But I got hurt when he acted indifferent on one occasion when I felt he should have shown more care. I asked him about it and he pretended not to understand what I was talking about. I read the writing on the wall, and decided to play along. So I said "bye. It was nice meeting you." Part of me was grateful it ended, another part was wishing I could still be with him. I love my husband and children, I cannot come and scatter my home."

Right now, he chats once in a while, just general "how are you". I say "fine". My feelings have healed and I thank God we didn't continue because I wouldn't have been able to stop myself from an affair if we had eventually had any physical contact. I can categorically say I'm no longer in love with him.

Ishilove:

I believe you can read very well, as well, She has stopped her improper relationship with him

drlateef:
None of these talk about their speech and character of the speech. I never mentioned psychiatrist to you. Psychologists and philosophers are the ones I mentioned. And I maintain that a garrulous person does not usually produce the best mental discipline. Your brain should control your speech if you want mental discipline.

oldienavie:

This was exactly the same thing going through my head, the type of people calling themselves Born again these days is shocking.
This is what Christianity has become, it has been very diluted.
Someone that should bury her head in shame and cry out for forgiveness, someone still keeping in contact with the same person she committed emotional adultery with is still proud to seat on the throne of advise. Oga you are too judgemental, let him who has never gone astray cast the first stone

I bet she is a "women leader" in church teaching young women.
Such a terrible and sad thing to read, that a wife and a mother can become so loose as to make themselves vulnerable to this point highlights how weak this person is spiritually.

As a born again person, your spiritual antenna ought to be able to spot these kind of things from a yard away.

Reminds me of a particular white girl in my church, I knew she loved me and I always avoided her, we were put in a group together and she eventually got my phone number, that was when the stalking began. But having a pre-knowledge of her intentions I already knew how to handle it.

By the way I am single, so I wonder when married people who claim to be christians and have loving families behave like goats on heat without self control.

It is a shame... spits

Kobojunkie:
1. I am afraid I don't follow. Theses definitions are themselves mentally established, are they not?
2. Yes!

3. Speak for yourself abeg! Maybe you lack the mental maturity, but I have had no problems relating with friends of mine, even from my high-school days, many of whom are now married with kids on a regular basis.

Kobojunkie:
I know many people here who are still friends with those of the opposite sex from even kindergarten days that have not cheated even after more than 3 decades of friendship.

Cheating has little to do with marriage but more to do with mental maturity.

chioma134:
This post was triggered by an earlier post I saw where the poster was having long talks with his friend's wife. I've been in a similar situation. I changed location and had to be separate from my family due to work. I was lonely and needed a friend. I talk with my husband regularly, but his interests are not my interests, so I find that besides household and family matters, we have little else to talk about. I found myself talking to this guy I met when I went for an official assignment. We started as friends, but we became attracted to each other. So when I travelled back to base, we started these long conversations. We're both born-again Christians and both married, so we kept to certain boundaries. I enjoyed conversing with him more than with my spouse. I became consumed with thoughts of him. He also expressed his desire and attraction towards me, but we laughed over it as jokes.

My husband noticed the conversations when I travelled home and became suspicious. He forbade me from speaking with him. He had never seen me have long talks with any friend, talkless of a male one. I informed my friend and he said no problem, he would wait till I travelled back to work base before he would continue. He later travelled to meet his family and conversation became scanty. I realized how much I was addicted to him when I couldn't talk to him as much as I wanted. He returned to base and we continued like before.

I started praying for God to help me overcome these desires. Maybe he also felt the same, because for some reasons I don't know, he reduced the frequency of calls and chats drastically. I didn't try to find out why, just thought the time-off would help me clear out immoral thoughts. But I got hurt when he acted indifferent on one occasion when I felt he should have shown more care. I asked him about it and he pretended not to understand what I was talking about. I read the writing on the wall, and decided to play along. So I said "bye. It was nice meeting you." Part of me was grateful it ended, another part was wishing I could still be with him. I love my husband and children, I cannot come and scatter my home.

He thought I was joking. I was no longer responding to his chats, and when I did, only with monosyllables. He became hurt and accused me of going silent on him. I told him he started it. He wanted me to become defensive, but the Holy Spirit whispered "keep quiet ". So I allowed him rant without saying anything. I thank God I didn't, because I would have exposed how deep my true feelings for him were.

Right now, he chats once in a while, just general "how are you". I say "fine". My feelings have healed and I thank God we didn't continue because I wouldn't have been able to stop myself from an affair if we had eventually had any physical contact. I can categorically say I'm no longer in love with him.

I penned these down for those struggling with similar situations. Just cut off the relationship. Stop conversation, chatting, or physical contact. Then pray for God to help you overcome those lusty feelings.

princeeze1:

Still play with English! The first thing your mental maturity should instill in you is that there should be healthy boundaries when relating to married opposite sex. It’s one thing to be friends and acquaintance, it’s a whole different thing to be besties. So your mental maturity does not include self discipline? You don’t know where to draw the line and you are claiming mental maturity? That you feel you can control yourself does not give you the license to cross healthy boundaries. There is a point to which communication, no matter how innocent it is, becomes unhealthy.

Mental discipline refers to how disciplined you are to consistently engage in the kind of mental practices that get you what you want. If you want to become a more relaxed person, you need to train yourself to do so. Once you have become a more relaxed person, you have to continue to practice the same rituals or techniques. It is the equivalent of physical exercise. The difference between the two is that often we can put the blame for us not being in a good state down to our circumstances whereas with our physical health, fitness or shape, we pretty much understand that it is dependent on how we eat and how much we exercise.

Just like physical exercise, we can look at two aspects of our mental discipline: what we put in and what we do (or think). If you read the news and watch countless television shows of how people are evil and dangerous then it’s reasonable that you will start to feel less trusting of others. If you read positive thinking books and listen to motivational podcasts, it’s reasonable that you will have a positive, ‘can-do’ mentality....
Mental discipline isn’t about motivating yourself excitedly once a month about what you hope to do. It is about making a daily, committed decision as to what you are going to pay attention to and how you are going to think. It is a committed effort to keep using what you learn to maintain a healthy attitude and build the kind of emotions that serve you well.

https://owenfitzpatrick.com/blog/key-mental-discipline/#:~:text=Mental%20discipline%20refers%20to%20how,train%20yourself%20to%20do%20so

bayelsa1son:
You are just a cheating wife the problem is that you haven't noticed it. Your write ups doesn't make a single sense,how can a married woman having all these lustful feelings for another married man

Karleb:
You women are weird sha.

It's easier to sleep with a woman by becoming her friend than by coming out as a lover.

It was only recently that I discovered that these women get really hurt when you decide not to be friends with them after they decline your offer of a relationship.

Why the need to have a close male friend who isn't your partner?

E no make sense.

Cooleasy:


Can you throw more light on the bolded please? Maybe there's a new wisdom I can learn there.

Thanks.

Metouu:
Same thing happened to someone I knew who found a married friend on social media, almost similar causes with this one. She thought she could handle it since the both of them were married, but her husband found out and try to stop them but it was too late and that was how she ended her marriage with 3 kids. They the man found out that her marriage had broken, he stopped talking to her and blocked her.

Kobojunkie:
Please reread to properly comprehend what mental discipline is really all about from what is a layman's definition given in the quoted below .


All this your offpoint attempts at an argument don tire me..

Kobojunkie:
Please reread to properly comprehend what mental discipline is really all about from what is a layman's definition given in the quoted below .


All this your offpoint attempts at an argument don tire me..

Kobojunkie:
Mental discipline involves the cultivation of mental habits to help one live a more relaxed existence when confronted with potential stimuli/temptation. For instance, an emotionally disciplined individual who has carefully trained his mind to never react violently no matter the situation, is less likely to do so when faced with temptation to react in the undesired manner. This because he has trained his mind - mental discipline.

In this case, a person who has for instance carefully trained his mind to dissociate sexual emotions from his attachments with friends ,and even strangers, is less likely to be tempted sexually.

By gaining disciplined control over one's emotions, one is then not easily tossed around by one's emotions, one is better able to live a more calmer - less stressful - existence, even when all around are running around panicked.

Karleb:


I don't even know why women do that shit.

It's understandable to an extent when girls do it but grown up women in their 30s, 40s and 50s thinking they can have a close platonic relationship with any man are dumb.

At least, men are straightforward. They know sex will eventually happen along the line but women keep saying all sort of bullshits just to absorb themselves of any responsibility.

Metouu:
the truth is, most women hardly cope with loneliness, they always seek whom to talk to.

drlateef:
I do not dispute these training methods. I am repeating for last time, training your speech to talk little and brief is part of mental discipline. There’s no alternative argument on that. By doing so, you avoid emotional entanglement with women. Period.

princeeze1:

You are the one having a blind argument because you want to sound woke and correct. So many people here have clearly pointed out to you the fallacy in your assumption. The epistle you gave on mental discipline, tell us how it stops you from keeping a healthy boundary from a married person. Because you tried to assert that because you are mentally disciplined, you can just relate with people, no boundaries, without consequences, which is why everyone is calling your fallacy out. If you are mentally sound, what about the opposite personality? There is all shades of wrong, when you don’t keep healthy boundaries, and that is the point! I also assert that one of the first things a mentally disciplined person should know should be where to draw the line in every issue. Somehow you missed that memo.

Mental discipline refers to how disciplined you are to consistently engage in the kind of mental practices that get you what you want. If you want to become a more relaxed person, you need to train yourself to do so. Once you have become a more relaxed person, you have to continue to practice the same rituals or techniques. It is the equivalent of physical exercise. The difference between the two is that often we can put the blame for us not being in a good state down to our circumstances whereas with our physical health, fitness or shape, we pretty much understand that it is dependent on how we eat and how much we exercise.

Just like physical exercise, we can look at two aspects of our mental discipline: what we put in and what we do (or think). If you read the news and watch countless television shows of how people are evil and dangerous then it’s reasonable that you will start to feel less trusting of others. If you read positive thinking books and listen to motivational podcasts, it’s reasonable that you will have a positive, ‘can-do’ mentality....
Mental discipline isn’t about motivating yourself excitedly once a month about what you hope to do. It is about making a daily, committed decision as to what you are going to pay attention to and how you are going to think. It is a committed effort to keep using what you learn to maintain a healthy attitude and build the kind of emotions that serve you well.

https://owenfitzpatrick.com/blog/key-mental-discipline/#:~:text=Mental%20discipline%20refers%20to%20how,train%20yourself%20to%20do%20so

chioma134:
This post was triggered by an earlier post I saw where the poster was having long talks with his friend's wife. I've been in a similar situation. I changed location and had to be separate from my family due to work. I was lonely and needed a friend. I talk with my husband regularly, but his interests are not my interests, so I find that besides household and family matters, we have little else to talk about. I found myself talking to this guy I met when I went for an official assignment. We started as friends, but we became attracted to each other. So when I travelled back to base, we started these long conversations. We're both born-again Christians and both married, so we kept to certain boundaries. I enjoyed conversing with him more than with my spouse. I became consumed with thoughts of him. He also expressed his desire and attraction towards me, but we laughed over it as jokes.

My husband noticed the conversations when I travelled home and became suspicious. He forbade me from speaking with him. He had never seen me have long talks with any friend, talkless of a male one. I informed my friend and he said no problem, he would wait till I travelled back to work base before he would continue. He later travelled to meet his family and conversation became scanty. I realized how much I was addicted to him when I couldn't talk to him as much as I wanted. He returned to base and we continued like before.

I started praying for God to help me overcome these desires. Maybe he also felt the same, because for some reasons I don't know, he reduced the frequency of calls and chats drastically. I didn't try to find out why, just thought the time-off would help me clear out immoral thoughts. But I got hurt when he acted indifferent on one occasion when I felt he should have shown more care. I asked him about it and he pretended not to understand what I was talking about. I read the writing on the wall, and decided to play along. So I said "bye. It was nice meeting you." Part of me was grateful it ended, another part was wishing I could still be with him. I love my husband and children, I cannot come and scatter my home.

He thought I was joking. I was no longer responding to his chats, and when I did, only with monosyllables. He became hurt and accused me of going silent on him. I told him he started it. He wanted me to become defensive, but the Holy Spirit whispered "keep quiet ". So I allowed him rant without saying anything. I thank God I didn't, because I would have exposed how deep my true feelings for him were.

Right now, he chats once in a while, just general "how are you". I say "fine". My feelings have healed and I thank God we didn't continue because I wouldn't have been able to stop myself from an affair if we had eventually had any physical contact. I can categorically say I'm no longer in love with him.

I penned these down for those struggling with similar situations. Just cut off the relationship. Stop conversation, chatting, or physical contact. Then pray for God to help you overcome those lusty feelings.

chioma134:
This post was triggered by an earlier post I saw where the poster was having long talks with his friend's wife. I've been in a similar situation. I changed location and had to be separate from my family due to work. I was lonely and needed a friend. I talk with my husband regularly, but his interests are not my interests, so I find that besides household and family matters, we have little else to talk about. I found myself talking to this guy I met when I went for an official assignment. We started as friends, but we became attracted to each other. So when I travelled back to base, we started these long conversations. We're both born-again Christians and both married, so we kept to certain boundaries. I enjoyed conversing with him more than with my spouse. I became consumed with thoughts of him. He also expressed his desire and attraction towards me, but we laughed over it as jokes.

My husband noticed the conversations when I travelled home and became suspicious. He forbade me from speaking with him. He had never seen me have long talks with any friend, talkless of a male one. I informed my friend and he said no problem, he would wait till I travelled back to work base before he would continue. He later travelled to meet his family and conversation became scanty. I realized how much I was addicted to him when I couldn't talk to him as much as I wanted. He returned to base and we continued like before.

I started praying for God to help me overcome these desires. Maybe he also felt the same, because for some reasons I don't know, he reduced the frequency of calls and chats drastically. I didn't try to find out why, just thought the time-off would help me clear out immoral thoughts. But I got hurt when he acted indifferent on one occasion when I felt he should have shown more care. I asked him about it and he pretended not to understand what I was talking about. I read the writing on the wall, and decided to play along. So I said "bye. It was nice meeting you." Part of me was grateful it ended, another part was wishing I could still be with him. I love my husband and children, I cannot come and scatter my home.

He thought I was joking. I was no longer responding to his chats, and when I did, only with monosyllables. He became hurt and accused me of going silent on him. I told him he started it. He wanted me to become defensive, but the Holy Spirit whispered "keep quiet ". So I allowed him rant without saying anything. I thank God I didn't, because I would have exposed how deep my true feelings for him were.

Right now, he chats once in a while, just general "how are you". I say "fine". My feelings have healed and I thank God we didn't continue because I wouldn't have been able to stop myself from an affair if we had eventually had any physical contact. I can categorically say I'm no longer in love with him.

I penned these down for those struggling with similar situations. Just cut off the relationship. Stop conversation, chatting, or physical contact. Then pray for God to help you overcome those lusty feelings.

oke2018:
Had it been you were not married yet , the case would have been different , that's what is affecting most relationship this days .

Kobojunkie:
The majority is never right where commonsense is concerned, so I suggested again, that you focus on trying to understand what mental maturity/discipline aka emotional discipline in fact entails.

Again....

princeeze1:

Lol, by your definition, mental discipline ought to also discipline you to consistently know to draw a healthy line in relation to a married acquaintance!

Kobojunkie:
The discipline and training is carried out by you - you do the mental work. The lines you chose are not arbitrarily defined by you since the mind has no way of constructing such.

So, please read again to gain clarity on what mental discipline is vs the ideas you have in your mind still.

princeeze1:

Just so you know, you said nothing.