The very beginning:

This is one question I probably know the answer to. I could afford a flat, My cable subscription was on point, I hardly ran out of data, except my smile plug was temporary offline, and I could very well feed myself with all the sort of meals I wanted. I also was far above average for a cook.

I really was not thinking of a wife at all. Ladies came and went. I knew while women can be pleasurable, living with them forever could probably cause a strain. So I avoided them for nearly 30years of my life if not more. I obviously was not a Saint, yet I tried my best to do no harm.

Then the scammers came. I can remember all of them. They saw my good life and wished me suffering. They painted the wrong narrative. "PonziHater, you shouldn't be cooking all this soup yourself and doing the dishes everything. "You need a woman to soften things up", when they found me in the restaurant eating "ogufe", they blurted out loudly that I was just a wasting money when I could have a wife to easen things up. They made vague references men who were supposedly living happier lives because of the women in their life. All these men were disgruntled, but kept a fake smile to sell a false narrative

The truth it was it was all brainwash. I felt good, happy and free. I couldn't afford the best designers, but my shirt were "red tag", and my pants were decent. I could fuel my car, and "afford" any lady on the daily. I truly then did not understand the softening of life that they claimed Marriage will bring, but with their emphasis, I thought of a near heaven, where lovely meals, a lot of sex, children calling me daddy and a wife to walk to in the park. What I found going forward was just like being at the peak of orgasm in a brothel, just at the point when the police were breaking in. It was some pleasure subsequently followed by gross imprisonment. It was going to hell on a 24hours drive, and then returning only to be stopped in the middle of nowhere by robbers. It was the most distasteful experience a man could see.

To be continued

ChiefSgtPonziHater

sgtponzihater1:
Nagging:

She nagged me to death. She was always rights and I was always wrong. My routine was returning home, catching up with my goons later in the evening for one or two bottles. Most times we had rosted chicken with 2-3 bottles of 1759, other nights we had peppersoup. Nothing seem better than working very hard, eating the reward of your work, and returning to your quiet calm bed afterwards.

Everything changed, I used my money to bring in a lady that shouted about how irresponsible I was. Apart from paying for power, she did no other spending, but everytime I forgot to switch a bulb off, I would be told off like a kid. There were days that she would give the cold attitude. Two adults in a house, rent and food provided by me, but yet no one to ask me how I was. Life went from good to harsh when she came in.

All the tricksters who forged me on to marriage seemed to have escaped. Very few asked how my marriage was. I nearly flunged the phone on the only one that said, "you see that marriage is sweet". The other one I tried to explain the pit I have found myself simply replied, "you see women, fear them", that was the end of our friendship, how could you deceive me to get married, and then tell me at the end that women are the same.

Out of 100 times we swept the living room, I did 80-90%, the 10% she did was with nagging. I knew it was not sustainable, but I was in a hole. She got pregnant, I can't tell how I kept digging. No one but myself to blame, but I could easily pick those asking after 1year of marriage, how far children?, as implicated in this. She got pregnant so she stopped cooking or cleaning at all, it was nausea and vomiting, what the medics called "emesis gravidarum". I was tired. Leaving home early, coming back late to prepare my own meals, yet cleaning the house. Her sisters told me that how early pregnancy was, and she will get better as the pregnancy progresses. It was a bigger scam, but I bought it, as I have never lived with a pregnant woman. Then the pregnancy progressed, and the claimed fatigue, back pain and all the problems in the world. I was in a fix. I worked hard, long, and thanklessly. She would say thank you. "were you not the one that put me in this? She screamed out, "is it not your baby I am carrying?" I felt used and abused. For the first time power had changed hands. Prior to marriage, I considered myself a ladies man. But right now, I saw the devil herself. I was in a fix!

sgtponzihater1:
The voyage continued. I was sinking, and I had it up to my neck. Life was hard. I was lucky I flexed my life for nearly a decade. Had I spent those decade donating to church and keeping off women, I probably, may have contemplated suicide. When it became difficult, I picked up the phone and called her elder sister. She claimed she will speak to her sister. I am not sure what both discussed, but she started cooking meals for me, and cleaning the house. It was not optimum, but she made an attempt. Her sister was the one who asked me, "how is my sister doing now?" She is doing well I replied, then hell let loose. "Who do you think you are?, are you perfect?, what do you mean she is doing better now?", that was it, a sign of plan work. I was in a big mess. She lied to everyone. Being of few words, and a sucker for truth, I could not say things beyond how they were. Since she knew how to bend the truth, people seemed to be sympathetic to her . It was expected, but I still forged on hopeful for redemption

sgtponzihater1:
When they came:

So they lied to us that she was pregnant, so we needed to bear with her. As soon as she drops the baby, everything would return to normal. This was soothing, but was one of their many lies.

So the child came. Unfortunately, they had to stay back in the hospital. Still I was excited. There is nothing really nearly as beautiful as having a child to your name. The one that takes your eyes, and if the child mimics your smile, then it is much more worth it. Life is beautiful with the sound of your own child. It's hard work to take care of them, but having them makes you know what sacrifice and true love is.

That's a big skew off my point. The child came, but she became move bad, to very bad. The first 6months was bad. She was engrossed with the baby, and I was the errand boy. She would seat with the baby in her hand nearly 24hours a day and dish out instructions. I made the noodle she ate, the stew we had, prepared the baby bath, then went on to work long hard nights, while instructions were left on my WhatsApp. She would not keep the baby on a cot or the swing bed I bought. Maybe to avoid doing any chore.

It seemed like a noble task in the beginning, but as things progressed, did I found I was only been taken for a fool, because when someone asked, and I was present, hope your husband supports you, the answered "which kind support?". She then ended the call with a smile and claimed it was a joke.

I asked if marriage is a scam because I might have gotten it all wrong maybe its the wrong person I got married to afterall. I console myself because I still see some kind ladies out there. Could they be pretending I don't know. But she was probably not trained. She had issues with all the people that ever did her hair. London was terrible, we moved up North and she criticised the city. Everything except hers was bad, yet she fought tooth and nail to get her family in.

It was month later I knew that all my effort was similar to pouring water on a basket. I was not saving, I was wasting. She had a chat with my dad, after he got wind of her ways, and she played the emotional distress card. She said I have never been of support to her even when she had a child, she struggled alone by herself. At that moment, I saw in clear view how used, battered and abuse I have been. It was nearly the end. How long could a man keep up with this?

Prior to that, I had held on tightly, and tried to keep things together. It's a long, sad tale, but I am better off writing it, than muddling things up

sgtponzihater1:
The seemingly trivial:

We have a meal, she is done and I am done also, she takes her plate to the kitchen and leaves me to take mine. If its the other way round, I carry hers.

I left the instruction to clean up after yourself. If you use a plate or a pot wash it immediately, since the tap runs. She found that too cumbersome. She eats and dumps the plate in the sink, piling it up. I have gone on to wash my own plates, and this caused all the chaos in the world. "Why will you leave the other plates and wash only yours?"

She wakes up any time she wants. On a good day it will be 11am on an average day maybe 12noon. Its not that she cannot wake early, because she wakes up very early to meet up with work while she worked, but on her off days, she then wakes up as late as she can. This automatically mean I need to source my own breakfast, and keep the house clean. She wakes up and dished out other instructions.

She greats me if she wants and ignores me if she doesn't. When she greets, I can hardly hear what she says. I assume she is tired, only for her to make long boisterous calls, all chatty and laughing.

She is too big to speak to. For example if I hear my little one cry loudly, maybe from a fall, I ask what happened? The response I get is a frowning face, like who are you to ask me a question in that tone?

sgtponzihater1:
There are not so good people. Like the girl that visited me once chilling and doing nothing. I noted how cruel she was with the waitress. I noticed how harshly she spoke to the taxi driver, for an issue that could be resolved without exchange of words. I knew this was fire, and gladly withdraw myself from that relationship. Looking back I am grateful to that lady for being true to herself, and showing me who she was.

The one that hurts the most is the one that acts like a Saint before you dive in. Seems kind to everyone. Calls you as early at 8am in the morning. Says she wishes she was there to cook your meals and keep your house tidy. Then when she comes in, does the direct opposite. That thing can pain!, but God keeps us all happy

PonziHater

Ehn

It's all filled with scandalous acts and sounds very tiring these days, no one wants to venture into such annoying piece of scamming shit

2. most men get married because of the Thought of Endless sex. This is really laughable because most of the time,their wives become lazy and sexually unresponsive to them after their 2nd or 3rd child. So getting married because you want an endless supply of sex is Foolish and very short sighted. And don't forget,that Sexiness you see in her today will fade away before she Hits menopause,or when/if she Gets Fat after her 1st baby.
3. Feminism! The whole purpose of marriage have been defeated by 3rd wave feminism,and it's even worse if you are a Christian or Muslim. I just watched a video today on youtube where a white woman said "breastfeeding of babies is not natural,and women shouldn't be tasked with it as a responsibility" because after all,there are milk formulas children can be given. What is being implied here is that imposing that kind of responsibilites on women is sexist and demeaning. Now tell me if you'd want a woman like that as the mother of your kids. Granted,not all women are feminists,and certainly only a small percentage of women think like that. But...DEM NOR DEY WRITE AM FOR HEAD
I know I will be called all sorts of names like "alfa male", small boy,broke and frustrated, mummy's boy etc. But it's all just shaming tactics and emotional blackmail really,a Logical thinking person wouldn't give in to all that nonsense. So my fellow men,i employ you today to GIVE ME JUST ONE BENEFIT OF MARRIAGE THAT IS EXCLUSIVE TO ONLY MEN.
And before you give me "the joy of having children" as your answer,just remember that you can most certainly have kids without getting married

Any how your conclusion might seem,marriage is good for us and for those who hate it so shall it be unto them all.

We know the value of procreation,therefore we shall continue to honour marriage.

ibechris:
Any how your conclusion might seem,marriage is good for us and for those who hate it so shall it be unto them all.

We know the value of procreation,therefore we shall continue to honour marriage.

I guess it is impossible to procreate without marriage then.

Open your eyes man,look around and tell me one Thing you EXCLUSIVELY gain being married

odinson1:

I guess it is impossible to procreate without marriage then.

Open your eyes man,look around and tell me one Thing you EXCLUSIVELY gain being married

I have benefited immensely from Marriage like it or not.

Marriage benefits far outweighs its disadvantage. When it comes to investments,my wife is my partner and my advisor and in fact,someone I rely on to offer her cherished ideas.

I have never been depressed as a married man but many of u singles are already depressed with baby mama's.

Financially,married people like me reach their financial goals faster than singles out there...who are looking for a baby mama to impregnate.

Married people have shown commitment to appointments and responsibilities than singles.

Marriage is a driving force that helps u to take ethical responsibility and that is why u will see more unserious singles caught as yahoo plus men.

@OP probably you met a lady who doesn't align with you in different areas.

ibechris:



I have benefited immensely from Marriage like it or not.

Marriage benefits far outweighs its disadvantage. When it comes to investments,my wife is my partner and my advisor and in fact,someone I rely on to offer her cherished ideas.

I have never been depressed as a married man but many of u singles are already depressed with baby mama's.

Financially,married people like me reach their financial goals faster than singles out there...who are looking for a baby mama to impregnate.

Married people have shown commitment to appointments and responsibilities than singles.

Marriage is a driving force that helps u to take ethical responsibility and that is why u will see more unserious singles caught as yahoo plus men.

With all this long talk, you still didn't mention one EXCLUSIVE benefit men have to gain from marriage.

All you wrote is a bunch of fallacies, marriage is just a Name,a term and a contract.
It doesn't make one automatically successful as you may think. Being married does not magically make one motivated to reach any goal,it is just a Term and a Contract where you devote your entire life, energy and resources,being committed to a woman who's only Goal is to have a Slave(who sees himself as king,mental slavery if you will) and Continuously milk him dry down till the very last drop.
Ever wonder why most husbands are thinner than their wives, while the wives look like baby elephants? It is because the man has been tirelessly working day and night, to Feed a Parasite whose only value to give is sex. Yes,there are women who offer way more than sex,but the Majority wins the vote right?

Karid man u bi. May your days be long bro

odinson1:


With all this long talk, you still didn't mention one EXCLUSIVE benefit men have to gain from marriage

Men benefits more in marriage than women.

ibechris:



Men benefits more in marriage than women.

The marriage rate is declining yearly,more men who gain more in marriage (according to you),are opting out for their Peace of mind and freedom.
Now i ask again,what do you gain in marriage that i won't gain being unmarried? By gain i mean something Tangible and Exclusive to only men.

[quote author=odinson1 post=111800555]

odinson1:


With all this long talk, you still didn't mention one EXCLUSIVE benefit men have to gain from marriage.

All you wrote is a bunch of fallacies, marriage is just a Name,a term and a contract.
It doesn't make one automatically successful as you may think. Being married does not magically make one motivated to reach any goal,it is just a Term and a Contract where you devote your entire life, energy and resources,being committed to a woman who's only Goal is to have a Slave(who sees himself as king,mental slavery if you will) and Continuously milk him dry down till the very last drop.
Ever wonder why most husbands are thinner than their wives, while the wives look like baby elephants? It is because the man has been tirelessly working day and night, to Feed a Parasite whose only value to give is sex. Yes,there are women who offer way more than sex,but the Majority wins the vote right?

Thanks for knowing the truth.

Wow, good write up. Personally I think some men are tricked into that 'union' and they should have their ignorance to blame.

If you must marry, baba marry a virgin, you will grow to trust her. Not a repented harlot, trust me.

But if you want children pls and pls just adopt. Do not bring a child in a shitty arrangement you call 'baby mama, daddy', for the fear of God. Am talking from personal experience now.
Thank you

ibechris:



U cant buy property in your baby mama's name now...but I have purchased property on two occasions with my wife's name without any need to regret it. But u dare not with your baby mama or girl friend
I have kept all my life savings in my wife's personal accounts which many of u dare not do with your baby mama's out there.

On the day of my wedding I got a jeep from my brother but u can't get it from impregnating a baby mama.

Guy,I still maintain my stand,that marriage is good. I and my wife have made 6.6million naira in three months just for working together as partners in our side hustle. But u can never achieve that with your baby mama's.

Buying a property in your wife's name is a benefit to you? What nonsense is this?
Common sense will tell you that The wife is will be the owner of said property, so once again,the man benefits nothing.

Enough of the wailing.

You want marriage, marry.

You don't want marriage, don't marry.

ibechris:



U cant buy property in your baby mama's name now...but I have purchased property on two occasions with my wife's name without any need to regret it. But u dare not with your baby mama or girl friend
I have kept all my life savings in my wife's personal accounts which many of u dare not do with your baby mama's out there.

On the day of my wedding I got a jeep from my brother but u can't get it from impregnating a baby mama.

Guy,I still maintain my stand,that marriage is good. I and my wife have made 6.6million naira in three months just for working together as partners in our side hustle. But u can never achieve that with your baby mama's.

u must be a SIMPle man, I hope ur wife is godly sha

Nagging:

She nagged me to death. She was always rights and I was always wrong. My routine was returning home, catching up with my goons later in the evening for one or two bottles. Most times we had rosted chicken with 2-3 bottles of 1759, other nights we had peppersoup. Nothing seem better than working very hard, eating the reward of your work, and returning to your quiet calm bed afterwards.

Everything changed, I used my money to bring in a lady that shouted about how irresponsible I was. Apart from paying for power, she did no other spending, but everytime I forgot to switch a bulb off, I would be told off like a kid. There were days that she would give the cold attitude. Two adults in a house, rent and food provided by me, but yet no one to ask me how I was. Life went from good to harsh when she came in.

All the tricksters who forged me on to marriage seemed to have escaped. Very few asked how my marriage was. I nearly flunged the phone on the only one that said, "you see that marriage is sweet". The other one I tried to explain the pit I have found myself simply replied, "you see women, fear them", that was the end of our friendship, how could you deceive me to get married, and then tell me at the end that women are the same.

Out of 100 times we swept the living room, I did 80-90%, the 10% she did was with nagging. I knew it was not sustainable, but I was in a hole. She got pregnant, I can't tell how I kept digging. No one but myself to blame, but I could easily pick those asking after 1year of marriage, how far children?, as implicated in this. She got pregnant so she stopped cooking or cleaning at all, it was nausea and vomiting, what the medics called "emesis gravidarum". I was tired. Leaving home early, coming back late to prepare my own meals, yet cleaning the house. Her sisters told me that how early pregnancy was, and she will get better as the pregnancy progresses. It was a bigger scam, but I bought it, as I have never lived with a pregnant woman. Then the pregnancy progressed, and the claimed fatigue, back pain and all the problems in the world. I was in a fix. I worked hard, long, and thanklessly. She would say thank you. "were you not the one that put me in this? She screamed out, "is it not your baby I am carrying?" I felt used and abused. For the first time power had changed hands. Prior to marriage, I considered myself a ladies man. But right now, I saw the devil herself. I was in a fix!

The voyage continued. I was sinking, and I had it up to my neck. Life was hard. I was lucky I flexed my life for nearly a decade. Had I spent those decade donating to church and keeping off women, I probably, may have contemplated suicide. When it became difficult, I picked up the phone and called her elder sister. She claimed she will speak to her sister. I am not sure what both discussed, but she started cooking meals for me, and cleaning the house. It was not optimum, but she made an attempt. Her sister was the one who asked me, "how is my sister doing now?" She is doing well I replied, then hell let loose. "Who do you think you are?, are you perfect?, what do you mean she is doing better now?", that was it, a sign of plan work. I was in a big mess. She lied to everyone. Being of few words, and a sucker for truth, I could not say things beyond how they were. Since she knew how to bend the truth, people seemed to be sympathetic to her . It was expected, but I still forged on hopeful for redemption

Hmmm

There are no more marriageable women! I repeat there are no more marriageable women. Men getting married these days are putting their lives and well being on the line

Ademat7:
@OP probably you met a lady who doesn't align with you in different areas.

Help me ask them abeg!

Na dem go go out find for themselves these "Poor, tattered and Unintelligent" women to begin with, so I don't understand why they turn to whine afterwards pretending marriage magically forced these same women on them.

The way I see it, it seems many of these are simply too stuck to admit that their ignorance is to blame for their poor choices generally in relationship..

NewSoul:
There are no more marriageable women! I repeat there are no more marriageable women. Men getting married these days are putting their lives and well being on the line

Yet every week in Nigeria, 1000s of couples, among them some from right here on nairaland, tie in knot?

Kobojunkie:
Yet every week in Nigeria, 1000s of couples, among them some from right here on nairaland, tie in knot?

People will always marry out of curiosity or parental and peer pressure. But a vast majority of them end up regretting it. Most married men and women you see are tired of their marriage, they are just enduring it.

Jazzman01:
People will always marry out of curiosity or parental and peer pressure. But a vast majority of them end up regretting it. Most married men and women you see are tired of thier marriage they are just enduring it.

That was the story when my mother and father where both young. That same story was there when I was a kid, and it hasn't changed even now that I am much older.. so I don't see where you are going at all since, again, every week 1000s of Nigerians continue to tie the knot across Nigeria.

Kobojunkie:
That was the story when my mother and father where both young. That same story was there when I was a kid, and it hasn't changed even now that I am much older.. so I don't see where you are going at all since, again, every week 1000s of Nigerians continue to tie the knot across Nigeria.

Are you married? If you are not then lets have your feedback 1yr after tying the knot.

Jazzman01:
Are you married? If you are not then lets have your feedback 1yr after tying the knot.

My life isn't what is on the table right here. Instead your assumptions made of marriage is.

There has never been a time in the history of mankind that men have not complained of being into marriage by curiosity, parental or peer pressure. And there has also never been a time when some of the married have never complained of enduring in marriage. So, I am not entirely certain what the use of the mention is for..

Edited

Now that I have read the entire story, I have this to say. You blame that other people tricked you into marriage by saying that marriage life was sweet. Your experience was bitter though.

Did you ask those people how they made their marriages sweet? Or did you believe it takes a wedding ceremony for a marriage to be sweet?

You say that your single life was awesome. Did the things you were enjoying before you got married fall from heaven? Or had you worked for them?

Why do you people put so much effort into their careers but believe that a good relationship/marriage must fall from heaven? Why are people willing and ready to go the extra mile for their career goals but not for their marriages/relationships/families?

The truth is: if you want your marriage/relationship to be sweet, be ready to work for it.

I wish those other people would have told you that too.