95% of small businesses globally fail in the first 5 years but we haven't seen any "business is a scam" thread.

By the way, there's no such thing as a "modern" marriage. You're either married traditionally as ordained or you're married by your own logical ideas. Marriages don't evolve. Love, trust, respect, and other ingredients that make marriages to work do not evolve. The only thing that evolved is your wedding dress and maybe the HD photoshoots. If you took that as having a modern marriage, then you simply played yourself and shot yourself on the foot.

That being said, I sympathize with you and I particularly love your courage to share your experiences. Now own up to your mistakes and leave the institution out of it. Like small businesses, marriage is not a scam. You were simply scammed because of your negligence or lack of foresight.

sgtponzihater1:
The voyage continued. I was sinking, and I had it up to my neck. Life was hard. I was lucky I flexed my life for nearly a decade. Had I spent those decade donating to church and keeping off women, I probably, may have contemplated suicide. When it became difficult, I picked up the phone and called her elder sister. She claimed she will speak to her sister. I am not sure what both discussed, but she started cooking meals for me, and cleaning the house. It was not optimum, but she made an attempt. Her sister was the one who asked me, "how is my sister doing now?" She is doing well I replied, then hell let loose. "Who do you think you are?, are you perfect?, what do you mean she is doing better now?", that was it, a sign of plan work. I was in a big mess. She lied to everyone. Being of few words, and a sucker for truth, I could not say things beyond how they were. Since she knew how to bend the truth, people seemed to be sympathetic to her . It was expected, but I still forged on hopeful for redemption

It will shock you that I went through all this and more with a live-in girlfriend, till I wept to God one day, and He personally delivered me. I'm married now. Trust me, I set the rules before the marriage. I was challenged severally by the term, " you are not romantic," but, I reiterate my rules always. I think it is just how you begin and some measure of luck. Some of them are not entirely bad. The men are the problem because they "fell" in love. It is a contract, don't spoil it with "love."

The problem isn't marriage but the poor choices people make. If you get a good spouse, you'll enjoy marriage .

When they came:

So they lied to us that she was pregnant, so we needed to bear with her. As soon as she drops the baby, everything would return to normal. This was soothing, but was one of their many lies.

So the child came. Unfortunately, they had to stay back in the hospital. Still I was excited. There is nothing really nearly as beautiful as having a child to your name. The one that takes your eyes, and if the child mimics your smile, then it is much more worth it. Life is beautiful with the sound of your own child. It's hard work to take care of them, but having them makes you know what sacrifice and true love is.

That's a big skew off my point. The child came, but she became move bad, to very bad. The first 6months was bad. She was engrossed with the baby, and I was the errand boy. She would seat with the baby in her hand nearly 24hours a day and dish out instructions. I made the noodle she ate, the stew we had, prepared the baby bath, then went on to work long hard nights, while instructions were left on my WhatsApp. She would not keep the baby on a cot or the swing bed I bought. Maybe to avoid doing any chore.

It seemed like a noble task in the beginning, but as things progressed, did I found I was only been taken for a fool, because when someone asked, and I was present, hope your husband supports you, the answered "which kind support?". She then ended the call with a smile and claimed it was a joke.

I asked if marriage is a scam because I might have gotten it all wrong maybe its the wrong person I got married to afterall. I console myself because I still see some kind ladies out there. Could they be pretending I don't know. But she was probably not trained. She had issues with all the people that ever did her hair. London was terrible, we moved up North and she criticised the city. Everything except hers was bad, yet she fought tooth and nail to get her family in.

It was month later I knew that all my effort was similar to pouring water on a basket. I was not saving, I was wasting. She had a chat with my dad, after he got wind of her ways, and she played the emotional distress card. She said I have never been of support to her even when she had a child, she struggled alone by herself. At that moment, I saw in clear view how used, battered and abuse I have been. It was nearly the end. How long could a man keep up with this?

Prior to that, I had held on tightly, and tried to keep things together. It's a long, sad tale, but I am better off writing it, than muddling things up

I am curious why is it that if good marriages exist I never hear or see them. It's always the bad experiences I see. I mean with regards to other things in life I always see pros and cons but with regards to marriage I always see the bad why?

The seemingly trivial:

We have a meal, she is done and I am done also, she takes her plate to the kitchen and leaves me to take mine. If its the other way round, I carry hers.

I left the instruction to clean up after yourself. If you use a plate or a pot wash it immediately, since the tap runs. She found that too cumbersome. She eats and dumps the plate in the sink, piling it up. I have gone on to wash my own plates, and this caused all the chaos in the world. "Why will you leave the other plates and wash only yours?"

She wakes up any time she wants. On a good day it will be 11am on an average day maybe 12noon. Its not that she cannot wake early, because she wakes up very early to meet up with work while she worked, but on her off days, she then wakes up as late as she can. This automatically mean I need to source my own breakfast, and keep the house clean. She wakes up and dished out other instructions.

She greats me if she wants and ignores me if she doesn't. When she greets, I can hardly hear what she says. I assume she is tired, only for her to make long boisterous calls, all chatty and laughing.

She is too big to speak to. For example if I hear my little one cry loudly, maybe from a fall, I ask what happened? The response I get is a frowning face, like who are you to ask me a question in that tone?

LordIsaac:

It will shock you that I went through all this and more with a live-in girlfriend, till I wept to God one day, and He personally delivered me. I'm married now. Trust me, I set the rules before the marriage. I was challenged severally by the term, " you are not romantic," but, I reiterate my rules always. I think it is just how you begin and some measure of luck. Some of them are not entirely bad. The men are the problem because they "fell" in love. It is a contract, don't spoil it with "love."

The issue is how long those rules will stand.

sgtponzihater1:


The issue is how long those rules will stand.

For me, it is as long as she wants it to. I made that very clear ab initio.

LordIsaac:

For me, it as long as she wants it to. I made that very clear ab initio.

Good stuff! Nearly a week ago, a friend mentioned to me how man had become a joke in his own house. He was pulling all the stunts for years. Unfortunately life, ill-health and frailty set in, and the wife now makes a joke out of him. Look after you health and well being.
All is well.

There are not so good people. Like the girl that visited me once chilling and doing nothing. I noted how cruel she was with the waitress. I noticed how harshly she spoke to the taxi driver, for an issue that could be resolved without exchange of words. I knew this was fire, and gladly withdraw myself from that relationship. Looking back I am grateful to that lady for being true to herself, and showing me who she was.

The one that hurts the most is the one that acts like a Saint before you dive in. Seems kind to everyone. Calls you as early at 8am in the morning. Says she wishes she was there to cook your meals and keep your house tidy. Then when she comes in, does the direct opposite. That thing can pain!, but God keeps us all happy

PonziHater

sgtponzihater1:


Good stuff! Nearly a week ago, a friend mentioned to me how man had become a joke in his own house. He was pulling all the stunts for years. Unfortunately life, ill-health and frailty set in, and the wife now makes a joke out of him. Look after you health and well being.
All is well.

Even the Bible makes it clear that a good woman builds her house, but a foolish one pulls it down with her own hands. Scripture is not ignorant of the antics of the female gender, that is why, in my opinion, sufficient verses were dedicated to admonish them. When a woman thinks she loves you more than you love her, she respects you. I find that a serious irony!

sgtponzihater1:
The seemingly trivial:

We have a meal, she is done and I am done also, she takes her plate to the kitchen and leaves me to take mine. If its the other way round, I carry hers.

I left the instruction to clean up after yourself. If you use a plate or a pot wash it immediately, since the tap runs. She found that too cumbersome. She eats and dumps the plate in the sink, piling it up. I have gone on to wash my own plates, and this caused all the chaos in the world. "Why will you leave the other plates and wash only yours?"

She wakes up any time she wants. On a good day it will be 11am on an average day maybe 12noon. Its not that she cannot wake early, because she wakes up very early to meet up with work while she worked, but on her off days, she then wakes up as late as she can. This automatically mean I need to source my own breakfast, and keep the house clean. She wakes up and dished out other instructions.

She greats me if she wants and ignores me if she doesn't. When she greets, I can hardly hear what she says. I assume she is tired, only for her to make long boisterous calls, all chatty and laughing.

She is too big to speak to. For example if I hear my little one cry loudly, maybe from a fall, I ask what happened? The response I get is a frowning face, like who are you to ask me a question in that tone?

When we warn you stubborn men not to ever get married,you won't listen.
I believe she's behaving like that because she's in Europe. She has all the power there and can destroy your life in mere seconds if she wills it so.
If you divorce her,the house and car will go over to her,yes?

odinson1:


When we warn you stubborn men not to ever get married,you won't listen.
I believe she's behaving like that because she's in Europe. She has all the power there and can destroy your life in mere seconds if she wills it so.
If you divorce her,the house and car will go over to her,yes?

Absolutely correct. Peace is more than money in my opinion

sgtponzihater1:


Absolutely correct. Peace is more than money in my opinion

You've not said anything about how you met your wife, her background, what vetting processes did you use, whether you carried out any investigations and what ultimately convinced you to go into a union with her.

There is a huge gap in your story.

ibechris:



U cant buy property in your baby mama's name now...but I have purchased property on two occasions with my wife's name without any need to regret it. But u dare not with your baby mama or girl friend
I have kept all my life savings in my wife's personal accounts which many of u dare not do with your baby mama's out there.

On the day of my wedding I got a jeep from my brother but u can't get it from impregnating a baby mama.

Guy,I still maintain my stand,that marriage is good. I and my wife have made 6.6million naira in three months just for working together as partners in our side hustle. But u can never achieve that with your baby mama's.

Man you kept all your life savings in your wife's account. Haha. Bloody. So what happened to your own account

Raalsalghul:


You've not said anything about how you met your wife, her background, what vetting processes did you use, whether you carried out any investigations and what ultimately convinced you to go into a union with her.

There is a huge gap in your story.

Probably he's Igbo. Once they see 200k in account they just go on WhatsApp and pick a wife . As pessimistic as I am about relationships and marriages I know they are still good marriages out there.

tensazangetsu20:


Probably he's Igbo. Once they see 200k in account they just go on WhatsApp and pick a wife . As pessimistic as I am about relationships and marriages I know they are still good marriages out there.

My issue is that the the story doesn't flow logically. He just jumped straight from when he was a bachelor to about two, three years into his marriage.

What exactly happened in between? He should fill in that gap and I want to know as it puts a lot of things into perspective especially if the aim of this thread is to prevent others from making the same mistake..

Or just maybe revealing that aspect of the story might heap some blame on him as he might have seen one or two red flags and ignored.

While I have my own misgivings about marriage, I'm beginning to feel this Op's story is fictitious.

ibechris:



U cant buy property in your baby mama's name now...but I have purchased property on two occasions with my wife's name without any need to regret it. But u dare not with your baby mama or girl friend
I have kept all my life savings in my wife's personal accounts which many of u dare not do with your baby mama's out there.

On the day of my wedding I got a jeep from my brother but u can't get it from impregnating a baby mama.

Guy,I still maintain my stand,that marriage is good. I and my wife have made 6.6million naira in three months just for working together as partners in our side hustle. But u can never achieve that with your baby mama's.

You are just lucky you married one of the few good women left.

Most women are leeches . Just out to get what they can from a man.

Raalsalghul:


My issue is that the the story doesn't flow logically. He just jumped straight from when he was a bachelor to about two, three years into his marriage.

What exactly happened in between? He should fill in that gap and I want to know as it puts a lot of things into perspective especially if the aim of this thread is to prevent others from making the same mistake..

Or just maybe revealing that aspect of the story might heap some blame on him as he might have seen one or two red flags and ignored.

While I have my own misgivings about marriage, I'm beginning to feel this Op's story is fictitious.

Check his posts' history, sounds fake or one of the numerous Ndi alfa meils vagabonding around spewing mumbo-jumbo about marriage. For every bad marriage, there is a good one.

In summary,

DontBullshitMe:
Enough of the wailing.

You want marriage, marry.

You don't want marriage, don't marry.

Raalsalghul:


You've not said anything about how you met your wife, her background, what vetting processes did you use, whether you carried out any investigations and what ultimately convinced you to go into a union with her.

There is a huge gap in your story.

People have the courage to share a part of their story, and then we go on to look for gaps.

You didn't vet well, maybe you didn't employ an investigative officer etc. Its easy to look at things from this point of view. It's the lazy man's option in my opinion.

Look at things from a reflective perspective is more difficult, and shows true transcendence.

All will be well and thanks for your opinion.

Gerrard59:


Check his posts' history, sounds fake or one of the numerous Ndi alfa meils vagabonding around spewing mumbo-jumbo about marriage. For every bad marriage, there is a good one.

Fake or not, I wouldn't know, I just want more information so as to put things into perspective.

In summary

Would that be the case here, maybe he did want marriage and is regretting now.

Gerrard59:


Check his posts' history, sounds fake or one of the numerous Ndi alfa meils vagabonding around spewing mumbo-jumbo about marriage. For every bad marriage, there is a good one.

In summary,

God bless you Gerrard59. All will be well

sgtponzihater1:


People have the courage to share a part of their story, and then we go on to look for gaps.

You didn't vet well, maybe you didn't employ an investigative officer etc. Its easy to look at things from this point of view. It's the lazy man's option in my opinion.

Look at things from a reflective perspective is more difficult, and shows true transcendence.

All will be well and thanks for your opinion.

Then what exactly is the aim of sharing your experience?

tensazangetsu20:


Probably he's Igbo. Once they see 200k in account they just go on WhatsApp and pick a wife . As pessimistic as I am about relationships and marriages I know they are still good marriages out there.

It becomes a game of numbers.

How many good marriages compared to utter disasters? A good marriage is becoming synonymous to a lottery ticket

Raalsalghul:


Then what exactly is the aim of sharing your experience?

I am not sure where your question drives to. There are story books. It will be easy to grab one and do a critique after reading.

Critical reasoning and writing involves reflective writing. The writer rationalises the event, how he deems fit and what he finds relevant. Those who find any measure of benefit run with it, and those who don't can ignore it and move along.

It's a beautiful world when everyone can share their own story. Men go through a lot already. A lady writes a line and people tag the man involved a useless man, a narcissistic man etc. A man write 100 lines and questions around order, how did you find her etc crops up. The saddest part is men join in the onslaught.


I wouldn't expect you to know my story, and did not have you in mind when I wrote this.

rukyboy:


You are just lucky you married one of the few good women left.

Most women are leeches . Just out to get what they can from a man.

Is not about being lucky,if u must succeed in marriage u have to first of all see marriage as business.

Detail what u want at the time both of u are still into relationship and when this is done,u will see everything working out as planned.

When I was dating my wife,I told her about what I intend to achieve before I get to the age of 40. One of which was to have not less than 10 plots of land in two states of the federation. Which today,we are at the 7th plots before I shall get to my target age

And her answer was that,she would help me to achieve my dreams especially the positive ones. We discussed our future children and how many we intend to have as we proceed to getting marrying then.

The fact is what works for Mr. A, may not work for another but the major thing is writing those plan/goals down as it would help u to coordinate your marital ambition beautifully.

Marriage is good especially if come into it with a road map and know who u are marrying, if not,u may be heading downward the hill but if u can do the necessary things requires of u,u will smile at the end.

Cerebral physics:

They expect a who is at fault type write-up. The finger always points back to men in this case. You didn't search well, you didn't study her, you didn't investigate.

Interesting as the above line of thought sounds, it puts the buck back at the feet of men. Men would always be the mule that bears the brunt.

Nothing wrong shaming a pot bellied man, but it's offensive to call a lady fat; use plus sized instead. Like no harm calling a man jobless and lazy, but a woman who makes up at 12noon is one who just want to relax and be taken care of.

Life is hard for men. The only thing men need is someone to cheer him on. Tell him well done for the little he is doing, and tell him don't worry when he fails, we can try again tomorrow.

It will all be well with all the men putting in the work, and all the tears dropping down their brows will not counting as nothing in the end.

SgtPonziHater

ibechris:




U cant buy property in your baby mama's name now...but I have purchased property on two occasions with my wife's name without any need to regret it. But u dare not with your baby mama or girl friend
I have kept all my life savings in my wife's personal accounts which many of u dare not do with your baby mama's out there.

what did I just read... Anyways, A wise man once told me "You won't know the effects until it starts affecting you"

Modern marriage (marriage in general) can never be a scam. Lack of self-conquest and self-realization in general before going into marriage, which, among other pitfalls, breeds a poor choice of choosing the right partner for your personality, like yours seems, citing your own side of the story, are the scams and problems. And I won't be surprised if it happens to be that she is even the one that chose you, directly or indirectly.

sgtponzihater1:
Cerebral physics:

Interesting as the above line of thought sounds, it puts the buck back at the feet of men. Men would always be the mule that bears the brunt.

Nothing wrong shaming a pot bellied man, but it's offensive to call a lady fat; use plus sized instead. Like no harm calling a man jobless and lazy, but a woman who makes up at 12noon is one who just want to relax and be taken care of.

Life is hard for men. The only thing men need is someone to cheer him on. Tell him well done for the little he is doing, and tell him don't worry when he fails, we can try again tomorrow.

It will all be well with all the men putting in the work, and all the tears dropping down their brows will not counting as nothing in the end.

SgtPonziHater

I like how you write. Its brick-by-brick. Well laid out points for those willing to see things as it really is.

sgtponzihater1:


I am not sure where your question drives to. There are story books. It will be easy to grab one and do a critique after reading.

Critical reasoning and writing involves reflective writing. The writer rationalises the event, how he deems fit and what he finds relevant. Those who find any measure of benefit run with it, and those who don't can ignore it and move along.

It's a beautiful world when everyone can share their own story. Men go through a lot already. A lady writes a line and people tag the man involved a useless man, a narcissistic man etc. A man write 100 lines and questions around order, how did you find her etc crops up. The saddest part is men join in the onslaught.


I wouldn't expect you to know my story, and did not have you in mind when I wrote this.

You write so well and truthfully so.
You just couldn't have said it any better.
The man is always the one to blame. Not ever the woman.

A man is abused in marriage, the question is why didn't you investigate before marrying. A woman is abused in marriage, such questions do not come up. The man is instantly labeled a demon, even with glaring loopholes in the woman's story.

Tough world out there bro.
Your mistake was getting married at all.
Marriage truthfully has no single benefit it exclusively offers a man.
It is a no-brainer that marriage is an antiquated social contract that no longer lives up to its supposed ideals.

Women are inherently manipulative, devious and narcissistic.
It is always better to deal with them with these facts in mind. It helps you make intentional and calculated decisions in your actions with them.

Marriage isn't really worth it. That's a fact.

In your spare time, do well to check out the redpill thread on Nairaland romance section. I bet you'd learn more than a couple of things from there.

I hope you've gotten through the horror you were once into.
Stay up and be positive. Beugn single will always be better than being married.
I wish you all the best in your future endeavours.

Kellzzyy:

You write so well and truthfully so.
You just couldn't have said it any better.
The man is always the one to blame. Not ever the woman.

A man is abused in marriage, the question is why didn't you investigate before marrying. A woman is abused in marriage, such questions do not come up. The man is instantly labeled a demon, even with glaring loopholes in the woman's story.

Tough world out there bro.
Your mistake was getting married at all.
Marriage truthfully has no single benefit it exclusively offers a man.
It is a no-brainer that marriage is an antiquated social contract that no longer lives up to its supposed ideals.

Women are inherently manipulative, devious and narcissistic.
It is always better to deal with them with these facts in mind. It helps you make intentional and calculated decisions in your actions with them.

Marriage isn't really worth it. That's a fact.

In your spare time, do well to check out the redpill thread on Nairaland romance section. I bet you'd learn more than a couple of things from there.

I hope you've gotten through the horror you were once into.
Stay up and be positive. Beugn single will always be better than being married.
I wish you all the best in your future endeavours.

For a second I thought I wrote this. Thanks, I will also check the up